SpinningHead
05-20-2006, 10:17 AM
Look, this is getting silly. And for those of you who know what I'm talking about, you know what "this" is...
For those of you who are tired of "this", then please do not respond to this post and move on...
For those of you who have been involved one way are another, I'm asking if you can put aside your feelings and come to an better understanding/agreement...
If you are open minded...please continue and post your thoughts.
I'm not looking to blame anyone for anything...
I do not have bad feelings towards anyone...
But our differences in styles, how we aproach abuse/healing, how we express ourselves is, IMHO!, have been taking away for our normal healthy discussions & support of one another...
#1 - Can we agree on this point??
It is difficult at times to really understand the intentions of the author of a post when we cannot read their body language or hear inflections of their tone of voice. It is possible for misunderstandings to occur on all parties...
#2 - Can we agree that misunderstandings are possible??
There was a "posting incident" that occurred between Illuminated and Ninas/Jess a little while ago. Some of us who witnessed the post, knowing and loving Ninas, knew that the posts (themselves, not the author) could potentially be upsetting to Ninas and so we rode in on our white horses to protect Jess.
Maybe something different should have happened...but we can't change what did happen so I won't bother trying. But I do think everyone's intentions were in fact gold.
Ninas has offered to discuss the situation with Illuminated in PM. I think this is a good idea. I believe the two of them are capable of working out their differences, coming to new understandings about each other. If Ninas need help in understanding, she will ask someone she trusts.
#3 - Can the rest of us respect Ninas' offer to work this out between just her and Illuminated??
There are times that Illuminated, with gold intentions...will post, what in her mind, is a helpful, thoughtful suggestion or discussion. To some of us, it will come across like she is implying something hurtful.
I won't go into the examples here because I'm not looking for explanations.
#4 - Can we ask Illuminated (or anybody for that matter!!) what she means when she posts?? For example, "Illum, did you mean to say or imply that no one should/should not do X?" And let her respond so we can be clear...Can we agree to do that for everyone's better understanding each other?
I think Illuminated has been very good about pointing out where we disagree. AND THAT's OK!! We can disagree!!! No, really...we can!! :)
#5 - Can we agree to disagree and not beat the subjects to death? If we find we are in a disagreement, can we not keep posting our opinions as if the other person will change their mind or see our point of view? It's getting a bit pushy...so can we agree on this point? If we CAN'T agree, and we end up disagreeing, can we at least respect what I'm suggesting? :rolleyes: (think about it...it will get funnier as you do! :p )
I think we are resenting that any one person is taking it upon themselves, (because they feel the need to) "inform" new people/guests of the differences of our members.
It is no one person's responsibility/place to do so, and we don't like it. It comes across like new friends need to be warned of something potentially bad or harmful when that is not the case. We resent that someone feels the need to warn a new friend about us. It isn't fair to us. We are loving, warm, and open people!
I believe new friends and guests do not need to be informed as they find us/read us. I believe and trust in the intelligence of each person who finds us to make up their own minds, find their own way here and navigate their own way through the posts.
Those of us who have (healthy) differences, will feel safe enough to share of themselves with a new person.
#6 - Can we agree to trust in the intelligence/discernment of new friends that they will find their own way in our welcoming forum?
Again, I'm not looking for examples or validation that this is what you've been doing all along...
#7 - but can we refocus on our own stories and encouragements and take each other's post as such?? IF someone says X, so what? It's their feelings/experience...can we respect that and move on please?
What I'm hoping for are thoughts/agreements...Please, please do not continue with examples of how you were done wrong or how you've been doing these agreements all along...if that's the case, then great - no issue for you to agree.
I'm asking us to surrender our positions, pride, egos...no one is right, no one is wrong...
Can we all be willing to start again fresh with this agreement? for the sake of the forum and getting back to healthy discussions..can we do this?
I want to be clear...THESE ARE NOT RULES!!! and I am NOT suggesting there be rules...forget rules!!!! I am asking for each of us to come to an agreement of mutual respect.
I am asking we all put into the pool of forgiveness, we are forgiving one another and we are letting this go once and for all. We will not dredge up the past...we will in the future ask questions and agree to disagree.
Please folks, can this happen???
This was on my heart...I thank each of you for reading this, considering this and your support.
