Hi (((Willow)))-- I see we're here "together" tonight!

[Theodora]

I've just been trying to catch up on posts a bit here. Specifically, I was looking at the thread "Christmas confession" in which you said, among other things:

12-28-2005, 10:34 AM
Willow
Re: Christmas confession - just venting

http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=3199&page=2
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I have to admit to being a bit of a scrooge. Not completely... but there seems to be quite a lot of disappointment and pain during this season for many people. When it's good... it's really fun, but when things happen like Joe and JJ and Theo and Pinkie describe... well... it just seems to amplify the pain to have a "family" holiday happening. With me... next year will hopefully be better. Personally, I didn't have a bad christmas... it's just so many people I care about around me who were suffering this year that made me wish the holiday would go away. However... if the holiday went away that wouldn't be fair to all the folks who had a wonderful, warm, family type of experience. So I guess I'm not really a grinch. I just hate the way the holidays can amplify problems.

Joe... your wife abandoning you upon news of your possible illness and death??!! That absolutely floors me! I don't know how to tell you how angry that made me. You certainly deserved to have a peaceful holiday this year afte several years of famine!


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I was just curious as to what I've said that seems to somehow made your perception of the holiday worse for you. If you feel like sharing, I'd be interested!

If I've somehow managed to give the impression that having my Marine and his wife "home" for the holidays was an "over-the-top" joyous experience (and therefore one about which it would be more "tactful" to be silent when in the presence of those for whom this is a truly "blue" Christmas)-- I'm sorry! Of COURSE it was a blessing to see them after a year of absence, but as for lack of pain??? Hardly! This past holiday was simultaneously one of the most memorable and one of the most DIFFICULT ones of my entire life as I, with conscious effort at "letting go" took a back seat in the "festivities," providing goodies etc. for them to go party at their friends' houses, while hardly seeing them at all. After MUCH work, I did finally have my family at our house for a relatively brief SIT-DOWN meal on Christmas Eve, followed by early present opening (so that they could be at the wife's house on Christmas Day) AND my husband and I did travel to be with my in-laws on Christmas Day, where both sons later joined us. There, the "family" happening was...um...."intense"...and exhausting! I'm thankful we were able to go, but I'll be "processing" the experience for some time to come.

As best you can, dear one, try to stay focused on YOUR reality and what is possible for YOU in this moment. If you're alone and not liking it, I KNOW that is painful...and I'm sorry about that for you!! However, the life of those with a family is ALSO difficult and there are NO "magic wands" for the creation of the kind of Christmas for which we yearn. In my case, I'm just thankful for technology which enables me to have more of my fill of the Christmas music (which my older son will NOT tolerate right now!)--in the "aftermath" --as well as what pictures I could grab "on the fly" which will also allow me some more delayed/"vicarious" experience.

Grace and peace to you and yours this day/night.

Theodora

[Willow]

Wow... Hi Theo. I didn't catch up with your post until this morning.

Hi HI HIIII and Top O the mornin' to ya too :)

I was noting that you had a very rough christmas the year your mother passed away. YOU did NOT ruin my christmas. I want that to be clear and upfront. I was expressing my own reality... upsetness of my parents' distress, a coworker's loss of parents to a tragic accident and then christmas... very hard for them. I was just noting that holidays can intensify suffering, but when they're good... they're really good, eh? Hang in there with me... wasn't meaning to project anything onto you! Please do share freely. I love to hear from you. I'm glad for your warm family christmas too! I totally was thinking of your loss a few years ago when I wrote what I did.

--------Below is an additional edit-----------

Gosh... I'm going back reading and don't see that statement anywhere that I thought you had made. I think I may have erred in my memory... so sorry!

Amy

[Theodora]

...thanks for your compassion as well! YES...I did mention the fact that this Christmas was the 10th anniversary of my mother's death, but that was on NACR. (Not sure when I posted that--perhaps on Dec. 14, which was also the anniversary of my nephew's death, since that remembrance included a recipe for a favorite family recipe for cookies which my mother made fairly frequently.)

Actually--more re the Christmas "saga" of this year...In a strange sort of "Providence" if you will, Christmas night, on the hour which would have marked the actual moment of Mother's death, we were actively engaged with sharing on some Christmas with my husband's family in Kansas, so were far too busy in the PRESENT to also recognize the past at that time. I dare to hope that Mother would be pleased, however, since so much of her life was involved with children as a teacher. In some respects, we DO live into our "heritage" --sometimes in spite of ourselves!!!

Grace and peace---

Theodora



Wow... Hi Theo. I didn't catch up with your post until this morning.

Hi HI HIIII and Top O the mornin' to ya too :)

I was noting that you had a very rough christmas the year your mother passed away. YOU did NOT ruin my christmas. I want that to be clear and upfront. I was expressing my own reality... upsetness of my parents' distress, a coworker's loss of parents to a tragic accident and then christmas... very hard for them. I was just noting that holidays can intensify suffering, but when they're good... they're really good, eh? Hang in there with me... wasn't meaning to project anything onto you! Please do share freely. I love to hear from you. I'm glad for your warm family christmas too! I totally was thinking of your loss a few years ago when I wrote what I did.

--------Below is an additional edit-----------

Gosh... I'm going back reading and don't see that statement anywhere that I thought you had made. I think I may have erred in my memory... so sorry!

Amy