sharing just a little bit

[hornblower]

Ive been reading a book on emotional healing. Closed my eyes to sort of like say to God ah I know nothing will work for me. Ive faced all kinds of things and still??????????
So I dont know if this will help me with my daughter (we fight like big time)or not but anyway Im hoping it might help someone else to see this very same thing if you ever have a problem in this area.

MAY BE TRIGGERING

I went back to the time I first felt my little daughter was attacked.........what was I thinking ....what have I felt and "believed" about my own personal involvement in the attack..............(my daughter was almost murdered in church during the night service when she was barely six)
SHOCK!
Deep inside of me I have been believing that it was all my fault..............I have been so busy fighting the other numbskulls that said that to me (dont you feel guilty for letting your daughter go to the restroom alone????????)when the thing happened that Ive never bothered to ever let myself look at it.

This is what I have been believing............that because I followed Christ and became a Christian this happened to my daughter.
Think about it? I was in church, hands held high worshipping while unbeknownst to me she was being choked to death, almost. I worked there. I took my children there and led my husband there. The man that let this boy this murderer in and he was.........a murderer............Im sure maybe nobody knows maybe how many he has killed?...........He was the evangelist and I was in his class.

More importantly I had just bowed my head to the floor at home one day and gave myself totally to God lock stock and barrel and told Him that I would follow Him anywhere no matter what it cost me.

So anyway...........it occured to me after immence pain at remembering or realizing this that well yeah whose to say its not true?????? right! See i was still believing it!

What occured to me was ok so Jesus did this......... gave Himself no matter what it cost Him to His Father? Is that what He was belieiving when the jews........... His own people were being tortured and annialated by Nazi Germany and Hitler????????/
What would be the point? Why would Jesus die iof He knew that then God would do such a thing to them because of His death, Jesus' death.

Now if you've never had that thought cross your mind then ok, but, even my jewish sister in law brought that up to me. Its not a new thought to the jews when we witness to them believe me.

Thats when I realised..................this is none other than the liar of all liars and Im sick and worn out from his stupid lies that he constantly tells about God.
Tells about God and tells too God He is a liar of magnanimous proportions and we need to get it out and lookm at all he has done to us and pardon me we need to get pissed off at the right one for a change!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is the real liar that hates God and Gods people and will do anything any low down lie to turn us into wimpos and make us scared of our own shadows. He is a murdering hick if i ever saw one!

[hornblower]

well as usual nothing I do is short. sorry.

[jimsmuse]

((((((((((((((Hornblower))))))))))))))))))))


My heart breaks for what happened to your baby girl.,,,,,,,,,,,we do need to stop believing the father of lies and fling ourselves into Jesus' arms.........the only place anything makes sense........

[Janice]

More importantly I had just bowed my head to the floor at home one day and gave myself totally to God lock stock and barrel and told Him that I would follow Him anywhere no matter what it cost me.

And.. the father of lies knew that you did this. Of course he wasn't going to make it easy for you.

We can never have a testimony without the "test."

Hang in there. You're doing great!

[Illuminated]

Ive been reading a book on emotional healing. .... Im hoping it might help someone else to see this very same thing if you ever have a problem in this area.Thanks for your thoughts and for relating your processing. It is helpful for me to read them. What is the name of the book you are reading?He (the deceiver) is the real liar that hates God and God's people and will do anything any low down lie to turn us into wimpos and make us scared of our own shadows.Whom shall I fear??? Not the teller of all lies!!!!!

"I am not afraid. I shall not be moved! For the Spirit of the Lord has risen." - lyrics from an old scripture song.

Take what works :) and leave the rest!

[hornblower]

Hi Illuminated......its Joyce Meyers, Beauty for Ashes. Ive had it for years thought I had read it but probably not. This was not in there, it just came to me, this problem, as Ive been reading it.

[Hope 98]

I can relate to your story in so many ways - I don't know where to start or even if I should.

