new thread

[ninaspirit]

we printed out the last thread - all of it. ok. uh, our head is having a hard time taking in all the information. it is trying to split it all in pieces. if no body is having trouble with it we would like to show our therapist the thread on Tuesday. so he can help us acept more than we can right now. if some body says no we will take their part out. is ok.

our therapist doesn't have internet so can't come here. uh he could at a public internet but they don't believe in using the internet lots for themselfs. how it seems. if he did come here. well he's been through the same kind of church you all have been in and is knowing about people geting asked to leave so he would understand how it is for spiritual abuse. he wasn't the one asking people to leave. shoe on the other foot. he loves God and believes in grace. ok. we know cause we were there at the same time.

we talked with him today. about if we should take meds for dealing uh, why our head is splitting every thing like this. he says it is because part of us is trying to protect our mind and us and another part is saying the information is good for
helping sort through things and processing. which is very slow right now. ok. we need to allow some things not going apart and some will still split till there is more order. ok. so we won't be able to remember every thing. we can still read the posts so we can remind us though. ok. and know people are being here for us. thanks.


maybe trigs.....
about meds. our thereapist says it is better if we deal with no meds if we can but is ok if we have to. we won't get crazy he says from insiders. insiders are about not letting our head get crazy even if it feels crazy. hoping this is not trigging anyone. how he explains it. please pray for us. ok. says what is happneing at the forum is important for us knowing how to comunicate with the outside world when we are out. we are not used to talking with people so we have to learn like a newbie.

remember please say if some one is not wanting their post taken to therapy plese. we are not wanting to take them with not having permission. C..... ninas. glad we have you guys. thank you

[SpinningHead]

(((((Ninas)))))))

You can use my posts for your session. I hope you find peace. :)

[ninaspirit]

thank you Spinninghead. and for peace too. :) peace comes and peace goes. doesn't it? waiting for the coming part again. we will take good care of your words for us and keep them in a safe place. ok. ninas

[Willow]

It's OK with me C... ninas...

[ninaspirit]

ok you too Willow. keeping your words safe. thanks for letting us use them. ninas.

[ninaspirit]

A DID website that makes sense for us - talks about lots of differnt parts about DID - some might find it helping for understanding us and others who have DID. the author is a kind, gentle person.

http://www.goessoftlyishere.com/

[butterfly]

Hi C....Ninas, You can use mine also. I am glad to see you here.:D I didn"t take pills at first when I found out about my DID.
I took them long time after because of depression. butterfly

[gwen]

please pray for us. ok. says what is happneing at the forum is important for us knowing how to comunicate with the outside world when we are out. we are not used to talking with people so we have to learn like a newbie.


Dear C...Ninas,

I haven't been posting, but I have been reading your and Butterfly Shirley's posts. Thank you for helping me to understand DID. I am praying for you all. I am glad that you have this place to be comfortable enough to communicate with the outside world. You have helped me and I have learned a lot of good things from you. I'm glad to hear that you have a good therapist who is helping you and who is interested in the forum. He sounds like a very caring person.

Love, Gwen :)

[Hope 98]

you are welcome to use my posts

I do hope it is helpful to you. You have my prayers.

[jjc9497]

You may use my posts in anyway that helps you. I am glad you have a good therapist to help you make sense of all this.

I took a quick peek at the website you gave and it looks very interesting. I look forward to reading it when I have time so I can learn more.

It's OK to be a newbie. We are all taking baby steps--just in different areas.

[Enochwar]

Hi ninas,

Whatever you need, whatever will help, please feel free to use it.

love,

Enochwar :)

[Jam Night]

I have never heard of DID before, but now that I read the website you gave I understand it - at least for me.

When I was a kid going throught the things I have mentioned before, I began to develop a group of imaginary friends, each of them were different colors and had distinctive personalities that I could use to vent through. For example BLACK was for when I felt like pulling away, RED was when I felt confident and sassy (Red was a woman, by the way) etc. etc. As time went on and the trauma worsened, these imaginary friends became real friends so to speak. They seperated from my control and whenever I could I would converse with them. They would be in the background when I was talking to others and they would encourage me or whatever. When sad Green would talk to me, and he would express my sadness. When scared, Black would look at me and I would understand, when happy Pink would laugh and dance around. Keep in mind though, I didn't actually do these things, I would be expressing in my head.

I have told very few people about this because most people chalk it up as crazy or something, but as I grew older and I went through a couple year period of peace - the colors left and I have never been with them again. I down right missed them at first, like losing a close friend, and I still think of them as real as any of my childhood friends.

When dealing with the trauma it was essentially DID that kept me sane, it enabled me to seperate from the reality of everything and find a voice - a point of stability and comfort, that I could cling to. I can't imagine not having that in those times.

I have come to believe that this is perhaps not so abnormal. Many of us talk to ourselves to bring comfortable, I don't think DID is so far from that. But we can characterize it (through movies etc.) into something scary and huge. I argue that it is a natural, and at times in certain circumstances, healthy way of dealing with trauma.

