truth
12-27-2005, 04:27 PM
Probably since I tend to be so self-doubting and questioning of my perceptions of reality, God seems to have to use extremes to reach me.
I wanted to share this with you because it was good and so affirming to me and I hoped it would affirm anyone, who like me, still questions and doubts themselves and the realities of all of this. (Spiritual Abuse)
Right before Christmas, I went to the grocery store. As I was paying the checker, I glanced at the woman behind me in line. She looked vaguely familiar. She looked at me as though she knew me, too. She spoke and said, "Don't you go to my church?" Well, then I recognized her....I did not know her well but remembered praying for her one night, when I was involved in the women's ministry team at my former church. Here we go again, I thought, I quickly said only that I no longer went there, she said she was still there, I wished her happy holidays and left the store. Well, on one hand, I felt that was progress for me because usually given the opportunity I would rant - so being able to just say I didn't go there and leave was huge for me (probably I've gotten alot of "rant" out here) but at the same time I was uncomfortable and felt a strange unfinished feeling inside.
I unloaded the groceries at my car, when I looked up and there she was again, this time she asked me if I was ok - I said, yes and then....I knew that I knew I heard that tone in her where she needed to affirm she wasn't crazy....she started out - "When pastor said -----did you feel....???" and we were off to the races ----
I won't go into it all but she and her family were sickened by the guilt-making, the public shaming, the controlling, domineering style of the church and were about to leave it.....!! I think that we both needed to hear that we were perceiving the same things, we needed to affirm and be affirmed.
At the end of the conversation - all of a sudden she looked startled and amazed and said, "I don't know why I even came down this aisle! My car is clear over on the other side of the lot --- It must have been the Lord!" I agreed....
I liked this so much because it was impossible to pass it off as mere coincidence, it once again spoke loudly to me that God is on my/(our) side, that He is not angry at me, not thinking of me as disobediant and a rebel (like the church told us) and He cared enough to speak to me in such a unique manner and affirm it all for me......again.
I am very grateful for that little experience - it was simple but it spoke volumes--- hope it will also lift and encourage anyone who today also maybe struggling with the "doubts"!
I wanted to share this with you because it was good and so affirming to me and I hoped it would affirm anyone, who like me, still questions and doubts themselves and the realities of all of this. (Spiritual Abuse)
Right before Christmas, I went to the grocery store. As I was paying the checker, I glanced at the woman behind me in line. She looked vaguely familiar. She looked at me as though she knew me, too. She spoke and said, "Don't you go to my church?" Well, then I recognized her....I did not know her well but remembered praying for her one night, when I was involved in the women's ministry team at my former church. Here we go again, I thought, I quickly said only that I no longer went there, she said she was still there, I wished her happy holidays and left the store. Well, on one hand, I felt that was progress for me because usually given the opportunity I would rant - so being able to just say I didn't go there and leave was huge for me (probably I've gotten alot of "rant" out here) but at the same time I was uncomfortable and felt a strange unfinished feeling inside.
I unloaded the groceries at my car, when I looked up and there she was again, this time she asked me if I was ok - I said, yes and then....I knew that I knew I heard that tone in her where she needed to affirm she wasn't crazy....she started out - "When pastor said -----did you feel....???" and we were off to the races ----
I won't go into it all but she and her family were sickened by the guilt-making, the public shaming, the controlling, domineering style of the church and were about to leave it.....!! I think that we both needed to hear that we were perceiving the same things, we needed to affirm and be affirmed.
At the end of the conversation - all of a sudden she looked startled and amazed and said, "I don't know why I even came down this aisle! My car is clear over on the other side of the lot --- It must have been the Lord!" I agreed....
I liked this so much because it was impossible to pass it off as mere coincidence, it once again spoke loudly to me that God is on my/(our) side, that He is not angry at me, not thinking of me as disobediant and a rebel (like the church told us) and He cared enough to speak to me in such a unique manner and affirm it all for me......again.
I am very grateful for that little experience - it was simple but it spoke volumes--- hope it will also lift and encourage anyone who today also maybe struggling with the "doubts"!