The best thing is that you have recognized the lies.

[SueJean]

My dear dear precious lady, my heart just goes out to you. I just want to hug you and hug you. Not say a word...I've stuck my feet into my mouth... just hug you and just be there.
I just started reading "Healing is a Choice." My oldest daughter recommended it. Thought that it could be beneficial in light of all of us leaving those toxic people about a year ago. Since my lovely daughter recommended it, I'll give it a go. She and I are willing to work on our relationship...it hasn't been easy. Much pain...painful memories...so, she and I are willing to work. We've talked and shared and cried and shared some more. She can only take me in small doses. I'm just glad that she still wants to have anything to do w/ me. Her darling baby daughter has helped to draw us closer together. My daughter, as a result, is looking at me w/ more understanding for my major hurtful, painful, abusive behaviors in how my hubby and I raised her as well as our other three children.
Hugs in abundance.

[Jerry]

Dear Hornblower,,,
Hating God because your daughter was attacked in Church,,,,,is like hating Lettuce if she was attacked in a supermarket.....Sweetie it isn't your fault that she was attacked......One could safely assume,,,that any child would be safe going to the restroom in Church......I know that my child's safety going to the bathroom would not even cross my mind in a church setting....Perhaps it will now ;) No ,,,,,sometimes we are just plain blindsided by events ;)

Love Jerry

[iprenegade]

Thats a good analogy Jerry LOL

I think I am missing a few details hornblower on what actually happened . I know some odditie of nature assualted your little girl . Was he the son of a preacher or some thing . Did the lemon twist smile prudes that were around you at that time get all in a twist and point the finger at you or something . PM me if you could . I am interested in knowing your story . On that note I think Ille shut up now cause reading this I start getting a little red behind the ears and I am nor was I ever a guy to just rant . I like to DO and seeing that I cant I should just keep quite and not get worked up.

[yeshua'smags]

Me too hornblower, I've never heard the story either....

I let my son go to the bathroom by himself at church just today! He's 5 and I was thinking he is too old to go to the women's bathroom with me anymore......maybe I don't care.....:confused: :eek:

[hornblower]

This has been lets see, let me count........almost 30 years ago. You would think that would be long enough but it isnt. My daughter is 35. We my whole family were very involved in a methodist church, our first church, taught sunday school, my husband and I, to six year olds, I was in evangelism explosion. My children went to this school there preschool kindergarten etc. The pastor didnt like me that was clear to me for a long time just hjis way of treating me. I was winning a lot of people to the Lord. Well not me but you know what I mean. This was a mixed charismatic methodist church, a very big deal back in the day.
I had a very supernatural experience before going to this church. So when we went I was terrifically on fire for God..........those days were really something for me and my family.
We had been on vacation for a few weeks and I had been very scared because I knew the HS was showing me something bad was going to happen. I was even told by the resident charismatic guru (later) that IF I would have prayed the right way and knwon further what to do this whole incident would never have happened to my daughter.
We went to the night service and unbeknownst to anyone the evangelism director had started an outreach for kids that were in trouble.

triggering
Im sorry Im beginning to tremble right now..........this is what I mean I need to get over this and go on........my husband and others think Im a total maniacal pity party.
I highly resent being talked about this way.
Anyway there I was worshipping my heart out hands up in the air and my husband tells me to take our daughter to the restroom. She had just turned six. I told him to let her go on alone. She was always wanting too and I knew she knew where it was.
This kid who was 16 at the time was waiting for her and turned the lights off of her in the bathroom and got her put something over her mouth and carried her up to the 4th floor of the back of this church building.
to be continued................

