maybe trigs..... be careful on the step when you go in.

[ninaspirit]

we were sorting at a differnt board and think we want to share this with you after this weekend was a hard weekend. 14 took a beating from some other insiders this weekend for not geting back soon enough. and C....had to get them away from 14. now she knows why she is beter for not using meds right now. so she can see what is happening with all us. what hapened to her lots of years ago. well this is our visit with 14 today:

hi 14, how you doing? saw you took a wipping the other day. why. because

your job isn't about being a leader for evryone. they got upset cause you didn't

come back fast enough. so we had a meting and we thought about it. and are

thinking it isn't your job for being a spiritual leader for everyone. no you did

a good job but it was how our outside person thought you had to be for geting

acepted. remember Angela making baby names for ded babies. you said it

shouldn't be her job because it is a mom and dad's job and you make it stop by

puting all the babys in hiding. ok.is how we think for you 14, you are not having to

be a leader for evry one. and how you think you are having to be for geting

acepted and for your dad so he wasn't hurting you. did you know your dad is

dead. he is not going to hurt you any more for not being how he thinks.

no body else has to do that much. ok. the ones who hit you. sorry they did that.

we think you are a 14 year old girl just trying to be 14 and some people tried

make you be differnt than how you are. sorry we put so much on you. no we don't

have a God part right now. is ok. right now we are just wanting you geting feeling

better. some flowers for you. :) from your inside ninas sisters.



we said before it was a hard weekend. C... was thinking about giving up on 14 for not geting beter. but how it is now takes lots of presure away. we are thankful for that. us ninas.

[mstar]

Thank you for sharing, ninas. I am sorry it was a rough weekend, but do pray some progress has been made. Will continue to pray for you during this season of your life. Grace and peace to you.

[Kerrin]

Thanks for sharing what you are going through ninas........pray life improves very soon, and it is better year in general...;)
Love
Kerrin

[jjc9497]

I'm sorry you had such a hard weekend, but I am glad you shared with us. You are vert brave!!

[Satscout]

I'm glad 14 is back. It isn't fun to have part of you taking a break without inviting the rest along. :( *gentle hugs to all ninas*

[Janice]

Good for you to "share" Thanks! hang in there sweetie! You're doing a great job! :)

[Carmen]

I don't quite get it, but I hope that this year brings better things for you, Ninaspirit, 14....

Carmen

[SpinningHead]

I think that is so brave of Ninas to take pressure off 14 and allow her to be 14 years old. 14 must be a very brave and smart girl to be so spiritually minded.

I'm sorry it was a rough weekend but did I understand your post right that some positive came from it? that C and 14 understand each other better?

May God grant you harmony blessings in 2006!


((((((Ninas))))))))

[ninaspirit]

sorry for taking so long getting back. thank you everyone for your prayers and support. it makes it much easier knowing some safe people are knowing what is happening and being able to say to someone who is not connected to a hospital.

ok Carmen, we don't know what you don't get, so we need you asking questions if you are wanting to know more ok? :) and thanks for saying you don't get it. and for your prayers. :) did you get a chance to look at the site we posted on the other thread? if you put differnt experiences in differnt boxes and feel like they happened to differnt people but not to you, but you know they are all inside you - but just don't feel like yourself - and if you feel like you are one way and your way of thoughts about the same thing keep changing on you with not having control because they belong to all the differnt experiences/or "parts/people" inside - that might be a way for looking at DID.

our 14 is who C..... was when she was 14 years old. don't know if that makes more sense. some times when a person is abused part of them stays at the same age where they are abused because that part gets stuck in the trauma. that part splits off from the I person so the I can still go ahead in their life. (the I can not think of the trauma happening to them so it becomes that other part or person inside) but when there is nothing more for splitting off it is time for dealing with the parts that did split. sorry if it makes it more confusing.

today too was our day for geting the leters ready for sending to differnt offices, about the doctor. our therapist and his wife were really good with helping and it was a good way for keeping focused so we didn't have to many trigs. we need to get some printed again and new dates. that is todays job - maybe tomorrow - then geting them in evelops the next day and then puting them in the mail. small steps.

C....'s friend who said she couldnt understand about DID and shut her down?- well C.... had another talk with her today. They talked about the movies - A Beutiful Mind - and about - The Notebook. They are both not how we are but we heard her friend say - she couldn't understand that either so it is more about not understanding than shutting us down. and she thought the movies were very good. that is a relief. now if some one could make a realistic movie about DID that isn't making insiders being crazy that would be good. maybe some one knows about a movie like that - we would like to knwo about it. think maybe we can leave it like that for now and they can still be friends.

thats all for today. glad we made it this far. and thanks for you all being here for us and caring about us. C....and ninas.

p.s. - yes Spinninghead - you got it. thanks :)

[Willow]

Hi ninas... yes... it sounds like it was a hard weekend.... but good, eh? Less pressure and 14 can just be 14.

Thanks for telling us what happened. You have been working very hard in recovery.

[ninaspirit]

Hi ninas... yes... it sounds like it was a hard weekend.... but good, eh? Less pressure and 14 can just be 14.

Thanks for telling us what happened. You have been working very hard in recovery.

