Pushy Principals at christian school

[jordie]

Just wanted to rant about a problem which I have been observing for the last six months at our children's christian school. I have been avoiding it for some time but I received our school newsletter today and it contained a message I can't really ignore.

We get newsletters once a week and there are often comments which have a very unwelcome tone to them. Usually directed to parents about their involvement at the school. You probably know what I am talking about.....we consider that a parent is involved at this school if they are doing this or that or the other thing and apparently whatever you are doing its not enough and for those who don't directly participate get off your lazy asses and get down there.....

I have attended a number of schools over the years, both christian and secular and there is always a push to get parents more involved. There are always those who live at the school and others who are hardly ever there......then there are the power games between parents who consider it their right to help run their kids school....like they are working towards being elected for office or something....

I suppose after all my experience with church abuse I wasn't expecting to see so much of this sort of emotional manipulation at a school run by an independent school board......looks like I was wrong....

Let me share a bit of the message which has gotten me really mad this time....

Regarding a recent information evening for lower school kids 5-12 yr olds...

"I must say however that I was somewhat disappointed and dismayed at the lack of parent involvement in this evening. My experience and expectation was that we would have close to 100% attendance with perhaps only a few parents unable to attend for unavoidable reasons. I believe that for such a night it is not an unrealistic expectation to expect every family to be represented, not because the teachers spend hours preparing for it in their own time, or for the effort the school puts into running these evenings but because it is vital for parents to learn about the classroom program to ensure a successful learning year for your child. Attending these nights is also a way of demonstrating (emphasis theirs) to your child that you not only say you value their education but you actively participate in their education. I encourage those who did not attend to either give me a call or talk to someone who attended to gain some insight into what you missed."

It goes on but you can get the gist of it......

I am still shaking at the daring of this man who has been in his new job for a month! His predecessor was much loved and very caring and would have never written something with as much emotional manipulation as this.....It just makes me fume.

I would like to give this man a piece of my mind, but I have seen what happens in these sorts of circumstances. Usually the comeback is very smooth and political.....
They patronise you and make it sound like you are the fool for overreacting not them for prodding you into the reaction in the first place.....

Any suggestions for dealing with this sort of thing?:o

[Jerry]

Dear Jordie,,,,
Did you ever hear the saying,"be careful what you pray for,,,,,you might get it" ??? The fact of the matter is,,,they don't want you involved....They use this ploy to obscure the fact that their own performance is substandard,,,,in fact it now seems to be the "Teachers Montra".....Parents work (often both) very hard to feed, cloth, provide shelter,provide funds for continuing education,and recreation for their children.Since this evdever takes so much of their time,they elect to pay higher taxes than they should have to,to build schools,with as many of the "bells & whistles" as possible,and hire teachers to educate their children.If my child has a behavior problem,,,,THAT,,,,,,is my business,and I have no problem correcting it.But the day to day education of my child??????,,,,,,That is the schools responsibility not mine !!!!!

So my suggestion to you Jordie,,,,,,Become involved,,,,,VERY INVOLVED,,,,,,get my drift ?????? :D

Love Jerry

[jordie]

Dear Jerry,

Got it...:D

Drafting letter forthwith....

[Carmen]

I hear that kind of stuff all of the time, and my kids go to a public school for now.

I hate going to parent's meetings because they like to discuss too much here. If there is a teeny problem it has to be discussed out of proportion. I could write an essay on how to say 20,000 words without any meaning after studying the goings on at those parent meetings or for that matter most conversations I have heard for the nearly five years I've been here, and I understand most of the normal conversation now. Even some Italians tell me that too many just make hot air here and that it gets on their nerves. I'm for efficiency, say what has to be said and get home where it is warm and comfortable. Usually it is after a long day and I am not amused when one of the parents or teachers gets manipulative. Most like that sort of thing here, are into a good show (circus), but I have better things to do with my time.

I'd just make sure they are not manipulating the children. For that reason I'll be keeping a closer eye on what they do in children's catechism at church, I have some suspicions, there have been too many changes in the last six months alone and none for years before that many assure me.

[jane]

I quit my son's PTA at the high school for much of what you speak...but it was the few mom's who are running for approval...that drove me NUTS.

This mother's last child graduated from highschool 3 years ago and she is STILL in the PTA...she says it is because she cares...and so many parents don't.

She was shaming, guilt throwing, irritating..... did you ever watch the Little house on the Prairie? Remember that store owner's wife...yeah, like her only fat.

So I quit.

I don't have 4-5 hours of my time once a week to waste in that environment....and my son KNOWS I value his education...I am in school, in contact with his teachers and at every sport event, art show that he is part of.

For me, to be involved with my children is not necessarily a meeting a month to talk about things that make very little sense.

I do stay involved with my 5 year old's PTA because it is healthier, shorter, you can leave at any time..........and I have developed relationships with the staff and parents in our community.

BUT I am also room mother, at every event, field trip and activity. My 5 year old knows that I LOVE him, HIS teacher knows that we want to help out in ways that we can.....and I can still say NO to any event without being laid a guilt trip.


AND this is all public school. We pulled our oldest out of private school. For all the reputation for being a better quality- we found that in our state the "religious" school teachers didn't need the level of certification as public- that the "extras" were not taken care of....and that even the 3 Rs were minimal at best.....

and the Pastor's family were treated like the royal family.....and different "church" stuff that we didn't like...well, when we left spiritual abuse we took our son out of religious school too. BEST thing that we ever did.

SO REMEMBER, YOU ARE PAYING THIS PASTOR!!!!