[hornblower]

still possibly triggering

after a few minutes my husband told me to go look after her as she wasnt ccoming back to our pew. I wasnt the least bit worried but as I went down the stairs to go get her like a huge wave of fear overcame me but I refused it in the name of Jesus..............lol...........who knows what this stuff is in reality all of this charismatic stuff i was supposed to be doing this resist the devil and he will flee??????? I think I just absolutely didnt want to believe anything could happen to my little sweet babies.
She was so beautiful. I cant go into all that happened except to tell you that I rode up in the elevator with this character, this criminal this murderer, the police were looking for him because he had already murdered a six yr old little girl.
I just cant go into all of this any more. I suppose that is a good thing.
I stayed on the couch after it happened for weeks it seemed like to me crying my heart was broken its a reality that your heart can actually break in two I had it happen to me.
I no longer really expect anyone except someone who has experienced something similar to know what it is like to go through this type of thing.
My daughter for years seemed to be fine. Straight A student. But I always felt like something was wrong. I was treated like a histerical mother that always wanted attention and should be giving it to her daughter and shutting the whole experience out of her life. Instead i refused to do that! Not enough though. I didnt get us any help there really wasnt any anyway back then, not like it is now.
The boy was sent to an insane asylum and never stood trial for what he did. Im sure hes out on the streets right now.
The entire case is striken from all files because it was never tried even though he murdered another boy in the asylum. He chokes his victims to death. He was choking my daughter to death when the boy who found them chased him right into me............
The pastor and his evangelism director continued to have their way and anyway I was beyond hurt thats all I can say.
I still am and maybe I always will be I guess I will untill my daughter gets healed which is what I want for her.
She went back to this school when she was about 14. I really did not know what I was doing for a long long time. They my 2 kids went to that church school and she was teased by the other children who would turn out the lights on her in the bathroom. I never knew about this until much later on when my daughter strted getting sick her sophmore year..............then one hospital after another and more horrible church persecution.
My husband never went back to church except for a short period of time right before my daughter started getting sick then he stopped and has never been back. I kept on going and worked at her school when she went back there as a teenager.
She has been sick ever since.
My husband and I believe its what happened to her when she was little and she wont face any of it. She thinks Im the one that is crazy. She is totally disabled and has been ever since she was 18. Should have been sooner. I dont get along with her at all. I say terrible things to her...........God forgive me. The whole thing is and has split my husband and I apart and at the same time kept us together too.
He feels sorry for her and gives her anything she wants.
She takes advantage but then she cant help it because she is like a little child in so many ways.
This is why what this last church's pastors wife said to me I cannot get over.
She said to me on the phone.........."everybody has gone to my husband and told him we are all sick and tried of her talking about her RAPED daughter!"

It felt like a sword going right through me the same heart pain I thought had gone away stabbed me again..........my daughter was sitting right there next to me on the couch when this woman said that to me.

I had been asking people in my small group to pray for my daughter and by the way she was NOT raped!!!!!!!!! Even my daughter thinks she was raped but I know she wasnt because I MADE them take her to the rape crisis center to make sure she was ok............the pastor hated me for this!!!!!!!!!!!
This case at the time was in all of the papers everywhere of course because it was a church.............
Christians helped the boy got him a lawyer and payed for it. Nobody even called us...........
Im serious this is the truth!
Anyway I do need and want prayer for my daughter I want God to heal her and give her a normal life with a husband and children and christian home.......

I have no daughters................
its like a curse............I have six grandsons and no grandaughters.
I have a lot of things to say about this too much so anyway this is a little bit of my story.

[Illuminated]

....Im sorry Im beginning to tremble right now..........this is what I mean I need to get over this and go on........my husband and others think Im a total maniacal pity party..... ((((((hornblower)))))Thank you for sharing your story.

The way I see it, you have been neglected by two different churches. In my book, that is sinful of the churches to treat you like that. Shame on them. Shame, shame, shame on them.

I don't think like your husband and others do about you. I think you are a grieving mom, and you have been grieving for 30 years. The exciting part is that you want to finish your grieving and get on with your life.

Is their anything that we can do to help you recover from this trauma? Recovery from PTSD can take a long time and be very difficult.

