A poem by Janice

[Janice]

Not really sure why I'm posting this except I felt lead to do so.

Below is a poem I wrote several years ago. It was at a time in my life when I was really frustrated and struggling big time. Maybe it's for someone here, maybe not.

As always, take what works and leave the rest:

Love, Janice

My marvelous, precious, loving God,
I have no right at all
to come before Your Holy Throne
with all my many flaws.

But, here I am once again
lonely, hurt, confused
not liking myself much at all
I feel abandoned and abused.

I really want to be the one
You created me to be
but, the "Janice" that is on this earth
has failed again you see.

Forgive me Lord, for being weak
for being stubborn, and proud
for lashing out in anger
and going along with the crowd.

I thought that I surrendered
everything I had to You
but, if that was really the case
then I wouldn't be so blue.

I fear I'm never going to change
heredity is so strong.
I guess I'm meant to be this way
I never will really "belong".

But, I'm gonna keep on going
I have no other choice
existing more then living
and listening to "that" voice

It's not a very happy place
but happiness never lasts
I stay there for awhile and then,
Wham! I'm back to my past!

I'm tired of trying and failing
I'm tired of the ups and the downs
I'm tired of the ins and outs
I'm tired... all the way around.

[Willow]

Dear Janice,

Thanks for sharing your poem. I always feel kinda vulnerable when I share something I wrote. I gotta tell you, I could have written parts of that poem.

HUGS
Amy

[Theodora]

My thanks as well for your courage in sharing this. As Willow says, the question of "vulnerability" arises when we come out of our depths. You have done this beautifully and so, I thank you not only for your expression of part of your spiritual journey, but for modeling still more of what it MEANS to be "in recovery."

I love you.

Theodora

--

Not really sure why I'm posting this except I felt lead to do so.

Below is a poem I wrote several years ago. It was at a time in my life when I was really frustrated and struggling big time. Maybe it's for someone here, maybe not.

As always, take what works and leave the rest:

Love, Janice

My marvelous, precious, loving God,
I have no right at all
to come before Your Holy Throne
with all my many flaws.

But, here I am once again
lonely, hurt, confused
not liking myself much at all
I feel abandoned and abused.

I really want to be the one
You created me to be
but, the "Janice" that is on this earth
has failed again you see.

Forgive me Lord, for being weak
for being stubborn, and proud
for lashing out in anger
and going along with the crowd.

I thought that I surrendered
everything I had to You
but, if that was really the case
then I wouldn't be so blue.

I fear I'm never going to change
heredity is so strong.
I guess I'm meant to be this way
I never will really "belong".

But, I'm gonna keep on going
I have no other choice
existing more then living
and listening to "that" voice

It's not a very happy place
but happiness never lasts
I stay there for awhile and then,
Wham! I'm back to my past!

I'm tired of trying and failing
I'm tired of the ups and the downs
I'm tired of the ins and outs
I'm tired... all the way around.

[mary]

Oh, dear Janice - how wonderful your poem is, how biblical - and a very special encouragement to me this morning, in particular!!! Thank you so much for posting it!

I do hope that you intend to write more: the Lord has given you a real gift... :)

Wishing you His grace in abundance,

mary

[Illuminated]

It's not a very happy place
but happiness never lasts
I stay there for awhile and then,
Wham! I'm back to my past!When I read your poem, I was relating to every stanza. Then, when I read the one above, your words really hit home.
I think the part that I relate to is the Wham! part about the past.... Do you ever feel like there is two of you?

One of you who is the person before the bad experience, and then a different one of you that is you after the experience?:confused:

[yeshua'smags]

That was a really beautiful poem, Janice! Thank you for putting it on here today!

I especially liked the "I'm tired of trying and failing" part! I feel the same way!;)

[newlife]

Janice,

Yes, I can definitely relate to the feelings that you've expressed in the poem! Thanks for sharing! A couple of scriptures that really help me during those moments are: 2 Cor. 12:9: "And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." and Hebrews 4:15-16: "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." I'm so thankful that when we're going through these very human emotions, we can come boldly to the throne of grace and there we obtain mercy and find grace to help in those desperate times of need.

Love, newlife

[newlife]

One of you who is the person before the bad experience, and then a different one of you that is you after the experience?:confused:

Oh, yeah! I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! I've had the thought that I wished that I could go back and be that person that I was before the cult experience...but that's not what I'm supposed to do. So I continue to walk in the hope and faith in Romans 8:28, that my heavenly Father will even bring good out of the pain and confusion that I've gone through...with Him all things are possible and His speciality is to create beauty from ashes. :)

Love, newlife

[SpinningHead]

I think that's a very honest, very important poem. So very brave of you to share!

Thank you!

:)

[Jerry]

I think when Janice posted this
She thought she must be nutz
What I admire most of all
Is her Guts :D :D

By Stanley Myron Handelman :D

[Tim]

Thanks for posting this personal, sensitive, moving poem, Janice. I can relate.

[butterfly]

Thanks for the poam Janice. That is how I feel ever day.:( :( :(
I always wonder who I could have become if it wasn"t for the abuse.
What kind of Shirley GOd wanted.
I can"t beleave GOd wanted me to be as I am today.
All broken in many pieces. I always wanted to be a writer. I wrote poams and I destroyed them on one of my Hopeless days!!! :( :( :( butterfly shirley

[sprout]

Ms Janice ma'am

You are definately on the very cool with Godstuff list!!!
TY