Your involvement in HIS meetings doesn't reflect your involvement in YOUR CHILD's LIFE- 2 different things!!!!


love,
jane

[Sheep]

His predecessor was much loved and very caring and would have never written something with as much emotional manipulation as this.....:o

jordie,

Sorry, no suggestions, but I think you are a very wise woman to recognize the manipulation. The awareness you have seems to be motivating you to act in this situation instead of react.

Good for you!

Sheep :)

[SpinningHead]

Regarding a recent information evening for lower school kids 5-12 yr olds...

"I must say however that I was somewhat disappointed and dismayed at the lack of parent involvement in this evening. My experience and expectation was that we would have close to 100% attendance with perhaps only a few parents unable to attend for unavoidable reasons. I believe that for such a night it is not an unrealistic expectation to expect every family to be represented, not because the teachers spend hours preparing for it in their own time, or for the effort the school puts into running these evenings but because it is vital for parents to learn about the classroom program to ensure a successful learning year for your child. Attending these nights is also a way of demonstrating (emphasis theirs) to your child that you not only say you value their education but you actively participate in their education. I encourage those who did not attend to either give me a call or talk to someone who attended to gain some insight into what you missed."




WHOOOOAAA!!!! this guy is WAYYYYYYY out of line!! Who is he to have any expectations on any family?? And why do parents owe the school anything b/c teachers spent their own time on this night?? Did the parents ask the teachers to do that? And who is he to tell parents how they will/won't demonstate interest in their child's education??? AND he encourages parents to call to "gain some insight" on what they missed???? Like he's some kind of freakin' guru???

Sounds to me like you have a control freak on your hands hell-bent on proving his authority! He wrote out all his feelings on paper (which is fine) but then to actually send that to parents??? HOW EXTREMELY UNPROFFESSIONAL!!! :mad:

And this guy has absolutely NO CLUE about how to motivate participation!! Who the heck wants to be shamed into doing something?? This guy is trouble!!

I'd scan the newsletters for vital information and use the rest to line your garbage cans!!!

[ex-shep]

100 percent commitment?!! Where is John Stossel when you need him. This sounds like an early incarnation of Tammy's group. You need to be 110% commited to the group. We do not have time for relaxation, we the Lord's work must be done. [Of course any remotely serious reader of the gospels will see that Jesus took time outs.]

I may not have kids and have not taught in years, but level of commitment is cleary out of bounds.

I had equally dismal experiences in my high school years. I was in private school of 30 students. It was own operated dictatorial by His Headmastership, as I was wont to euphemistically refer to him. There was no time for anything but studying and reading. Social lives and weekends were frowned upon. We went through a weekly ritual of his assigning papers on rare books long out of print and extremely unsearchable. There were no excuses if we could not get them done. It was the student's fault. He was always right and the students were always wrong.

A few years after I left my groups, I was reflecting on my academic experiences and how erily similar they were to my cult involvement. The school passed 6 out 7 components for Robert Jay Lifton's criteria for pyschological totalism, recognized by the anti-cult movement as indicator of a cult like group. It is understated to say that is still a chilling revelation.

Needless to say, I can relate.

[jordie]

Thankyou all so much for your encouragement........spinning head's reaction was closest to my own I think.....I just needed some input too balance my thoughts as I was shaking for about two hours after reading this.

I just wish I could keep my emotions in check, I thought after nearly 2 years out of our cult it would take more to upset me....however.....I guess this is an indicator of exactly how intense the cult experience was and after having gone on for 20 years.....it takes its toll....

I think I will write this guy a letter but I KNOW what these sorts of people are like, so for me it will be like writing my old church elder a letter and then probably having to face him and 'discuss' it.....

Still it seems as Jane has experienced, there are always alternatives.

Thanks again guys......really appreciate your help.

[jordie]

Update:..


I sent the letter, my husband insisted on signing it off as being from him......in no uncertain terms we told this guy what we thought of his little rant in the newsletter.

I gave my daughter the letter that morning and spent the rest of the day biting all my nails off wondering what the reaction was going to be....

3.30 that afternoon I get a call on our landline......I KNEW it was him......I don't know how......so I chickened out and didn't answer the phone.

30 seconds later I get a call on my cell phone.......display tells me its the school...so I give in and pick up...

He started off wanting to make an appointment to talk about the letter, and I fudged around and said my husband works long hours and is not able to attend day interviews etc....

Then he just wanted to talk about it....except I couldn't see anything to talk about. He wanted to tell me all about his side of the story......and he did actually apologise for offending us......which was actually really a surprise...

It seems this guy was just over zealous in his desire to round up the troops etc. I reiterated that he was stepping over the boundaries to get his desired results and he needed to be really careful how he communicated his intentions....yadaydayada...

In the end I just repeated what the letter said......he just apologised for offending and wanted to try and patch things up.......but I couldn't bring myself to say "Thats Okay, I forgive you"........I wanted to say it, but it was really hard as I think he was still defending his position but using the old "I am sorry IF I have offended you" line, rather than, "OBVIOUSLY I have offended you, please forgive me"....

Sounds like I am picking holes, but at least he didn't blame us or attack us and he didn't seem upset by the letter although he did sound really nervous. He actually said that there were some things in the letter that were very constructive.....

So I think we can pull the troops off red alert.......I wonder if he might have reacted this way because my husband signed the letter rather than me....

Anyway, glad I was able to defend our boundaries.....would rather have had this reaction than let it go and let this guy think he can just charge all over the parent body. He's only been there a month and has a lot of really great ideas for changing everything........We'll see what happens.

