Hello

[TBear]

Hi all. I'm new to the forum, have visited a few times but not posted till now. Just sticking my toe in the water so to speak. I come out of a spiritual abusive backgound like everybody here. I've been around the church all my life, good ones and and bad ones, but for the most part in the last several years the ones where very little grace existed and mostly abusive condemnation. We have a tendency to get legalistic ourselves the more, and longer we're around it. My Jesus didn't use condemnation, although he was angry at times, like at the money changers, but he exhibited compassion. Compassion and love were the reason God sent His Son in the first place, but very little of that comes across through the organized church today. I look forward to the support in this site.
TBear:)

[gwen]

Welcome TBear! I'm glad that you stuck your toe in the water and posted! It's good to have you on board! You'll find that the people here are very understanding, as we have all gone through bad church experiences to one degree or another. It is really a great support system here and feel welcome to jump in and post! You're right about organized church. There are churches out there that do show the love and compassion of Christ, but they are hard to find.

Here's a questionnaire that Voyager posted recently that I think is excellent to determine if a church is healthy or not:

Here is a questionnaire to determine just how healthy your local church is. Believe it or not, not every Christian church is a safe place. To find out how well your church ranks, answer "yes" or "no" to the following 12 questions:

1. Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?

2. Does your spiritual leader use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers?

3. Is your spiritual leader intolerant of questions or critical inquiry?

4. Is your spiritual leader the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation?

5. Does your spiritual leader have unreasonable fears about the outside world such as evil conspiracies or persecutions?

6. Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"?

7. Is leaving your group to join another church equal to leaving God?

8. Does the surrounding community view your church as a cult?

9. Does your spiritual leader consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned?

10. Do the goals of your spiritual leader seem to supercede any personal goals or individual interests?

11. Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion?

12. Do former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances?

If you answered "no" to all of the above 12 questions, your church is very healthy. If you answered "yes" to three or more, your church is showing signs of being unhealthy. If you answered "yes" to six or more, your church is very unhealthy. If you answered "yes" to eight or more, your church is a full-blown authoritarian cult.

Take care!
Gwen :)

[Willow]

Hi TBear... welcome!
I know what you mean about the organized church. I have difficulty finding Jesus there too. I'm sure he's there... but he's in my heart too and at my house. I find gentler kinder people other places that I can fellowship with.

[jane]

Tbear-

welcome, looks like you found the right place to be. We are all in different places of recovery, have had different experiences but the pain and loss is all to similar.

welcome and I look forward to getting to know you more...

love,
jane

[Meg Evenstar]

Welcome, TBear. This is a wonderful place and everyone is so kind and helpful. I am new myself and have found this place to be very helpful. I too can't fine Jesus in the local church. I wonder if He is welcome. Anyway it is nice to have you join us.

Meg

[Janice]

Hi all. I'm new to the forum, have visited a few times but not posted till now. Just sticking my toe in the water so to speak. I come out of a spiritual abusive backgound like everybody here. I've been around the church all my life, good ones and and bad ones, but for the most part in the last several years the ones where very little grace existed and mostly abusive condemnation. We have a tendency to get legalistic ourselves the more, and longer we're around it. My Jesus didn't use condemnation, although he was angry at times, like at the money changers, but he exhibited compassion. Compassion and love were the reason God sent His Son in the first place, but very little of that comes across through the organized church today. I look forward to the support in this site.
TBear:)

Welcome to the forum Tbear! :) We have much in common.

[truth]

We have a tendency to get legalistic ourselves the more, and longer we're around it.



welcome TBear - I'm glad you're here!

Against all odds, I became legalistic, too.....attitudes and beliefs I would have scoffed at, in my old days, started to make sense when I got in that environment and that is what was so telling about the manipulation and the power to control our minds these systems have....thanks for bringing that up --- it's a painful but joyful reminder not to be a part of it anymore!

[riverdove]

Welcome TBear. I'm new here too and I'm also quite nervous about this internet forum thing.
It takes a little warming up. Start up with some reading of the posts as and when you have time--cruise at your own speed. I've been very touched by some of the things I read here and have been learning. So, take your
time ....

Riverdove

[butterfly]

:) Welcome T Bear:) butterfly

[Enochwar]

Welcome aboard!

Enochwar:D