Christmas confession - just venting

[Pinkie Pie]

Okay I need to tell someone that I am really not all that excited about Christmas this year. Maybe I am expecting too much from the season. Or from people. I don't know. Even knowing that it is because we are celebrating Christ's birth doesn't help. I hope I am not depressing anyone, because I don't intend to. Actually I envy the people who get excited and all "into" it. For some reason this year it just isn't my bag.

And I feel like there is something wrong with me because of that. I could name 50 possible reasons why I feel this way - but I don't know that it would matter if they were all resolved. It's like I just don't CARE. I can't wait for Christmas to be over. Like I said, hope I don't bring anyone down. And of course there's the common admonition to help someone else during the season to get the Christmas spirit, and I know that is true, but frankly I don't even care about that. I feel like I am just going through the motions with people so I won't bring them down.

Anyway, I just needed to tell someone that.

[ex-shep]

Okay I need to tell someone that I am really not all that excited about Christmas this year. Maybe I am expecting too much from the season. Or from people. I don't know. Even knowing that it is because we are celebrating Christ's birth doesn't help. I hope I am not depressing anyone, because I don't intend to. Actually I envy the people who get excited and all "into" it. For some reason this year it just isn't my bag.

And I feel like there is something wrong with me because of that. I could name 50 possible reasons why I feel this way - but I don't know that it would matter if they were all resolved. It's like I just don't CARE. I can't wait for Christmas to be over. Like I said, hope I don't bring anyone down. And of course there's the common admonition to help someone else during the season to get the Christmas spirit, and I know that is true, but frankly I don't even care about that. I feel like I am just going through the motions with people so I won't bring them down.

Anyway, I just needed to tell someone that.

You are where are. There are days I can not get with the program. Yesterday I was immobilized with depression.

I have in posts suggested take what you like and leave the rest. The fact that you recognize the problem puts you points ahead. Not a picnic that is for sure. Keep posting. I am sure others can relate and will have appropriate words of encouragement. Virtual coffee pot is brewing.

[Willow]

Pinkie... please don't feel guilty. If everyone on earth was totally honest, you would hear a lot of stories that are just like yours. Christmas is truly stressful. Here's a little ditty I wrote last year while feeling overwhelmed.

It's "the most wonderful season of all"!
Full of icons for boasting and parties for hosting
and presents to BUY!
It's the "hop - sloppiest season of all!"

Hope that makes you smile :)

I have always been a bit of a grinch I guess... even when I was in church. I resented the change of routine that the holidays forced me into.

[SpinningHead]

Pinkie Pie,

Come to my house for some egg-nog and we'll bah-hum "It's a Wonderful Life" together. Not so much thrilled on my end either. Even though we're going to mother's for Eve and Sister's for Day...it just seems like "stuff on my to-do list" that I'd rather do at other times. I can't afford buying gifts so it's homemade jewelry or baked goods baskets from me. Which I need to go to the store after work and buy ingredients and need to bake tomorrow and Saturday. But I would rather do that than face the tramatic stores this time of year. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy baking...a sip of wine for me, some sugar for this apple spice bread... more wine for me, a fresh water pearl for this earring... I am lucky that hubby buys for his family. The first question MIL always asks is "and who picked this out??" When I orginally picked out her gifts, they would disappear. But if it's something dear son picked out...oh well! That's so special!

check out wicn.org and click on listen now for some off-beat jazzy Christmas music (sometimes it's folk) and I'm really over the hole glitzy, glammy-elf thing. I love that Christ was born for me...I do. That's as far as I go...jazz, loving Christ and a nice glass of wine. What a way to spend an evening!

[Pinkie Pie]

Pinkie... please don't feel guilty. If everyone on earth was totally honest, you would hear a lot of stories that are just like yours. Christmas is truly stressful. Here's a little ditty I wrote last year while feeling overwhelmed.

It's "the most wonderful season of all"!
Full of icons for boasting and parties for hosting
and presents to BUY!
It's the "hop - sloppiest season of all!"

Hope that makes you smile :)

I have always been a bit of a grinch I guess... even when I was in church. I resented the change of routine that the holidays forced me into.

That DID make me smile! :) Thanks for giving me some "un"Christmas cheer!

[Pinkie Pie]

Pinkie Pie,

check out wicn.org and click on listen now for some off-beat jazzy Christmas music (sometimes it's folk) and I'm really over the hole glitzy, glammy-elf thing. I love that Christ was born for me...I do. That's as far as I go...jazz, loving Christ and a nice glass of wine. What a way to spend an evening!

Now I like the sound of that - back to the basics Christmas. I checked out wicn.org. I haven't listened to jazz in years, used to be one of my all time favorites (until it became a "sin", har har har). Will let it play while I work.

