Will I Ever Get Better?

[hornblower]

Yeah: whoa is me, blah blah blah.........my Mother used to say to me when I would get down, which was a lot ......"why dont you go out to the garden and eat worms?" Of course on top of being depressed that thought would make me sick to my stomach. :eek:

Im just wondering if someone can tell me, if you want too that is, what this problem Im having is? I dream a lot at night, always have. I think I have a sleep problem with this. Anyway,:o I often sort of halfway wake up with thinking someone is going to kill me,:( to be more precise stab me to death. :confused:

Or I wake up thinking yukky thoughts. I wont go into what they are, cause thats a lot like the worm thing my Mother said to me right?:p

Does anyone know what causes this to happen? How can I spiritually get over it? For good now, Im tired of it. I have always fought these thoughts and they dont happen very often, but still it sure does ruin what little chances I have for a good day.

Am I like really sick in the head? Ive been to councelors, done that, been there and dont tell me that, ok? Ive done meds, been there, done that too, and if it helped me Id be right back on them. I may do it again anyway but they really dont help me much. Ive tried everything there is.

I want God and his people to help me, know what I mean? :D Anyway thanks for listening Id appreciate some feedback on this.

[jane]

Hornblower-

I am not an expert in dream interpretation- or in psychiatry but I'll guess that you have experienced a trauma- perhaps an emotional one- and have been left afraid.

For me the trauma of our church experience left me feeling post traumatic stress like. I would get racing heart beats when a car would pull into my driveway. There was nothing rational about it but I was afraid, very afraid.


How to get out of it? For me time and a rewiring of events. What I mean by rewiring is a series of successful situations that build confidence especially in the areas that I was terrified in. Most of my situations just happened by life experience but each one gave me confidence to keep going further. That, an a supportive husband who carried me when I could not walk.

He actually put together my job resume and application for this current job because I was frozen in fear of rejection.

hugs

love,
jane

[SpinningHead]

Hi Hornblower,

You are not alone. I used to dream similar dreams. My hubby and my psych. helped me through them....maybe this will work for you???

Basically, hubby says that we have dreams to help us process a feeling that we either subconsciously have or are afraid to process. And until we do, we keep having those dreams. Sometimes we are sorting out fears or preparing ourselves for something we can't admit to ourselves.

Acknowledge that the feeling in your body is not the rational feeling in your head. Separate yourself so you can just look at the feeling like you're looking at a curious object. When I have those dreams, what is the main feeling that my body is having? I either talk to someone about the feeling, what does it mean? where might I think it's coming from? What can I do to resolve/process the feeling? Or I journal all of that and pour out whatever else might follow. Maybe I find I have to admit something to myself to let it go. Or I need something from another person (like to be assured of something).

I don't care what they say about dream encyclopedias...I like them, even if I sometimes don't agree with them. On accasion I dream about tornados and I know that it's a warning that someone around me is stirring up trouble and to stay clear. (I haven't dreamt of tornadoes since I left the church...go figure!) I used to dream about vicious sharks when I worked in my old company and I read that sharks represent jealousy. And there were a few women jealous of my position and evil about it. Now that I'm out of the company, I don't dream of sharks like I did.

BTW, if you feel blue, it is not "whoa is me". You have a right to your feelings, to express your feelings and those who love you should validate those feelings! You're mamma was odd for telling you to eat worms. I'm guessing she was somehow making light of your feelings and hoping you to get past them...but still, very odd. And it sounds like that passe response created some issues in your self worth department. Darling, you are very worthy to be yourself, to have your feelings, to process them, to share them, do something about them, and have all your efforts be validated.

God does too love you and I know from reading the Bible, His word would never tell you to eat worms if and when you feel down and tell Him about it. He would wrap His arms around you and say, "Tell me about it". As much as I believe we His children amuse him, I believe He would never make light of our feelings.

I hope this helps and if it doesn't, then please feel free to disregard.

[ChurchHappens]

Hi Hornblower,

I also had dreams of being stabbed and even having a heart attack and dieing. I was told it was because of a deep wound by someone I trusted.

To read and know that God loves you is very healing. A great online book to read is "He Loves Me". I have a link to it on my site www.churchhappens.com

It was a read encouragement to me.

Mike

"The currency used in God's Kingdom is Love"

[Jerry]

Dear Hornblower,,,,
Will you ever get better ???? Ha,,,!!! Truthfully,,,,,I don't think there is anything wrong with you ;) Dreams serve several functions.The primary function of dreams is to discard periferial or irrelivant information,(your brain deleteing temporary internet files) ;) .....Another function of dreams is to keep you asleep.Example;I drempt one time that my legs were paralized :eek: ....When I awoke ,,,,,my Lab "Otis" was laying accross my legs :D ,,,,,,Damn Dog!!!hahaha :D ......Thirdly,,,,,,Dreams (the subject matter) can be the expression of fear,,,,,,or an ongoing subconcious conflict that you are trying to resolve,,,,and your subconcious is expressing the conflict as what is called a"Night Terror" or "Nightmare".........This is normal brain function,and while these "Night Terrors" are often disturbing,they are NOT an indication that there is something wrong with you,or that you are "Spiritually" flawed in some way ;) They simply suggest that there is some stress in your life currently,that may be difficult to resolve.This happens to "Human Beings" on a regular basis,,,,,,you are not going NUTZ !!!! :D As you eventually resolve the appearant conflict,,,,,,,so the "Night Terrors" will disipate,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Don't Panic ;)
Love Jerry

[Theodora]

THANKS for this!!!

