when your dad lies

[aftermath]

he's the one that taught us everything about "god". how do i get over that?

[Theodora]

he's the one that taught us everything about "god". how do i get over that?

Hi "aftermath"--- I've been trying to follow at least something of your story as you've responded to various other threads, but I'm afraid I can't "connect-the-dots" enough here to have a very good inkling as to what you may have been "taught" etc. Would you care to share more about this? WHAT is the "lie?" What image of "god" were you "taught?" Is it that image that you're now trying to overycome? Or ....did your father lie to you about other things (and/or was abusive in some way) so that you now feel you can't trust ANYTHING which he either modeled or "taught" you? :confused:

Sorry....no really good way to get into this difficult topic, but know that I'll be thinking about this and will post more as thoughts come to mind/as I can. (Rather difficult times for me of late, so I'm not always sure when I can have time to post, let alone to be able to follow through with really significant questions such as yours, as I would LIKE to do!

Hang in there......! Maybe others will have better thoughts for you.
Good for you for posting and for being honest about your difficulities.

Grace and peace--

Theodora

[Jerry]

he's the one that taught us everything about "god". how do i get over that?

By answering the question,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Who lied to him?????? ;)
Love Jerry

[Carmen]

If what he has told you about God is scriptural, then at least that wasn't a lie. Get a bible out, check and compare, then you will know.

[Illuminated]

he's the one that taught us everything about "god". how do i get over that?Gosh, I wish I had the psychological answer to that!:o

To learn more about the love your Heavenly Father has for you, you could click below. Your Heavenly Father (your Ultimate Father anyway) never lies!:)

http://www.mrindianajones.com/loveletter.html
http://www.fathersloveletter.com/webintro.html

http://www.becomingreal.org/jesus/fathers_love.htm (includes mp3 download)

[SpinningHead]

he's the one that taught us everything about "god". how do i get over that?

Maybe he didn't teach you everything about God? Maybe there's a journey all your own, just between you and God you're ready for?

[yeshua'smags]

My Mama kind of did that to us too. For a long time she was who I got most of my biblical teaching from. Then one day I came home for a visit from college. They had started going to a new Presbyterian church, after being Methodist most of our lives.

She told me that they had been taught some wacko "chosen" doctrine and that she no longer believed that God didn't love everyone!:eek: :confused:
Needless to say, since I can't let anything go without a debate first, (;) ) we had some kind of wicked arguement!:D One that is still raging 10 years later!

Luckily I knew that I knew what I knew. Make sense? And she just managed to piss me off rather than shake my faith too much.

Long story sort of short----you have to learn it for yourself. You have to experience it, read it, glean what you can from other TRUE believers. And then you have to know, that you know, that you know! Jesus will solidify it for you!;)

[aftermath]

ookay, I'll try to be thorough. Yes he was abusive, not so much physically as he was mentally and emotionally. And especially spiritually. He used to come up with cockamani ideas (or he'd hear them somewhere and preach it to us) such as: cartoons like the transformers, etc, were preparing us to see real live monsters and demons walk down the street just like people do. ah, he'd say that everyone in the world was evil, so for a long long long long time I was scared of everyone. He used to paint graphic pictures of hell. We've all been too spooked by that to fall asleep at night. He even said that Eric Clapton pushed his son off the roof (to exemplify how evil everyone is). It was really horrible. So many people have called my dad crazy. The courts in a custody battle called him emotionally and mentally violent. I've had counselors say that it sounded like he had a mental illness. And y'know, the only way I can love my dad today is by accepting that he had a mental illness. Cuz who else tells stuff like this? He used to say (and still says) that people hated him because he is christian. I tell him to stop using "christianity" as an excuse.
I wasn't allowed to read, listen to music, have friends, etc etc etc. It was a terrible fight trying to maintain some kind of individuality/personality. I feel so cheated. I feel like I could have learned so much. Become mature. Confident, smart, etc. But I wasn't allowed. y'know?

He was also obsessed with my mom, who didnt want to be with him. He was completely totally and utterly obsessed. He used to stalk her even. It was so weird. Sound like a mental illness?

He does have a brother who has a heavy case of autism. I wonder if my dad got a touch of it. He has such a tunnel vision, y'know. I could conceive that he has just enough that it doesnt completely debilitate him from experiencing a full life.

(he's ok now, btw. he's got a christian wife that shares his beliefs and doesnt put up with ANY crap whatsoever).


I also wanted to say thank you to every body here!! I really appreciate the acceptance and the tolerance. SO much. :o I worried about it. But now I don't. ;)

[aftermath]

oh, I'm just now learning truths. It's still hard though, sometimes.

[Theodora]

Thanks so much for trusting us with more of your story.

