Hmmmmmmm

[Jerry]

Funny,,,,,,,,,we have all been abused,,,,we have been disappointed,,,,ignored,,,,belittled,,,,,marginali zed,,,,dismissed,,,,,blamed,,,,,yet the task we find most difficult to do ???????,,,,wiping the tears from the face of a friend :( ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,seems to me a "No-Brainer" ;)
Love Jerry

[Willow]

who's crying???? I have hanky ready.

[Doug64]

Patting Jerry on the back, "there, there, it will be alright." :)

Doug

[Willow]

amy blows her nose on the hanky in her hand... that was so touching! :D

[SpinningHead]

box of tissues ready...check
dark chocolate...check
back up emergency milk chocolate....check
Bottle of red....check
amazing new smoked gouda cheese...check
comfort food in the oven...check
one pot of leaded brewing, one pot of deleaded brewin...check
Bible ready for double checking "pasturds" bad preachin'...check


ok...


Where's the sad soul at??

[Janice]

And don't forget the ice cream!

Has to have chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and a cherry! :D

[mary]

Funny,,,,,,,,,we have all been abused,,,,we have been disappointed,,,,ignored,,,,belittled,,,,,marginali zed,,,,dismissed,,,,,blamed,,,,,yet the task we find most difficult to do ???????,,,,wiping the tears from the face of a friend :( ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,seems to me a "No-Brainer" ;)
Love Jerry

Jerry, right... For me, I'm not referring to the forum... I like to stay out of things in which I don't feel I have the expertise to make a useful contribution - & just pray for people instead...

But here, not in cyberspace - I hate Sundays. One shouldn't hate the Lord's Day, but I do. It's so lonely! Shunned by family, former church friends; problems at home. (Left the RCC; siblings don't speak to me.) I go to a church with my husband that we've discussed the day before: "where do we feel like going tomorrow, huh?" The only peace I get all week is in that Messianic Jewish Bible study on Wednesday nights and often at the service on Saturday, but the congregation has grown so large that there's little fellowship on Saturdays, and yesterday they announced that they're moving to larger quarters by mid-summer... They're warm, loving people. I'm not Jewish though; I was raised in an Irish-American Catholic milieu.

Sundays bring back memories of "pastor" and what he did to me... :( :eek: It's been seven months since he threw me out and 8 months for certain other things. I think I should be getting over it by now and I'm impatient with myself that I'm still stuck in this position.

Jerry, thank you for posting what you did. You're "a gentleman and a scholar," as my mother used to say...

mary

[Illuminated]

The only peace I get all week is in that Messianic Jewish Bible study on Wednesday nights and often at the service on Saturday, but the congregation has grown so large that there's little fellowship on Saturdays, and yesterday they announced that they're moving to larger quarters by mid-summer... They're warm, loving people. I'm not Jewish though; I was raised in an Irish-American Catholic milieu.
It is interesting that you would mention a messianic Jewish congregation. Around Christmas time I visited a messianic Jewish congregation that meets near where I live. They were so full of love.... you could just feel it emanating in the room. They were so excited about finding Jesus.

Then, the people I felt closest to at a treatment center for former cult members that I was at for 2 weeks were an othrodox Jewish couple. Now, they're off to New Zealand.... oh well.

Like you, I myself can't understand why it is taking so long to recover. The damage was done to me 10 months ago. I think I am finally to the point where I can realise that what the people did to me does not mean that they are horrible people, just that they are really blind and stupid. They are still people of God, and none of us are perfect.

The only consolation I can find is that no one ever said following Jesus was going to be easy. (Actually that is no consolation at all!:( ) Oh.... I know another consolation : There is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus. No condemnation. No condemnation.

I don't think Jesus cares if you go to church or not.

:o If you can lay your head down on the pillow at night and know that you have honored Jesus by your actions and thoughts that day, then you can be assured that He who loves you with all of His heart is indeed happy.:o

Now, how many more tissues for the tears do you want before I run upstairs to go get another box?

[Voyager]

Voyager blows his nose in his hands, wipes it on his pants, and says "Suck it up, soldier."

:D :rolleyes: :D

(Who needs a hanky?)

[Janice]

Voyager blows his nose in his hands, wipes it on his pants, and says "Suck it up, soldier."

:D :rolleyes: :D

(Who needs a hanky?)

Ha! What a guy! :D

[Willow]

Now you're starting to sound like a true redneck... only they just hold one nostril and squirt it on the ground!

[Willow]

Like you, I myself can't understand why it is taking so long to recover. The damage was done to me 10 months ago. I think I am finally to the point where I can realise that what the people did to me does not mean that they are horrible people, just that they are really blind and stupid. They are still people of God, and none of us are perfect.
[/QUOTE]

It's easy to want to rush yourself and be hard on yourself. In my experience, I can't fully forgive until I've gone through a time of processing the offense... then I can let go of it and move on.

[SpinningHead]

Voyager blows his nose in his hands, wipes it on his pants, and says "Suck it up, soldier."

