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[joemama]

Hi, its joemama- I've been off the forum for months thinking that if I just look at things in a new way it will all be ok. I'm tired of doing all of the mental gymnastics required to see things in a new way. I went to church last night and again can't understand why I am the only one who has problems. I am upset by the way the worship (show) is going, tired of people mistreating my son,angry that everyone is looking to "bigger and better" without regard for what they have now,irritated that people have no regard for others, mad that my voice doesn't count. When I stopped writing before I had thought that maybe it was pride that I thought that my feelings mattered--after all, a soldier doesn't get to voice his opinions--but I am tired of having thoughts that I can't reconcile. Either I am a huge failure and need to "pray through" or there are problems and I can't see beyond them. My husband says that I need to stop being negative. When I say things like "It doesn't matter what I think" he gets mad and says "Of course it matters" When I counter with "well, maybe it matters to me but it doesn't change anything" then he says that I am being negative and it's dragging me and everyone else (in our family ) down and that I should get used to people making their own decisions. I'm sorry, but isn't that like saying "Yes, your opinion matters , but not to anyone but you, and you are bumming me out by talking about it so don't bother to express it." ?? Isn't this what I have been saying all along??? How can I stop being negative? I am tired of feeling alone. I have to have someone to talk to without having to feel guilt. Of course anything I say that's negative makes me the accuser of the brethren- so I'll forever be in the wrong.

[Theodora]

I don't know that we've "met" before---I usually post mostly on NACR---but I just wanted you to know that I've read your post and will be thinking about this painful dilemma. GOOD FOR YOU for coming back to this forum to express your frustration/anger. From what I've read of posts here, MANY people here will be in the position to empathize with you. Sad to say....but DO know that you're not alone in this struggle!!!

I see you in the role of being a "cycle-breaker"---NOT easy, but also, DO be assured that both your experience and your feelings DO matter!!! It may be that you're not in a position to effect much change in your immediate church environment, but that doesn't mean that you should look for where you might both "make a difference" AND find the kind of support that YOU need in your "journey."

I've recently posted some references to some other supportive sites which I've found helpful on NACR. I'd invite you to come "visit" and see whether some ideas there might support you as well.

Grace and peace to you and yours this day.

Theodora

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Hi, its joemama- I've been off the forum for months thinking that if I just look at things in a new way it will all be ok. I'm tired of doing all of the mental gymnastics required to see things in a new way. I went to church last night and again can't understand why I am the only one who has problems. I am upset by the way the worship (show) is going, tired of people mistreating my son,angry that everyone is looking to "bigger and better" without regard for what they have now,irritated that people have no regard for others, mad that my voice doesn't count. When I stopped writing before I had thought that maybe it was pride that I thought that my feelings mattered--after all, a soldier doesn't get to voice his opinions--but I am tired of having thoughts that I can't reconcile. Either I am a huge failure and need to "pray through" or there are problems and I can't see beyond them. My husband says that I need to stop being negative. When I say things like "It doesn't matter what I think" he gets mad and says "Of course it matters" When I counter with "well, maybe it matters to me but it doesn't change anything" then he says that I am being negative and it's dragging me and everyone else (in our family ) down and that I should get used to people making their own decisions. I'm sorry, but isn't that like saying "Yes, your opinion matters , but not to anyone but you, and you are bumming me out by talking about it so don't bother to express it." ?? Isn't this what I have been saying all along??? How can I stop being negative? I am tired of feeling alone. I have to have someone to talk to without having to feel guilt. Of course anything I say that's negative makes me the accuser of the brethren- so I'll forever be in the wrong.

[jordie]

Hi joemama,

This is a rather belated reply....I went through exactly the same predicament as yourself in my church. It seemed like I was the only one who could see what was happening, and if I spoke to my husband, he might have even agreed with me, but it was never right to speak up and "rock the boat".

Now I have some perspective on it I realise that in fact what I had was discernment, I just had no self-worth or confidence to see it. The trouble with discernment is that having it doesn't by itself make the situation any better, in fact sometimes it makes it worse, because you can't actually change other people or what's happening in the church.

On the other hand, I will never ever ever forget Paul's praise to the Bereans who always carefully watched over anything which was preached to make sure it lined up with the word of God.

