Forget the soup - how about nyquil for the soul

[Jam Night]

With so many stories and people willing to share, has anyone here every thought or suggested the idea of organizing a book and publishing it?

The whole chicken soup for the soul series is basically a bunch of folks's writings - stories describing what they have gone through. Nearly every book I read is essentially someone elses opinion of what I need, be it right or wrong, but this book would simply be a catalogue of what people have gone through - testimonies. The reader deciphers what they need and don't need - we learn from each other's experiences.

Let me know what you think...I have some ideas...

[gwen]

There are books out there already that tell people's testimonies about spiritual abuse. I read two of them last year after we left: "Churches That Abuse" and "Recovering From Churches that Abuse" both by Ronald M. Enroth. I don't know how open people would be to putting their testimonies in a book. I wrote out lots of my memories which turned into over 30 8 1/2 by 11 pages typed single space. So far I've only allowed 2 people to read it. I personally am not yet comfortable with publishing my story for the "outside" world to read. For one thing, my abuser is still the "pastor" of the "church" that we were a part of. Even though everything that I would tell is the truth of what happened to me and my family, he could accuse me of slander because what I have written puts him in a bad light. My family is still trying to come to terms with what this man has done and if we should take any legal actions against him.

Gwen

[mary]

As long as no one is identified by name or location and no one - and I mean absolutely no one - who reads an account would know it's a specific person, then I don't think a slander or libel suit against a writer of an account would fly. Um, I'm not giving legal advice here, because I can't do that, but that's what we do on this forum, isn't it? We don't identify anyone. We take no chances with that because all we'd be doing would be opening ourselves up to more harm than has already been inflicted upon us, and no one wants to do that. I know we have "drive-bys" on here and that's pretty revolting, but hopefully, they only see themselves because they've already been tipped off. If a book were compiled, minor details could be changed to protect the guilty (rats! :mad: ) but it would really be for the protection of the victims.

How I wish I'd known about "churches" like the one I was recently booted from, oh, just about exactly three years ago! I honestly didn't know that such monstrosities existed. My husband and I had been going to a "nice" and healthy church, but one with a couple of doctrines we disagreed with, so we didn't join it. Then we found this snakepit and we agreed with its purported doctrines, so we made the mistake of joining it. We absorbed a lot of venom over the past three years and we're still sick from the antidote ("no church home now;" y'all know the name of that tune all too well). If other people could read an anecdotal book that would be a reasonable facsimile of a compilation of these posts, then maybe some of them, at least, wouldn't join these snakepit churches.

I think that's a good idea, Jam Night. BTW, a belated welcome to our forum!

mary

[ex-shep]

With so many stories and people willing to share, has anyone here every thought or suggested the idea of organizing a book and publishing it?

The whole chicken soup for the soul series is basically a bunch of folks's writings - stories describing what they have gone through. Nearly every book I read is essentially someone elses opinion of what I need, be it right or wrong, but this book would simply be a catalogue of what people have gone through - testimonies. The reader deciphers what they need and don't need - we learn from each other's experiences.

Let me know what you think...I have some ideas...

Great byline. A large number of us are sick with whatever is going around. It is a viral Eveready Bunny.

[ex-shep]

There are books out there already that tell people's testimonies about spiritual abuse. I read two of them last year after we left: "Churches That Abuse" and "Recovering From Churches that Abuse" both by Ronald M. Enroth. I don't know how open people would be to putting their testimonies in a book. I wrote out lots of my memories which turned into over 30 8 1/2 by 11 pages typed single space. So far I've only allowed 2 people to read it. I personally am not yet comfortable with publishing my story for the "outside" world to read. For one thing, my abuser is still the "pastor" of the "church" that we were a part of. Even though everything that I would tell is the truth of what happened to me and my family, he could accuse me of slander because what I have written puts him in a bad light. My family is still trying to come to terms with what this man has done and if we should take any legal actions against him.

Gwen

Damaged Disciples by Ron and Vicki Burks does just that. Good testimonial read.
The writing a factsheet on the bible school in 1984 was the best Christmas present. It can be quite freeing.

[Patty]

To Jane:
Why did you get "booted" from church? I am curious, because that happened to us as well.

[ex-shep]

[QUOTE=mary]As long as no one is identified by name or location and no one - and I mean absolutely no one - who reads an account would know it's a specific person, then I don't think a slander or libel suit against a writer of an account would fly. Um, I'm not giving legal advice here, because I can't do that, but that's what we do on this forum, isn't it? We don't identify anyone. We take no chances with that because all we'd be doing would be opening ourselves up to more harm than has already been inflicted upon us, and no one wants to do that. I know we have "drive-bys" on here and that's pretty revolting, but hopefully, they only see themselves because they've already been tipped off. If a book were compiled, minor details could be changed to protect the guilty (rats! :mad: ) but it would really be for the protection of the victims.