Love you!

Take what works :) and leave the rest!

[Jerry]

Dear Hornblower,,,,
First,,,,,,,It's high time you stopped feeling less about yourself,,,,and THAT IS AN ORDER !!!!! :D Grief issues unresolved,,,,,,,,are a source terrible pain weather it is 30 years,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,or 30 minutes...............That's what those morons don't get :mad:

Love Jerry

[hornblower]

Oh gosh I came back after crying again for the 1 millioneth time, it seems to me to be a forever thing. There is just so much. Actually it has been 3 churches Illuminated. I left the first one Im sure youve heard me talk about it. Took my children out of that school at the frist church and then into a public school and I taught at that one as well because my daughter would come home with things happening ther just didnt seem right so I thought yeah well Ill check this out! She would come home saying momma I cant hear the teacher talking. ?????????
She was right neither could I!
No disipline at all.
So I prayed and prayed and then God told me to go to this one charismatic church very charismatic God got me a postion there..........this is the one where I was a prophetess and a teacher, not 'teacher' as in a woman teaching in the church.......this is where those men made me quote the bible on obeying your husband and submission.
After that little stint I found myself flat on my back in so much pain and for months I couldnt do anything with my kids so my husband took over...........for once....then he put them back into the same church school where she was hurt.
I never wanted to lay eyes on the place again. This is where god told me it would be ok because those same men would be gone and they were within one month..............then she strated getting sick.
She had gotten cheerleader something she had always wanted to be.
This brought back all of my horrid days in highschool and I was afraid for her. She was so pretty and smart and popular but...................so naive............both my kids are to this day beyond naive.
They just dont believe that there are bad people in this world they are such little christian do goodey's.
Not my life at all I can assure you.
Then I found a very good church for me and I felt at last like I was having a home a real home where I was loved and at peace. I cant say enough good about it. They believed in helping people that hurt. They believed in it and they did it too.

Then the methodist hierarchy moved the pastor it was devastating to all of us.
I held on but the whole church split so I went to the so called sister church. Thats where the last thing happened to me Ive never been back anywhere..........well once I tried a really wild far out spirit filled church...................
Couldnt hack it at all because they were into that money thing. I got out before it got bad.
My friend got hurt like I knew she would.
I dont have any friends at all now.
I cant trust anyone for any length of time. Ive only had one true friend that stuck by me anyway but Ive let this relationship slide as she never really stuck by me when I needed her too she is too ill herself she says.

My husband and others not everybody but people you know they say get over it go on...........but heres the thing................they dont get me at all.

The things that have happened to my daughter are the things that happened to me only worse???????????
I can get over my own sexual abuse, my verbal abuse but I cant get over hers too.
I dont know what to do?
Ive been in a lot of therapy they just sit there.............????????
I hate that look!
Its like there is no help. Im almost crippled im not kidding I have so much pain in my body.
I think my husband is so abusive to me verbally and I feel controlled by him but hey I dont know what regular living is? I cant talk to him much he just sits there and doesnt even hear me.
I am so lonely Ive gotten so all I want to do is drink. Or eat! Or both!
I feel like I never get anything done.
What should I do Illuminated?
and I love you Jerry..........are you really a guy????????????????
and yes I hope a cloud of shame completely covers them for the rest of their friggin lives..........
except and i mean this.........I wouldnt wish on anyone what Ive been through and my daughter has been through! I swear when I get mad at all of them I always pray Lord please dont do anything to them because of me because I would never want their children to be hurt like mine has been.
She has no friends nobody except her dad and me and Im not much believe me.

Would you believe to my shame that my own daughter would bathe my daddy when he was so bad sick when I just couldnt do it because of the sexual abuse that "maybe" (I still dont really know you know it came out in therapy) happened to me when I was little. I did do other things for him that were far worse than that, but bathing him I just couldnt do. I was going too anyway I was crying because of it and she just came and took over it didnt seem to bother her at all.