[hornblower]

Hi Jordie,
I worked in Christian schools for over ten years altogether and I think I can explain to you where this guy is coming from.
First of all the fact that it is Christian doesnt really have that much to do with it except that in a Christian school the teachers often think they have a "CHRISTIAN" right to tell you these things. Their opinions often are seen as the Lords only way. Several of my personal friends however are teachers and to be honest they most of them anyway feel this way towards parents. They may not tell you to your face in fact they may hide it from everyone except each other. When they get together we are all subject to be blamed for everything wrong with everything in their lives. I suppose this is typical for a job of any kind maybe. I worked in sales later on and most sales people gripe about their customers too.
Anyway it was all too typical of the kind of junk I heard often when I taught.
This was my own personal take on working in a Christian school or any school for that matter:

These children belong to the Lord. I am here with a warning to me........."suffer the little children to come unto Me."
I hated going to school and so therefore for me everything I did was to help children to love being there and to be loved by me and by the God I serve! The children belong to the parents of those God has chosen for them and so it was also up to me to serve them by helping them in anyway I could.
Basically a lot of people dont appreciate the fact that they have a job to go too. I think thats the main problem. All I hear and have heard from teachers is whine whine whine. Too much work too little pay...whine whine whine. I heard all of that while I was standing on my feet being cussed out by irate customers all day and mean bosses that were putting their managers in an insane asylum with nervous breakdowns, working almost ten hour days and seven days a week. I loved my job too........crazy as that sounds.

I still shudder to think about one school I worked in and what they did to me. I cant talk about it and its been years.
I hate to tell you but Ill bet all of your feelings were probably lost on these people. I hope Im wrong though, I hope he heard you.
Try though to see that its the job for them that is the problem, not the fact that you didnt go to a meeting. My opinion of course, based on my own experiences,
but I see this kind of thing as nothing but a huge supply of PRIDE on their part for thinking they are so great for being in a Christian school, teaching being a principal etc. The worst sort of pride, the deadly kind....spiritual pride.
Also I think teachers are extremely excluded from the rest of the work force. For instance........what about the teachers whose children go to that same school? Were they there? Of course they were. They had to be, its their job! Theres no glory in that now is there?

[jordie]

Hornblower,

thanks for sharing that......a unique perspective.....I'm sorry that you suffered at the hands of those you worked with at the school, and also at your sales job.

It has been occurring to me lately that when you send your kids to a christian school, you end up coming up against the same mechanism that you get ina lot of churches (abusive or otherwise)......its the machine that makes people think in terms of right and wrong, righteous and evil, acceptable and not acceptable....and blame always needs to be apportioned.

I have been trying to contact my ten year old daughters teacher.....they have recently implemented a sort of competition with food, if children bring 'healthy' food for lunch they are awarded points......I wrote to the teacher stating that I wasn't happy with my child taking part in a competition wherein she is made to feel 'better' than another child for having a certain type of food in her lunch box. Ultimately food selection is up to parents not children and I feel personally affected by this 'competition'.....it is an encroachment on my role and judgement as a parent...

Anyway....have written two notes and not heard anything back and its been a week.....i am wondering what to do next although frankly I am getting pretty upset about being ignored.......its hard to not over-react....

although I spend a lot of my time making excuses for lack of professionalism.....teachers are always busy....maybe they just forgot to reply etc.... but how much time does it take to just write a quick acknowledgement.....even on the back of the original note would be fine.....

I am starting to wonder if the lack that I see in church circles also affects christian schools......you are actually dealing with the same system in the end...:)

[Illuminated]

I am still shaking at the daring of this man who has been in his new job for a month!
When you opened the letter and read the offending words, I think you had a flashback from events that happened in your cultic days. I think that is why you reacted so strongly and emotionally. I don't blame you. I would have been shaking also.
Have you ever been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress syndrome? The flashbacks (can be triggered by similiar situations to what happened to you) are part of the condition. See if you can think more about what made you so upset about the wording of the letter - I think you have already thought about it some - in realationship to your past experience. I know it is hard to think about those awful things that happened, but dealing with these kind of anger/panic/hysteria producing situations can allow us to recognise the trigger and then sometimes recognise the actual original situation that traumatised you. This is part of the healing process.
Your husband is a really great guy for 'standing in the gap' for you. That was a wise move to have him sign the letter.

[jjc9497]

I think I've been on all sides of the school issues. Many in my family were teachers and my mother was a principal of a very large elem school in Phoenix. When we decided to pull our kids out of public school, I thought my mother would be angry, but she agreed with us and said if she had young kids, she would never put them in a public school. In fact, a majority of public school teachers have their kids in private school. So here's my thoughts FWIW:

Public school: Money comes from state so they don't have to listen to parents. The prevailing attitude is that parents are abusive, neglectful, too busy, whatever so the school has to raise the kids. In other words, the kids belong to the school, not the parents, I picked my battles carefully, but when my kids got sex ed without my permission, and the teacher told me I was not allowed to be informed of what was said in the classroom (not who said what--but just the general topics) he told me that would be an invasion of the student's privacy. I told him that my son would no longer be in sex ed if I didn't know what they were teaching because the Bible put the responsibility for my children's education on me and my husband, not the school. I finally got tired of hitting my head against the brick wall. The parents have no say because the parents don't have control of the money.

