New question from a newbie!

[Elle]

May trigger...or not.

When I was growing up, I always felt that I wasn't good enough for God to love. I was always trying to be perfect, but never quite measuring up. Sometime in my twenties, I just gave up trying to pray, trying to read the Bible, and trying to "feel saved". I know salvation isn't based on feelings, but the teachings I grew up with were very much about scaring people into a relationship with God. The long and short of it all is that my perspective of who God and Jesus are and their love for me is a little skewed. Part of me would really like to get back to praying more and reading, but I always go before God with a sense of condemnation and unworthiness, so it just becomes another uncomfortable experience. Any suggestions on how to break out of this cycle? :confused: Elle

[Voyager]

I used to feel that same way until I just abandoned religion altogether. Everything I had ever learned about religion was all wrong. My perception of God was completely distorted. So I just pitched it all out. I have found a lot of peace not worrying about measuring up anymore. I just live my life and enjoy it. God is good. Jesus is good. It's all good.

:D

[Emerging]

May trigger...or not.

Part of me would really like to get back to praying more and reading, but I always go before God with a sense of condemnation and unworthiness, so it just becomes another uncomfortable experience. Any suggestions on how to break out of this cycle? :confused: Elle
(((Elle))), GREAT question!! Confused? You and me both - this is one VERY delicate subject because I don't think there's a "cookie cutter" answer for this question.

In My Humble Opinion (=imho), this totally depends on each individual situation: It depends on the person, if they ever had a good relationship with God ever, and how their relationship was attacked. Some people may indeed have been sooo deeply wounded and their view so distorted that they will only feel safe if they stay away the rest of this life. Others may be able to begin to reconnect with God in a relatively "short" period of time. And there will be all sorts of results in between. I would say that as with all healing, if it's retraumatizing someone, they should *not* push things ... the retraumatizing says they are doing too much too fast and need to slow down.

I firmly believe that if God is really loving, He knows how much we can or cannot do, and He totally honors us as children just wanting to do our best all the time. Hope this helps. :rolleyes:

[OldEnt]

May trigger...or not.

When I was growing up, I always felt that I wasn't good enough for God to love.

Elle,

In the epistle of I John we are told that we love God because He first loved us. And John 3:16 is very clear that "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

It's not a matter of us being good enough for God to love... He loved us when we were un-lovely... Jesus sufferd and died on the cross in our place. Our punishment was put on Him. He sufferd... We have free un-merited forgiveness not earned or merited in any way. It's all of grace... Grace is:

God's
Riches
At
Christ's
Expense

It's of grace alone... We can not ever earn our way into God's presence. It's through Jesus we can come to God the Father and He receives us in Jesus Christ. All we can do is respond to the love He has first shown us in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Sounds like you were raised in a legalistic church setting... Legalism will always lead to spiritual abuse because legalism is not the Biblical Gospel. What "good news" is there in legalism? None at all. The "Good News" is that grace and truth came through Jesus Christ... Grace, not works....

In His grace and joy,

Old Ent

[Voyager]

Some people may indeed have been sooo deeply wounded and their view so distorted that they will only feel safe if they stay away the rest of this life. Others may be able to begin to reconnect with God in a relatively "short" period of time.

The point that you made right here is very significant. After we "disconnect" from a spiritually abusive situation, it's like we fall off the face of earth and fall into a different world. A world that we never had to face while involved in the abuse. We begin to develop our own ideas about God and religion because it is no longer being force-fed to us. After the brainwashing is gone, we all eventually end up with our own personal "theologies". The catch-22 is that we were trained to stay away from people who "believe" differently than we do. Unfortunately, nobody believes exactly like we do - unless you join another church.

Since many of us on this forum are gun-shy (church-shy) now, we just end up believing differently. That can be the cause of some very vicious theological debates (which we witnessed frequently on the old forum). Our religious beliefs are scattered all over the board from far-right to far-left. We have decided to become who we are, and we don't want to have our beliefs controlled by anyone again. Because of this, I have found it to be very difficult to maintain relationships with former church members who have escaped. I have been driven out of friendships by several of them because they think I became too liberal in my theology.

Here is where the damage occurs. When someone decides that someone else is not good enough to be around based on their own religious standards, the "infidel" becomes scapegoated, rejected, and shunned. This is the process that makes the "saint" feel more holy and closer to God, but they are not. They just destroyed a relationship with the "infidel", and caused someone to not be able to trust religious people anymore (and maybe even God). For my own sanity, I stay away from people who do that. I have had the "sword of the spirit" driven through my ribs one too many times.

It's sad but true - I find it much safer to be around people who have no religious beliefs whatsoever.

:cool:

[Jerry]

[b] Any suggestions on how to break out of this cycle? :confused: Elle

Dear Elle,,,,
Yes I have a suggestion,,,,understand what you are!,,,,,,,,,,an idea of God.The reason your here is quite simple..........God wanted someone,,,just like you......
Love Jerry

[Janice]

May trigger...or not.

When I was growing up, I always felt that I wasn't good enough for God to love. I was always trying to be perfect, but never quite measuring up. Sometime in my twenties, I just gave up trying to pray, trying to read the Bible, and trying to "feel saved". I know salvation isn't based on feelings, but the teachings I grew up with were very much about scaring people into a relationship with God. The long and short of it all is that my perspective of who God and Jesus are and their love for me is a little skewed. Part of me would really like to get back to praying more and reading, but I always go before God with a sense of condemnation and unworthiness, so it just becomes another uncomfortable experience. Any suggestions on how to break out of this cycle? :confused: Elle


(((((((ELLE)))))))))) Sorry, I have no answers. I feel EXACTLY the same way.

[Reg]

May trigger...or not.

The long and short of it all is that my perspective of who God and Jesus are and their love for me is a little skewed. Part of me would really like to get back to praying more and reading, but I always go before God with a sense of condemnation and unworthiness, so it just becomes another uncomfortable experience. Any suggestions on how to break out of this cycle? :confused: Elle

Ellie,

Like Emerging said, "this is one VERY delicate subject because I don't think there's a "cookie cutter" answer for this question."

All I can say is keep on appealing to that part of you I underlined above. Slowly and sometimes painfully so, little-by-little that part will grow and those feelings of condemnation and unworthiness will lessen. The accuser of the brethren still has a stronghold in your mind and will not easily let it go. You need the strength that comes from God to break his hold. Persist in asking Him for it. God understands your struggle.