New here - glad I'm here

[betty]

I stumbled onto this forum yesterday. Never even heard of Spiritual abuse. But it's like a light has been switched on.

I came to London (UK) ten years ago after being offered a volunteer job in a church. I never thought people would belive things like this could happen and think some people would think I was making all of this up. I can't tell you most things, some are too awful to mention.

I say this church was more like a cult, and today I'd even say I think I was brainwashed because some of the things I allowed them to do to me was very abusive.

Originally I came to volunteer in their homeless project and work with the young people, but it didn't work out that way. I was constantly told I wasn't spiritual enough to work in the church. Constantly told I was demon possessed and having to endure endless prayers of deliverance. Although the church was run by a married couple it was the woman who controled everything. All 'volunteers' had to endure an evening of counselling every week. My counselling night was every Monday from 7pm to 11pm - sometimes lasting until the early nights.

Within a month of me being at the church I had allowed her to write a letter from me telling my parents I didn't want any more contact from them. The vicar told me if my mum really loved me she would ignore the letter and phone me. A few years after getting out I met another 'volunteer' who told me my mum had phoned several times, but the church members had been told to tell my mum I didn't want contact.

I was banned from helping with the young people because I wasn't spiritual enough to be with them, and then banned from praying. Eventually my role in the church was to cook the Sunday lunch for the minister and the volunteers.

She chose my friends and even tried to get me to marry a man she had chosen.

The church was part of a denomination which didn't practice baptism. The denomination I don't belive is a cult - it was just this woman.
But she insisted I was baptised. Because it wasn't practiced in the denomination it had to be a secret baptism, only the few others in the church who had been baptised would know about it. I refused and was baptised at a friends church hoping this would stop the fuss, but she became angry with me and told the church they must not speak to me. I was told the baptism wasn't proper because the church hadn't used the correct words.

Constantly told I was demon possessed I believe I eventualy became ill with being told this all the time. They prayed over me (which has left me terrified of being prayed with). Sometimes getting a bucket in case a demon came out as vomit, sometimes making me remove all jewellery in case anything was possessed. even one occassion when I refused to be prayed with, six of them held me on the ground telling me it was the demon that was refusing.

Finally, one night I had snuck out of the church and gone to meet friends in the west end, on my way home I was held by a man and raped. The minister told me I had asked for it and told me to leave the church because I wasn't spiritual.

I became homeless, an alcoholic, drug addict and prostitute. Believing God didn't want me.

I found a nice church a year ago, I'm starting to like the people, but suddenly am wanting to run away from them. I have started to tell my new vicars what I'd gone through, but I don't think they'd understand, don't think they'd believe it.

But this (talking about it) is still new and raw for me. Glad to be here.

[Theodora]

....though SO very sad to learn of all you've endured.

Take heart, however....being able to be honest about your experience AND to begin to express is a SURE sign that you're on your way toward true healing.

Grace and peace to you....and again...WELCOME!!!

Theodora

P.S. From what you've shared here, you might also like to browse posts on the more general "NACR" forum, and also check out the "libraries" on both sites. Hang in there!!!

AND

P.P.S. I know of at least a couple people from Gt. Britain who have posted/are posting on this board. I hope that they may be of special help to you (and vise versa) as you continue to "process" your experience.



I stumbled onto this forum yesterday. Never even heard of Spiritual abuse. But it's like a light has been switched on.

I came to London (UK) ten years ago after being offered a volunteer job in a church. I never thought people would belive things like this could happen and think some people would think I was making all of this up. I can't tell you most things, some are too awful to mention.

I say this church was more like a cult, and today I'd even say I think I was brainwashed because some of the things I allowed them to do to me was very abusive.

Originally I came to volunteer in their homeless project and work with the young people, but it didn't work out that way. I was constantly told I wasn't spiritual enough to work in the church. Constantly told I was demon possessed and having to endure endless prayers of deliverance. Although the church was run by a married couple it was the woman who controled everything. All 'volunteers' had to endure an evening of counselling every week. My counselling night was every Monday from 7pm to 11pm - sometimes lasting until the early nights.

