Thank You!

[Elle]

Thanks for all your responses. I've stuffed my anxiety about going to hell for so long that I started to self-mutilate. I've started therapy, but revisiting all the condemnation from the past isn't that easy. It's reassuring to know that others have been here too. I can't watch violent movies either (I thought that was just me!). Growing up, I lived in a pretty much constant state of panic - everytime my parents came home later then expected, I assumed the rapture had occured and that I would be left behind. My oldest sister died two months ago - her relationship with Jesus was incredible. She was really psyched to go see Him. I wish I could feel the same way. You guys have given me hope that maybe that hope isn't all that unrealistic. :)

[Emerging]

Elle, you are SO welcome. But I'm sooo sorry to hear of your sister's death! She can't have been very old ... at least she was ready to go. As for hurting yourself, well, for you to be feeling at some level within yourself that the only way to survive has been to hurt yourself ... know we all have our own ways of doing that too. Mine involves overeating. Others have their ways; too, we see it all around so much anymore! ... but at least we are still alive to work on our stuff as much as possible in this life. I agree that when it's our time we would hopefully feel excited to "return home". Still, abuse left me feeling soooo inadequate as a person that to think of facing God is still scary .. so I still have my work to do, too. And hope ... that's one of the hardest things to sustain as a survivor, because somehow it's been greatly weakened by what we went through. But the more we heal, the more we can hope. So it sounds like you're doing GREAT! Just keep on keepin' on! :)

[Voyager]

It has helped me a lot to throw away all of the junk that I was taught and re-learn for myself. It's hard to weed all out all the bad and keep the good (if you can find any that is). My rule of thumb is that if it has condemnation in it, it doesn't agree with my theology. The idea of a Jesus with a flame-thrower in His hands is a thing of the past for me. I don't want to get into a theological debate - but I think a lot of us were brainwashed with cult-like, barbarian theologies. I'll leave it there.

Anyway, it doesn't matter what you believe around here. These people are all very loving and compassionate victims of the same things you have experienced. I know that there are several here who have had problems with self-mutiliation due to condemning teachings of the past. I think it comes from the self-degradation that goes along with legalistic teachings. When we feel that we are disposable to God, it doesn't give us a very good image of ourselves.

Hope you stick around!

:cool:

[Jerry]

Dear Elle,,,,
I have studied "Scripture" in depth a long time....Just want to tell you that it isn't all that easy to get condemed to Hell,,,especially since the Minestery of Christ...Not to say it is impossable,but it would take a conserted concious effort with intent .A few life mistakes,indecretions,even sins(without continueing malace for God) just will NOT get it done ;)
Love Jerry