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OldEnt
10-26-2004, 08:40 PM
( Pardon me for starting a new thread. I really did not want this to get buired in the other thread... And I am hoping that perhaps a more specific line of discussion may be started... Old Ent )


To the Fox Family,

Old Ent said: “If you really knew what spiritual abuse was, you would have been MUCH more sensitive then you were...”

As I pondered writing this note, it was my intent to retract and apologize for the above statement. However, on re-reading the statement I choose to let it stand as is. I have to distinguish the difference between the Fox family experiencing spiritual abuse, and the Fox family understanding and knowing what spiritual abuse really is. Many experience spiritual abuse, but do not fully recognize it. Many who are so abused become abusers and don’t even realize it; they don’t understand it. They don’t know what it is. So it is I stand by the statement made above without apology. I fear the truth is you HAVE experienced spiritual abuse, but have yet to fully understand and know what it is.

The second thing I need to say is that what follows is not to be used by anyone else in a context outside of this forum. It will have to do with some of my experiences, but the purpose for relating these experiences is not for anyone else’s publication outside of this forum. Also, what I am going to relate has to do with how in the light of those experiences, I view your approach to this forum. In short, as I thought of it, your method of approach was a trigger on several points; triggers that reminded me of past abuse in our former abusive church.

The first and most important point is that of listening. Our former elders did not know how to listen. You say something to one of them, and off they’d go rattling on about whatever and evidencing that they were not really listening to you, or really cared to. This was especially devastating when they were engaged in counseling. The result was that they treated symptoms and never got below the symptoms to the real underlying issues. Often they would over react and totally miss the underlying pain and hurt. “You call yourself a Christian and you do that!!! No real Christian would EVER do that!” Or, “I’m the elder and you’re not to talk to me that way! You have an attitude problem, and you better take care of it our it’s going to be a matter for church discipline!” Also on occasion when they would get below the surface of things, a few brief comments, a few evangelical shibboleths, and they were on to the next whatever. It was hard enough to get to a point to open up about those things very close to the heart, but then to have them lightly treated and passed over, or to be yelled and screamed at for not “measuring up” or being “disrespectful”. After a few times of that, why would I want to even seek their counsel on anything? In fact, they were grossly inept and unqualified at counseling, and the main proof was that lack of ability to really listen.

You came into the forum without really taking the time to listen, and listen in a way that would give us any confidence you were really listening. And this leads to the second point.

Our former abusive pastors had a “fix it” mentality. One pastor especially was notorious for this. Overweight? He and his wife were going to closely monitor your diet and weight and get you down to size. Teen child going “bad”? Have him/her come and live with Pastor and Mrs. Fix-it, and they’ll straighten the kid out and make her/him tow the mark. Marriage in trouble? Pastor Fix-it will fix it. Never mind his own marriage was a mess, and he ended up being exposed as a promiscuous adulterer and liar. The problem with spiritual “fix it” people is that they often try to do what only the Holy Spirit can do.

We have had “fix it” people come in here before. One that sticks in my mind is the notorious “Bible Believer Bill”. He was going to rescue us. He was going to heal us. He had all the answers we needed. Don’t believe that? Just ask him! Cheap evangelical slogans were all we needed. “Let go, Let God…” “Forgive and forget….” Blah, blah, blah… Then you come along and say things like:

We share with your wounds in your past, and believe with you for complete healing and recovery.

Complete healing and recovery? The Bible I read, the one with 66 books inspired by the Holy Spirit, says complete healing and recovery will not happen in this life. Complete healing and recovery will ONLY happen when we see Him face to face, and He wipes away all our tears. You’re going to do what only the Holy Spirit can do? Who do think you are? My former abusers tried to do that too; take the place of the Holy Spirit in my life. Nor is the Holy Spirit one to be manipulated by pseudo-evangelical incantations disguised as “prayer” and Scripture passages twisted out of context. Jesus said in John 3 that the wind blows where it wills, and that’s how the Holy Spirit works.