Within a month of me being at the church I had allowed her to write a letter from me telling my parents I didn't want any more contact from them. The vicar told me if my mum really loved me she would ignore the letter and phone me. A few years after getting out I met another 'volunteer' who told me my mum had phoned several times, but the church members had been told to tell my mum I didn't want contact.

I was banned from helping with the young people because I wasn't spiritual enough to be with them, and then banned from praying. Eventually my role in the church was to cook the Sunday lunch for the minister and the volunteers.

She chose my friends and even tried to get me to marry a man she had chosen.

The church was part of a denomination which didn't practice baptism. The denomination I don't belive is a cult - it was just this woman.
But she insisted I was baptised. Because it wasn't practiced in the denomination it had to be a secret baptism, only the few others in the church who had been baptised would know about it. I refused and was baptised at a friends church hoping this would stop the fuss, but she became angry with me and told the church they must not speak to me. I was told the baptism wasn't proper because the church hadn't used the correct words.

Constantly told I was demon possessed I believe I eventualy became ill with being told this all the time. They prayed over me (which has left me terrified of being prayed with). Sometimes getting a bucket in case a demon came out as vomit, sometimes making me remove all jewellery in case anything was possessed. even one occassion when I refused to be prayed with, six of them held me on the ground telling me it was the demon that was refusing.

Finally, one night I had snuck out of the church and gone to meet friends in the west end, on my way home I was held by a man and raped. The minister told me I had asked for it and told me to leave the church because I wasn't spiritual.

I became homeless, an alcoholic, drug addict and prostitute. Believing God didn't want me.

I found a nice church a year ago, I'm starting to like the people, but suddenly am wanting to run away from them. I have started to tell my new vicars what I'd gone through, but I don't think they'd understand, don't think they'd believe it.

But this (talking about it) is still new and raw for me. Glad to be here.

[Jerry]

Dear Betty ,,,,
We are glad your here too ;)
Love Jerry

[SpinningHead]

Oh Betty!! How horrible for you!!! You were absolutely a victim in some of the worst SA!!

I'm so glad you found a safer church to attend and you've found this forum. You are absolutely worthy of a safe place and of God's love. God does too love you!! Very much!

You're very very brave for telling your story! I stand up and applaud you! (ok, well, the people in my office are starting to look at me funny. :p )

I'm so glad you have found us.

[Carmen]

Hi ((Betty)),

Sounds like you have found the right place. We can believe what you have been through, everybody has been through something unimaginable here.

You might want to contact Tricia Tillin at www.intotruth.org, she has a discernment site, is in GB and may know about the church you went to. Her site isn't working correctly right now, maybe it will be fixed soon.

Carmen

[Reg]

You poor dear.

I too echo the other comments by members here. You have found the right place.

Some of my dearest friends from the church I exited also have horror stories to tell.

Take your time to recover. It takes so long for many of us to feel normal again. It's a process. Don't hurry it. Now that your eyes are open to it, you are on your way to recovery. A couple of good books to read to help you understand what happens to those of us who have exerienced SA are "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" and "Toxic Faith" They will give you a good foundation of info to help you recover.

And NO, your not going crazy. :)

[Patty]

Hi Betty,
Welcome and you are in surely in the right place. I experienced much of what you described as well. I have horrible memories of being told I was demon-possessed and suffered through many of the same "deliverance" sessions you describe. I was thrown out of two churches when I refused to particpate any further in these sessions. I am shunned by all whom I once considered family. In both churches (which I found out were connected, but at the time, I did not know this) there was severe sexual problems within the leadership. Though I personally, did not experience rape, as you did, others did. However, I ( and many others) were the recipient of other forms of sexual harrassment and assaults. I am fortunate to have escaped with any sanity at all. The worst part was the disfellowshipping and shunning. It was so cruel. But I now look at it as God getting me out of there. It was a violent, but necessary exit.
This "demon" theology that is so prevalent in many charismatic churches is pure evil. You would think a church would be a safe refuge in our world today, but in fact can be one of the most harmful places a spiritually seeking person can encounter. We come vulnerable, looking for answers to life and come out worse than when we started. Instead, in a "bait and switch" mode we are deeply scarred by those professing love who have called us every name in the book and accused us of so many faults and crimes all in the name of "delivering" us. Its nothing but bull****. It surely is not biblical. Its just a way for people to act nasty and ugly and unloving to those they want to control and/or get rid of and they can "do it in the name of Jesus and justify it in the end." Its resembles nothing of the love that Jesus preached.
Be glad you are out and here.
This site has been a lifesaver for me. Keep on posting.
God help them.