And have a virtual egg nog with you!

[SpinningHead]

(until it became a "sin", har har har).


That was NOT just written outloud! Nope! That was not just said...
I will be pretending that was not said!

The idea!! <<shudders>> jazz...a sin!!! Who are these people???

Oh, the wickedness of the world!!

:D

[Theodora]

AND, as Ex-Shep said, recognizing your feelings puts you "points ahead."

I don't have the time to do this right now, but you might go to the Google.com search engine and type in key words such as "Holiday depression." I've no doubt that you'd find LOTS which would both "explain"/VALIDATE what you're experiencing and...perhaps...give you some suggestions for how to cope with this pain. Know that there IS a kind of special "dis-connect" that happens, I think, when we are ill/sad/....WHATEVER....which makes us UNABLE to act as others SEEM to be acting with all of their holiday finery. However......well.....take THAT with a "grain of salt" too!

I am reminded of the French philosopher Blaise Pascal (also esteemed as a mathematician) whose famous "Pensees" ("Thoughts") included fragmentary ideas about how to approach an overly sophisticated age with the God he had experienced as the "God of Isaac, Jacob....and not the 'philosophes'" For him, a KEY consideration was how to break people loose from their frantic activity in all spheres to where they CAN consider some deeper truths and there be touched by God. The more people insist on "keeping busy," the more they protect themselves from this reflection.

Again...know that YOU are "points ahead," even if you're not feeling "festive" at the moment.

Grace and peace to you and yours this day.

Theodora



Okay I need to tell someone that I am really not all that excited about Christmas this year. Maybe I am expecting too much from the season. Or from people. I don't know. Even knowing that it is because we are celebrating Christ's birth doesn't help. I hope I am not depressing anyone, because I don't intend to. Actually I envy the people who get excited and all "into" it. For some reason this year it just isn't my bag.

And I feel like there is something wrong with me because of that. I could name 50 possible reasons why I feel this way - but I don't know that it would matter if they were all resolved. It's like I just don't CARE. I can't wait for Christmas to be over. Like I said, hope I don't bring anyone down. And of course there's the common admonition to help someone else during the season to get the Christmas spirit, and I know that is true, but frankly I don't even care about that. I feel like I am just going through the motions with people so I won't bring them down.

Anyway, I just needed to tell someone that.

[ex-shep]

Now I like the sound of that - back to the basics Christmas. I checked out wicn.org. I haven't listened to jazz in years, used to be one of my all time favorites (until it became a "sin", har har har). Will let it play while I work.

And have a virtual egg nog with you!

Did somebody say WICN? I worked for them in 1976-77. Their jazz/folk format is one of the best things they did. They made the switch in the early Nineties. Talk about a small world.

[SpinningHead]

Did somebody say WICN? I worked for them in 1976-77. Their jazz/folk format is one of the best things they did. They made the switch in the early Nineties. Talk about a small world.

In New England??? Worcester??? I love that station!!! It's what I listen to 85% of the time, even when I'm on the computer!!! We have a couple friends who are DJ's there. Check out their program Jazz Rocks.

WICN.org

[Jerry]

Ah this is cool,,,,,,,,,Lets start the "Festivous" Celiberation with the "Airing of Grievances" :D Theres Christmas for Christans,Hannukkah for Jews, Ramadon for Moslems,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,And FESTIVOUS for the rest of us !!!!!!!! :D
Love Jerry

[jjc9497]

I'm having a hard time getting in the Christmas spirit, too. My mother died on Dec. 22 just 3 yrs ago, so that is still hard. Our dog we've had for 13 years passed away 2 days ago, and my house is all torn up in the middle of a major remodel and I have no kitchen. So, to feel better, I'll share my all time favorite Christmas ditty:


OHHHHHHHHHH-- you better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is dead. :eek:


(best not to be sung in the presence of small children):D :D :D :D

[Willow]

awww.. JJ.. what a rough go of it!!! My heart goes out to you. I think if Santa ain't dead we ought to shoot him! Makes ya mean when things go to hell and a handbasket around the holiday season.... we be jaded, eh?

I wish you healing for this new year. May she wrap her arms around you in love like a warm fuzzy blanket.

[ex-shep]

In New England??? Worcester??? I love that station!!! It's what I listen to 85% of the time, even when I'm on the computer!!! We have a couple friends who are DJ's there. Check out their program Jazz Rocks.

WICN.org


Great station. Still listen to them on line.

[Leslie]

jjc, I'm so sorry to hear this. You hanging in there?

How are you, Pinkie, and everyone else, now that the holiday is over?

