To Expose Or Not To Expose?

[Voyager]

Here's something that I posted last year in reply to someone's questions on a thread. I thought I'd bring it back up in the form of a new post to give this topic some needed attention - especially for those just leaving an abusive church:

You stated: "I feel like now that I know it is my duty to get them out."

I felt the same way you do. I wanted to help my former church members. I sent them letters on the symptoms of cults and controlling groups. I sent books on spiritual abuse anonymously. I was already blacklisted, so it didn't matter. My name was already ruined because I had escaped the church and "left God's will". I pleaded with people to leave the church. I started an online forum for the escapees of the church that eventually had over 100 members. I even got together with a few former members (an older couple) and we put fliers about the symptoms of cults on cars parked at the church during a Sunday morning service. I was told that the church called the police and tried to get me arrested for "harassment", but it never happened. It took a few years, but eventually over 450 members escaped the church due to the abuse and the pastor was terminated. The church has since dwindled to just 50 members.

Would I recommend this to anyone else? Not unless you have very thick skin. Did it do any good? Yes, it did. Many former church members credited me for exposing the abuse and getting the abusive pastor terminated for embezzlement of church funds among other charges. Would I do it again? Yes. Is it hazardous to your mental health? Probably, but it was also very vindicating.

You asked: "How do you cope?"

I cope by frequenting this forum and educating myself on spiritual abuse.

You also asked: "How do I move on?"

In my opinion, you don't "move on" from it. You just go through it, and eventually you get to the other side. It's a journey that takes time. The only way to "move on" would be to go back and erase the abuse that you experienced. But since you cannot do that, you just go through it. We'll go through it with you.

What I did in exposing my former pastor's abuse is not the norm. For most people, it's probably more healthy to leave and get as far away from the group as you can. One thing is for sure, it would be a waste of time to try to get the pastor to stop abusing. I have never heard of this happening. Most of the time, the people in the church will support the abusive pastor and reject anyone who comes against him/her as a demonized heretic.

When I first began exposing my former pastor's abuse, I did it anonymously. People probably figured it was me, but they didn't know for sure. When I heard that the pastor had labelled me "insane" from the pulpit, I really went on the offensive. I wrote the editor of the local paper, and I even posted an ad in the paper that advertised the website forum I had developed that exposed the abusive pastor. The website ended up becoming the talk of the town, and half the city of 16,000 ended up visiting it. Once the members of the church starting seeing the abuse for what it was and felt like they were embarrassed to be involved in the church, they started bailing out family by family.

Is it best for anyone to do what I did ? I highly doubt it. For most people, it is probably best to get away from the abuse and start a new life. I was very bullheaded and I took on a lot of grief, expenses, and added rejection due to my actions. Most people would not want to deal with that, and I don't blame them. There is a big price to pay if you decide to try to expose the abuse. The pastor will try to destroy your credibility, and you may never win the battle that I won. It's a very big risk.

Any thoughts?

:cool:

[gwen]

Thank you, Voyager, for sharing this...it gives me some food for thought, since these are questions that our family is currently dealing with...

Gwen

[Meg Evenstar]

My thought are still forming on all of this, but I think if I every have to go through this again that I could not do a direct assault like you did and I highly commend you for doing so. I suffered such severe stress that it damaged my health to the point that I am now fighting the development of diabetes and heart disease. It's a battle I may not win too. My husband did do something similar to what you described towards the end of our life at our former church and we did pay dearly for it. It was the reason we moved from that community.

But as you have said, you can't really move on. It is something you go through and I am still on the road traveling. I wonder if I will ever really get through it, but one thing I do know is that God let me go through this so that I would learn to lean on Him and nothing else. I also know that when I see this happening to a brother or a sister I will intervene as best as I can to offer what ever help that I can. I now know what SA looks like and how to recognize a bad situation or group. My kids know too so perhaps they will be wiser than their parents have been.

All in all, yes the fight is worth it if for no other reason than it is the Gospel that is at stake. Think of the martyrs through out the Middle Ages. They faced the same thing and if they had not over come the "true" Gospel would not have survived and that's what we are doing, we are surviving for the sake of the "truth" and therefore keeping the truth alive. Think about it. If this false system becomes all that there is then the faith will die and in a way we are seeing what the system of the tribulation will look like. Religion will not be gone from the earth during that time. It will be alive and strong. The bride will be gone. And what happens to those who resist?

