Traveller-

[jane]

I read your last entry about your experiences and my heart is ripped to shreds....

I can only hope and pray that you find HOME.


Home is an interesting concept to me, the feeling of home that is.

Would you beleive that after we left our church group we felt like we lost the sense of "home".....our own physical house felt like a strange cavern...and there was an aching whole in our hearts....

I wanted to click my heels like Dorothy from WIzard of Oz and recite, "there is no place like home, there is no place like home" and have all those displaced feelings leave.


I still am looking for home.....I think that I have found it somewhat in trying to live in today....in caring for my husband and children for today....but every now and then I still have a sense that I am a foreigner in a strange land......

and funny, I felt that in the last two years of our time in our church...like it had somehow become someone else's church.

No, I can not imagine reentry into America.....


change goes so fast here.....sometimes I wake up and wonder If I need re-entry...technology, fashion, relationships....everything moves so darn fast.


(((Hugs to you))))

and please keep sharing.

Maybe you can find a little peice of home here.......I have.

Love,
jane

[Voyager]

I still am looking for home.....I think that I have found it somewhat in trying to live in today....in caring for my husband and children for today....but every now and then I still have a sense that I am a foreigner in a strange land......
Me too Jane. I think it is probably a result of our childhood traumas. I feel alone in a crowd. For 12 years I felt like I had a "home" with my former church becoming a substitute for the family that I never had. But that was taken away by deception and abuse from within. Now my truster is broken, so I don't know if I could even attach to another family.

The hurdle for me is the guilt of what I cannot be for my children. I get overwhelmed at times feeling like I should have more of a family to offer them. Through educating myself in psychology, I am starting to understand that this guilty feeling is really a grief for the family that was taken away from me as a child. I, in turn, feel that I am grieving for my children's losses - when it is really my own losses that I am still grieving.

On a more positive note, I feel like I am responsible for and capable of pioneering my children's family. They have my wife and I, and that's all the family they know. It can be very hard at times to be everything to them, but at least they have a good mother and father - which is more than what I had. All we can do is the best with what we have.

:cool:

[Jerry]

The hurdle for me is the guilt of what I cannot be for my children. I get overwhelmed at times feeling like I should have more of a family to offer them.
Dear Voyager,,,
I do understand how you feel,,,,,,,,but that sure ain't "Chopped Liver" your giving them ;)
Love Jerry

[jjc9497]

I was really smart before I married and made a list of everything that was the opposite of my Dad. When I found that man, I got married (26 years this month). My big mistake is that I didn't make the same kind of list for my new "family", and stupidly went to churches that had the same dynamics as my childhood home. It's no wonder I got abused in the church--and stayed to take more. That's what I was used to in my family. Well, I'm learning to choose a healthier church now and hope I'm as wise as I was in picking my husband!!!!!

[Traveller]

Home is an interesting concept to me, the feeling of home that is.


While reading this thread I was listening to a certain song with the words "I can't stand this separation any longer, I wanna go deeper, I wanna go home". God is home, nothing profound (though very profound really!), but just enjoyng the coincidence.

I think that our sense of being home is knowing God's will and to be fully functioning in God's will. Coming out of an abusive situation makes one believe to either be out of God's will or to have been out of God's will for the time the abuse and deception was taking place.

To me, my chance to fully express the passion God put in me to reach out to a hurting world in a rather radical way was ruthlessly taken away from me. It left me paralized. This is the work of people, and not God's will.

I know the answer is simple ... to get back on the horse and get going! But it takes time to heal, to learn to trust again, to find the courage.

Thanks, Jane!

[jjc9497]

I don't think we are really meant to ever feel truely at home in this world. To me, that longing for "home" will only be fully satisfied in heaven with Jesus.