back in the saddle again

[jjc9497]

Well, looks like church is splitting up. So many secrets can't tell who is the bad guy(s). Good thing I never let the walls come down so I can crawl back inside and they are still intact. Haven't posted for a few days because I didn't know what to say. I was actually thinking of starting to get a little more involved in church outside my recovery group. Now I just feel stupid for even thinking of that. Soooooooooo it will be even harder next time.:mad: :mad:

[jordie]

Dear Jjc,

So sorry to hear of this new hurt. You must be feeling devastated and confused at the moment.......praying for you...

[Jerry]

Now I just feel stupid for even thinking of that. Soooooooooo it will be even harder next time.:mad: :mad:
Dear jjc9497,,,,
I don't think your stupid.
Love Jerry

[jjc9497]

Thanks for the support. I feel like I felt when my parents divorced and split up the family. Really triggering a lot of stuff.

[Jerry]

Thanks for the support. I feel like I felt when my parents divorced and split up the family. Really triggering a lot of stuff.

Situations change but "Betrayal" always feels like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Betrayal.
Love Jerry

[Theodora]

Well, looks like church is splitting up. So many secrets can't tell who is the bad guy(s). Good thing I never let the walls come down so I can crawl back inside and they are still intact. Haven't posted for a few days because I didn't know what to say. I was actually thinking of starting to get a little more involved in church outside my recovery group. Now I just feel stupid for even thinking of that. Soooooooooo it will be even harder next time.:mad: :mad:

Soooooooooooooooooooooo hard......but.....don't give up hope QUITE yet! Though it may feel like you're back to "square one" in your recovery, you've been able to be honest about at least part of what you're feeling with us here and that's a very good thing. I can really empathize with your thoughts about this triggering feelings of being the child of divorce, since I've been in similar situations both personally and in the church. NOT easy....but...somehow....trust that you're well out of the mess with THAT particular "church." If it's not clear where/how you should be "moving on" yourself, trust that that too will emerge as you continue to work THROUGH this pain. (AND, know that, in being able to do this, that you're already WAY "beyond" those who choose to stay stuck in denial about dysfunction/abuse around them.)

Siiiiiiiiiiigh. Not sure I'm making any sense---and I'm not altogether sure what your whole story is at present---but---I'm glad to have you back on the board, and just wanted to offer what encouragement I could. Hang in there!!!

Grace and peace--

Theodora

AND---P.S. Know that, like Jerry, I certainly don't see you as "stupid" either!!!!! :)

--

[ninaspirit]

Well, looks like church is splitting up. So many secrets can't tell who is the bad guy(s). Good thing I never let the walls come down so I can crawl back inside and they are still intact. Haven't posted for a few days because I didn't know what to say. I was actually thinking of starting to get a little more involved in church outside my recovery group. Now I just feel stupid for even thinking of that. Soooooooooo it will be even harder next time.:mad: :mad:

[jjc9497]

Thanks everyone for all the support. Slept all day and finally dragged myself out of bed to go to the Sat eve service--just wanted to see the results of last weeks fiasco. Well, the assoc pastor started out by talking about how we all hate to hear the truth about ourselves. I actually thought he was going to openly and honestly talk about what was going on. Ha! Wrong again. It was a good service--they are ALWAYS good there, but now I feel like I'm in the abusive home where we all pretend all is well and ignore the elephant in the middle of the room. The few people I know who were there tonight (many noticably missing) all spoke in whispers afterwards in the lobby. Oh well, supposedly will hear the truth next week after the 2nd pastor who resigned will officially have left and can "talk". In the meantime, I just wait and hope to someday know all that happened from both sides so I can figure out where the truth is. It seems like the pastors who left are the "good guys" but I'm too cynical and know firsthand that those who appear to be the good guys could be the wolf in sheep's clothing and those thought to be the "bad guys" are actually just keeping quiet because they are the honorable ones and don't want to cause further harm. I guess it would be too much to expect the two sides to just get up there and tell their side and let the congregation make a choice.