hpsngbrd
04-03-2006, 05:44 PM
Hello to all. I am new to this forum. I want to say thank you to all of you that have shared your stories. It's not easy to open up a part of you that is hurting especially those who have done so before and been hurt even more. I am just beginning my journey out of abusive churches from the past 32 years. I say 32 years because every since I could crawl I have been in a controlling enviroment whether it be family or church. I never realized how abusive these churches were because I was so use to the abuse from my own family that it felt normal. I can tell you now that it does not feel anywhere remotely normal. I have had an extremely difficult time since leaving my last church of 6 years. I was very close with many people and when my husband and I left we lost nearly all those relationships in a very harsh way. My entire extended family has also left. husband's family even cousins. We all experienced the same thing. My husband and I and his parents were deeply involved in church ministry and his parents were in top leadership positions. Our family has been ostracized in every sense of the word. The only people that still associate with us since leaving are those that either want to leave but feel that God wants them to stay or those who think that they are ministering to us because of our decieved state of minds. I was actually told that I would be out of God's will if I left the church without the pastor's blessing. My husband and I opted not to inform the pastor that we were leaving the church due to former members that had done this only to be talked back into staying in manipulative manners or those who stuck to their guns and were all but told they were going to be out God's will for leaving. We were encouraged to take up any questions or problems we had with church issues with the associate pastors and only if he felt the problem needed to go the pastor, you would be then granted a meeting with the pastors. Usually these meeting where one sided and only granted to persuade you and help you realize that your leadership is correct and you are in the wrong for questioning them. Touch not thine annointed. sound familiar??? Since we left this church there has been some pretty big stuff blow up. Incest scandal involving leadership, leadership embezzling money to the tune of 100,000's of dollars. and a list of other tatics to control people for knowing too much information and not conforming to the no talk policy. By the way my in-laws left because they knew too much and they confronted the entire leadership and the pastors with facts not here say and they were read the riot act and called covenant breakers and were asked to resign their positions in the church. They were also strong armed by other leadership and shunned by nearly everyone of their so called friends. This is not the first time I have seen this done but each time I have been in a church that this has happened I have left over and over only to fall back into the same type of churches over and over. I am now in a new church and taking it very slowy. I have been very up front with the pastor and his wife about what my husband and I went through. THey have been very open to us asking questions and have not pressured us in any way to be involved unless we felt we were ready to do so. The pastor greatly encourages me to ask questions and not to even take his word for it but to search the scriptures for myself. I want to believe this is a healthy church but after being in abusive churches all my life it is so hard to know a good one from a bad one.
If anyone has any encouragement for me I could greatly use it. I am a bit of a mess right now and struggling with severe depression and have been for quite some time. especially since leaving our last church. I feel as if everything in my life up till now has been a lie except for my marriage. I don't know if I can even trust my own thoughts anymore. even reading the bible is difficult for me because I don't even know what the verses truly mean. The bible has been so twisted for most of my life that I have a hard to separating truth from a lie. I am sorry this is so long but I felt I needed to share a little of my story with everyone.
God bless you all.
If anyone has any encouragement for me I could greatly use it. I am a bit of a mess right now and struggling with severe depression and have been for quite some time. especially since leaving our last church. I feel as if everything in my life up till now has been a lie except for my marriage. I don't know if I can even trust my own thoughts anymore. even reading the bible is difficult for me because I don't even know what the verses truly mean. The bible has been so twisted for most of my life that I have a hard to separating truth from a lie. I am sorry this is so long but I felt I needed to share a little of my story with everyone.
God bless you all.