Private school: Great experience, but couldn't afford it in the long run. Our school was run by the board ---all parents. Children could not be enrolled unless at least one parent signed a form agreeing to support the school's religious instruction. The parents didn't have to be Christian, just not undermine what the school was trying to teach. In other words, if the parents didn't want to at least support their child's religious education, then a Christian school was perhaps not the best place. This school did not take kids kicked out of public school. The older kids were taught to be role models for the younger students and all students had to do a missions trip to graduate. Parent-teacher meetings were a joy because we were all on the same page--raising up children for Christ.

Homeschool: Although we loved the private school, it was too expensive and then they moved clear across town so it became impossible. Homeschooling was great, and there are lots of curriculum or correspondence schools, or internet schools (endless choices) for you to choose what is best for your own child and their own needs. It actually took less of my time than public school (none of those "I have a project due tomorrow and I need 6 hrs of your time tonight!!" episodes". If you pick the right curriculum, it's not hard at all. Most public shools actually only provide a few hrs of actual education time, so with homeschooling, my kids could be done in about 4 hrs a day and had lots of time for music, sports, etc.

So, you don't have to put up with the public school mess or a bad atmosphere at a private school. You can always "do it yourself" with excellent and inexpensive choices.

One last thought: At least in the private school, your money talks. So there will at least be some concern over pleasing the parents or they won't have any school left. So you will have more "voice" in the private school (even a bad one) than in a public school.

Just my 2 cents---take what works, leave the rest.

[jordie]

Illuminated - you are right about the flashbacks.....

I have never been diagnosed PTS but I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. it took me two days to calm down after that episode. It was actually my husband's idea to sign, or at least to co-sign the letter. I think sometimes men are better at dealing with other men, at least when it comes to parenting issues.

Interestingly, got our new newsletter today, and our new principal was off quoting from Hebrews 10 about "let us not give up the habit of meeting together". His lecture (sorry 'theme') today was about friends, and how to overcome disagreements...... After the phone call on Monday discussing our 'disagreement' about parents not attending meetings.....I wondered how much of this is deliberate and how much is just him trying to unsubtly relate the two issues......

Thanks JJ for your very concise argument for all sides of the issue. This is always such a hairy problem. When it comes to kids and education, you always want them to have the best......In our case it may just come down to finances .....hopefully we will not have to pull out for that reason.....it shouldn't have to be an issue but it is.....:cool:

[gwen]

Hi Jordie,

Haven't been on much the last week...been busy with other things, but I have popped in to read the threads a few times.

I've been involved in all the different areas of education. I have a bachelor's degree in elementary education. I taught in public school for 3 1/2 years (hated it!!!). I homeschooled my two older sons for several years (loved it with a passion!!!). Then our former "pastor" roped me into teaching & administrating at his church-school for free. My dad always said that I gave the school credibility and he hated that I wasn't getting paid. At the church-school, I loved the kids, but hated that the "pastor" controlled everything. He called the shots, I obeyed orders, and tried my best to teach the kids between his interruptions and pulling kids out of my class to do things that he wanted done around the church. I also missed homeschooling my own children. But the "pastor" told me that I was being selfish for only wanting to teach my own children. Plus he told me that I was making my sons "feminine" because I was a woman and they were spending so much time with me!!! :eek: Nowadays, now that I'm away from under his mind control, I can't believe that I EVER fell for that!!! Also, even when I taught at the school, my two older sons were in my class!!! So I was still their educational influence!!! And here's what has happened with my two older sons...my oldest son just graduated in December Cum Laude with a bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering Technology . And as far as being "feminine"...well, he got married last August...and my daughter-in-law isn't complaining! :D My middle son is in college now and is on the dean's list. Now, since we've left the "church" cult, I'm back to homeschooling my youngest. He has some learning disabilities, which I feel that if he was in public school, he would not get the attention that he needs and they would probably insist that he be put on Ritalin (though sometimes it's tempting even to me! :p ). And again, I love homeschooling! It's where my heart is! And I don't have to deal with anyone else, other than the annual reporting to the local superintendent that I'm required by the state to do. I love the freedom that I have with homeschooling...we can plan our schooling around our lives, not the other way around!

The other thing about homeschooling, it is a lot cheaper than private school and there really is a lot of different curriculum on the market these days to choose from.

We are very close friends with a couple who has an only child--a daughter. For 3 years they had her enrolled in the local Christian school system. They ran into a lot of smug "holier-than-thou" Pharisee attitudes there, and finally got fed up with it all. Then they tried one year with a charter school. Finally, they moved to a small rural community and their daughter now goes to the public school there. They are happier now with their daughter's education than they've ever been.

These are my experiences with education. As you can tell, I am biased, but it really is a matter of personal choice. My oldest son loved homeschooling, and didn't like when I started to teach at the church-school. My middle son spent more time at the church-school than homeschool, and all of his friends were there, so for him, school became a social outlet...but now when people ask him, he says that he was homeschooled. (We left the "church" right before his senior year. So he finished up his high school classes at home and also enrolled at the local community college and began to take classes there.) The jury is still out for my youngest son...learning does not come easily for him, so he would just love it if I would let him play all day!!! ;)

Love, Gwen

[Illuminated]

Illuminated - you are right about the flashbacks.....

I have never been diagnosed PTS but I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. it took me two days to calm down after that episode. It was actually my husband's idea to sign, or at least to co-sign the letter. I think sometimes men are better at dealing with other men, at least when it comes to parenting issues.
Let your husband continue to stand in the gap for you. That is a recovery technique for victims of spiritual abuse where there is ongoing continuance of the relationship.
If you can afford it, counseling combined with medicine proves to be the quickest way to healing for PTSD. There are lots of good books on PTSD. Much of the information in them is related to Vietnam vets and victums of childhood abuse, but the same diagnostic tools are applicable to victims of spiritual abuse. I've pasted the results of my research on it below in several different posts because it is too long for one post. It makes for long reading but maybe it will help. I have Complex PTSD (most sprititual abuse survirors have this kind - repeated trauma - psychological and spiritual and emotional) and I have to take medicine for it in order to be able to function without going crazy!