The third trigger: How the latest and greatest ideas would come and go! We should do this… We should do that… If you people would just get “with it” there is so much we could do. Funny that many of those things related to making more money for the supposed purpose of being able to “give” more. And Hey! Let’s write a book… Yeah…

I have done a little writing of my own. Some stuff has been self-published on my own WWW site and my blog. A few articles have been published at Battered Sheep Ministries. Those writings are born out of the fires of my own experience and over 35 years of Bible study enhanced by seminary level study in Greek and Hebrew. The input and posts of many on this forum have equally enhanced those articles, not by my repeating their stories, but by wrapping my mind around the issues, crisis, pain, and hurt of those stories, and digesting them into my heart and in my prayers.

Chiam Poteck in his writings talks about certain Hassidic Rabbis that view their calling as a Rabbi to be one of carrying the suffering of their people. It is in our following the example of Christ in His ministry that we, in whatever ministry we have, to some degree or other carry the suffering of those we minister to. It is for you to demonstrate a humble servant attitude that demonstrates to us a willingness to deny yourself and to carry the suffering of those of us you want to minister to. To do that you need to get in the trenches with us, not as a commanding officer, but as a buck private ready to serve in the lowest of posts even as our Lord Jesus Christ (Philippians 2).

On this forum there is a wide range of theology from skeptic agnosticism or Deism to Catholic and Orthodox tradition. For this forum to work we have learned to give each other a lot of room on theological issues. I will defend my Evangelicalism when I feel need to, and that Evangelicalism will shape how I seek to comfort, aid and minister in this forum, but God helping me, I will not defend it by attacking other people’s basic integrity and dignity.

I repeat for emphasis that what brief bio I relate here is not to be used by anyone else in a context outside of this forum.

In His joy and strength,

Old Ent

Satscout
10-26-2004, 10:51 PM
You came into the forum without really taking the time to listen, and listen in a way that would give us any confidence you were really listening.
I think this is the essence of what it takes to be a good "citizen" on either forum (SA or NACR). Not just listening, but listening in a way that makes everyone BELIEVE you are listening.

BTW, I read the first post. And a handful of the flame war replies that followed. IMHO, the most triggering part of the original post is the gross assumption that advertisements and solicitations are welcome - in a place where they are NOT. On the old NACR forum, such posts usually resulted in a pile of requests to admin to delete. And admin readily did.

A better approach? I'm not sure. Perhaps to first of all LISTEN, and then if a particular person's story resonates with the project, to send a private message and - after all the identify stuff mentioned in the other thread - politely request the honor of a personal testimony. With full edit rights. In private, off the main forums. And did I mention private?

When I came to the NACR forum, I was suicidal. I found compassion and grace in a measure I hadn't found anywhere else. I would be happy to extend more of the same. But solicitations can be triggering... and it's hard to be grace-full when you're annoyed at someone's bad behavior.

If you haven't read the other forum, read my "synopsis" on Andrew in the "no cross-talk" to make the rest make sense.

Tonight, while I was reading the paper, Andrew came and started tearing the paper out of my hands, swatting it down, ripping and crumpling it before I could get it open. In the spirit of reinforcement, I put down the paper and reminded him of one of the "social skills" they are working on in his Early Childhood Development class: Getting Someone's Attention. I prompted him... what do you do to get someone's attention NICELY?... you tap them on the shoulder and say their name... so I held the paper back up while he sulked... and said, so what do you do to get mommy's attention?? He then proceeded to tap my shoulder and say my name. Instantly I put down the paper and asked him what he wanted. He wanted a hug.

He got more out of ME by being nice, and I had the privilege of being happy and positive with HIM because he started being nice. Positive feedback loop. I can handle this! :)

He was tearing at the paper, and at me, because he in his autistic spectrum narcissism couldn't see that he was asking for attention in all the wrong ways.

