sometimes I just want to die

[Willow]

Some events sparked deep sadness. I miss my mom. I am ashamed of myself. If my dad was not still alive, I would want to die.

[Illuminated]

I am ashamed of myself. If my dad was not still alive, I would want to die.I am so sorry you are feeling so strongly about the sadder side of life. I can relate. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is my daughter, and, remembering that:

There is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus.
((((((((( Willow ))))))))
That scripture is written for you, Willow, for you.

Love,
Illuminated

[newlife]

(((((((Dear Amy)))))))) :( :( :(

I know that this has got to be a VERY, VERY difficult thing for you to deal with...there's not much that I can say other than you are in my prayers (and I sincerely mean that).

With much love,
newlife

[yeshua'smags]

I'm so sorry for you. I lost my Daddy, it really messes with your identity. You are in my thoughts and prayers.;) :)

[sprout]

My dad died first....when my mom died it was both a feeling of orphanage and the beginning of uncovering many repressed memories. Its been long and hard and growing....and after 5 years and continued struggles I am beginning to see the blessings.
Willow ma'am, I combine these thoughts with a secular novel I started to read on a plane this week about 4 opposites...that meet when they are all gunna commit suicide jumpin off a buildin. They learn that their different lifestyles mean nothing in the scheme of 'will' As they argue whose life is the greater shambles....they find
individual purpose in convincing each other to live.
I guess my point is: it hurt's....it sucks even....but it is not without testimony....personal pending testimony and I wish I was better at encouraging people....cause if I was I would grab ya and hug ya and thank God fer ya. Cause I( know that I know that I know) God is gunna git ya past this and help somebody ya least expect in da process.
God Bless ya ma'am
TTG

[Hisbj]

i understand loss. i understand wanting to die. after going to the blog of your mom's memorial service ..i was really touched. she is with you in your heart, willow .......you take her everywhere you go ....even into your sadness.
Lord God,
thank You for being with willow in her grief. thank You for the specialness that she is. thank You for loving her .....through this dark valley and beyond.
amen

[Voyager]

I am very sorry that you are hurting my dear friend Amy.

I remember when I lost my grandfather, who was the closest thing to a father to me since I never had one. When my grandfather died I was hurting for quite a while. It seems like it took me about five years to get over the frequent pain that I felt after his death. As time went by, the pain gradually got easier to deal with until one day I noticed that it wasn't there anymore. I still think about him, but not in a grieving way. I hope that day comes to you quickly, and in the mean time I pray that God gives you the grace to see and experience the good things in your life instead of being crippled by the bad.

:cool:

[Voyager]

Also, if you get depressed real bad Amy, you may want to consider finding a grief/loss recovery group in your area. Take care of yourself Sis.

:cool:

[profnachos]

((((((hugs))))))

I lost my mother and it was pretty bad too. Hang in there...

Some events sparked deep sadness. I miss my mom. I am ashamed of myself. If my dad was not still alive, I would want to die.

[Theodora]

((((((hugs))))))

I lost my mother and it was pretty bad too. Hang in there...

I'm sorry for your loss, ProfNachos. Glad you're here on the forum again.

Theodora

[Theodora]

Please keep posting as you are able to do so and let us "be here" for you, if we can. Your feelings are SO understandable....

Know that I really empathize with you and will certainly be keeping you and yours in very active prayer in the days ahead. Don't feel that you have to hide your sorrow and all the confusion that comes with that....let alone to be "ashamed"...for whatever reason!!! Note Voyager's comment re the way his grief gradually diminished and take hope....or Hisbj's reassurance that your mom's spirit IS still with you...and allow that thought to bring you comfort in this day as well.

Have you ever watched the "Starting Over" reality TV show on ABC? I mention it because last fall one of the cast members was "Jessica," whose mother was one of those lost in the U.S. tragedy of September 11, 2001. Her life coaches had her first do some exercises to represent a grieving ritual for her and THEN moved her on to creating her own kind of memorial for her mother. Her problem---in part---was that her family and more...."society" in general... sort of had expectations for her for how she was supposed to "handle" her grief. Needing to "be strong" for her family and to sort of play a "role" for the grieving public, she had never really allowed herself the PRIVATE, on-going grief which she needed to acknowledge. She too had a loss of self/loss of purpose after her mother died since her mother had been her "best friend." THAT was the next part of the healing process, to help Jessica recognize where her innate talents still existed and could be expressed and developed......and, as I recall, like you, she was/is a truly artistic individual with MANY gifts yet to be explored and offered to the world.

Patience, dear one.....As you may remember, I lost a brother to suicide, so I DO know how VERY complex this grieving process is. If interested, there are some articles/books which I could cite for you when/if you're ready for that.

But...you handle things in YOUR own way. HONOR the feelings that are inside of you, as complex as they may be. Do what you can to document/peg them down...and know that there are no shortcuts to really good "grief work."

You'll be OK.....! You ARE OK!!! You've already got more "tools" available to you than you might feel you do....including the love and support of your friends here.

(((((((Amy))))))

You're a part of US...Know that we'll not be forgetting you in the days ahead.

Much love and many prayers--

Theodora



Some events sparked deep sadness. I miss my mom. I am ashamed of myself. If my dad was not still alive, I would want to die.

[Janice]

((((((((((((((((AMY))))))))))))

Hang in there! This too shall pass.

[Willow]

Thank you... every one of you. I needed your support badly last night. I needed a place that I could say how I felt. I didn't get to read your responses until lunch today. The intensity is less now and I am feeling better. I had some kind of a meltdown in my condo last night. Not sure what my neighbors must think... Only a few times have I wailed... but it's the most horrific noise and deep gutteral sounds. Helps me understand the scripture in Roman's that describes the earth groaning.

(((((((((((((((((((newlife, illuminated, mags, sprout, Hisbj, Voyager, prof, Theo, Janice))))))))))))))))

[newlife]

I'm so glad that you're feeling better today! There's a scripture (don't know where it is off-hand) that says, "Weeping lasts for a night, but joy comes in the morning."

I will continue to keep you in my prayers...

(((((Amy)))))

Love, newlife