Hope this helps...Love ya! It is OK to get some professional help! Your deserve it!

[Illuminated]

http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/facts/general/fs_what_is_ptsd.html
What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder?
A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of life-threatening events such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, or violent personal assaults like rape. People who suffer from PTSD often relive the experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, and feel detached or estranged, and these symptoms can be severe enough and last long enough to significantly impair the person's daily life.
PTSD is marked by clear biological changes as well as psychological symptoms. PTSD is complicated by the fact that it frequently occurs in conjunction with related disorders such as depression, substance abuse, problems of memory and cognition, and other problems of physical and mental health. The disorder is also associated with impairment of the person's ability to function in social or family life, including occupational instability, marital problems and divorces, family discord, and difficulties in parenting.
Understanding PTSD
PTSD is not a new disorder. There are written accounts of similar symptoms that go back to ancient times, and there is clear documentation in the historical medical literature starting with the Civil War, when a PTSD-like disorder was known as "Da Costa's Syndrome." There are particularly good descriptions of posttraumatic stress symptoms in the medical literature on combat veterans of World War II and on Holocaust survivors.
Careful research and documentation of PTSD began in earnest after the Vietnam War. The National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study estimated in 1988 that the prevalence of PTSD in that group was 15.2% at that time and that 30% had experienced the disorder at some point since returning from Vietnam.
PTSD has subsequently been observed in all veteran populations that have been studied, including World War II, Korean conflict, and Persian Gulf populations, and in United Nations peacekeeping forces deployed to other war zones around the world. There are remarkably similar findings of PTSD in military veterans in other countries. For example, Australian Vietnam veterans experience many of the same symptoms that American Vietnam veterans experience.
PTSD is not only a problem for veterans, however. Although there are unique cultural- and gender-based aspects of the disorder, it occurs in men and women, adults and children, Western and non-Western cultural groups, and all socioeconomic strata. A national study of American civilians conducted in 1995 estimated that the lifetime prevalence of PTSD was 5% in men and 10% in women.
How does PTSD develop?
Most people who are exposed to a traumatic, stressful event experience some of the symptoms of PTSD in the days and weeks following exposure. Available data suggest that about 8% of men and 20% of women go on to develop PTSD, and roughly 30% of these individuals develop a chronic form that persists throughout their lifetimes.
The course of chronic PTSD usually involves periods of symptom increase followed by remission or decrease, although some individuals may experience symptoms that are unremitting and severe. Some older veterans, who report a lifetime of only mild symptoms, experience significant increases in symptoms following retirement, severe medical illness in themselves or their spouses, or reminders of their military service (such as reunions or media broadcasts of the anniversaries of war events).
How is PTSD assessed?
In recent years, a great deal of research has been aimed at developing and testing reliable assessment tools. It is generally thought that the best way to diagnose PTSD-or any psychiatric disorder, for that matter-is to combine findings from structured interviews and questionnaires with physiological assessments. A multi-method approach especially helps address concerns that some patients might be either denying or exaggerating their symptoms.
How common is PTSD?
An estimated 7.8 percent of Americans will experience PTSD at some point in their lives, with women (10.4%) twice as likely as men (5%) to develop PTSD. About 3.6 percent of U.S. adults aged 18 to 54 (5.2 million people) have PTSD during the course of a given year. This represents a small portion of those who have experienced at least one traumatic event; 60.7% of men and 51.2% of women reported at least one traumatic event. The traumatic events most often associated with PTSD for men are rape, combat exposure, childhood neglect, and childhood physical abuse. The most traumatic events for women are rape, sexual molestation, physical attack, being threatened with a weapon, and childhood physical abuse.
About 30 percent of the men and women who have spent time in war zones experience PTSD. An additional 20 to 25 percent have had partial PTSD at some point in their lives. More than half of all male Vietnam veterans and almost half of all female Vietnam veterans have experienced "clinically serious stress reaction symptoms." PTSD has also been detected among veterans of the Gulf War, with some estimates running as high as 8 percent.
Who is most likely to develop PTSD?
1. Those who experience greater stressor magnitude and intensity, unpredictability, uncontrollability, sexual (as opposed to nonsexual) victimization, real or perceived responsibility, and betrayal
2. Those with prior vulnerability factors such as genetics, early age of onset and longer-lasting childhood trauma, lack of functional social support, and concurrent stressful life events
3. Those who report greater perceived threat or danger, suffering, upset, terror, and horror or fear
4. Those with a social environment that produces shame, guilt, stigmatization, or self-hatred
What are the consequences associated with PTSD?
PTSD is associated with a number of distinctive neurobiological and physiological changes. PTSD may be associated with stable neurobiological alterations in both the central and autonomic nervous systems, such as altered brainwave activity, decreased volume of the hippocampus, and abnormal activation of the amygdala. Both the hippocampus and the amygdala are involved in the processing and integration of memory. The amygdala has also been found to be involved in coordinating the body's fear response.
Psychophysiological alterations associated with PTSD include hyper-arousal of the sympathetic nervous system, increased sensitivity of the startle reflex, and sleep abnormalities.
People with PTSD tend to have abnormal levels of key hormones involved in the body's response to stress. Thyroid function also seems to be enhanced in people with PTSD. Some studies have shown that cortisol levels in those with PTSD are lower than normal and epinephrine and norepinephrine levels are higher than normal. People with PTSD also continue to produce higher than normal levels of natural opiates after the trauma has passed. An important finding is that the neurohormonal changes seen in PTSD are distinct from, and actually opposite to, those seen in major depression. The distinctive profile associated with PTSD is also seen in individuals who have both PTSD and depression.
PTSD is associated with the increased likelihood of co-occurring psychiatric disorders. In a large-scale study, 88 percent of men and 79 percent of women with PTSD met criteria for another psychiatric disorder. The co-occurring disorders most prevalent for men with PTSD were alcohol abuse or dependence (51.9 percent), major depressive episodes (47.9 percent), conduct disorders (43.3 percent), and drug abuse and dependence (34.5 percent). The disorders most frequently comorbid with PTSD among women were major depressive disorders (48.5 percent), simple phobias (29 percent), social phobias (28.4 percent), and alcohol abuse/dependence (27.9 percent).
PTSD also significantly impacts psychosocial functioning, independent of comorbid conditions. For instance, Vietnam veterans with PTSD were found to have profound and pervasive problems in their daily lives. These included problems in family and other interpersonal relationships, problems with employment, and involvement with the criminal justice system.
Headaches, gastrointestinal complaints, immune system problems, dizziness, chest pain, and discomfort in other parts of the body are common in people with PTSD. Often, medical doctors treat the symptoms without being aware that they stem from PTSD.
How is PTSD treated?
PTSD is treated by a variety of forms of psychotherapy and drug therapy. There is no definitive treatment, and no cure, but some treatments appear to be quite promising, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy, group therapy, and exposure therapy. Exposure therapy involves having the patient repeatedly relive the frightening experience under controlled conditions to help him or her work through the trauma. Studies have also shown that medications help ease associated symptoms of depression and anxiety and help with sleep. The most widely used drug treatments for PTSD are the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, such as Prozac and Zoloft. At present, cognitive-behavioral therapy appears to be somewhat more effective than drug therapy. However, it would be premature to conclude that drug therapy is less effective overall since drug trials for PTSD are at a very early stage. Drug therapy appears to be highly effective for some individuals and is helpful for many more.