Leslie

[Janice]

I'm having a hard time getting in the Christmas spirit, too. My mother died on Dec. 22 just 3 yrs ago, so that is still hard. Our dog we've had for 13 years passed away 2 days ago, and my house is all torn up in the middle of a major remodel and I have no kitchen. So, to feel better, I'll share my all time favorite Christmas ditty:


OHHHHHHHHHH-- you better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is dead. :eek:


(best not to be sung in the presence of small children):D :D :D :D


((((((((JJC))))))))) I had a 14 yr. old yellow lab named "Bubba that died a couple yrs. ago. It's such a hard thing to go through! This poem helped me at that time:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[Joseph]

I feel your pain sister,

4 Christmas's ago: 4 days before Christmas I was told I had stomach cancer (which tuned out to be false, but I didn't find out until the end of January) and when I came home to tell my wife, she told me she wanted a divorce.

3 Christmas's ago: After the divorce, I took such a hit financially that I had to put my house up for sale.

2 Christmas's ago: I left my SA church around Thanksgiving and by Christmas realized that I needed to declare chapter 7.

And a partridge in a pear tree!!

This Christmas: So far so good.

I still love Christmas time, I just find myself more guarded around this time. I strive to enjoy Christmas like I did years ago and I'm getting closer.

Hang in there,
Joe

[Willow]

I have to admit to being a bit of a scrooge. Not completely... but there seems to be quite a lot of disappointment and pain during this season for many people. When it's good... it's really fun, but when things happen like Joe and JJ and Theo and Pinkie describe... well... it just seems to amplify the pain to have a "family" holiday happening. With me... next year will hopefully be better. Personally, I didn't have a bad christmas... it's just so many people I care about around me who were suffering this year that made me wish the holiday would go away. However... if the holiday went away that wouldn't be fair to all the folks who had a wonderful, warm, family type of experience. So I guess I'm not really a grinch. I just hate the way the holidays can amplify problems.

Joe... your wife abandoning you upon news of your possible illness and death??!! That absolutely floors me! I don't know how to tell you how angry that made me. You certainly deserved to have a peaceful holiday this year afte several years of famine!

[SpinningHead]

((((((((JJC))))))))) I had a 14 yr. old yellow lab named "Bubba that died a couple yrs. ago. It's such a hard thing to go through! This poem helped me at that time:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

That was just beautiful! I'm an animal lover with a dog & cat & 2 ducks (yes, ducks...quack quack). Thank you for sharing this one with us. It really tugged on my heart strings.

Thanks again.

[mstar]

finally recovering from some of this Christmas so that I could catch up with unread threads.

Hope you all made it through . . .now we can have "Happy New Year Confession-more venting". (I'd like to go first)

Joe, jcc, I am sorry. . . that must have been hard. Pinkie are you making it ok?

My Christmas confession. . .I am so tried I can't think. I feel like I am going through the motions and there ain't anyone back there.

can't wait for that special Happy New Year party. . . almost feel like I am in a despression. Trying to fight it.

[truth]

Okay I need to tell someone that I am really not all that excited about Christmas this year. Maybe I am expecting too much from the season. Or from people. I don't know. Even knowing that it is because we are celebrating Christ's birth doesn't help. I hope I am not depressing anyone, because I don't intend to. Actually I envy the people who get excited and all "into" it. For some reason this year it just isn't my bag.

And I feel like there is something wrong with me because of that. I could name 50 possible reasons why I feel this way - but I don't know that it would matter if they were all resolved. It's like I just don't CARE. I can't wait for Christmas to be over. Like I said, hope I don't bring anyone down. And of course there's the common admonition to help someone else during the season to get the Christmas spirit, and I know that is true, but frankly I don't even care about that. I feel like I am just going through the motions with people so I won't bring them down.

Anyway, I just needed to tell someone that.

Christmas is difficult for me, too.... My father died several years back on Christmas day -11 months later my mom died five-days before Christmas, the next year my father-in-law died than 11-months later my mother-in-law died....this year my husband and step-father and I went to the cemetary right before Christmas and after 30-minutes we had visited 8-graves! --- we said maybe we better start bringing a tree and gifts and have Christmas out there!

It definitely changes the holidays and how you feel towards them and it's hard in a world which assaults you everywhere with idealized images of happy families and holiday "moments" its enough to weaken even the strongest of us....

We were the most apathetic we have ever been and decided to not even put up our towering tree and decorations this year...... left the church this year, no adopt-a-family program.....no Christmas service, no lady's lunch - gift exchange, no couple's party.....pretty blank this year....

It's finally over and I for one am looking forward to 2006! May it be better for all of us....

