Hi! prayer? (first post)

[little lamb]

Greetings! appreciate you guys being here. I've dropped in to read a couple of times and appreciate the gentle tone.

The main reason I'm writing at the moment is because I'm feeling depressed and alone and just wishing for a little prayer and/or encouragement.

Very brief intro. We were at a church for nineteen years, which we finally left (on reasonably good terms) six years ago. For the last three years we were there I commonly cried or at least struggled before going each Sunday morning. I basically mostly thought that the problem was mine. My family (husband and eleven children) are pretty much enjoying where we're attending now, but i rarely go.

About four weeks ago, the Lord helped things come together in my head and opened my eyes to see things in a way my mind wouldn't even allow me to think before. I realized that i had been spiritually abused by the church and that this had led to my sense of worthlessness, etc (as well as realizing that their teachings/behavior had made my husband feel the same way which had led to his emotionally abusing me for years). I began reading books--Bring'em Back Alive,
Toxic Churches, etc. This was very helpful.

But i'm not really able to function. I'm dog-tired all the time. My head was on overdrive for a few weeks (a little leading up to this as well), but now i just don't feel like moving. Praying is hard, too. Sometimes i feel emotionally numb, other times my feelings run the gamut.

Thanks for listening.

[Voyager]

When you extract yourself from a codependent relationship (which all spiritually abusive relationships are), the type of symptoms that you referred to are common. Little by little you have to learn to become interdependent. In our abusive, dysfunctional groups we were taught to become codependent on the leader and the group. We were taught that we could not survive spiritually or emotionally apart from the group/leader. When we finally leave the group, these teachings don't just go away. They remain in our heads until we slowly re-learn how to live again apart from the group.

Is it easy to get free from codependency and become interdependent again? Absolutely not. Is it possible? Yes it is, but it takes time. Sometimes it seems impossible. Sometimes you get depressed and feel like giving up. Sometimes it seems hopeless. Some of us turn to unhealthy things to try to numb the pain. But that only makes it worse, and we become more codependent. I know this first-hand because I am just coming off a period of substance abuse. I tried to numb my pain by self-medicating, but that just made me more dysfunctional. I am back on the road to interdependence now, and it feels great. But it didn't happen overnight. My issues are still there, but I am becoming more accepting of them instead of trying to run from them.

If it helps any, know that many of us know exactly what you are dealing with and we can relate with your pain. Hang in there.

:cool:

[Jerry]

Dear Little Lamb,,,,
Perhaps for the first time in a long time,,,,,your feeling your feelings instead of what someone else wants you to feel................How could a wife and mother of 11 possibly be worthless !!!!!! ?????? Just doesn't make any sense to me ;)
Love Jerry

[Illuminated]

I began reading books--Bring'em Back Alive,
Toxic Churches, etc. This was very helpful. .....But i'm not really able to function. I'm dog-tired all the time. My head was on overdrive for a few weeks (a little leading up to this as well), but now i just don't feel like moving. Welcome to a place where many of us can identify with you.:o
I think Toxic Faith is a good book. However, the professional counselor I talked to doesn't think it is necessarily edifying because the authors make it sound like getting hurt in a toxic system is the fault of the member of the congregation rather than the fault of the leadership structure.

Maybe you should go see a doctor and tell her about your symptoms. When I talked to a psychologist and mentioned symptoms just like yours, she gave me a standardized test and the diagnosis was clinical depression. Ugh. But, at least there was a name to the condition!

What that church did to you was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.;)

Are your children old enough to help you around the house?
I have friends with 10 children. God bless you, Mom! Keep up the good work!

[little lamb]

Thanks for being in there with me.


It's easier to feel worthless with all the children than you might think, especially when the church we went to kind of let us know that if we really loved the Lord and cared about reaching people with the gospel we probably wouldn't be having them. And we were really blowing it by reducing our ministries at the chapel on account of the children.

Thanks again.

[Janice]

Welcome to the forum little lamb!

Yes, alot of us relate!

I still struggle with the worthlessness issue.

Hope you find what you're looking for here.

Will be praying.

[Willow]

Thanks for being in there with me.


It's easier to feel worthless with all the children than you might think, especially when the church we went to kind of let us know that if we really loved the Lord and cared about reaching people with the gospel we probably wouldn't be having them. And we were really blowing it by reducing our ministries at the chapel on account of the children.

Thanks again.