[Illuminated]

Complex PTSD
A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet
By Julia M. Whealin, Ph.D.
What are the differences between the effects of short-term trauma and the effects of chronic trauma?
The diagnosis of PTSD accurately describes the symptoms that result when a person experiences a short-lived trauma. For example, car accidents, natural disasters, and rape are considered traumatic events of time-limited duration. However, chronic traumas continue for months or years at a time. Clinicians and researchers have found that the current PTSD diagnosis often does not capture the severe psychological harm that occurs with such prolonged, repeated trauma. For example, ordinary, healthy people who experience chronic trauma can experience changes in their self-concept and the way they adapt to stressful events. Dr. Judith Herman of Harvard University suggests that a new diagnosis, called Complex PTSD, is needed to describe the symptoms of long-term trauma.
What are examples of captivity that are associated with chronic trauma?
Judith Herman notes that during long-term traumas, the victim is generally held in a state of captivity. In these situations the victim is under the control of the perpetrator and unable to flee.
Examples of captivity include:
• Concentration camps
• Prisoner of War camps
• Prostitution brothels
• Long-term domestic violence
• Long-term, severe physical abuse
• Child sexual abuse
• Organized child exploitation rings
What are the symptoms of Complex PTSD?
The first requirement for the diagnosis is that the individual experienced a prolonged period (months to years) of total control by another. The other criteria are symptoms that tend to result from chronic victimization. Those symptoms include:
* Alterations in emotional regulation, which may include symptoms such as persistent sadness, suicidal thoughts, explosive anger, or inhibited anger
* Alterations in consciousness, such as forgetting traumatic events, reliving traumatic events, or having episodes in which one feels detached from one's mental processes or body
* Alterations in self-perception, which may include a sense of helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different than other human beings
* Alterations in the perception of the perpetrator, such as attributing total power to the perpetrator or becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, including a preoccupation with revenge
* Alterations in relations with others, including isolation, distrust, or a repeated search for a rescuer
* Alterations in one's system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair
What other difficulties do those with Complex PTSD tend to experience?
Survivors may avoid thinking and talking about trauma-related topics because the feelings associated with the trauma are often overwhelming.
Survivors may use alcohol and substance abuse as a way to avoid and numb feelings and thoughts related to the trauma.
Survivors may also engage in self-mutilation and other forms of self-harm.
There is a tendency to blame the victim.
A person who has been abused repeatedly is sometimes mistaken as someone who has a "weak character."
Because of their chronic victimization, in the past, survivors have been misdiagnosed by mental-health providers as having Borderline, Dependent, or Masochistic Personality Disorder. When survivors are faulted for the symptoms they experience as a result of victimization, they are being unjustly blamed.
Researchers hope that a new diagnosis will prevent clinicians, the public, and those who suffer from trauma from mistakenly blaming survivors for their symptoms.
Summary
The current PTSD diagnosis often does not capture the severe psychological harm that occurs with prolonged, repeated trauma. For example, long-term trauma may impact a healthy person's self-concept and adaptation. The symptoms of such prolonged trauma have been mistaken for character weakness. Research is currently underway to determine if the Complex PTSD diagnosis is the best way to categorize the symptoms of patients who have suffered prolonged trauma.
Recommended Reading:
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, by Judith Herman, M.D. (1997). Basic Books; ISBN 0465087302

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http://www.sidran.org/whatistrauma.html
What Is Psychological Trauma?
By Esther Giller
President and Director, The Sidran Foundation
We all use the word "trauma" in every day language to mean a highly stressful event. But the key to understanding traumatic events is that it refers to extreme stress that overwhelms a person's ability to cope.
There is no clear divisions between stress (which leads to ) trauma (which leads to ) adaptation. Although I am writing about psychological trauma, it is also important to keep in mind that stress reactions are clearly physiological as well.
Different experts in the field define psychological trauma in different ways. What I want to emphasize is that it is an individual's subjective experience that determines whether an event is or is not traumatic.