Hi Willow, you are sounding Canadian, eh?
thank you for writing, yes, lots of pressure off. really, we don't know where God fits in all this. we know inside we didn't say no to God. so we think it is maybe about letting 14 off - today looks like there are still parts having God just not as strong. didn't know that would hapen. our littles still have there sunday school God and Jesus. it looks like things kep changing inside and some times that is scary. but that is what is supose to happen. till the thoughts are more alike for all the parts. thinking about that. we are surprised we didn't feel guilt for letting 14 off. and she isn't either. but we are thinking if God is going to be part of us then it is for us, not for being how someone else is thinking. we think that happens for outside people to. thanks Willow. from us ninas.

[Hope 98]

but we are thinking if God is going to be part of us then it is for us, not for being how someone else is thinking. we think that happens for outside people to. thanks Willow. from us ninas.

I think I understand what you're saying here and it's a very good concept that a lot of people never get.

When you allow God to be a part of you - your heart, your thoughts, and your processes - He IS there for YOU, NOT to look a certain way to someone else.

You have amazing wisdom ninas!

[butterfly]

:) Hi Ninas and C, I am glad you are writing letters about that Dr.
Doing paper work is hard for me to much noise in the head.
One day I just couldn"t take it any more with the PTSD and the DID. I said to the Lord " I can"t take anymore I have had enough. It was like the Lord saying "Shirley you can"t help the one I send to you if you don"t go thru the pain yourself." I had peace and purpose to this crazy life of mine.
You know how the lord is just speaking to your heart. I just felt He was there right beside me. [No voices ect.] I don"t want you all to lthink I went real nuts then.:D
Well Ninas I hope you have a much better week. I hope you find alot of healing this year. butterfly

[mstar]

Hey Butterfly Shirley. (((Butterfly Shirley))) Thanks for the info below. My daughter doesn't have insurance due to her age but still attending college. I had thought she would get it through her school, but since she is not living on campus, I guess they are not offering it. We are going to have to look into something. This info will be of help. Bless you:)

:) Hi Ninas and C, I am glad you are writing letters about that Dr.
Doing paper work is hard for me to much noise in the head.
One day I just couldn"t take it any more with the PTSD and the DID. I said to the Lord " I can"t take anymore I have had enough. It was like the Lord saying "Shirley you can"t help the one I send to you if you don"t go thru the pain yourself." I had peace and purpose to this crazy life of mine.
You know how the lord is just speaking to your heart. I just felt He was there right beside me. [No voices ect.] I don"t want you all to lthink I went real nuts then.:D
Well Ninas I hope you have a much better week. I hope you find alot of healing this year. butterfly

[mstar]

Oh dear, Butterfly Shirley, I saw you had posted on two threads, then quoted you and posted on the wrong one. It is late. Forgive me. I was trying to post an answer to your quote on the thread concerning the cost of prescriptions. Sorry. I need to go to bed.

Sorry Ninas. Hope you are doing ok. (((Ninas))):)

[mstar]

:) Hi Ninas and C, I am glad you are writing letters about that Dr.
Doing paper work is hard for me to much noise in the head.
One day I just couldn"t take it any more with the PTSD and the DID. I said to the Lord " I can"t take anymore I have had enough. It was like the Lord saying "Shirley you can"t help the one I send to you if you don"t go thru the pain yourself." I had peace and purpose to this crazy life of mine.
You know how the lord is just speaking to your heart. I just felt He was there right beside me. [No voices ect.] I don"t want you all to lthink I went real nuts then.:D
Well Ninas I hope you have a much better week. I hope you find alot of healing this year. butterfly

I don't think you are nuts. Appreciate you and enjoy you. Will continue to pray for you as you recover.:)

[ninaspirit]

mstar, we are hoping you made it safe to bed ;)

butterfly, insiders aren't about being crazy. even if you hear them. they are for helping our head stay sane. but you know that right? just some people outside think people who hear voices inside are nuts. but we don't think it is fair if people think that way - they jsut don't understand. is all. some times we talk with voices but mostly ours keep talking quietly like they are in a differnt room. and some times some listen to music inside. C..... isn't liking that she can't turn it of. some people maybe think we are mad if they knew but we think it is for us, not for them. if C.... says sory for how we are we get at her about that. no more sorys. she promised.

some of us had a feeling like that too about God being next to us. some times a hand on a shoulder feeling. in a safe way. some times the Clear Ones going round us for keping us safe. we think that can hapen.
"Shirley you can"t help the one I send to you if you don"t go thru the pain yourself."

do you mean the outside person seing the insider as being hurt and helping them by feeling what they are feeling?

thank you butterfly.

Thank you to Hope. we just don't know if we could ever fit in a church how God would be for us. knowing how God was for 14. we are ok with that. but maybe not C....

[Willow]

but we are thinking if God is going to be part of us then it is for us, not for being how someone else is thinking. we think that happens for outside people to. thanks Willow. from us ninas.

Yes... it is just like that ninas... for outside people too. I let others control my god part for too long. It was like starting over when I unconnected myself from them and their rules.

Canadian.. LOL! Well... eh just felt like the thing to say I guess :)

[Hope 98]

Thank you to Hope. we just don't know if we could ever fit in a church how God would be for us. knowing how God was for 14. we are ok with that. but maybe not C....

You don't have to try to fit in a church - that was my point really. Most of us on this forum have found God more often and more real OUTSIDE of church.

We are all here because a church had tried to kick God out and would have had us worship the church itself, or its leaders.

Don't worry about church. Hold on to God - it is His nature to "bind up the brokenhearted".