And...(((Hornblower)))--- I agree--- From what I've learned about you "over the years," I don't think there's anything "wrong" either. You're doing a GOOD job of moving THROUGH some painful, difficult issues. FWIW--my "take" on your dreams would simply be that they're alerting you to the fact that you ARE being "challenged." Hang in there, though...you ALSO have many good "tools" at your disposal for doing what you need to do.

How's the painting going of late? Other outlets? Might help to "re-focus"???

Love and prayers--

Theodora

P.S. GOOD for you for posting!!! It was good find you on the forum today!!!


Dear Hornblower,,,,
Will you ever get better ???? Ha,,,!!! Truthfully,,,,,I don't think there is anything wrong with you ;) Dreams serve several functions.The primary function of dreams is to discard periferial or irrelivant information,(your brain deleteing temporary internet files) ;) .....Another function of dreams is to keep you asleep.Example;I drempt one time that my legs were paralized :eek: ....When I awoke ,,,,,my Lab "Otis" was laying accross my legs :D ,,,,,,Damn Dog!!!hahaha :D ......Thirdly,,,,,,Dreams (the subject matter) can be the expression of fear,,,,,,or an ongoing subconcious conflict that you are trying to resolve,,,,and your subconcious is expressing the conflict as what is called a"Night Terror" or "Nightmare".........This is normal brain function,and while these "Night Terrors" are often disturbing,they are NOT an indication that there is something wrong with you,or that you are "Spiritually" flawed in some way ;) They simply suggest that there is some stress in your life currently,that may be difficult to resolve.This happens to "Human Beings" on a regular basis,,,,,,you are not going NUTZ !!!! :D As you eventually resolve the appearant conflict,,,,,,,so the "Night Terrors" will disipate,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Don't Panic ;)
Love Jerry

[Illuminated]

Ive done meds, been there, done that too, and if it helped me Id be right back on them. I may do it again anyway but they really dont help me much. Ive tried everything there is.
I want God and his people to help me, know what I mean? :D Anyway thanks for listening Id appreciate some feedback on this. Well, I like to think of myself as one of God's people, and I understand your desire to have one of them help you. I asked for help for 6 months from my church after my traumatic mission experience, and never got it. Finally I got some good help at Wellspring Retreat www.wellspringretreat.org . I don't know what your background is, but God's people at this place certainly helped me. I also tried meds, and the one that is working is for me is called Effexor XR.
Hang in there! Love ya!

[Sheep]

hornblower,

Hey, I agree with others here: There is nothing wrong with you! Before I started dealing with my childhood abuse a few years ago, I had a crisis is my marriage. Then came the nightmares! I would dream things like my husband and I were driving down a freeway at 70 mph and suddenly he looked over at me and said, "I don't need you anymore!" And unbuckled my seatbelt and threw me out of the car! There were a few others, but I won't go into them here. What I discovered as I journaled about the nightmares and shared them with trusted persons was that I had unresolved/unfelt emotions that needed to be processed and released. I've had a terrible fear of abandonment and have had a tremendous difficulty trusting others. I've come a long ways these past few years and don't have the nightmares anymore - just dreams. ;)

Thanks for sharing,

Sheep

[Carmen]

Hi Hornblower,

I agree with the others, you aren't crazy. I usually have my head screwed on well enough (I hope) and still have occasional nightmares. Used to have skeletons, bats and such following me in most of my childhood and early teen years, thank goodness they are all gone - I think they showed my fear of death which I don't have anymore. Sometimes I see multiple tornadoes in my dreams, have for years since I was a kid. They never touched me before, only threatened, but not too long ago one picked me up (in a dream) and thank goodness dropped me shortly after. I woke up with my heart racing a mile a minute. I'm not sure what threat that might refer to unless it was the helplessness I felt after the SA, but the dream only came once some time after it happened. Once I lost my daughter in a dream through my own fault. I took it to be an omen and work with her a lot so that she doesn't start down the wrong road, but she is sly and I have to keep a constant eye on her even at home. I think the dream told me what I already knew, but didn't want to admit. The tornadoes are a recurring dream, though not too often, thank goodness.

Maybe you still have something that you have to deal with consciously and deliberately, then your unconscious will let you alone. Journaling is a good idea, if you can do it regularly. Re-reading stuff a month or so later (or longer) can show you your progress or reveal patterns that show you what you need to work on. It is a way of discovering what you already know about yourself deep down. Even a psych or Christian counselor can only guide you in discovering yourself, they can't do it for you, you have to do the discovering and the work towards recovery, the encouragement of others can be wonderful and even necessary to begin the process, but cannot solve the problem unless you are active to solve it.

Carmen