Psychological trauma is the unique individual experience of an event or enduring conditions, in which:
1. The individual's ability to integrate his/her emotional experience is overwhelmed, or
2. The individual experiences (subjectively) a threat to life, bodily integrity, or sanity. (Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995, p. 60)
Thus, a traumatic event or situation creates psychological trauma when it overwhelms the individual's perceived ability to cope, and leaves that person fearing death, annihilation, mutilation, or psychosis. The individual feels emotionally, cognitively, and physically overwhelmed. The circumstances of the event commonly include abuse of power, betrayal of trust, entrapment, helplessness, pain, confusion, and/or loss.

This definition of trauma is fairly broad. It includes responses to powerful one-time incidents like accidents, natural disasters, crimes, surgeries, deaths, and other violent events. It also includes responses to chronic or repetitive experiences such as child abuse, neglect, combat, urban violence, concentration camps, battering relationships, and enduring deprivation. This definition intentionally does not allow us to determine whether a particular event is traumatic; that is up to each survivor. This definition provides a guideline for our understanding of a survivor's experience of the events and conditions of his/her life.

In other words, trauma is defined by the experience of the survivor. Two people could undergo the same noxious event and one person might be traumatized while the other person remained relatively unscathed. It is not possible to make blanket generalizations such that "X is traumatic for all who go through it" or "event Y was not traumatic because no one was physically injured." In addition, the specific aspects of an event that are traumatic will be different from one individual to the next. You cannot assume that the details or meaning of an event, such as a violent assault or rape, that are most distressing for one person will be same for another person.

Single Blow vs. Repeated Trauma
Lenore Terr, in her studies of traumatized children, has made the distinction between single blow and repeated traumas. Single shocking events can certainly produce trauma reactions in some people:
• Natural disasters such as earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, volcanoes, etc.
• Closely related are technological disasters such as auto and plane crashes, chemical spills, nuclear failures, etc. Technological disasters are more socially divisive because there is always energy given towards finding fault and blaming.
• Criminal violence often involves single blow traumas such as robbery, rape and homicide, which not only have a great impact on the victims, but also on witnesses, loved ones of victims, etc. (Interestingly, there is often overlap between single blow and repeated trauma, because a substantial majority of victimized women have experienced more than one crime.) Unfortunately, traumatic effects are often cumulative.

Natural vs. Human Made
Prolonged stressors, deliberately inflicted by people, are far harder to bear than accidents or natural disasters. Most people who seek mental health treatment for trauma have been victims of violently inflicted wounds dealt by a person. If this was done deliberately, in the context of an ongoing relationship, the problems are increased. The worst situation is when the injury is caused deliberately in a relationship with a person on whom the victim is dependent---most specifically a parent-child relationship.

Varieties of Man-Made Violence
• War/political violence - Massive in scale, severe, repeated, prolonged and unpredictable. Also multiple: witnessing, life threatening, but also doing violence to others. Embracing the identity of a killer.
• Human rights abuses - kidnapping, torture, etc.
• Criminal violence - discussed above.
• Rape - The largest group of people with posttraumatic stress disorder in this country. A national survey of 4000 women found that 1 in 8 reported being the victim of a forcible rape. Nearly half had been raped more than once. Nearly 1/3 was younger than 11 and over 60% were under 18. Diana Russell's research showed that women with a history of incest were at significantly higher risk for rape in later life (68% incest history, 38% no incest).
• Domestic Violence - recent studies show that between 21% and 34% of women will be assaulted by an intimate male partner. Deborah Rose's study found that 20-30% of adults in the US, approved of hitting a spouse.
• Child Abuse - the scope of childhood trauma is staggering. Everyday children are beaten, burned, slapped, whipped, thrown, shaken, kicked and raped. According to Dr. Bruce Perry, a conservative estimate of children at risk for PTSD exceeds 15 million.
• Sexual abuse - According to Dr. Frank Putnam of NIMH, at least 40% of all psychiatric inpatients have histories of sexual abuse in childhood. Sexual abuse doesn't occur in a vacuum: is most often accompanied by other forms of stress and trauma-generally within a family.

One of the best-documented research findings in the field of trauma is the DOSE-RESPONSE relationship --the higher the dose of trauma, the more potentially damaging the effects; the greater the stressor, the more likely the development of PTSD.

Who Are Trauma Survivors?
Because violence is everywhere in our culture and because the effects of violence and neglect are often dramatic and pervasive,
• most clients/patients/recipients of services in the mental health system are trauma survivors.
Because coping responses to abuse and neglect are varied and complex,
• trauma survivors may carry any psychiatric diagnosis and frequently trauma survivors carry many diagnoses.
And, because interpersonal trauma does not discriminate,
• survivors are both genders, all ages, all races, all classes, all sizes, all sexual orientations, all religions, and all nationalities. Although the larger number of our clients are female, many men and boys are survivors of childhood abuse and trauma. Under-recognition of male survivors, combined with cultural gender bias has made it especially difficult for these men to get help.