Generally personal experiences do not count as slander. But then why chance it. I keep my group experiences generic.

[ex-shep]

I had to dig in my CDs. This was posted and will be part of the SARA big book if it ever gets done. The posts might give me the kick start on Step 5. In the meantime, thought this might provide some perspective:

WHY GROUPS ARE NOT NAMED

A poster was concerned why names of former groups are not mentioned. This is only my take, but it does speak from years of experience.
The main reason is for emotional safety. We are different stages of recovery and awareness. One person may have had extreme difficulty with "First Church". Another may not even have the awareness that there is abuse at First and be offended by the apparent attack. Suddenly the forum becomes a virulent bully pulpit where barbs are exchanged and we take cover. Suddenly the forum becomes emotionally unsafe.
It is important that a newcomer can vent and receive support without judgment and retribution. There are cults that specialize in shutting down their opponents, especially through the legal system. We meet on the world wide web. So there is the risk that a cult member or member of an abusive group may be spying on us.
From my experience, the group I left in Northeast US has quite a bit of influence among charismatic groups in the eastern US. They are affiliated with dangerous shepherding groups that I do not feel like doing battle. I had to relocate to another part of the country.
I have also been in cult recovery conferences where cult members tried to disrupt the meeting. It is exhausting
So I like the emotional distance. There are confidential support group meetings that meet face to face where groups are mentioned. One still has the telephone and can email and snail mail privately.
I pray for a awakening of spiritual abuse and that the churches “get it”. It does need to be shouted from the housetops. It has to be proclaimed, "this is not good enough" In the meantime, it good that one can meet "behind closed doors" and share what is on his heart and mind in emotional security.

[Kerrin]

. I personally am not yet comfortable with publishing my story for the "outside" world to read. For one thing, my abuser is still the "pastor" of the "church" that we were a part of. Even though everything that I would tell is the truth of what happened to me and my family, he could accuse me of slander because what I have written puts him in a bad light. My family is still trying to come to terms with what this man has done and if we should take any legal actions against him.

Gwen[/QUOTE]
This too is my situation.
In my case it is pleural, "abusers" are still very much a part of my local community and, some in highly regarded positions!!!:mad:
Would love to nail 'em one day though!
Kerrin:(

[mary]

In this state, and most, slander is hard to prove and most trial attorneys don't like to take on "he said/she said" matters. "Slander (or libel) per se," at least in my state and in many others, must contain one of two elements: the false statement must either impugn the chastity of a married or unmarried woman, or serve to endanger the maintenance and continuation of a person's livelihood. It's that last one that's a thorny point for us on this board. If you say anything that can't be proven true and that puts a person's means of earning a living in jeopardy (for example, if you tell even one person that "pastor" robbed a bank, and it has any chance of getting back to the elders or his superiors, thereby endangering his job, and he alleges its falsity), then you're probably "off to the races" as far as a suit for slander goes. Slander per se means "on its face," or, practically speaking, you are not going to be able to have the suit dismissed on your first responsive pleading (the answer to the complaint). My slander warning letter was sent to my PiP because I had heard from two different people who don't talk to each other that he had made suggestions about an improper relationship I was having with another gentleman, and this was a manifest lie. I had to have that letter sent; I had no choice, because he was using the man's name. That person is not a member of the "church," but he is a member of the professional community around here.

If any of your "pastors" are making inroads on your reputation to the extent that the harm done is infringing upon your earning capacity or "interfering with prospective economic advantage," etc., then inform him - or have your attorney do so, as I did - that he must stop it immediately and retract what he has said. He must go to each person he has told any lie to and admit that he was lying. Ideally, you would then get something in writing (I couldn't do that) verifying his retraction. Also, if he has "caused to be made," such as by making an offhand remark that you are a liar, a sneak or some such thing, and another person has magnified that and/or turned it into a specific, fallacious "incident," then, too, this amounts to slander. E-mails, notes, minutes of meetings, etc. can contain libel (the written form of slander).

Just my two cents' worth... Hope it helps somewhere...

mary

[ex-shep]

Just my two cents' worth... Hope it helps somewhere...

mary[/QUOTE]


actually it did, with reference to the witchy poo at work. Interesting observations.

Tammy's group used to use slander as thought stopping cliche. Given both the scriptural context, including the original greek and legal precedent, neither of us would have a had a leg to stand on in. There is not much I can do with that except acknowledge that and $3.50 would get me a venti non fat one sugar latte.