Has it been quiet here?

[ex-shep]

The posts have been fairly quiet of late. Of course it is 0300. Will check back later. Want to get up for a much needed meeting.

[Janice]

I agree. It has been a bit quiet. I think alot of this forum has been posting on the NACR forum. But....I suppose no news is good news???? How ya doin?

[Emerging]

I agree - quiet, almost too quiet. I don't want every thread to have my name on it, so I keep my postings down ... because everyone else isn't posting as much right now (?either?) it seems. :rolleyes: :o

Too, I agree that "no news is good news" given all the unpleasantries that fill our world some days ... yet then my ornery side had to add "but is that *great* news when we are all in recovery and therefore are having cute little progresses probably more often than we are posting them? Or are we all just so dang busy anymore that progress or not, there's just not enough time to 'do it all' and post, too?" :eek:

Since I have some time now, I will report that just awhile ago, today!, I think I popped out the fear bubble that started rearing it's ugly head earlier this week. I have been noticing but not wanting to admit that I am feeling more and more paralyzed and powerless in my life, what with not keeping my house tidier (not obsessive tidy, just can't stand the 'debris path' look!), ... can't even keep my tiny bedroom just picked up ... am I getting my children to do so much around here because I truly want them to be getting used to just how much effort it is to manage a household ... OR ... is it because a growing part of me feelings that I no longer think I can do "it all", and bear to be at my job even one more moment? ... :( ... sigh....

Today was HARD! I got some errands run, but then home and ... bleh... finally I looked up the topic of "fear of success" and found a quiz! Cool - would it help me understand what was going on in my head? Maybe ... so I took it ... and my score was "You have problems. You need help." ... OUCH!!!! DUH!!! OH REALLY????? I tried to fight back ,,, but things got mroe and more dead-feeling inside. Still I decided that with the sun flooding my bedroom I could do just a little straightening up in there. So I started to ... move.... and this thought just came up out of the depth of my soul saying that "It was NEVER my fault that I was not good enough for them, ever!!! NEVER my fault, only theirs!!!" ... yeah, same tune, huh, ... but each time it digs out more stuff from deeper in my soul. Each time I feel freer and ... each time I hope it's the last ... but I don't bet in it, either. sigh. :p

[Ladies, have you noticed it's like giving birth, what with the increasing "discomfort" as delivery time approaches, then the whole mental confusion that creeps up sounding like "You know, now that I think about it, I don't want to do this after all" mindset that hits .... right when delivery is imminent! Then the major discomfort of the birth, .... mixed with the incredible sense of "Oh wow, look!" - the clarity and post-birthing "high"? Well, at least that's what it's like for me....:o]

So that's my life. How is everyone else's? :)

[Oopsie Daisey]

The posts have been fairly quiet of late. Of course it is 0300. Will check back later. Want to get up for a much needed meeting.

For me I am always talking and I try to lay low because I am going through a huge struggle with my emotions that have nothing to do with the spiritual abuse I don't think. All I know is I just am a basket case of late. Just when I think I am pulled together, I come apart at the seams. Tonight isn't one of my best nights. In fact, I am mad because it is Sunday tomorrow and I feel ripped off once again. The preacher who has been calling, called again last night to get me to come tomorrow only this time I can't do it. I am a wreck just trying to pull it together. I miss my old church and I miss the delusion of thinking that I had friends. At least I didn't feel so stinkin' lonely and isolated when I deluded myself into thinking I really had friends. I rather stay in denial then face this.

That is my 2 cents for the night.

Good night and God bless and I am sorry I am so stinkin' miserable.

Oopsie Daisey

[Emerging]

(((((Daisey))))), I'm sorry things continue hard. :( I've been reminded that when I got WNV this summer, oh wow did my brain just swim - for awhile there it was SO hard to think straight!! And the flu - how awful that feels, too ... and so just maybe it's your body and soul cleansing together and WOW you are strong to be able to handle this as well as you do!! :)

PRAYERS continue for you!! Hang in there!!, and may you find a good worship service away from your old church. and ps - NO WORRIES about not being in tiptop shape ... last I checked, no one else here is, either. ;) :) .. and not nearly enough out of the billions living on our planet right now, either ... so you are just like the rest of us ... and no worries about that allowed. ;) :) :D

[Oopsie Daisey]

(((((Daisey))))), I'm sorry things continue hard. :( I've been reminded that when I got WNV this summer, oh wow did my brain just swim - for awhile there it was SO hard to think straight!! And the flu - how awful that feels, too ... and so just maybe it's your body and soul cleansing together and WOW you are strong to be able to handle this as well as you do!! :)

PRAYERS continue for you!!

Emerging:
Thank you for the prayers. I can't go to church this am. I can't bring myself to go. I really miss my old church really bad. Real bad. This am it is so bad that I can't think of anything else other than going back. I am really battling with that part of it.

Blessings.
Daisey

Thanks for everything.

[Florence]

Dearest Oopsie,
I know exactly what you mean - I missed my first church forever and I miss this one now, too. It was years before I was able to get through a day without tears the first time and now the tears are here again - every day. I cried this morning on my way to my church job - and I'm sure I will cry on my way home. I try not to when I am with my husband and children. No one knows how hard this is for me. I want so badly for that church to be what they are supposed to be and don't want to accept that they are what they are.

I wish I could be of more help to you. Maybe that's in knowing you are not alone.
Florence