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jimsmuse
05-09-2006, 01:39 PM
I read the "rules" thread and I realized I have been rude by not fully introducing myself to this forum. I apologize, and now allow me to do so.:o

In the thread "Abuse in Methodism" posted by Yeshua'smags I played the part of her sister in that drama and all that she shared there is true and there's more. I want to spare this forum more sad details so I will tell you this: for one brief, shining moment we made a difference!

Social and racial barriers were breached and God used us and let us see holy results even though the window was only open temporarily. If the "body" would only do what Jesus said we wouldn't need government programs, but that's another thread:mad:

I was the youth and children's ministry director for 11 years and then this new minister came and joined forces with what had been just a handful of hateful detractors. Then it became personal.

My husband was and is still the director of music. He and I and a small band of believers pulled off amazing things like creative worship experiences that tapped the talents of the underprivileged and the marginalized as the head wagging leadership gossiped and bullied.:confused: :(

The 4th,5th and 6th graders lead worship for last years Vacation Bible School. Over 100 children attended and it was the most succesful VBS in that place. I refer you again to "Abuse in Methodism" and read about the lice factor. I made the minister mad because a few of us wanted to make sure that a little 4 year old girl could still come to VBS despite the superstitions the ministers wife had about lice and their mythical ability to jump from one child to another even if the child had been treated. Well, from then on they set out to discredit me however they could.

A "friend" of ours, who also says he is friends with the minister, came to me and said my ministry there was over and I could come to work in his company in Human Resources. I could no longer watch my close friends (who were the Lay leader and Council chair at the time) go to bat for me and then be "lynched" time and again. I could no longer watch my sister and her husband be villified and drug through the mud, so I took the job. :(

Here I sit 8 mos. later and the crap is still there, my husband is still there (we can't afford for him to quit) my family is hurt, (my 17 year old son was in the middle of all of this)the music ministry my husband and I shared for 25 years is in limbo and when I remember the time, energy, finances, time lost as my children were growing up....the sacrifices.

Even though all those people I have mentioned have gone to another church, my poor husband is still up to his eyeballs in slander and undermining. He is really to be admired as the Lord uses him to uphold the people that are still there and afraid to leave for whatever reason. Even the District Superintendent doesn't want to "get involved". :confused:

I considered myself displaced on many levels, from my youth and children, my ministry with my husband, and the resentment and anger are overwhelming at times and my poor husband has to bear the brunt of it.

This past weekend, the Youth Worship Band played for a District Youth Retreat. My son is the lead singer/guitar player and there are a couple of other kids who play in the band whose families have left the church and the others are still there. It was very weird and awkward at first and then He came and allowed us to see before us the fruit of our labor and even though that was the last time they will all play together it was a graduation ceremony and not a funeral. I know on some level now that I have not been displaced, I have graduated......so, I suppose this will be a continuing saga that I would like to share with this forum.
Just like a good cliffhanger, stay tuned to see what God has up His sleeve;)

newlife
05-09-2006, 08:23 PM
Dear Jimsmuse,

First of all, I'd like to say that I didn't think that you were rude at all! :) Yeshua's Mags explained that she was your sister and I just considered that she told the story for both of you!!!

I don't know if I actually welcomed you...so here it is: Welcome to the forum!!! Glad that you and Yeshua's Mags "found" us here...

Your story is similar to mine in a lot of ways, so I can identify with what you're going through...I just want to tell you that even though people will try to tell you otherwise, you DID make a difference in these young people's lives.

I hope that you find comfort and help here on the forum like I have...

Take care,
newlife

Theodora
05-10-2006, 03:23 AM
...I echo "newlife's" reassurance that I don't think you were rude at all. I HAD missed the other explanation from Yeshua's Mags about your connection, so was glad to know about this.

Just post as you're comfortable doing so....and know that you are most certainly welcome here too.

Grace and peace--

Theodora

--

Dear Jimsmuse,

First of all, I'd like to say that I didn't think that you were rude at all! :) Yeshua's Mags explained that she was your sister and I just considered that she told the story for both of you!!!

I don't know if I actually welcomed you...so here it is: Welcome to the forum!!! Glad that you and Yeshua's Mags "found" us here...