I know it was wrong..............
We didnt know what you could do to get that kind of help like I finally got for my Mom later on.

How many parents can say that about their kids?

[hornblower]

Its like a catch 22. Im damned if I do and damned if I dont. If I open up and talk about it people use it for their own personal I dont know what it is they get out of it? The shush around and gossip about it did you hear that sort of thing............

I kept things down inside of me for so many years.......all of the sexaul abuse the stuff I went through in high school I never told anyone just didnt sleep at night waiting for the phone to ring so I could answer the next profane phone call.
I WONT got into this part of my life for any reason no way.
That ended up in my first attempt at suicide.
Then marriage to get away from home and the misery there. Beaten up over and over again, never told anybody, didnt do any good anyway.

Ive had a friend tell me that she figured I was making all of this up and it didnt really happen to anybody.........

If I tell I am told Im wanting sympathy and Im self centered and living in a pity party. So then I want to end all of the critisizm and die.
If I keep it to myself I want to die from the misery and the depression.
There is no way out.

Like this one book says I should just buck up and learn to live with it. DR Laura.
To be honest though she is absolutely the cruelest person Ive ever heard in my life............what is her problem??????????

What I have learned for myself is dont ever be this way with anyone. Let them talk, let them be who they are and pray for God to heal them........... who knows whats what but God anyway. I sure dont understand why I even still believe but I DO!

[Illuminated]

1. Oh gosh I came back after crying again for the 1 millioneth time, it seems to me to be a forever thing.
2. Its like there is no help. Im almost crippled im not kidding I have so much pain in my body.
3. I cant talk to him much he just sits there and doesnt even hear me.
4. I am so lonely Ive gotten so all I want to do is drink. Or eat! Or both!
5. What should I do Illuminated?
I love you hornblower. I think you have a lot of friends here on this forum, me included.:)

1. I think crying is good. Even if it is for the 1 millionth time. I have thought of buying stock in the Kleenex corporation many times.:(

2. You've got to get some professional help for the pain - both bodily and spiritually. This has been going on too long. Too long. We've got to get you some help.:o

3. At this point, I don't think that I would talk anymore to your husband about this issue. When you talk to him about it, it seems like you are experiencing rejection once again. (no fault of him - it's just the way he is capable of handling the situation);)

4. Again, I think you have lots of friends here on this forum. Next time you feel exceedingly lonely or feel like drinking or eating too much, log in to the forum. If you don't feel like posting, you can always surf the old posts and maybe learn something and feel better.:)

5. Hmmmm.... I am not a professional counselor - but Jerry is! However, here is what I hope you can do:a. start searching in your area for someone who teaches Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. It is a way to retrain the circuits in your brain to remain in the present and not to dwell on the past. In a few days I will have a web site or names and phone numbers of professionals who can help you, and I will post that information here. I will also start a thread for recovery information and explain DBT.
b. start searching for a women's recovery from trauma group that you can join. The women in such a group would understand you I think.
c. pray, even if you don't feel like God is hearing you, for strength and hope and grace and patience (with yourself).
d. I don't know if you want to read this advice or not, but here goes.... When you are feeling beyond hope and suffering so much that you can't breathe, remember : Jesus suffered much more than you are suffering when....He died on the cross FOR YOU, HORNBLOWER, FOR YOU!!
These are just my thoughts and are not meant as professional medical or spiritual advice. I am not a professional counselor, just a fellow Christian in the recovery process.... so........Take what works :) and leave the rest.

[hornblower]

. I don't know if you want to read this advice or not, but here goes.... When you are feeling beyond hope and suffering so much that you can't breathe, remember : Jesus suffered much more than you are suffering when....


II know I do know it and not only Him but many more people have suffered greater things Illuminated i do know this.
Ok I think you have given me a lot of help here and I will look for help too here for trauma victims. In fact I think Ill call one of those victim rights issues things.