Oh, and one other though on this. I do believe that if they could some of these groups would kill those who do not fall in line. My sixteen year old son was told by one of the leaders of our home school group that if this were like the days of the Old Testament he would be taken out to the city gates and stoned. They wanted him to repent publically for acting up at summer camp (he played jokes and pranks). This was our first big shock with this group that we needed to get out, and when we could, we did.

Meg

[mary]

Voyager, I soundly applaud you and every single one of your efforts. :) You did a series of great and courageous things! This post of yours is extremely helpful to me and I am going to download it immediately. Undoubtedly, it'll be a help to reread it when I'm also meditating on Ezekiel 34, 2 Timothy 3:1-9, etc.

There are some of us who are simply constitutionally unable to "let things lie." I'm one of them. I don't ever recall walking away from a fight in my life, especially not one in which God's truths and His Word were at issue and my position was in support of the absolute truth. One also cannot walk away from something in which one's family has been threatened, and that was the case with our situation. I will fight and keep on fighting. If those whom the Lord equips to fight do not do it, who will? If one doesn't feel equipped to fight and knows that there is a problem that needs to be addressed, one can always pray that the Lord will bless you in that manner. (Ephesians 6:10-20.) We are, after all, to have no fellowship "with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them." Ephesians 5:11. If silence implies assent to the deeds of abusive "pastors," then I will never be silent.

Thank you for posting the details of your fight, Voyager: what inspiration is contained and can be derived from that post!

mary

[Jerry]

If those whom the Lord equips to fight do not do it, who will?
That is exactly the "Key" Mary. If we are blessed in this way we have two dutys.To vanquish the Enemy,and to defend those not so equiped.A difficult task.
Love Jerry

[jane]

Voyager-
thankyou for posting this:p

I was thinking HOW DIFFICULT it is to leave behind people that you LOVE.

It feels like leaving them behind enemy lines without an emergency helicopter to get them out before they loose their lines.

My husband and I tried to rescue them. Some by talking honestly about spiritual abuse....who looked at us like we were high or demon possessed...

to some we were passionate and pleeding.....and they looked at us worried for our sanity.

to others we were quiet and controlled, said nothing except lovingly validated their experiences....to which they later blamed us for manipulating them to think those thoughts...the manipulations were the spirits that were around us:eek: .

we tried many many ways.....and we were left feeling exhausted, beat up, useless and sometimes angry at how they knew us for years and seemed to not know our character at all.

Only recently have I come to see that I cannot be their savior. For me, it is not my fight to fight. I will pray. I will go on going on...doing that which I feel called to do.

I have to be true to myself, my family and the responsibilities that have been given to me by God- the children I work with, the staff that I work with, and so on.

I can not take care of those left behind because the more I tried, the more they cling to the lies....

the safety raft that we thought we were sending them...to them was a bomb of destruction.

too much to loose to look at reality...too many years of time, love, relationships, money and countless other sacrifices to face the truth- that it is grass going to be burned in the fire.

Great post...please keep us thinking.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.
love,
jane

[truth]

After I left, because I never had dealt with this situation before, I guess now looking back I sort of just took the thing one day at a time and tryed to rely on God to show me how to handle each situation and person that came my way following our leaving our church.

I noticed that I seemed to have to do very little because, without much effort or trying, people seemed to pop up all over the place (groceries, drug stores, coffee houses, etc) and then I would just take each situation individually, say a quick prayer and go from there.

If there has been anything similar in most of my interactions and meetings, I would say that I always felt I needed to speak honestly and truthfully about the church and situation there --- I never made small talk or walked away - when they asked why I left, I spoke the truth and told them about how I felt regarding the pastor and the theology and, if it seemed appropriate, I also shared that I had needed counseling and the counselor - a credible Christian counseling center, had affirmed without me even bringing it up, that the church and pastor were spiritually abusive and had strong cult-like tendancies --- people don't like it and they sure don't like to hear it but I'm to the point now, I don't care - you can't please everyone and I believe that each one of those "meetings" was divinely-appointed, not coincidental and was the way God was starting to try and reach them. I view it also as a sort of subtle "seed planting" as well....where else are they going to hear the truth, if not from their "own" ?

When I was still in the church, I had a very dear friend that would speak to me honestly about how abusive some pastors were and how she had felt so abused and left---- everytime she talked to me I had different reactions - sometimes I empathized, sometimes I got angry and defensive other times I could care less but looking back now - I see that she planted the seeds by not backing down or telling me what I might have wanted to hear.....

I believe we do have a responsibility and obligation to expose corrupt systems and organizations, particularly ones who are harming people while claiming to be hearing from God!

I think that God uses each one of us and our different talents uniquely to accomplish this.