(I don't mean argue in an aggresive way, it's just my opinion as of right now - with the understanding I have right now!) :)

[ninaspirit]

Thank you Enochwar, jjc, Hope and Butterfly for leting us use your posts. and thank you Gwen for encouraging us and for your prayers.

yes our therapist is a very kind caring person. if he had super powers we would think he was Jesus. kidding. maybe. ;) problem is we still have a hard tim with trusting even our therapist. and we know he wouldn't hurt us. but we saw today it is geting better. some of us were talking with him and he did ok with it. when we were talking his words helped some of your words here go into right places inside so they fit. just happend. not sure how. but it did. thoughts are always moving in differnt places inside.

after talking with our therapist we had a pictuer of us in our mind where we are not spliting people's thoughts apart and being able to keep thoughts how we need. then it went back how it was before. it was a clear mind. uh a sound mind. how we are hoping. ok. some times things happen fast then it gets slow again. keep moving.

we are starting to have this question. is it wrong if a adult is still thinking about Jesus how they did when they were little? well it is the littles who are at the top about Jesus and God. how do other adults think about God and Jesus inside? in our growing up house Jesus didn't get talked about much. just when we were little and it was Jesus doesn't like lies. ok. we heard about Jesus differnt in Sunday School but at home everything was rules from God (that would be our dad - not God). our littles kept the sunday school Jesus and God so they didn't fit with the God from our dad how he was about God. In Sunday school Jesus and God love us but at home Jesus isn't part of us and God makes sure we don't do bad things. we had to hid us so we dint' grow up. Can we kep our sunday school Jesus or do we have to change how we see Jesus? How do adults who love God and Jesus think about Jesus after sunday school? sory if it is to personal. then don't hav to anser. ok.

we jsut see since our head remembered the doctor appointment our shaking is stoped. it got less and less. no shaking for 3 days now. we will stop talking now. time for bed. bye. ninas.

[ex-shep]

thank you Spinninghead. and for peace too. :) peace comes and peace goes. doesn't it? waiting for the coming part again. we will take good care of your words for us and keep them in a safe place. ok. ninas

As long as anonymity is respected, go for it. It helps your recovery I am all ears. Hope it helps.

[ninaspirit]

Yes, Jam Night, you understand um DIGift well. :) thank you for sharing about your colors helping you. we heard about some other children having colors for saying about their feelings. we to don't think it is abnormal if it is a gift. it is a normal way for being for someone who is/was abused. it jsut isn't always fiting in how society and doctors think. some thing we did learn for relaxing is using imagery so we could feel sand and water with it not being there. not so very differnt for insiders. maybe just another way. ninas.

[ninaspirit]

As long as anonymity is respected, go for it. It helps your recovery I am all ears. Hope it helps.

Thank you Ex-shep. do you mean for taking "Ex-shep"out of the posts? we can do that. or are you meaning some thing differnt? ninas.

[ex-shep]

Thank you Ex-shep. do you mean for taking "Ex-shep"out of the posts? we can do that. or are you meaning some thing differnt? ninas.

Oh, the handle should be anonymous enough. As long as I do not receive a telemarketing call for Slim Whitman albums or eight track tapes, I doubt there should be a problem. :D

[ninaspirit]

Oh, the handle should be anonymous enough. As long as I do not receive a telemarketing call for Slim Whitman albums or eight track tapes, I doubt there should be a problem. :D

nope nope nope no tele people coming your way. lol. you are funny. thanks for leting us use your posts. ninas.

[mstar]

Hey ninas, it is good to find you still here and hanging in there. I think you are very brave to face this and am thankful you have a good therapist. That is a blessing.

I don't know if there is anything I wrote that you would want to share, but please feel free to do so.

Will continue to pray. Look forward to your posts. Bless you.

[butterfly]

Thanks Ninas for the website address. butterfly

[ninaspirit]

thank you mstar, for permission. part of using the posts (even just some words) in therapy is so our head will learn it can't split peple apart inside so they don't have the same information. our head is needing to learn that. or C.... doesn't know everything she is needing to know. some of it gets lost in splitting. any ways. yes. thanks for your prayers to. goodnight.

[mstar]

thank you mstar, for permission. part of using the posts (even just some words) in therapy is so our head will learn it can't split peple apart inside so they don't have the same information. our head is needing to learn that. or C.... doesn't know everything she is needing to know. some of it gets lost in splitting. any ways. yes. thanks for your prayers to. goodnight.

It sounds like you have a good handle on this, a direction. So glad. Goodnight sweetie. I pray you have a peaceful rest.

[Kerrin]

ninas;
I hope you don't mind if I comment, only because I can relate somewhat to your mixed feelings about God and Jesus......I think I posted in one of my threads yesterday my confusion over why I "feel" I can trust Jesus and not God, even though they are one!
Does that make any sense 'cos it's something I really struggle to merge. God and Jesus....especially lately.:confused:
Anyway, if not it's ok....., I too pray you sleep well;)
Love
Kerrin:)

[Janice]

(((((((((((c))))))))))))

Soooooooo glad to hear the shaking has stopped! I thing it's perfectly fine to keep the "Sunday School" Jesus. We are suppose to come to him with child-like faith anyway, (I think)

I really wish i could master the art of that type of faith instead of my adult type faith! been hurt so much, it's so hard to trust anyone (even jesus)

[Jerry]

is it wrong if a adult is still thinking about Jesus how they did when they were little? .
Dear Ninas,,,,
What a beautiful question :D Of course it is ok for your "Littles" to express themselves .Jesus loves your littles,just as much as your I person.When you take good care of your littles here is how happy it makes Jesus,,,,,,,Matt 10 vs 42 and Matt 18 vs 10 to 14 .Have "C" explain this to Ninas :D
Love Jerry

[Jerry]

Dear Ninas,,,,
Any responce that I post to your threads or to you are for you ....You own them to do with as you please....................I trust Ninas very much :)
Love Jerry