Heres a thought that I wanted to post here'
and thankyou for telling me to continue on posting I think it helps to get feedback and to know Im not alone. so much of my life has been spent that way alone in my thoughts.
If I tell..........I feel so much pain.
If I dont..........It feels like there is no justice at all. Like how will they know if I dont tell them? It will end up being just like my sexual abuse. Hidden sick rotten bad dreams...............
but in the end does it work when I tell?
Usually I do end up getting more beaten up.
However and I will say this till I die and then long after that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT IS MY RIGHT TO TELL!!!!!!!!!!!! IF SOMEONE doesnt want to hear it they can shove it where the sun doesnt shine! It happened and it happened to me and to her and its not right not one bit of it was right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know Im not yelling at you illuminated Im just yelling and yelling and yelling!!!!!!

[Illuminated]

You know Im not yelling at you illuminated Im just yelling and yelling and yelling!!!!!!YELLING IS GOOD!!! YELLING IS GOOD!!!
That way we can hear you over the miles...;)

Thanks for all of your posts. I think they are helping many of us analyse our own sufferings. I am looking forward to reading more of your thoughts and the process you are going through. You have inspired me to make a post I have been thinking about making.... about 'telling' .....more later!:D

[aftermath]

book: (in case you havent read it)

Spiritual Warfare!!!!

by Dean Sherman.

I met the man. He knows his stuff. The book is true. Use your authority!!!!! Again and again and again. God is reforming (has reformed) my heart and my mind. I am. Using my authority in christ.


YOU, hornblower, have the authority to resist the devil. To cast him off trembling.

[Hope 98]

book: (in case you havent read it)

Spiritual Warfare!!!!

by Dean Sherman.

I met the man. He knows his stuff. The book is true. Use your authority!!!!! Again and again and again. God is reforming (has reformed) my heart and my mind. I am. Using my authority in christ.


YOU, hornblower, have the authority to resist the devil. To cast him off trembling.

This stuff gets soooo confusing. On one level, I know that you're right. On another level, this truth gets twisted somehow and ends up being more hurtful than helpful to too many people.

I wish I knew what to say to you Hornblower. I'm so sad for what you've been through - it's just so unfair.

The thing about Jesus' suffering is that because of his suffering he can KNOW what we're feeling in these horrible circumstance because he experienced the same thing. He can sit next to you when you're crying and tell you that he knows and he means it.

He doesn't say "buck up - what I went through was way worse". He has compassion and empathy. I know he does.

[hornblower]

Im pretty sure I have that book Spiritual Warfare. If it is working for you then halleluyah!
Whatever works thats my motto!

Here is my spiritual warfare strategy.................when the Holy Spirit gets me so inclined which isnt often these days but it used to be ok? I fall on my knees or usually my stomach and cry like a banshee..............then I go to sleep. Nope come to think of it the HS is using me just fine these days....

You can write this down if you want too its my own personal formula!

While im asleep God performs the miracles. He doesnt like me doing that cause he says Im not as good at it as He is.
I think He kinda knocks me out. Wants me out of the way........?????? Yeah Im sure of that.


Then........nothing I thank Him for a job well done.

Now heres another one you can write down. When Im afraid of something, scared spitless............go right ahead and walk right into it and do whatever it is Im frightened of.
And last but not least.

If Im frightened of the demons that often surround me........love everyone as much as I can. Just do all of the good i can possibly do! It scares the peewatedoo out of em! Oh and read the word........... they like that............or if its in the middle of the night I pray.....itll put me to sleep faster than anything imaginable.


Im going to write my book soon. Its going to be kind of little though.
On your advice though Ill go get it again and see if I can glean anything from it.

If you are saying here that the demons are the ones that are doing this stuff with my daughter youll have to get in line.................the long one over there.