I'll be thinking more about this, but yes...your father was/is mentally ill, I would say. I'm thankful that you can begin to take this into consideration as you consider your relationship, but....well.....that doesn't exactly "solve" the problem of the abuse you endured and its lingering, true AFTERMATH. Are you still in counseling? It sounds like they've helped you sort through a lot of issues and I'm thankful for that. I'm so sorry for the pain in your life, but hope that you can see, as I do, that healing has already begun. Being able to 1) identify a problem 2)articulate what the problem is....as you have done here so well!...and 3) to have the courage to tell somehow about it means that you ARE on the "recovery path."

Take care of yourself now..and trust your instincts about where/how "truth" lies and do honor whatever it might be in yourself which will help you redefine faith in PERSONAL terms, apart from the distortions which your father gave you as "legacy."

Grace and peace to you and yours this day---! Thanks again for sharing your story!

Theodora

ookay, I'll try to be thorough. Yes he was abusive, not so much physically as he was mentally and emotionally. And especially spiritually. He used to come up with cockamani ideas (or he'd hear them somewhere and preach it to us) such as: cartoons like the transformers, etc, were preparing us to see real live monsters and demons walk down the street just like people do. ah, he'd say that everyone in the world was evil, so for a long long long long time I was scared of everyone. He used to paint graphic pictures of hell. We've all been too spooked by that to fall asleep at night. He even said that Eric Clapton pushed his son off the roof (to exemplify how evil everyone is). It was really horrible. So many people have called my dad crazy. The courts in a custody battle called him emotionally and mentally violent. I've had counselors say that it sounded like he had a mental illness. And y'know, the only way I can love my dad today is by accepting that he had a mental illness. Cuz who else tells stuff like this? He used to say (and still says) that people hated him because he is christian. I tell him to stop using "christianity" as an excuse.
I wasn't allowed to read, listen to music, have friends, etc etc etc. It was a terrible fight trying to maintain some kind of individuality/personality. I feel so cheated. I feel like I could have learned so much. Become mature. Confident, smart, etc. But I wasn't allowed. y'know?

He was also obsessed with my mom, who didnt want to be with him. He was completely totally and utterly obsessed. He used to stalk her even. It was so weird. Sound like a mental illness?

He does have a brother who has a heavy case of autism. I wonder if my dad got a touch of it. He has such a tunnel vision, y'know. I could conceive that he has just enough that it doesnt completely debilitate him from experiencing a full life.

(he's ok now, btw. he's got a christian wife that shares his beliefs and doesnt put up with ANY crap whatsoever).


I also wanted to say thank you to every body here!! I really appreciate the acceptance and the tolerance. SO much. :o I worried about it. But now I don't. ;)

[Carmen]

Hi Aftermath,

That reminds me of some sermons I've heard...Dunno if your dad is really mentally ill, but tunnel vision-like beliefs are symptoms of fundamentalism. I read a book about fundamentalism called Fundamentalist World - The New Dark Age of Dogma by Stuart Sim. The writer is a non-Christian by his own admission, and a "gasp" liberal (like me). The book explains the fundamentalist mentality and explores different types of fundamentalism, religious, market, political and nationalist. The author does urge people to stay away from that kind of thinking and I must agree. Even if a reader might not agree with the author politically, I think that the book was very informative about the subject and would recommend it to those interested in knowing more about the "tunnel vision" of fundamentalism.

I wasn't allowed to read, listen to music, have friends, etc etc etc. It was a terrible fight trying to maintain some kind of individuality/personality. I feel so cheated. I feel like I could have learned so much. Become mature. Confident, smart, etc. But I wasn't allowed. y'know?

You can still do all of those things now and get educated, become more mature in the Lord, become confident. Others that had nicer parents may have had a head start so-to-speak, but then life isn't a race against others. You don't have to compete with anyone else, just try to love God, learn about him, and serve him as best you can and love others and the other things will fall into place bit by bit. God gave you your very own "talents" and will measure you by what he gave you and what you make of them. He knows where you are at and can meet you right there. You will reach the finish line if you go towards it as God wants you to, he will help you with it if you ask him, just getting there is what counts.

I kind of liken us to people that have been in an accident. Some have been injured worse than others. Some are in wheelchairs, others have crutches, some have to hop on one foot or even can only crawl. But we are all on the way to recovery, are all recovering at different rates. We are also on the Christian road heading toward the end, the goal. Others that were never injured may seem to get on a bit faster, but we are not racing with them, our only model is Jesus Christ. Since he is one of us, was also rejected and abused, he knows what we have been through. He is patient, loving, forgiving and merciful. His Spirit will patiently guide us and help us toward the goal, which is himself.

I agree with Theodora, it sounds like you have already made progress, take heart and be encouraged, you are already on the way to overcoming your past.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33.

Carmen