I look forward to a new understanding with each of you. :)
Sincerely,
For those of you who are tired of "this", then please do not respond to this post and move on...
For those of you who have been involved one way are another, I'm asking if you can put aside your feelings and come to an better understanding/agreement...
If you are open minded...please continue and post your thoughts.
I'm not looking to blame anyone for anything...
I do not have bad feelings towards anyone...
But our differences in styles, how we aproach abuse/healing, how we express ourselves is, IMHO!, have been taking away for our normal healthy discussions & support of one another...
#1 - Can we agree on this point??
It is difficult at times to really understand the intentions of the author of a post when we cannot read their body language or hear inflections of their tone of voice. It is possible for misunderstandings to occur on all parties...
#2 - Can we agree that misunderstandings are possible??
There was a "posting incident" that occurred between Illuminated and Ninas/Jess a little while ago. Some of us who witnessed the post, knowing and loving Ninas, knew that the posts (themselves, not the author) could potentially be upsetting to Ninas and so we rode in on our white horses to protect Jess.
Maybe something different should have happened...but we can't change what did happen so I won't bother trying. But I do think everyone's intentions were in fact gold.
Ninas has offered to discuss the situation with Illuminated in PM. I think this is a good idea. I believe the two of them are capable of working out their differences, coming to new understandings about each other. If Ninas need help in understanding, she will ask someone she trusts.
#3 - Can the rest of us respect Ninas' offer to work this out between just her and Illuminated??
There are times that Illuminated, with gold intentions...will post, what in her mind, is a helpful, thoughtful suggestion or discussion. To some of us, it will come across like she is implying something hurtful.
I won't go into the examples here because I'm not looking for explanations.
#4 - Can we ask Illuminated (or anybody for that matter!!) what she means when she posts?? For example, "Illum, did you mean to say or imply that no one should/should not do X?" And let her respond so we can be clear...Can we agree to do that for everyone's better understanding each other?
I think Illuminated has been very good about pointing out where we disagree. AND THAT's OK!! We can disagree!!! No, really...we can!! :)
#5 - Can we agree to disagree and not beat the subjects to death? If we find we are in a disagreement, can we not keep posting our opinions as if the other person will change their mind or see our point of view? It's getting a bit pushy...so can we agree on this point? If we CAN'T agree, and we end up disagreeing, can we at least respect what I'm suggesting? :rolleyes: (think about it...it will get funnier as you do! :p )
I think we are resenting that any one person is taking it upon themselves, (because they feel the need to) "inform" new people/guests of the differences of our members.
It is no one person's responsibility/place to do so, and we don't like it. It comes across like new friends need to be warned of something potentially bad or harmful when that is not the case. We resent that someone feels the need to warn a new friend about us. It isn't fair to us. We are loving, warm, and open people!
I believe new friends and guests do not need to be informed as they find us/read us. I believe and trust in the intelligence of each person who finds us to make up their own minds, find their own way here and navigate their own way through the posts.
Those of us who have (healthy) differences, will feel safe enough to share of themselves with a new person.
#6 - Can we agree to trust in the intelligence/discernment of new friends that they will find their own way in our welcoming forum?
Again, I'm not looking for examples or validation that this is what you've been doing all along...
#7 - but can we refocus on our own stories and encouragements and take each other's post as such?? IF someone says X, so what? It's their feelings/experience...can we respect that and move on please?
What I'm hoping for are thoughts/agreements...Please, please do not continue with examples of how you were done wrong or how you've been doing these agreements all along...if that's the case, then great - no issue for you to agree.
I'm asking us to surrender our positions, pride, egos...no one is right, no one is wrong...
Can we all be willing to start again fresh with this agreement? for the sake of the forum and getting back to healthy discussions..can we do this?
I want to be clear...THESE ARE NOT RULES!!! and I am NOT suggesting there be rules...forget rules!!!! I am asking for each of us to come to an agreement of mutual respect.
I am asking we all put into the pool of forgiveness, we are forgiving one another and we are letting this go once and for all. We will not dredge up the past...we will in the future ask questions and agree to disagree.
Please folks, can this happen???
This was on my heart...I thank each of you for reading this, considering this and your support.
I look forward to a new understanding with each of you. :)
Sincerely,