Hi ((((Willow)))) Good to "see" you!!! [Archive]

Theodora

03-05-2006, 09:14 AM

Hi Theo... thanks so much for the prayers. I'm trying to get dad on the phone. He's been away or busy all morning. I'm glad he's talking to people. I had a funeral yesterday and visitation friday. It was like being at my mom's own funeral since she didn't have one. It was kinda hard to do.

How are you? Any word from your son?

Amy

Understood! It IS hard to attend funerals during this "tender" time...but...good for you for doing it ANYWAY! In a way, I've come to think of such things as kind of "opportunities" to continue to do my own grief work. The actual funeral for one's own family member can be SO overwhelming with 1) EXHAUSTION 2) needing to take care of SO many "details" (and yes...to try to do your OWN bit of "reaching out"/comforting OTHERS!) that I think the abbreviated time frequently is not enough to make the necessary connections, let alone really to grieve. (This is especially true when you've had this "special" grief to handle...and people don't know "what to say." ) BEYOND THAT, however,...well...let's just say that I don't think that our culture does a very good job of honoring "grief work"---even at funerals (or, oddly enough, ESPECIALLY at "funerals"/"Celebration of Life" events.) It's almost as though if we honor those tears in ourselves or in those around us we're not somehow ...what???....being "an adult"?...or worse...not "having faith?"

BUT...remember "To every thing there is a season" and remember too that "Jesus wept"..and that's it's OK when those tears come!!!

Well...enough of that mini-"rant" of the moment. I hope it wasn't inappropriate. It's just that I've recently listened to the funeral Eucharist for a former priest of mine (I wasn't able to attend the service) and I was struck by how MUCH the service seems to rush through the grieving part to get to the "joy"/reassurance of our faith in the resurrected life. I hope that the service you had for your mom DID help to sustain you and your family and that it was a supportive experience.

Thanks for asking about me and my son...I'm still struggling with the pleurisy etc., but seem to be doing somewhat better, so I'm encouraged to continue to follow the various "alternative therapies" I've been using. And...as for our Marine...please do keep him and all in prayer. NO word at all for about 2 weeks or so now. NO idea what's going on, but I think he HAS been in contact with his wife, so we'll assume he's OK. Just sent him (as well as the daughter of still another former priest!) some care packages to Iraq. Nice that this IS possible...AND...it's so very nice that the U.S. post service has made this so much easier by 1) providing the boxes for "Flat-rate priority" mailing (These were originally designated for "U.S. soil" only, but then--technically, the military address DOES put this in the "U.S." so they can be used) 2) giving a little bit of a discount in the "Flat-rate" so that the heavier "snacks" etc. can be sent without too much "guilt" about the expense. It's always a bit of an "adventure," however, to put these together--sort of like working a three-dimensional puzzle!--and I'm grateful for my husband who then takes over the CHORE of having to fill out a detailed customs slip on all of this. He also mails them, so I'm grateful for that too, since I've not been driving much of late.

WELL--that was a very long-winded answer to your questions, so I'll stop for now.

Hubby has left for church a bit ago--he continues to sing in the choir at the church where we "reconnected" before Christmas--and has a person in the congregation doing some in-pew taping for me (using our portable audio cassette tape recorder)--so I'll have a feel for the service after the fact. It's better than I've had before when "home-bound," so I'm grateful for that. As I mentioned in response to Jerry on NACR this a.m., I also have the possibility for having someone bring me the consecrated host for communion at home...when/as we can both get at it. That would be a new experience for me---but something which I think would be supportive, so I'm working toward being able to do this. (Ah --"PRIDE"---rears its ugly head, but I'd be really embarrassed right now to have anyone come by and be in the middle of our complicated messES.)

Ahem...I WAS stopping, wasn't I???!?

Hope you got hold of your dad and that you'll have a good day.

Love and prayers--

Theodora

Willow

03-05-2006, 12:24 PM

Hi Theodora,

Thanks so much for the reply. I'm glad you are getting some form of information about your son. Even if it is only from his wife. At any rate... I know you worry as any mother would. I do pray for him and you.

The funeral was different than any other I've attended. It was standing room only at the funeral home. They gave ample time for grieving, expression, laughing, sharing, etc. Some wore suits, but there were over 100 bikers there as well. They wore leathers and rode their motorcycles to the grave site in formation. The trip took over an hour so was very tiring. I went home to get my bike after the funeral and rode with them. I couldn't bring myself to attend a funeral in leathers and jeans. At the grave site, they put a leather jacket on the man's 80 year old grandfather and told him he was "one of us" now. This was a form of adoption. I suspect the man and his wife will always have support and help in anything they need.... including help in raising their son's 16-year-old daughter. I wished my mom's funeral had been packed out like this one was. Since she was in Ohio, there weren't nearly enough people there. I'm having a memorial service in Baton Rouge as well. I hope it will be widely attended by all those who cared about her there.

Now I'm the one getting long winded.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Pleurisy... sounds awful!

Love, Amy