Your story is similar to mine in a lot of ways, so I can identify with what you're going through...I just want to tell you that even though people will try to tell you otherwise, you DID make a difference in these young people's lives.

I hope that you find comfort and help here on the forum like I have...

Take care,
newlife

jimsmuse
05-10-2006, 05:28 AM
Thank you New Life and Theodora, I was being quite sincere about the apology. I know all of us are "skittish" and I wanted with my whole heart for all to know I wasn't an untrustworthy "lurker"! :rolleyes:

Besides, I was nervous as to how to start out sharing my heart without adding to anyone else's burdens, you know? :(

I already love and respect all of you so much. Gee, who woulda thunk there were this many of us in so many places?:mad:

The only way I was able to pull myself out of the displaced mindset (for the time being anyhow) was because of being with all of you for the past couple of months on this site. I have learned so much from you already! :)

Thank you for welcoming me

Love always, Jimsmuse

Theodora
05-10-2006, 06:47 AM
Thank you New Life and Theodora, I was being quite sincere about the apology. I know all of us are "skittish" and I wanted with my whole heart for all to know I wasn't an untrustworthy "lurker"! :rolleyes:

Besides, I was nervous as to how to start out sharing my heart without adding to anyone else's burdens, you know? :(

I already love and respect all of you so much. Gee, who woulda thunk there were this many of us in so many places?:mad:

The only way I was able to pull myself out of the displaced mindset (for the time being anyhow) was because of being with all of you for the past couple of months on this site. I have learned so much from you already! :)

Thank you for welcoming me

Love always, Jimsmuse

How very kind and thoughtful...and yes...I'm sure a lot of us REALLY understand concerns about being "an untrustworthy 'lurker' "---so again, thanks for your honesty and for taking a risk by opening up a bit here. Know too that THIS comment will probably "resonate" with many of us...whether or not we've been here a while or are new: "Besides, I was nervous as to how to start out sharing my heart without adding to anyone else's burdens, you know? :( "

YES.. I DO know and I continue to struggle with the very same issue. HOWEVER, countering that are various thoughts from ALL aspects of those in "recovery circles" that this kind of sharing is very necessary to our healing and it is precisely through following the example of those who ARE able to share at least something of their experience that we ALL gain in listening. Therefore, try to think of this not so much as "adding to the burden," as ...??? well....just contributing to the "conversation" of caring friends.

Somewhere I read something like "Never let anyone else's pain detract from your own." There is a great benefit in moving past our own "issues" by considering what other people are handling (so that we're not too self-absorbed)...BUT...there's no substitute too for doing your own grief WORK, for moving THROUGH your difficulties, rather than "numbing out" (in various ways) or finding that your pain has somehow translated itself in "unhealthy" patterns of behavior.

So.............all of that is a long-winded way of saying again...welcome to the forum...and thanks for your affirmation!

With my love and respect for you as well.....

Grace and peace!

Theodora

newlife
05-10-2006, 09:40 AM
Thank you New Life and Theodora, I was being quite sincere about the apology. I know all of us are "skittish" and I wanted with my whole heart for all to know I wasn't an untrustworthy "lurker"! :rolleyes:

I never thought that about you! :D ...and yeah, there are some untrustworthy "lurkers" around here sometimes...I experienced one myself...:(


Besides, I was nervous as to how to start out sharing my heart without adding to anyone else's burdens, you know? :(

I understand...(((((jimsmuse)))))). I just want to let you know that it's okay to share your heart here...we understand...I've been through spiritual abuse too, so I can relate to the pain that you're experiencing. But the beauty of the forum is we can share one another's burdens and somehow that helps us as well. By sharing others' burdens, it helps me to realize that I'm not alone in what I'm dealing with. We encourage one another in our journeys of recovery. That is a blessing! :)


I already love and respect all of you so much. Gee, who woulda thunk there were this many of us in so many places?:mad:

I know what you mean...it never ceases to amaze me how prevalent spiritual abuse is. :(


The only way I was able to pull myself out of the displaced mindset (for the time being anyhow) was because of being with all of you for the past couple of months on this site. I have learned so much from you already! :)

Thank you for welcoming me

Love always, Jimsmuse

:) I'm glad that the forum is helping you! Being here has been a great blessing to my life as well...

Love, newlife