I like this story of Smith Wigglesworth........he woke up one night and there was satan standing there with his long black robes and fire breathing stuff everywhere all over the room, glaring at him, ready to take a big juicey bite out of him....and Smith Wigglesworth looked at him and said 'Oh its you!" rolled over and went back to sleep.

[hornblower]

The thing about Jesus' suffering is that because of his suffering he can KNOW what we're feeling in these horrible circumstance because he experienced the same thing. He can sit next to you when you're crying and tell you that he knows and he means it.

He doesn't say "buck up - what I went through was way worse". He has compassion and empathy. I know he does.
__________________

Thankyou my friend and He does sit right next to me Im just mad right now not much He can do as long as i am like that except sit beside me till I get over it.

I would love to share with you what God did show me when all of these things happened to me years ago but its so very precious to me know what I mean? When you tell somebody they just go oh yeah and then its not as much as it is when He shows you something personally.
Its a genuine pearl one that I keep inside of me at all times and take it out to look at it and ponder over it the meaning of it and all.
He gave me Himself. What more could I ask?
Here is the real honest to goodness truth!!!!!!!
God has given me everything I have ever asked Him for.
EVERYTHING!
I asked him for my children to remain pure, untainted, so to speak and I dont really even know what thst is you see but I asked for that and they are, both of them. AND that they would always believe in Jesus. They do!

Maybe the only way for my daughter to end up being that way because she has always been a little spurt just like me, is to allow her to be the way she is, alone and disconnected from other people.
People are often led to love her and I thank God for them. Often too though there are the do good fancy pants that think they are so much better.
Shame on them and beware because God loves my daughter A LOT!

[Illuminated]

Here is some contact information for sources of help in your area. The counselors appeared on a reputable source on the web. I am not personally recommending them as I have never met them. I am simply giving you contact information. (gotta protect myself and the forum!!!:) )

National Crime Victim Information and Referral Hotline, operated by the National Organization for Victim Assistance. The toll-free number is 800-879-6682 (voice 24 hours a day; TTY Monday - Friday, 9:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m. Eastern Time).

These sources were found using the Psychology Today 'Find a Counselor' feature

Mr. David Keebler: Counselor, M.Div., M.A.
3906 Lemmon Avenue Suite 204 Dallas, Texas 75219
phone: (214) 520-8970 fax: (214) 520-8980
Fees: Sliding scale

Haven Counseling, LPC, LMFT, LCSW
4141 Blue Lake Circle Suite 134
Dallas, Texas 75244
phone: (972) 387-3898
web: www.havencounseling.net
email: therapy@havencounseling.net

This woman is a specialist in DBT I think.
Katrina Lane, MS, LPC, LMFT
katlane@infopsyc.com
Office: 972-333-3925

This man conducts research on DBT therapy. I would really try and contact him to see if he can reccommend someone or even work with you himself.
Rush, A. John, M.D.
Univ. of Texas Southwestern Medical Center
5959 Harry Hines Boulevard, Suite 600
Dallas, TX 75235
214-648-8321

Here is a self-help website for DBT:
www.dbtselfhelp.com

Take what works :) and leave the rest!

[Illuminated]

Now heres another one you can write down. When Im afraid of something, scared spitless............go right ahead and walk right into it and do whatever it is Im frightened of.That's what I do - HB - I walk right in, fearless because I know I have the power of the Holy Spirit to give me strength. I learned this when I was in Africa and participated in a few deliverances. Once you've seen the result of boldness in the Spirit, it is hard to just 'stand there' and do nothing!
I would love to share with you what God did show me when all of these things happened to me years ago but its so very precious to me know what I mean? When you tell somebody they just go oh yeah and then its not as much as it is when He shows you something personally.
You are sooooooo cruel....:D ..... You just taunt us with a few details of what God showed you, and then you leave us hanging :( !!!! Bummer.