[Janice]

That was just beautiful! I'm an animal lover with a dog & cat & 2 ducks (yes, ducks...quack quack). Thank you for sharing this one with us. It really tugged on my heart strings.

Thanks again.

(((((((((Spinninghead))))

You're welcome. It made me cry like a baby too! ;)

[Pinkie Pie]

jjc, I'm so sorry to hear this. You hanging in there?

How are you, Pinkie, and everyone else, now that the holiday is over?

Leslie

Well I was so encouraged by everyone's posts, that I decided to not have any expectations whatsoever about Christmas, and not beat up on myself about it. Just enjoy it (or not) however I felt like it. All my family lives in another state so I am here by myself. I didn't feel like buying a tree, but I decide the day before Christmas Eve to string some lights around my fireplace mantle. I watched my recorded video of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and drank hot cocoa. And watched my cockatiel stare transfixed at the mysterious colorful blinking lights outside his cage.

A church member invited me to her and her husband's for a little Christmas Eve visit - it was just their little family and me. We had chili and wassail.

And on Christmas Day, my pastor and his wife to my surprise invited me to their house for Christmas Dinner. I was extremely nervous about it (old spiritual abuse issues) but ended up having a very good time. I was very quiet most of the time but they know me and let me be me.

By December 26th, I realized I had gotten through it with relatively little anxiety (I had to take a couple extra Xanax though!). A very low key low pressure Christmas. :) Biggest breakthrough is that I didn't feel especially merry, but I didn't let it get me down. I let myself feel however I felt.

[gwen]

Biggest breakthrough is that I didn't feel especially merry, but I didn't let it get me down. I let myself feel however I felt.

Dear Pinkie Pie,

I think that that's great! You made it through the season being yourself and everything turned out okay for you! Now you can look forward to the new year! I wish you a year of continued healing...:)

Love, Gwen

[jjc9497]

Sounds like a lot of us have reason to be depressed over the holidays.

Mine actually turned out well. We are really broke this year (remodeling). We had just me, my husband and 2 adult kids. We didn't hardly have any presents under the tree, but we had fun and played games and had pizza (our traditional Christmas dinner--I don't have to cook--never understood spending the whole day in the kitchen stuff).

I'm glad we all made it thru. Hope the New Year brings more healing to all.

[ex-shep]

Okay I need to tell someone that I am really not all that excited about Christmas this year. Maybe I am expecting too much from the season. Or from people. I don't know. Even knowing that it is because we are celebrating Christ's birth doesn't help. I hope I am not depressing anyone, because I don't intend to. Actually I envy the people who get excited and all "into" it. For some reason this year it just isn't my bag.

And I feel like there is something wrong with me because of that. I could name 50 possible reasons why I feel this way - but I don't know that it would matter if they were all resolved. It's like I just don't CARE. I can't wait for Christmas to be over. Like I said, hope I don't bring anyone down. And of course there's the common admonition to help someone else during the season to get the Christmas spirit, and I know that is true, but frankly I don't even care about that. I feel like I am just going through the motions with people so I won't bring them down.

Anyway, I just needed to tell someone that.


You are where you are. If you are with it, celebrate. If not, you are not in the moood. No need to apologize. I had the same reaction at the Christmas Eve service. The music was great. The media outstanding. The message inspiring. My responese. Ho Hum. Depression can be depressing. As with the rest of the year, I can still take what I like and leave the rest.

[ex-shep]

I have to admit to being a bit of a scrooge. Not completely... but there seems to be quite a lot of disappointment and pain during this season for many people. When it's good... it's really fun, but when things happen like Joe and JJ and Theo and Pinkie describe... well... it just seems to amplify the pain to have a "family" holiday happening. With me... next year will hopefully be better. Personally, I didn't have a bad christmas... it's just so many people I care about around me who were suffering this year that made me wish the holiday would go away. However... if the holiday went away that wouldn't be fair to all the folks who had a wonderful, warm, family type of experience. So I guess I'm not really a grinch. I just hate the way the holidays can amplify problems.

Joe... your wife abandoning you upon news of your possible illness and death??!! That absolutely floors me! I don't know how to tell you how angry that made me. You certainly deserved to have a peaceful holiday this year afte several years of famine!

Actually Scrooge, in context, did not see the importance. When Dickens penned the novel, it was just another day at the office. I love the comment by a department store set designer several years ago, "Trying to say you do not like Christmas is like a vampire at a garlic festival."

[Willow]

HAHAHAHA... exshep... great analogy. Christmas is all around you and you dare not to like it??? You can't escape it! Very funny.