:D :rolleyes: :D

(Who needs a hanky?)


ThatSNOT funny!

[SpinningHead]

I realized that the damage I endured was done throughout my whole church experience as my mother seemed to fall into abuseive churches...which of course explains why she endured the emotional abuse from my father for so many years...

I thought I had found a healthy church that really taught from the Bible...well, they did...they just meant everyone else but themselves! (meaning the core leadership of the church that made most of the decisions). :mad:

I'd be willing to attend a Bible study - small, intimate...but those actual church settings make me a bit nervous. :(

[Voyager]

ThatSNOT funny!
But that snot what I meant!

:p

[peanut]

That's a huge concern for me, Spinninghead. Am I drawm to abusive churches and what kind of damage have I done to & allowed to happen to my two wonderful girls by not leaving sooner.

My husband & I have found a minister with messages now that we can't wait to hear but our girls continue to want to be as far away from "CHURCH" as they can get.

The blessing of being out of that situation is that we now see how much time & energy we were giving to the church at our family's expense & we have hunkered back down to family time.....the sad part is we are not able to find a worship environment that is comforable for each of us.

[Scooter]

Willow,

Yeah, why is it so hard to be patient with ourselves? If the wound were something physical, we could say, "Oh, yeah. It'll take a while to get better." Maybe part of the difficulty is that with emotional, spiritual, psychological stuff, there's no doctor who can say, "This is exactly how long it should take to heal."

The truth is, you're reaching for healing, and there are no "shoulds" or "musts" about the timing.

[Doug64]

Maybe it wouldn't take so long if everyone were either serious or playful. LOL!
This is a most interesting thread how it goes back and forth between the two.

I do hope those of you who are being serious also got a chuckle or two.

Doug

[Scooter]

Tennis match, anyone?

Serious

Playful

Serious

Playful

Does my husband qualify as a hillbilly if he blows snot rockets too? LOL :D

[yeshua'smags]

Only if you have some poor plastic singing animal on a wall in your house, and fake bullet-hole stickers on your rediculously massive truck!;) :rolleyes:

[Scooter]

Hahahahaha! Then rednecks we're not!

[SpinningHead]

That's a huge concern for me, Spinninghead. Am I drawm to abusive churches and what kind of damage have I done to & allowed to happen to my two wonderful girls by not leaving sooner.

My husband & I have found a minister with messages now that we can't wait to hear but our girls continue to want to be as far away from "CHURCH" as they can get.

The blessing of being out of that situation is that we now see how much time & energy we were giving to the church at our family's expense & we have hunkered back down to family time.....the sad part is we are not able to find a worship environment that is comforable for each of us.

It was something I looked in therapy but I question myself all the time in a healthy way...

Victims are victims...no question. This isn't a blame the victim kind of exploration.
Abusers are abusers...no question. They are jerks and have no right to be abusive.

This is triggering...this is my own experience...everyone breath before continueing...if you dare....

That said in bold...a victim might wonder why they are always a victim? what is it about me that these abusers just know they can behave this way. What was I raised to believe? What am I drawing myself to? or why are these abusers drawing themselves to me? Dr. Phil says we teach people how to treat us...my therapist also acknowledged the truth in that statement...so, did I teach the people how to treat me?

Some folks don't like the book Toxic Faith because they think it blames the victim. I think it's valuable because it looks at the patterns/belief systems in a victims life that make them go back for more and more. To be brave enough to identify with some of those patterns, is to be strong enough to change those patterns in your life.

[mary]

It is interesting that you would mention a messianic Jewish congregation. Around Christmas time I visited a messianic Jewish congregation that meets near where I live. They were so full of love.... you could just feel it emanating in the room. They were so excited about finding Jesus.

Then, the people I felt closest to at a treatment center for former cult members that I was at for 2 weeks were an othrodox Jewish couple. Now, they're off to New Zealand.... oh well.

Like you, I myself can't understand why it is taking so long to recover. The damage was done to me 10 months ago. I think I am finally to the point where I can realise that what the people did to me does not mean that they are horrible people, just that they are really blind and stupid. They are still people of God, and none of us are perfect.

The only consolation I can find is that no one ever said following Jesus was going to be easy. (Actually that is no consolation at all!:( ) Oh.... I know another consolation : There is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus. No condemnation. No condemnation.

I don't think Jesus cares if you go to church or not.

:o If you can lay your head down on the pillow at night and know that you have honored Jesus by your actions and thoughts that day, then you can be assured that He who loves you with all of His heart is indeed happy.:o[/SIZE]

Now, how many more tissues for the tears do you want before I run upstairs to go get another box?

(((((Illuminated))))), thank you, thank you, thank you!!!:) :o No condemnation... this misery doesn't last forever... Only His mercy, His love and our sweet communion with Him will last forever!!!!

Oh, what have we to sorrow about??? Nothing!

You are absolutely right!!!!

Wishing you and everyone here the abundance of His grace,

mary