Savedbygrace
10-25-2004, 10:17 PM
Oh I am so angry tonight. The rage is just about to totally explode. I am so mad about this whole church situation. How could these people who preach the word of god be so shallow and insensitive? As a pastor of a church of only 140 people, you would think that when a 33 year old member's husband kills himself and leaves her with 2 little kids, a home, a huge funeral bill, and emotional scars as big as the oceans, you could just pick up the phone and call to check in. As his wife, you would think to maybe write a note of encouragement. Maybe organize some help for watching the kids an evening each week. Maybe SOMEONE could have put aside their own self-centered little lives for FIVE minutes to hold my hands and pray with me. Maybe just one of those men who love us so dearly could just once pick up the phone and ask to take my son fishing, or to a ball game, or just come over and throw a football with him in our yard. Maybe JUST MAYBE someone could have just called me and said that they do not know what to say, but just tell me that they love me or invite us for dinner or lunch or coffee. Maybe if they could not find it in their cold, insensitive hearts to do any of the above things, maybe they could at least not gossip about me, becoming busy-bodies, trying to pry into my personal life by calling friends of mine to see what was going on with me.
Why when a year ago I was ready to leave, I was begged to stay? Why could they not just respect my decision to move on to a church with ministries to help me and my kids through these tough times? Why now that I am leaving do they have to continue with the emails and the phone calls that tell me how they think I am making a mistake? LEAVE ME ALONE...... I DO NOT CARE IF YOU MISS US... I DO NOT CARE WHO WILL RUN YOUR WOMENS GROUP ... I DO NOT CARE IF YOU JUST LOVE MY KIDS (hey I thought love was an action, an emulation of the heart of Christ) There were no loving actions shown toward my children of myself therefore love did not exist.
Why is it so wrong to expect that a church will minister to my families needs? Why was I told in my grief that I needed to just get out and help others, forget my own problems? I am not asking for money. I was never asking for much. I was always willing to serve. In return I just wanted a little love and kindness. Some thoughtfulness. Some true friendships. I wanted my pastor and his wife to emulate what was being preached on Sunday. I wanted acceptance for who I am and what I had been through. I wanted to feel God's love in a true time of need THROUGH my church family.
NOW I must move on. I must pull my kids out of this church and away from the kids they have played with for two years. Could anyone at this church just rach out and say, "Hey I respect your decision to move on, but call sometime and we can get the kids together." Nope. I guess when you leave the OLN Church ~ you must leave behind all the relationships too. Guess you gotta have a punishment for leaving. Gotta make sure the kids are hurt, so I can feel guilty for them being hurt, so I can be in the wrong for leaving.
Oh, I am so furious. I could scream. In this forum I am not going to make any excuses for their behavior, I am not going to apologize for the harm inflicted on me and my kids. I am just gonna scream...
just cause I can.
Why when a year ago I was ready to leave, I was begged to stay? Why could they not just respect my decision to move on to a church with ministries to help me and my kids through these tough times? Why now that I am leaving do they have to continue with the emails and the phone calls that tell me how they think I am making a mistake? LEAVE ME ALONE...... I DO NOT CARE IF YOU MISS US... I DO NOT CARE WHO WILL RUN YOUR WOMENS GROUP ... I DO NOT CARE IF YOU JUST LOVE MY KIDS (hey I thought love was an action, an emulation of the heart of Christ) There were no loving actions shown toward my children of myself therefore love did not exist.
Why is it so wrong to expect that a church will minister to my families needs? Why was I told in my grief that I needed to just get out and help others, forget my own problems? I am not asking for money. I was never asking for much. I was always willing to serve. In return I just wanted a little love and kindness. Some thoughtfulness. Some true friendships. I wanted my pastor and his wife to emulate what was being preached on Sunday. I wanted acceptance for who I am and what I had been through. I wanted to feel God's love in a true time of need THROUGH my church family.
NOW I must move on. I must pull my kids out of this church and away from the kids they have played with for two years. Could anyone at this church just rach out and say, "Hey I respect your decision to move on, but call sometime and we can get the kids together." Nope. I guess when you leave the OLN Church ~ you must leave behind all the relationships too. Guess you gotta have a punishment for leaving. Gotta make sure the kids are hurt, so I can feel guilty for them being hurt, so I can be in the wrong for leaving.
Oh, I am so furious. I could scream. In this forum I am not going to make any excuses for their behavior, I am not going to apologize for the harm inflicted on me and my kids. I am just gonna scream...
just cause I can.