There is no shame in seeking the truth, nor in being the only one who can see it. It just takes a lot more strength and maturity to carry it for a while, especially when things seem to be going backwards and even your own family won't support you.

I pray God will strengthen you in this, and give you wisdom along with your discernment. Don't despair.

[Janice]

Hi, its joemama- I've been off the forum for months thinking that if I just look at things in a new way it will all be ok. I'm tired of doing all of the mental gymnastics required to see things in a new way. I went to church last night and again can't understand why I am the only one who has problems. I am upset by the way the worship (show) is going, tired of people mistreating my son,angry that everyone is looking to "bigger and better" without regard for what they have now,irritated that people have no regard for others, mad that my voice doesn't count. When I stopped writing before I had thought that maybe it was pride that I thought that my feelings mattered--after all, a soldier doesn't get to voice his opinions--but I am tired of having thoughts that I can't reconcile. Either I am a huge failure and need to "pray through" or there are problems and I can't see beyond them. My husband says that I need to stop being negative. When I say things like "It doesn't matter what I think" he gets mad and says "Of course it matters" When I counter with "well, maybe it matters to me but it doesn't change anything" then he says that I am being negative and it's dragging me and everyone else (in our family ) down and that I should get used to people making their own decisions. I'm sorry, but isn't that like saying "Yes, your opinion matters , but not to anyone but you, and you are bumming me out by talking about it so don't bother to express it." ?? Isn't this what I have been saying all along??? How can I stop being negative? I am tired of feeling alone. I have to have someone to talk to without having to feel guilt. Of course anything I say that's negative makes me the accuser of the brethren- so I'll forever be in the wrong.

(((((((((joemama))))))) GOOD TO "SEE" YOU AGAIN! Glad you came here to "vent". That's what we're here for!

I've felt the same way as you MANY TIMES. Just speaking for myself here but God has reminded me lately that even tho my feelings are my feelings, and I have every right to feel them...my life is NOT MY OWN!

I have to CHOOSE every single day where I am going to put my 'focus". I need to put it on God..PERIOD! Not the church, not the people, not the pastors, not the worship...just God and His will for me and my life.

"He will keep me in perfect peace if my mind is stayed on Him."

Hang in there!!

[Jerry]

Dear joemamma,,,,
Hi it's been a while,,,,,,WELCOME back to the board,,,,"The Fellowship of The Ignored" .......The Prophets of the Bible were ignored too,,,,,,not that we are Prophets,,,,but we can say at least that we are in good company ;) That makes it easier to take but that is all it does.I wonder if the Prophets ever walked out of the "Temple" like we often walk out of Church,,,,,,mumbeling under their breath "You ignorant butt-holes" :o Hahahaha I am fairly certin they did.I don't believe that spiritually the world has advanced since the time of Christ,we just have a whole lot better "Technology" so we can come to cyber space and find rest and fellowship.....I guess we are stuck with the "Earthlings" for the duration :D ....So joe,,,,if ya need a place to "Rant" the board is here and we will listen ;)
Love Jerry

[jjc9497]

Of course anything I say that's negative makes me the accuser of the brethren



I think you're in good company. I'm sure the Pharisees saw Jesus as the accuser of the brethren.

Welcome back--missed you and been wondering where you were.

[SpinningHead]

Hi Joemama...

Good to "meet" you! :)

It sounds to me like you're looking for something deeper, something not materialistic or ritualistically satisfying to your spirit. It sounds to me like you're seeing through the flea circus and knowing there is something real and tangeable out there...you want it, you want to see it, to feel it and to communicate in real ways with it. It also sounds to me like you want it every day in every part of your life...not just on ritualistic Sunday on a schedule.

It's not about what you wear. How much you make. How much you give. What programs are going on. Who's singing what. Who's driving what. Who's living in that new house. Who on the road to prosperity (when we all have it when we learn to be content and manage what we have on our plates right now!). It's not about the lights, glamour of the stage and "spiritual entertaining sermon".

If that's what you're observing (am I right?)...yeah, people are going to see you as negative...b/c in fact your pointing out where they are falling short in their own desires and goals. You could be pointing out areas of greed and vanity. You're also probably pointing out where people got comfortable in their routines instead of showing themselves being hungry for real spiritual meaning and purpose.

But I don't think your observations are off the mark and I don't see you wanting something more real in your life being a negative thing.

My two cents.