Does anyone else go through this?

[Oopsie Daisey]

I hate holidays and weekends. It makes me more aware of my singleness and not belonging anywhere. At my age, and the small area I am from, there is no one who is in this particular category and if they are they have family who want them around. I do not have. I have tried to invite people to my house in the past or to do something with but they have all declined. This is a very hard time for me and I always despise my life and my hard time to adapt to the fact that it is aloneness and empty nest. :confused: :( :confused: :( :mad:

[OldEnt]

I hate holidays and weekends. It makes me more aware of my singleness and not belonging anywhere. At my age, and the small area I am from, there is no one who is in this particular category and if they are they have family who want them around. I do not have. I have tried to invite people to my house in the past or to do something with but they have all declined. This is a very hard time for me and I always despise my life and my hard time to adapt to the fact that it is aloneness and empty nest. :confused: :( :confused: :( :mad:
Melanie,

The evangelical church has not always known how to minister to single people. A lot of that has to do with the focus so many churches have on families. Families are an important part of the church, but they are not the ONLY part. But in to many churches singleness is viewed, intentionaly or not, as a temporary stage before marriage.

Wendy Widder, single and Christian, has written several books, published by Kregal Press, regarding singlness and how both single people and the church
can do better relating to one another and minstering to one another. Singleness simply is NOT a sin.

Having said all that, I know what I said above dosen't really do a whole lot for what you are feeling right now... The aloneness can be very acute. (And there are times when a married person can also feel very alone....) It may also seem trite to say you are not alone for Jesus is always with you, even though it is true He IS always with you....

One possibility does come to mind. I was told by a friend who does ministry in retirement and elderly care homes that many people living in those places have very few or no visitors at all. Perhaps there is a place like that near you where you can go and just visit with people who would find it the highlight of their day... Many of the adminstrators at those places would welcome with open arms that kind of volunteer ministry among thier clients. This is just a suggestion of a possibility. Please don't even think for one milli-second i'm laying down any law and gospel for you in making that suggestion...


May our Lord Jesus be your comfort and encouragment this U.S. Labor Day holiday....

In His joy,

Old Ent :cool:

[Oopsie Daisey]

Melanie,

The evangelical church has not always known how to minister to single people. A lot of that has to do with the focus so many churches have on families. Families are an important part of the church, but they are not the ONLY part. But in to many churches singleness is viewed, intentionaly or not, as a temporary stage before marriage.

Wendy Widder, single and Christian, has written several books, published by Kregal Press, regarding singlness and how both single people and the church
can do better relating to one another and minstering to one another. Singleness simply is NOT a sin.

Having said all that, I know what I said above dosen't really do a whole lot for what you are feeling right now... The aloneness can be very acute. (And there are times when a married person can also feel very alone....) It may also seem trite to say you are not alone for Jesus is always with you, even though it is true He IS always with you....

One possibility does come to mind. I was told by a friend who does ministry in retirement and elderly care homes that many people living in those places have very few or no visitors at all. Perhaps there is a place like that near you where you can go and just visit with people who would find it the highlight of their day... Many of the adminstrators at those places would welcome with open arms that kind of volunteer ministry among thier clients. This is just a suggestion of a possibility. Please don't even think for one milli-second i'm laying down any law and gospel for you in making that suggestion...


May our Lord Jesus be your comfort and encouragment this U.S. Labor Day holiday....

In His joy,

Old Ent :cool:


Hi ENT:

Thanks for caring and replying. I read through your response and love it. I think that is one of the best answers I have heard. I really appreciate you taking the time to share it and I am going to explore it a little more.

At this point in my life, high contagious point.... I am not able to go into the nursing homes because of my immune system and also sickness which makes me susecptable and not knowing whether I am in the giving stage or not, I have not been able to go near anyone who is in a more fragile state. Having worked in the Nursing Homes here, I know that many times is the case but usually that is the one place the community does absorb with projects and often plan for events and times like these. I do visit on a regular basis when I am well. I usually play piano for an afternoon sing along or help them play a game in the activity room or go from room to room helping someone occupy their time.

I was supposed to start working at the nursing home when I first became ill. I was supposed to go back to work there and couldn't because I was sick and still am with fevers and this crud...whatever it is...

It is a good idea though.... to find someone besides myself to give attention too that would not ordinarily be receivint any.

Thanks for the post.

Melanie :( :confused: :rolleyes: :)

[Hol]

HI Melanie...

I'm still a little put off by this new format, but at least the smileys have color now. I can't find my way around...

I did want to let you know that my first response to your post was just that I wish you lived very near us so you could just hang out with us. I know I would enjoy your company, and would so welcome a community to be in with people like you in it.

Hang in there. Your appetite is being sharpened for the tremendous fellowship of heaven.

Love you, Hol

[Oopsie Daisey]

HI Melanie...

I'm still a little put off by this new format, but at least the smileys have color now. I can't find my way around...

I did want to let you know that my first response to your post was just that I wish you lived very near us so you could just hang out with us. I know I would enjoy your company, and would so welcome a community to be in with people like you in it.

Hang in there. Your appetite is being sharpened for the tremendous fellowship of heaven.

Love you, Hol

Hello Hol:

Thank you for your kind response.... OH it would be so nice to have someone to fellowship with in person, face to face. I just learned my sister-in-law probably has the same thing I do and my heart breaks because she is so fragile and my little brother on the road all the time. :confused: Even if we don't get along like I would like to my heart breaks to think they are going through the evils of her being so ill. She is so frail and all of her family has died with cancer and I love her but am not allowed to reach for her and my brother to comfort.