[ex-shep]

HAHAHAHA... exshep... great analogy. Christmas is all around you and you dare not to like it??? You can't escape it! Very funny.


Well having no kids and a apartment with no decorations help. The call center is fully decked out. Somehow I managed to tune it out along with the withchy poo.

[mstar]

Sounds like a success Pinkie Pie. Congrats.

Truth, I am sorry about the deaths esp. at Christmas. That must be hard.

Glad everyone made it through O.K. Do we dare to hope for a better New Year? You know it is possible.

[Jerry]

It's finally over and I for one am looking forward to 2006! May it be better for all of us....

[/COLOR]
Dear Truth,,,,
I know a man
Whos name is Lang
He has a neon sign
Mister Lang is very old
So I call it "Old Langs" sign,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:D

Love Jerry :p

[Pinkie Pie]

Sounds like a lot of us have reason to be depressed over the holidays.

Mine actually turned out well. We are really broke this year (remodeling). We had just me, my husband and 2 adult kids. We didn't hardly have any presents under the tree, but we had fun and played games and had pizza (our traditional Christmas dinner--I don't have to cook--never understood spending the whole day in the kitchen stuff).

I'm glad we all made it thru. Hope the New Year brings more healing to all.


PIZZA! What a great idea for a Christmas dinner. Kind of reminds me of the "Home Alone" movies. Wish I'd thought of it! Glad it turned out well for you.

[jane]

Pinkie pie-

glad you got through it in one peice!



love,
jane

[mary]

For animal lovers (which I am) who grieve a pet's death, at this time of year or any other:

Some of the writings of an old Scottish preacher named George Macdonald may help... He was one of C. S. Lewis's literary heroes and he wrote a series of sermons called "The Hope of the Gospel." (Sermons, vol. 5, Sunrise Book Publishers, Eureka, CA 95501. ISBN: 0-940652-84-6.)

An excerpt:

"If the Father will raise His children, why should He not also raise those whom He has taught His little ones to love? Love is the one bond of the universe, the heart of God, the life of His children: if animals can be loved, they are loveable; if they can love, they are yet more plainly loveable: love is eternal; how then should its object perish? Must the very immortality of love divide the bond of love? Must the love live on without its object? ... Can you imagine that, if, hereafter, one of God's little ones were to ask Him to give again one of earth's old loves - kitten, or pony, or squirrel, or dog, the Father would say no? ...What a child may ask for, the Father will keep ready..." ("The Hope of the Gospel," pp. 212-213.)

There's more; you get the idea. I have read this chapter at "pet funerals" we've had here... While I may disagree a bit with some of Macdonald's theology, this helps you get through it, and the Lord wants us to get through calamities, doesn't He?

mary

[jjc9497]

For animal lovers (which I am) who grieve a pet's death, at this time of year or any other:

Some of the writings of an old Scottish preacher named George Macdonald may help... He was one of C. S. Lewis's literary heroes and he wrote a series of sermons called "The Hope of the Gospel." (Sermons, vol. 5, Sunrise Book Publishers, Eureka, CA 95501. ISBN: 0-940652-84-6.)

An excerpt:

"If the Father will raise His children, why should He not also raise those whom He has taught His little ones to love? Love is the one bond of the universe, the heart of God, the life of His children: if animals can be loved, they are loveable; if they can love, they are yet more plainly loveable: love is eternal; how then should its object perish? Must the very immortality of love divide the bond of love? Must the love live on without its object? ... Can you imagine that, if, hereafter, one of God's little ones were to ask Him to give again one of earth's old loves - kitten, or pony, or squirrel, or dog, the Father would say no? ...What a child may ask for, the Father will keep ready..." ("The Hope of the Gospel," pp. 212-213.)

There's more; you get the idea. I have read this chapter at "pet funerals" we've had here... While I may disagree a bit with some of Macdonald's theology, this helps you get through it, and the Lord wants us to get through calamities, doesn't He?

mary



I LOVE this--especially as our dog died just before Christmas. I was always taught that animals don't go to heaven because they don't have a soul (supposedly part of our being made in the image of God). I always hated that because I always wanted my own horse and I can't imagine eternity without a horse. Then someone pointed out that the Bible says "the lion will (future) lie down with the lamb". Sounds to me like all dogs (and horses!) go to heaven. I just hope the mesquitoes and cock roaches don't make it!:eek:

[jane]

jjc-

I always found it odd that God went through so much trouble to have Noah build an ark to save the animals....

wiped out most of humanity, but saved the animals.

I don't know who or what will be in eternity, but I have a hard time belieiving that he went through the whole ark scene to just wipe out the animals in eternity-

after all when He was done created, the bible said that he looked and behold, "it is good."

right?

jane