What is spiritual abuse?

[Elle]

Hey! I've been reading your postings for a couple of weeks, now, and just got registered. I'm not sure if what I experienced was all that abusive - I don't want to over react. In a nutshell, I spent 10 years, from age 7 to 17, in a really conservative church. We were told what to wear, how to act, and (by the way) if you aren't performing a certain way, you better question whether or not you're really a Christian. As a kid, I was shown numerous graphic movies of people going to hell, and was convinced that demons were in my bedroom just waiting to take me to hell. Finally, my parents did something against the rules, and we were kicked out. The church members were told to no longer communicate with us. I know in my head that God is loving and full of mercy, but in my heart, I'm afraid that I'll never be sincere enough in my walk with God to gain acceptance. Hope this is making sense - sorry to dump on you all, but you seem really understanding. Any feedback sure would be appreciated. Thanks tons! Elle

[ex-shep]

That qualifies as spiritual abuse. I have to get ready for work. Second shift for an airline. Sorry you had to endure that. Rest assured you came to right place. Will try to eloborate if I get a moment. Others will chime as they read. Virtual coffe pot is always plugged in. Make yourself at home.

If I remember I will post some internet links you might find helpful. Bug me if I forgot. ADD is so much fun. :D

[Emerging]

Hi Elle, and welcome. :)

And sadly, yes, in my opinion you are another abuse survivor.

First, I think one good way to tell is to ask yourself how healthy is it to "command people in all things"? Which for me is what it comes down to when you are so strictly controlled in basically every aspect of your life. It's like what a parenting expert calls "helicopter parenting" ... where the parent hovers and micromanages the child to the point that the child never really learns how to think for himself and so is forever dependent upon the parent. Just saying that and I think you can see where it's a really unhealthy way to parent. On a religious level, my experience has been that this is how leaders act who likewise do NOT want anyone to grow and become "self-sufficient" in a spiritual sense because there is an addictive thrill in having people be so dependent upon them. :(

Second, showing graphic movies to any small child is abusive ... NOT saying this to make anyone feel bad, just to state a fact. I know that I have siad and/or done things to my children in the name of "religion" that I now regret. ... sigh. Thank God for repentance! Having been a preschool teacher, I know first hand that children are not meant to have to deal with things like graphic demonic movies. They do not have the mental abilities to separate fact and fiction, and for any of the really sensitive/intuitive/spiritual ones, they may never be able to see much violence at all without being spiritually wounded. In fact, I still cannot watch many pg-13 movies, let alone r-rated ones, without having horrible dreams and the like. :(

Finally, God doesn't tell us to go away just because we err. Instead, He pleads with us to draw closer to Him and talk to Him about it ... or pray. Soooo again my opinion is that any church ... cult?? ... that kicks people out for breaking some rules that's not so important after all (kick someone out for dealing drugs and yeah, I could understand them doing that, but wearing the wrong shirt? I don't think so!!) is not a church that's really focused on God but more like Glory to [insert leader's name]. :(

I agree with ex-shep. You've come to a good place to sort things out. Take care and I hope you stay. As always, "take what works and leave the rest". :)

[Jubileesong]

I agree with what the others say...sounds abusive to me. I remember when I first left the cult I was in...the first thing the Lord did was teach me the difference between "conviction" and "condemnation"... Sounds like your church dealt mostly with "condemnation" - which God doesn't do...

If you feel that YOU are a bad person or what you DID made YOU bad - THAT is condemnation. God loves you and forgives you when you fail. If you feel a slight, loving nudge that says to you, "be careful...don't go there..." THAT is conviction and that is how God works. He does so to keep you safe - not to take your fun away. If your image of God is that He SAYS He is loving and kind but ACTS scary and judgmental - THAT is a distorted image of God that a fundamental, highly conservative church/cult often produces.

I'm glad you've come. Keep on coming. Keep reading the Word, if you can...THAT is how you know the Lord. Don't read with any idea to prove something...just read. That way you can see what the Word says to you rather than going with an agenda because things can always be twisted to prove something. Also, if you notice the care that people show each other here for the most part, that might start giving you a glimpse of the love of God, too.

Take care! Glad you're here...

Hannah

[Jerry]

Dear Elle
Hmmmmmmmm you need some online "Tech Support" .Heres what ya do....1.Get to the "Desktop" of your mind........2.Go to the item thats named "Past Teaching" Don't open it just click for your pop-out menu...3.Point to "Delete" and click on it......4.Now go to the "Recycle Bin" click for your pop-out menu......Click on "Empty Recycle Bin"....................Now Defragment then Restart............There,,,,,all fixed!!!!! :rolleyes: Now if ya stay around here we will help you install an "Adaware" program so those abusers cant hi-jack your Browser again :D
Wish it was this easy ,,,,,, Love Jerry

[ex-shep]

I could see the conditional love in your grouo. I sound like what I and others ran into. If I pray hard enough, study enough, and run myself into the ground, then I am a good worthy person. I took a friend to task when she took the scripture to study yourself approved a workman rightly handling the word of God to the point of eternal all nighters. I called her on it, "Wait a minute. Wait a minute WAAITT A MINUTE!!! Everybody out of the pool. I know we are to study the word, but is not through grace through faith that we are saved, not by works lest any man should boast. Hey, even Jesus rested"

Her particular group had members running themselves into a constant state of exhaustion trying to prove themselves.



Following up on the earlier post, I did promise to provide resources that you may find helpful

AFF is secular cult research organization providing info on cults and mind cotrol. They do recovery conferences and have some good links and resources,
www.csj.org (http://www.csj.org)

Wellspring is treatment center for cult victims and those spiritually abused.

http://www.wellspringretreat.org/ (http://)

Re-focus is fellowship of men and woman from high demand groups. National coordinator Carol Giambalvo send out a monthly email newsletter on recovery issues. The writers have some great tips in taking care of oneself and dealing with one's abusive past.

http://www.refocus.org/ (http://)


One can also do internet search on spiritual abuse can come up without good, and then not so good resources. If it does not work or it is triggering, one is free to skip it. Take what you like and leave the rest.

You certainly deserve better than what you had in the past. I sure hope the group can help out.

[Ezekiel34]

Where commandments of men are taught as if they were commandments of God, this is definitely spiritual abuse (i.e. abuse of God's name in order to support the personal opinions of human leaders).
Jesus said to the pharisees:
"And so, by your own tradition, you nullify the direct commandment of God. You hypocrites! Isaiah was prophesying about you when he said, 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away. Their worship is a farce, for they replace God's commands with their own man-made teachings." (Matthew 15:6-9)

When you say that your parents "did something against the rules", I guess from the context that they did not something immoral or sinful according to God's word, but that they just acted against the human rules of the church, is that right? Then you can apply Jesus' words directly to these leaders.

You may study the way how Jesus answers to the pharisees, and also how Paul answers to the legalists in Galatians, to get more insight into this subject.

May God lead you in everything, give you healing and discernment!

Yours,

Ezekiel


P.S: I also like very much your comments, Jubileesong, in this thread.