[Meg Evenstar]

Oh Betty!! ((((hugs)))) My heart broke reading about your experience. I believe every word of what you wrote as I have heard of some awful experiences in the deliverance movement in GB. Oh Betty know that God loves you very much and nothing that was done to you came from Him. Remember what Jesus said in Mathew. "Many will say but Lord, Lord I did this and such in your name and He will say to them. 'I never knew you'". You see Betty there are wolves among us and they wear sheep's clothing. The tares grow with the wheat and the goats graze with the sheep, but the Lord of the harvest will straighten it all out in the end. He loves you, Betty and it is no accident that you found us.

Meg

[betty]

Thank you everyone.

I don't know if I said this, I found a really nice church. The ministers are so down to earth, so lovely. I was talking to one of them the other day and was reluctant to say something (fearing the "demonic" responce from my past). The minister asked what I was going to say and I replied, 'Oh, nothing you should admit to your vicar'.

she laughed and said I should also see her as a friend. That was just so great.

I don't want to do what I always do, get to the point where I begin to trust God and Christians and end up fleeing in fear. I think maybe it's the right time to talk about this and deal with it.

[Meg Evenstar]

Hi Betty,
Welcome and you are in surely in the right place. I experienced much of what you described as well. I have horrible memories of being told I was demon-possessed and suffered through many of the same "deliverance" sessions you describe. I was thrown out of two churches when I refused to particpate any further in these sessions. I am shunned by all whom I once considered family. In both churches (which I found out were connected, but at the time, I did not know this) there was severe sexual problems within the leadership. Though I personally, did not experience rape, as you did, others did. However, I ( and many others) were the recipient of other forms of sexual harrassment and assaults. I am fortunate to have escaped with any sanity at all. The worst part was the disfellowshipping and shunning. It was so cruel. But I now look at it as God getting me out of there. It was a violent, but necessary exit.
This "demon" theology that is so prevalent in many charismatic churches is pure evil. You would think a church would be a safe refuge in our world today, but in fact can be one of the most harmful places a spiritually seeking person can encounter. We come vulnerable, looking for answers to life and come out worse than when we started. Instead, in a "bait and switch" mode we are deeply scarred by those professing love who have called us every name in the book and accused us of so many faults and crimes all in the name of "delivering" us. Its nothing but bull****. It surely is not biblical. Its just a way for people to act nasty and ugly and unloving to those they want to control and/or get rid of and they can "do it in the name of Jesus and justify it in the end." Its resembles nothing of the love that Jesus preached.
Be glad you are out and here.
This site has been a lifesaver for me. Keep on posting.
God help them.


Patti, we must have posted at about the same time. I am so sorry this happened to you ((((hugs)))). You with this kind of thing going on in the name of Jesus, we will be better off taking our chances with the world.

Meg

[Willow]

Wow!!! Dear Betty.... you have been through and come out on the other end! I'm very happy you are here. Yes... you were in a cult! Totally and unequivocally cult-like behavior. The alienation from your mum is intolerable and makes me want to wring their necks! I'm not sure what to tell you about confiding in your current vicars. Maybe test the waters first? I've done that with pastors before... give them something to see if they are going to blame the victim or support you. Hope this helps.