What are the Lasting Effects of Trauma?
There is no one diagnosis that contains all abuse survivor clients; rather individuals carrying any diagnosis can be survivors. Often survivors carry many diagnoses.
Abuse survivors may meet criteria for diagnoses of:
• substance dependence and abuse,
• personality disorders (especially borderline personality disorder),
• depression,
• anxiety (including post traumatic stress disorder),
• dissociative disorders, and
• eating disorders, to name a few.

For purposes of identifying trauma and it adaptive symptoms, It is much more useful to ask "What HAPPENED to this person" rather than "what is WRONG with this person."

Symptoms as Adaptations
The traumatic event is over, but the person's reaction to it is not. The intrusion of the past into the present is one of the main problems confronting the trauma survivor. Often referred to as re-experiencing, this is the key to many of the psychological symptoms and psychiatric disorders that result from traumatic experiences. This intrusion may present as distressing intrusive memories, flashbacks, nightmares, or overwhelming emotional states.

The Use of Maladaptive Coping Strategies
Survivors of repetitive early trauma are likely to instinctively continue to use the same self-protective coping strategies that they employed to shield themselves from psychic harm at the time of the traumatic experience. Hypervigilance, dissociation, avoidance and numbing are examples of coping strategies that may have been effective at some time, but later interfere with the person's ability to live the life s/he wants.

It is useful to think of all trauma "symptoms" as adaptations. Symptoms represent the client's attempt to cope the best way they can with overwhelming feelings. When we see "symptoms" in a trauma survivor, it is always significant to ask ourselves: what purpose does this behavior serve? Every symptom helped a survivor cope at some point in the past and is still in the present -- in some way. We humans are incredibly adaptive creatures. Often, if we help the survivor explore how behaviors are an adaptation, we can help them learn to substitute a less problematic behavior.

Physiologic Changes
The normal physiological responses to extreme stress lead to states of physiologic hyperarousal and anxiety. When our fight-or-flight instincts take over, the wash of cortisol and other hormones signal us to watch out! We humans are incredibly adaptive. When this happens repeatedly, our bodies learn to live in a constant state of "readiness for combat," with all the behaviors-scanning, distrust, aggression, sleeplessness, etc. that entails.

[jordie]

Let your husband continue to stand in the gap for you. That is a recovery technique for victims of spiritual abuse where there is ongoing continuance of the relationship.
If you can afford it, counseling combined with medicine proves to be the quickest way to healing for PTSD. There are lots of good books on PTSD. Much of the information in them is related to Vietnam vets and victums of childhood abuse, but the same diagnostic tools are applicable to victims of spiritual abuse. I've pasted the results of my research on it below in several different posts because it is too long for one post. It makes for long reading but maybe it will help. I have Complex PTSD (most sprititual abuse survirors have this kind - repeated trauma - psychological and spiritual and emotional) and I have to take medicine for it in order to be able to function without going crazy!

Hope this helps...Love ya! It is OK to get some professional help! Your deserve it!


I appreciate the time you spent going into the PTSD stuff in an effort to help, but I am afraid I found all of this too overwhelming.

I may have some symptoms of this but I don't actually think I need counselling at this point in my life. I am loathe to do drugs, although i am aware many on this board have found them helpful so all strength to you.

I really just posted all this stuff to get some empathy and encouragement in my situation which has mostly resolved itself in regard to the principal and will no doubt resolve itself with regard to other issues.

Hope others find this stuff of use, but I am afraid it is all a bit too much for me to read and take in since I have been doing so much research of my own I have informtion running out of my ears at the moment.

In fact think I, like gwen, may need to just take a break and get back to my own reality for a while in order to process everything for the time being.

So thanks again everyone for your help.

love,
Jordie

[Illuminated]

my situation which has mostly resolved itself in regard to the principal and will no doubt resolve itself with regard to other issues.

AMEN!

[Illuminated]

This thread contains some PTSD info I posted a month or so ago. Go to page 2 of the responses (listed with oldest response first) and look for PSTD Information 1, 2, 3. I've bumped this thread to the top of the thread list so you can see it.
I can relate you your dilemna. Having PTSD is awful.

[tke316]

What Carmen wrote reminds me of an observation we made about our public school's middle school orientation. We had to spend about 10% of the time listening to information about academics, 50% of the time listening to the ins and outs about Phy Ed, and 40% of the time listening to the ins and outs about lunch and the cafeteria. :rolleyes:

The kids were there listening to all this. :eek:

Now what do you suppose the kids are going to think is the most important part of their education? :(

I hear that kind of stuff all of the time, and my kids go to a public school for now.

I hate going to parent's meetings because they like to discuss too much here. If there is a teeny problem it has to be discussed out of proportion. I could write an essay on how to say 20,000 words without any meaning after studying the goings on at those parent meetings or for that matter most conversations I have heard for the nearly five years I've been here, and I understand most of the normal conversation now. Even some Italians tell me that too many just make hot air here and that it gets on their nerves. I'm for efficiency, say what has to be said and get home where it is warm and comfortable. Usually it is after a long day and I am not amused when one of the parents or teachers gets manipulative. Most like that sort of thing here, are into a good show (circus), but I have better things to do with my time.

I'd just make sure they are not manipulating the children. For that reason I'll be keeping a closer eye on what they do in children's catechism at church, I have some suspicions, there have been too many changes in the last six months alone and none for years before that many assure me.