[hornblower]

hey illuminated well be praying for me girlfriend......lol. Im taking my daughter shopping. Ive downloaded some of the worksheets off of the dpd site and Im looking into that. Ive been on the phone all morning trying to get some free help for trauma crime based support groups and Im on a waiting list for counceling. I didnt like the voice of the councelor at all.
But Im not going to judge ok? Ok Im trrying to be good here ooppps another judjement.
She told me about the support group I dont know if I can find it but its good to try dont you think. Theres one tonight I hope I can make it. With my daughter being here I dont know it will be so hard to swing doing much of anything. Im sick again. Stress from the weekend Im sure even though much of it I had a good time.

So you want to hear my new therapy Ive invented for my marriage?
Everytime he is abusive which in my book is a lot. I just repeat what he is saying word for word. I told him you want to know what it feels like to be me living with you?????? Ill give you a dose of it!
Hes extremely sarcastic. Makes it up as he goes along plays games that evidently they the men play at work all of the time. How does anyone in this culture get anything done????????/
He laughs at me all of the time so now im laughing too at him.
He repeats things back to me over and over again like he doesnt understand it or doesnt get it. He just plays like hes a man................but expects me to always be a woman. I dont know if anyone understands that? Its like my sister said that her family has started making a joke out of............if anything happens to them and something goes wrong they just blame their momma!
Yeahzaa been there, stay there, tired of it! Cant find something? its my fault, cant see something? its my fault. have an accident? its my fault. feeling guilty? its my fault. havent communicated? getting caught in a lie? hungry? dirty? tired? worked too much? not going where you want to go? not doing what you want to do? not getting what you want to get? Its ok! Its all my fault! Mommas are to blame for everything!
Ok enough of the judging.
this is going to be so hard to do.
Just take it as it comes....hm.....
by the way illumined.....what is borderline personality disorder?
Im going to print your post ok?

[Illuminated]

Ive downloaded some of the worksheets off of the dpd site and Im looking into that. Ive been on the phone all morning trying to get some free help for trauma crime based support groups and Im on a waiting list for counceling. ....She told me about the support group I dont know if I can find it but its good to try dont you think. Theres one tonight I hope I can make it. ....
....by the way illumined.....what is borderline personality disorder?...Im going to print your post ok?Wow! You have been really busy this morning! Me too! Just got back from the chiropractor who is helping alot with my back pain. It is fine with me for you to print any of my posts. If you start making money on them though, I get 50%. :D

Already you are on a waiting list, and you have the chance to go to a support group tonight! Wonderful!!!! Go to that support group with an open mind.

Here are some links to information on BPD. In my humble non-professional opinion, from what you have shared with us, I don't think you have BPD, but your daughter might.

The reason the BPD references show up in DBT information is that the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy was first developed to help people with BPD. Then, doctors found that it could help with other conditions - like PTSD!

My counselor is involved with using it to treat bulimia because it turns out that many cases of bulimia are caused by abuse - trauma - in childhood. So, it is turning out to be helpful in cases of PTSD. It is working for me because doing the exercises/homework is changing the way my brain thinks about events of spiritual abuse that happened to me. It was very hard to do at first....

Once again, I am not recommending any of the treatments that might be listed on these sites. I am just giving you some information that I have found helpful, as a non-professional lay person.

Excellent explanation of BPD, from our wonderful National Institute of Mental Health – our tax dollars at work – very good work I think:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm

University research is usually exactly correct and unbiased. Ohmygosh! If you don't like Renaissance harpsicord music, turn off your speakers!!!!
Professor at Stanford University in California:
http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~corelli/shortworks.html#BORDERLINE

Lots of resources:
Borderline Personality website:
http://www.bpdcentral.com/

Research foundations sometimes have free services:
Research foundation:
http://www.borderlineresearch.org/about_disorder/index.html

Top mental health treatment organization in the country:
Mayo Clinic
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442

I had to add this because of my UK roots and it has DBT information on it:
British Journal of Psychiatry
http://apt.rcpsych.org/cgi/content/full/8/1/10

Take what works :) and bin the rest!