Amy

[Enochwar]

Wow!!! Dear Betty.... you have been through and come out on the other end! I'm very happy you are here. Yes... you were in a cult! Totally and unequivocally cult-like behavior. The alienation from your mum is intolerable and makes me want to wring their necks! I'm not sure what to tell you about confiding in your current vicars. Maybe test the waters first? I've done that with pastors before... give them something to see if they are going to blame the victim or support you. Hope this helps.

Amy


Hi Betty,

I add my welcome...:) ...and hugs ((()));)

Willow has a good idea about testing the waters. I've found it difficult to make myself clear to others...being open and honest takes time and practice....testing their reaction may help...

I've found much help just reading the posts here ....and more help by sharing and venting:D

May you find help and healing here...:)

Once again welcome.:)

Enochwar

[Janice]

Welcome to the forum Betty!

[truth]

Remember what Jesus said in Mathew. "Many will say but Lord, Lord I did this and such in your name and He will say to them. 'I never knew you'". You see Betty there are wolves among us and they wear sheep's clothing. The tares grow with the wheat and the goats graze with the sheep, but the Lord of the harvest will straighten it all out in the end. He loves you, Betty and it is no accident that you found us.

Meg

There's just nothing more to add than this (I was literally thinking of this scripture yesterday!)

Welcome, Betty...we're glad you found us here!

truth

[Eleanor]

Betty;
My heart goes out to you for what you have been through. There cannot be anything more destructive than being spiritually abused. It sounds like though that you have found some friends who will help you move through this horrible time in your life.

I was looking for some Christian fellowship with a group of women my sister was involved with and it basically was 'shown' to them-supposedly by the Holy Spirit- that I was 'walking in rebellion', full of demons, full of the pharisee spirit of religion because I had some problems with the Purpose Driven Movement and said so, abusive to my elderly mother,and on and on and on.Some of this 'Info' was supplied to them by my sister after she realized I think they disapproved of me....From then on I was 'turned over'
to the tormentor until I repented apparently. It has helped to destroy my relationship with my sister- the only sibling I have. I came from a very messed up family to begin with so I was needing the fellowship of kind and loving Christian women TOO much I guess. My need to belong set me up for this garbage.

I now recognize this for what it is: Unaldulterated Baloney.

I know you now know that NOTHING and NO ONE can separate you from the love of God.
Welcome to the forum and God bless you.

[butterfly]

:) Welcome Betty and a hug for you [[[]]]]].
I didn"t know that this forum was here either. I beleave in my heart that the Lord sent me here.
It is good not to feel so alone. I have people who have been there just like I have and understand the pain. butterfly

[jane]

welcome Betty.

don't know what else to say, just welcome.

jane

[Hope 98]

Glad you're here too Betty.

May we be a comfort to you.

[Eleanor]

Betty,
I keep rereading your post. The more I read the more horrified I am. I have never experienced the depth of what you did. My abuse really was extremely mild compared to yours as I certainly was not held almost a prisoner, abused and isolated from my family with lies.

The arrogance and the cruelty of these people is just unbelievable. What is the name of this group? I hope that they are stopped and can no longer do this to anyone else. I think they are very liable legally for what they have done if you or anyone else has the stomach for pressing charges. If you don't I can certainly understand that as well.They basically took you hostage, and ritually abused you, and then blamed you for what they were doing. This is satanic and spiritual perversion. I am so glad you are out and well away from them.

This group most certainly IS a cult regardless of what church they claim to be allied with. It is the people involved which make up a cult, not necassarily the umbrella organization, altho they do hold responsiblity for what happened to you - if there IS an overseeing organization in this case. Any religious practices can be bastardized to reflect the sick minds of some 'people'.

I am so glad you are here and that you have found another group of people to fellowship with.

You are one of the sheep that Jesus constantly spoke of as being His children. And you DO know His voice.It is pure love; kindness, gentleness and trustworthiness.

Love,
Eleanor

[Meg Evenstar]

You are one of the sheep that Jesus constantly spoke of as being His children. And you DO know His voice.It is pure love; kindness, gentleness and trustworthiness.

Love,
Eleanor


So very true, so very true.

Meg