opening up, and some deeply needed expression

[Blake]

Okay....

I) have come on otur and I am a pretty young person on these boards..I am single, and only 30years old :eek: but I ahve been a believer since theb age of 14:cool: and in that time have seen most brands of christianity and all that jazz..

I ahve been sorting out so many issues,..such as gay issuies, spiritual abuse etc and am now on tour..

I do hhave to be honmest about a lot of stuff that i ahve been feeling and dealing iwth and want to write a reasonably long post but need to get some stuff off my chest and get some constructrive and prayerful feedback...

1) I have a theory after much prayer and thought about issues such as masturbation. I can see it asbeing intrinsically WRONG, but I think its soemthing that many believers DO make too much of an uissue. As long as theres np addiction etc or lust , fantasy..its quite a normal thing. I have seen that NOTHING in scripture says its wriong, but I know that married people do it etcv, and as long as you arent depriving your wife, busy with porn etc, I cant see it as being wrong..I cant say its a sin, but its more the approach that people take with this...that is the problem.

2) On tour I have bascially seen a new side of me come to light..maybe God has delöiberatelöy put me here for more..I have never been into singers like madonna etc, and being with non belivers has made me more into teh NORMAL things of lkife...

in church people never listen to non christian music, I listen to musical theatre etc and classical but to eb intertesd in teh secualr side of stuff is almost quite freeing.

And thenb on the same side, I still have the sense that even when I amke some jokes etc, or swear etc tbhat i am a backslidden believer, yet I am spending a LOT if time with God one on one and its good time..

But then I get annoyed with my best mate for sending me a text (very well meaning) saying ..I hope you are okay, and are blessed so you can be a blessing etc..which us full of all teh christianese and it makes me annoyed and want to run away from church..Im just getting triggered.

All i feel i want to dio is go a club (NOT a gay one :) and just dance, letr my hair down, enjoy life and just enjoy life etc.

I also know that God has called me to be an actor , to do the ebst I can etc..and i realsie that I have a desire to be the best, and to get as far as I can..not passively wait saying "Im waiting on the lord"..but do it in a godly way, yet do ALL I know how to do in every way. I feel enormous guilt for wanting to be ambitious..people like Madonna inspire me cos of teh way they know how to market and do stuff..yet obviouisly its doing it all in a godly way.

I really am glad to post agi8an, cos I can say what I think and not feel juddged.

And I am DREADING going back to church in London..being surrounded by christianese and all that stuff and feeling suffocated.

I feel better now I have shaerd all of thias..muchz better infact..but could I have some consructive feedback and also soem ideas, hugs, thoughts, etc etc...

thanks...
Blake:cool:

[Jerry]

Dear Blake,,,
Ecclesiastes 3 verses 1-8 Then live as if everything you do will eventually be known ;)
Love Jerry

[Carmen]

I agree with Jerry, do everything that you do for the Lord. Being a Christian doesn't mean that you can't have goals or aspirations. If you want to be an actor, then be a good Christian actor.

As far as going back to London, I know that as far as churches goes it is a mess, but there are surely still possibilities. Look at the article: http://www.spiritualabuse.com/dox/backtochurch.htm. It tells about what criteria one should look for and gives tips on what to avoid. Consider house churches too, but be careful if they are controlling or teach strange doctrines. To avoid getting mislead I suggest you read scripture a lot and apply as much of it as you can. Find mature Christians and stick with them (always using discernment).

Don't be too hard on your friends because of the Christianese, they probably don't know any better. Maybe you can teach them how to speak differently?

Take what you like and leave the rest.

Carmen

[Traveller]

Blake, you're not alone ... I'm single and in my early thirties too, though I feel rather old these days ...

I don't have any answers, just wanted you to know I'm with ya. About a month and a half ago I stopped playing christian music and switched to secular, it triggered something inside me that was numb and dry. Jerry quoted Ecclesiastes, made me smile cause the book is also known for 'a time for everything'. I told a friend I was feeling rather guilty playing non christian stuff, she said to give myself a break, this is obviously not a time for worship, but the time for something else. I think it helps me to deal with anger and grief, I mean, where does one find 'angry' christian music?

I just gotta watch myself with what kind of music I choose, there's a lot of female feminist singer/songwriters out there, and I'm still trying to figure out how healthy it is to listen to their stuff. I bought Brandi Carlile's album today.

I once talked to a well known worship leader (Brian Doerksen) about secular stuff. He said it's simple. God created music, He is creativity Himself and therefore everything creative can be a source of inspiration or motivation for us. It just needs discerment to see where the devil really twisted things around, but the source of it all is still God.

Anyway, that's all, I'm happy you joined us here!

[Traveller]

Sorry, one more thing popped into my mind:

It is a miracle when a human becomes a christian, it is a greater miracle when a christian becomes human ...

[Voyager]

If all that religion does is instill guilt and shame in people, who needs it?

:confused:

[SpinningHead]

I don't mind that the Bible tells us what is and isn't sin, because if it didn't, how would I know? I don't mind someone who loves me helping me to be a better person, holding me accountable to the values & standards I profess to live to... Gently correcting me and helping me make things right. Encouraging me, listening to me, brainstorming with me....basically being my friend.

I do have a problem with people who don't even know me getting in my business, snooping around and holding me to a past that I've been redeemed from, or trying to blame me for traditions/regulations that the Bible doesn't hold me to. (Like the pharisees of Matthew that got under Jesus' skin!)... Judging me w/out knowing me, what I've been through or what my goals are. I give no energy to that and have no time for those kind of folks.