Thanks ((((Hornblower)))) --

[Theodora]

I thought you had some interesting input on tmorph's thread re the stresses that a ("fundamentalist?") friend had imposed on her. (Posts at http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4156) Glad you were able to be "here" yesterday. Hope you had a good rest last night and that you and yours will have a good day today.

Love and prayers--

Theodora

[hornblower]

Thankyou Theo I am going to post my Monday morning orayerful thoughts in a minute. I had a very hood yesterday and thankyou so much for prayers. My husband and I are back on our track of speaking and keeping one another afloat. He is under so much pressure at work. Hes never known how to succesfully deal with that, not like I have all of the answers either, but gee I wish he could come home and just let me love him and try to minister to him in some way instead of that macho sarcastic thing he loves to do.
I really get tired of christians never being able or anyone for that matter being able to realistically and positively being able to talk about their marital relationship. Not the intimate part of course but the relationship part. After all the word does say the older women are supposed to help the younger women in these things................ooopps Im one of those older women, lol.
Oh well. Anyway prayer always works it out for us. We have huge communication difficulties. I barely understand a word he says to me. ???????? He doesnt say much for one thing, thats always hard.
I grew up with a Father that loved to talk and a Mother that barely ever said two words. If she did it always was hurtful and spiteful to me anyway it was. My Dad on the other hand always interested in evryone else and so interesting himself. What a shock to find after his death that most people were afraid of him because he was so smart and talented and again most people were in love with m y Mom because she never said anything but smiled and worked and fed tham and such. She was so shy bless her heart.
I hope you dont mind me talking about them. Its getting close to Mothers day and here it comes Theo.
I want to go out to their grave, already have half of their flowers I want to put out there. Nobody ever goes but me. My sister and my one friend think Im lame for doing this, they dont mind of course but they voice their remarks of why do you do that? Or "(some) people feel a need,(??????) I guess< sigh, me on the other hand..............." blah blah blah.
Makes me so mad. Reminds me of the complete lack of concern when they were alive. "Why do you feel a 'need' to do that???????" Like Im weird!
grrrrrrrrrrr:mad:
For me this is all so bitter sweet. I made my total peace with them after years and years of relationship problems with both of them.
I miss talking to my Dad and my Mom too. In the last years she would sit here and I would put my head in her lap and get all of the lost Mothering that I never had growing up. I could tell her anything because she would listen and say sweet little things to me like Oh honey I wish I could take it all away..........or I dont know how you can keep going on..........when it came to Shaney, even though she loved Shaney and would often say but shes so sweet. Shake her head and almost cry for me and for her, then in a second it would all be gone because she would totally forget everything, and we could laugh and go on with the day.

I miss them of course but Im glad for them that they are gone and not suffering any more and also Im not suffering with the constant worrying, pills, caretaking, in and out of nurses and such.
Oh Theo I need to get up and go on.............:confused:

I am left with the rememberances of my family never being there for me or rather them and me.

I love my sister so much. Always have. She was all of our little golden girl I think. I saw her the way my Mother saw her as a perfect person. My Mother never expected anything from her...............she didnt expect it from me either really. I dont know why I did what I did. I just did it all. Now its all gone except this house. I feel so alone here. No church no friends no family. Pretty soon no me.

Wah wah wah, I know you dont need this, who does?
Anyway I went to work out at the Y yesterday with my husband. This is a big thing in his book. To be physically fit is huge to him. I know he is right.

With my issues Ive always had myself cut off at the head, no body at all, also probably not enough will power to speak of, just emotions. I read in Dr Lauras book yesterday that abused individuals stay in their emotions not knowing anything else. A child like response to their pain but now they should basically grow up go on and get on with it.
So Im trying this awful new better way of being. Its called exercise. I thought my arm would come off on one of the weight machines. Lol. Im ok today though. I like the walking and there were a few fat people there, not many but a few and most people even if they were fit still didnt look like a god??????????? What was I so afraid of?
I dont know I think just being physical outside of home or anywhere scares me.
Time to start new habits.
How are you feeling? Now I mean How Are YOU feeling??????????
Do you still get out to your church daily like you used too. I often fantasize this thing in my mind. I see you walking there and going through the stations. I see the church and its dark and cool and shadowey and comforting.
You are a BLESSING Theo..............:D