What??!!! That's insane!!! I'm so glad you are out of there. I've been out of the last system for 6 years also.... one of several that used and abused me. I never had kids and felt deficient for not being married and having a regular family. You really can't win in a system like that. Thank God we have realized that here and can place the blame squarely on the source instead of on ourselves.

I'm glad you're here.... Welcome Little Lamb :)

Amy

[SpinningHead]

It's easier to feel worthless with all the children than you might think, especially when the church we went to kind of let us know that if we really loved the Lord and cared about reaching people with the gospel we probably wouldn't be having them. And we were really blowing it by reducing our ministries at the chapel on account of the children.

Thanks again.

Hi Little Lamb!

Welcome! :)

They are insane for teaching this crap! :mad: Mommas are among the most important people in the world!! 11 kids??? You & hubby are raising the future all by yourselves!! :p

I'm so glad you found us! :)

[little lamb]

I probably ought to clarify: they were okay with the first two or three children. It was when having more slowed us down ministry-wise that the problems began.

Thanks for the prayers, etc.

[hornblower]

Little lamb,
Life sucks........
They were and are wordly thinking the way the world wants them to think. Its really unheard of almost to have that many children now days. They were trying to help you get with the program the worlds program that is.
In my good church the samll one I was in there was one family that had and kept on having many many children and then another boogaboo...........home schooled them.
I think their entire family though helped them in their endeavor and didnt persecute them. The Mother also wore a scarf on her head. All of the time.
Im a pretty wordly person to look at so usually I get accepted right away at most churches. The problem comes when I start telling them to lay off of people, women that (wear scarves on their heads) depressed poor people, homeless people, black people, mexican people, mentally retarded people, old people, or artists like me people............then I get it big time doesnt take long either.

I had a hard time reaching out to this lady and her scarf and her nine kids I think she had...................guess what though as usual...........she was the coolest thing going in that church. We probably wouldnt have agreed on anything about scripture because believe you me Im not going to wear a scarf on my 45.00 red sun dipped hair I payed for last week!!!!!!!!!!
I loved her so much. We never never had a squabble about one single thing, she loved me, I loved her kids, they were absolutely awesome, and mosty of all I loved her.
Love its so simple. So real! So God!
Now here is what she and her husband did for the kingdom. They produced awesome loving children that all serve the Lord with their hearts. Yeah they are different..............but wow! I know God is up there singing over them all day long happy as a lark!:D

[tke316]

I probably ought to clarify: they were okay with the first two or three children. It was when having more slowed us down ministry-wise that the problems began.

Thanks for the prayers, etc.

Shows how diverse we Christians are.:D I just came out of the Catholic church. :rolleyes: Over there no one would dare ever suggest that children got in the way of the ministry. Of course, in the Catholic church, some think the celibate are the only ones who really have a "ministry". ;) They teach a lot about "the vocation of marriage". :)

[hornblower]

tke316:
I had a woman friend one time. Best friend anyone could ever have. She was a Catholic. What absolutely blew my mind is that she was made some kind of a priest or something because she had so many trials in her life. I dont remember what it was called but wow! AND she was a woman! wow! That is awesome.

In the charismatic church or the Methodist mixed churches Ive been in or really any of them this would have been considered a negative. If you have too many trials in life you must be doing something wrong thats their thinking. I know thats not biblical and its not really said out loud exactly but believe me thats the way it is.

Im sure there not all that way or even that everybody thinks like that but still its there in most places Ive attended. In their mind the catholic church is so backward. Some of these things though like your marriage being your vocation..........how cool is that?:cool:

[Illuminated]

....the church we went to kind of let us know that if we really loved the Lord and cared about reaching people with the gospel we probably wouldn't be having them. This kind of attitude is sick.

When I tell people about my friends that have 10 children, the eyebrows always get raised :eek: and usually a derogatory question or statement follows. I just look the person in the eye and say "When I look at each of the children, how can I say they shouldn't have been born?"

I usually get a stunned silence. End of discussion.

[yeshua'smags]

GOOD FOR YOU, ILLUMINATED!!! You are exactly right! Like God's up there throwing souls at random wombs for fun. And some of us are too stupid to know where babies come from!:confused: :mad:
When I found out I got pregnant 6 weeks after I had my son,:eek: my mother said, "Don't you know how that happens?" No Mother, why don't you enlighten me! :rolleyes:
She had me at the age of 41. 13 years after my brother! My sisters were 15 and 19. Did someone pose that rediculous question to her?