BTW, I believe God can and does use past traumas for good. However, just because He ALLOWS these things does not mean He WANTS them or approves of them... because the sins others commit on us are just as bad as the sins we ourselves commit. *checks for log in own eye while speaking*

whew... I must have triggered deeper than I thought... look at the length of this thing!! Maybe I'd better stick to the other forum...:D

Sharon

Voyager
10-27-2004, 12:07 AM
We have had “fix it” people come in here before. One that sticks in my mind is the notorious “Bible Believer Bill”. He was going to rescue us. He was going to heal us. He had all the answers we needed. Don’t believe that? Just ask him! Cheap evangelical slogans were all we needed.

Good example. He totally disrupted everything that we were trying to accomplish on the old forum. When I asked him to stop, all hell broke loose. That was actually the beginning of the end on the old forum. A lot of people got mad at me for disagreeing with him and asking him to stop preaching at us. If I can be found guilty of anything, it is that. I tend to stand up to people who come in with a religious leadership agenda. I guess you could say I "question authority" now.

:cool:

Shadow
10-27-2004, 04:53 AM
OOPSIE DAISEY HERE...Waiting for Dale to get my Oopsie Daisey account working and I made it so I couldn't get back on the forum yesterday.....to post..with Oh Well....I didn't want to hurt anyone....and I really can't stand fighting.

I would like to add my post to that as well, I had all kinds of triggers going off in me yesterday. Feeling guilty if I didn't help and feeling bag because the person was knew and I didn't have the experience others did and then I wanted to control Voyager's words because I wanted it to just stop and then my name got used without my permission by the other party and it ticked me off. I didn't want to hurt the people on the forum and they threw it in the face of the forum and then I was reacting to reacting and couldn't stop the adrenaline and I always do this...I always go for the person that looks like they don't have anyone sticking up for them because I have been there so much of my life and so I done what I done not because I was convinced I was doing right but because I didn't want them to feel ganged up on and I felt like I was going several different directions and then as I read the posts, there were things I didn't factor into it as to some of the things that others thought about.

I want to go back to working on my recovery and my spiritual well being and I am sorry to those who were hurt by my response ........I can't even describe what I am still feeling.

I am off of here.

Voyager
10-27-2004, 10:43 AM
Shadow (Oopsie Daisy),

We're not here because we are perfect. We are here because we are messed up. You're not the only one. Don't sweat it.

I didn't mean to trigger you. I admit, I was triggered by what the Foxes said and I responded from that place. I feel that I am learning to respond instead of react. That has taken me a long time to learn, and I'm still not all the way there.

If you knew me personally, you would realize that I am not the "reprobate abuser" that you think I am. I am just like you. I have a good heart, but I have been very, very wounded. Sometimes our wounds get the best of us.

:cool:

Shadow
10-27-2004, 11:00 AM
Shadow (Oopsie Daisy),

We're not here because we are perfect. We are here because we are messed up. You're not the only one. Don't sweat it.

I didn't mean to trigger you. I admit, I was triggered by what the Foxes said and I responded from that place. I feel that I am learning to respond instead of react. That has taken me a long time to learn, and I'm still not all the way there.

If you knew me personally, you would realize that I am not the "reprobate abuser" that you think I am. I am just like you. I have a good heart, but I have been very, very wounded. Sometimes our wounds get the best of us.

:cool:

Voyager:

Do you know what triggers me about you? It isn't you~! It is you remind me with the way your write of my ex-pastor and so sometimes when I am lashing out it isn't even you I am lashing out at. I was reacting so badly yesterday. Terribly bad. When you post there is something in your writings that remind me of my pastor and I don't know why or what it is. I had started to be able to not do that box you in to his image but yesterday I didn't do so hot with it. It isn't even something I can explain but I just want you to know that it isn't you. It is my recovery issue and I am so sorry you have been so wounded. It really sucks to be so hurt when all you ever wanted to do was love and be loved and be really close as family and protect one another. It sucks to find that what you thought was there wasn't and what was there was misused and your the target and like your feelings and your wellbeing don't count as long as everyone gets what they want. It is so hard to trust again and not automatically look for agenda's in everyone.

I am very suspicious of everyone and come out swinging and I hate that in myself if it is any consolation. I keep trying and one of these days, I will get it right and thanks for your generous understanding.

God Bless,
OopsieDaisey