Dumb question

[Pinkie Pie]

Jerry reminded me of a question I have had for awhile, in his response to Blake using Eccl. 3:1-8. I wanted to post it here so I didn't distract from Blake's thread.

One of the verses says "A time to embrace and time to refrain from embracing." Okay, the little girl in me who didn't get hugged growing up, and relishes the loving hugs I receive at church, wants to know, when are we supposed to refrain from embracing? I'm not talking about the obvious answers - like "funny uncle" hugs or walking up to total strangers and hugging them on the street.

I mean, is there a time when it is inappropriate to hug your loved ones? I know this probably sounds like a no-brainer to some of you, but I really don't understand - it's kind of like a new language I am learning (hugs, that is). Not getting a hug feels like rejection to me, (when it is a loved one) even though in my HEAD I know it is not.

So maybe if I understand when it is a time to refrain from embracing, I won't keep battling feelings of rejection. Anyone understand what I'm saying?????:confused:

[Satscout]

I understand you perfectly and eagerly await an answer to this...

[SpinningHead]

I always thought that the word "embracing" was a holier word meaning "making whoopie"...not meaning hugs.

I'm also smiling at the term "funny uncle" hugs. :) Never heard them called that but that's dead on!

[Jerry]

Dear Pinkie,,,
Example;Say your loved one is very angry about someone or something not about you at all. You might just want to give them some space and a little time to process,rather than try to embrace them ;) ................Like they say,,,,as a bystander,never stick your arm in a dog fight :D
Love Jerry

[mary]

Hey, Pinkie Pie! :D

I'm very glad you started this thread!

I wonder if "a time to embrace... a time to refrain from embracing..." has a broader meaning in that it doesn't literally mean hugging people but rather can mean even taking up a hobby or a vocational pursuit or something like that. You can "embrace" woodworking for awhile, and then you lose interest because the Lord wants you to do something else then. Some people change careers at mid-life; they're no longer "embracing," for example, accounting, because it was time for them to do some other kind of work and continue their service to the Lord in that capacity. Just a thought.

As to actual hugging, though, I know exactly what you're talking about and I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Came from a home where no one hugged anyone. Now I have four adult siblings (three brothers, one sister) and, except for one brother, we don't hug. It's awkward when I've tried to hug them (I'm the oldest).

My husband is not a very affectionate person; he also came from a home where no one hugged anyone.

I've always thought - now this is probably stupid - that any man who wanted to hug me and did so just liked me. Why else, I thought, would someone hug me?I've gotten into a lot of trouble by not knowing whom to hug and when, most recently with a certain "pastor." I still haven't a clue. If I could buy one, I wouldn't even ask, "how much?" :cool: One of my doctors regularly hugs me; when I don't get a hug from him, I wonder what I did or said that he didn't like. He comes from a different culture than I do, though, and hugs to him are no big deal. He gets/gives so many hugs in the course of a day that one here or there doesn't matter. I wish I were like that and that I'd grown up in a "huggy" family, as I'm sure you do... (((Pinkie Pie))))!

mary

[Doug64]

Hi:

I think it can also mean circumstances where it just isn't handy or considered proper to embrace.
An example might be at a formal or gathering party. There are some folks who don't think couples should embrace or kiss in public, is another.

I think the verse is simply saying there's a time for all these things and at other times they may not be appropriate.
I don't read any type of 'don't do it' in the verse.

My 2 cents worth.

Doug :)

[Jerry]

I think the verse is simply saying there's a time for all these things and at other times they may not be appropriate.
I don't read any type of 'don't do it' in the verse.


Exactly !!!!!!!


P.S. Glad the "Twisters" missed ya Doug :eek:

[Pinkie Pie]

Hey, Pinkie Pie! :D

...As to actual hugging, though, I know exactly what you're talking about and I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Came from a home where no one hugged anyone. Now I have four adult siblings (three brothers, one sister) and, except for one brother, we don't hug. It's awkward when I've tried to hug them (I'm the oldest).

My husband is not a very affectionate person; he also came from a home where no one hugged anyone.

I've always thought - now this is probably stupid - that any man who wanted to hug me and did so just liked me. Why else, I thought, would someone hug me?I've gotten into a lot of trouble by not knowing whom to hug and when, most recently with a certain "pastor." I still haven't a clue. If I could buy one, I wouldn't even ask, "how much?" :cool: One of my doctors regularly hugs me; when I don't get a hug from him, I wonder what I did or said that he didn't like. He comes from a different culture than I do, though, and hugs to him are no big deal. He gets/gives so many hugs in the course of a day that one here or there doesn't matter. I wish I were like that and that I'd grown up in a "huggy" family, as I'm sure you do... (((Pinkie Pie))))!

mary

Boy does that sound like me. My siblings (AND parents) are not affectionate at all either. In fact, one of my sisters has admitted that it feels awkward to her to hug her young adult daughter, and tolerates it only because she knows her daughter needs it. When I visit once a year, the hugs between myself and siblings are very "loose" and awkward. Needing to be hugged caused me a lot of misunderstandings with "huggy" men as well, who were merely being friendly.

And I too when I'm used to hugs from a certain person, when they don't hug me, my first thought is, that I did something wrong.

I like your "take" on embracing too. Food for thought.

[Pinkie Pie]

Dear Pinkie,,,
Example;Say your loved one is very angry about someone or something not about you at all. You might just want to give them some space and a little time to process,rather than try to embrace them ;) ................Like they say,,,,as a bystander,never stick your arm in a dog fight :D
Love Jerry

Yes that makes sense. I'm always so quick to assume that it has something to do with me!! And then I get defensive and turn around and find myself getting angry inside, toward the other person, and they don't have a clue and their mind is a million miles away.

[molehills]

I think sometimes we need to refrain from embracing in order to help people realize that they are making a mistake. My kids get hugged all day long, but if a little came running to me covered with somebody else's birthday cake I wouldn't embrace them. I'd refrain in order to let them know they'd crossed a line they shouldn't have and that they need to correct their behavior. It's hard to refrain from wrapping your arms around someone who is doing themselves harm with a bad behavior, but if they aren't repentant than "embracing" them can be harmful because they make think that their destructive behavior is acceptable.

This is tricky, and I don't think you could make hard and fast rules about it, but there are times when refraining from embracing is an appropriate response to bad behavior.