I kind of can't wait for heaven. Let's hope I am not too rotten to go there.

Thanks so much Hol for your loving and kind response. :)

I am going to work on this before Thanksgiving rolls around. :rolleyes:

I just broke down and called my brother next to me and asked if I could confide in him and ended up telling him what I thought of the holidays and the weekends and he just said, Oh it won't always be like that. I know he wanted to comfort me with the right thing but didn't know quite what to say that wasn't glib so he tried to tell me the next best thing that it won't last forever. He is a sweetie even if he does have a family and a life. :eek:

Thank you for caring. I really need the forum love and fellowship and I really don't want to be a needy person.

Thanks so much Hol. :o


How is your husband doing now?

Melanie :)

[Emerging]

(((Melanie))), in a word, YES! Sometimes a LOT, and OFTEN! And it's *never* any fun and it most always hurts and sniff, sniff, don't wanna!

But just like in the Dinosaurs movie that is on right now, somehow when things seem most hopeless, suddenly we are accidently stumbling on just what we need to keep going. Like how the dinos accidently and blessedly found the water they so desperately needed ... just a few inches beneath the surface of the dry lake bed. All they saw was dry desolation, yet the water was there for the finding if they only knew to dig a little.

No idea why I'm writing this to you, but it is speaking deeply to me right now.

Old Ent is right that most churches have no idea what to do with single people :confused: ... and they aren't looking for the answers very hard, either. Hol has a great idea and I, too, wished we all lived just a bit closer to each other! :cool:

All I know to do is to ride it out and write it out for the short-term and long term? Pray for guidance and see what comes to mind. Hang in there!

[Oopsie Daisey]

Thanks Emerging for your kind post of encouragement and sharing from your heart. It is tough tonight for some reason. I just had one of the rudest emails from someone that I thought was a friend and it just sliced me up and I am still wondering why.

I don't understand a lot of things including dinosaurs....

Being single. I hate being single .... I want to remarry.... It has been over 20 years since my ex- has been gone and been with another person.

I just need to pull it together and get well so I can meet someone but I don't want a sick relationship. I am tired of that.

I am just so tired of living alone. God didn't intend for this. I hate sin and what it has done to me.

Thanks Emerging.

Melanie
:o

[ex-shep]

I hate holidays and weekends. It makes me more aware of my singleness and not belonging anywhere. At my age, and the small area I am from, there is no one who is in this particular category and if they are they have family who want them around. I do not have. I have tried to invite people to my house in the past or to do something with but they have all declined. This is a very hard time for me and I always despise my life and my hard time to adapt to the fact that it is aloneness and empty nest. :confused: :( :confused: :( :mad:

With the marathon weekend of OT, I would love to have a weekend. I actually had three days off until the meteorological manure hit the ventilator shaft.

In all seriousness I can relate. Holidays can be hard for singles for lack of venues to plug in.

[Oopsie Daisey]

With the marathon weekend of OT, I would love to have a weekend. I actually had three days off until the meteorological manure hit the ventilator shaft.

In all seriousness I can relate. Holidays can be hard for singles for lack of venues to plug in.


You know I did think about all the people working that does have families and does need time off and my heart does go out to you all! It is a tough one. I usually volunteer to work on days or weekends like this but this year, I didn't have a job to volunteer to work during the holiday... I am going to make it okay. It was just that stupid stuff I go through when it leads up to the weekend. :)

[MCM (Mary)]

Hi, Melanie

I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I hope something happens to make this easier for you. Mary

[Oopsie Daisey]

Hi, Melanie

I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I hope something happens to make this easier for you. Mary

Dearest Mary, thank you so much for caring and for your very kind post. I think posts like yours just make it a whole lot easier. Thanks so much for caring and
taking time to make a very caring post. God bless you and yours this very special
day. ~Melanie~ :) :) :) :) :)

[MCM (Mary)]

Thank you, Melanie. Your note helped me understand the situation my single friends are in. It's a shame when there is lack of understanding and support among us, between married people and not married people. Both life styles can be most challenging! We ought to be very appreciative of each other.

[Emerging]

Really I do!!! ... you be :cool:

[Oopsie Daisey]

Thanks Emerging. Just having a horrible time with something but I am not sure what. I am isolating myself from just about anything and everything... I can't handle much more. I can't snap too! I keep trying to kick myself in gear. I should be on cloud nine but I am not. Blood tests are much improved for the first time since I became so ill :( :mad: :confused:

[Hol]

Hey, Melanie!

I knew I was missing something on this forum, and here is at least part of it. I haven't seen these posts subsequent to the one I responded too... I know I'm a little slow to get things, but that's pretty bad. I feel like these were right under my nose all this time. I don't know why I missed them.

I was sad to see your doubt about getting to heaven! You funny lady. Of course you will 'get in'! Remember it isn't about earning it. Thank GOD. Free gift that is so good it is hard to believe! I know the feeling though. I found myself recently being greatly comforted when Paul's words popped into my mind. "I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I do want to do, who will save me from this body of death? Thank God for Jesus Christ!" (my paraphrase)

Sometimes those are the only two parts of myself I can see, and neither is very comforting.

I'm glad you were able to reach out to your brother. You did good to do that, to try and take care of yourself that way. I wish he could have offered you more, but at least he didn't take from you, or dump something on you.

Hang in there, Melanie. Keep posting!

Love, Hol

Oh, you asked about my husband. He is doing better. And it is a good thing, because I'm feeling overwhelmed and threatened (by life in general) right now, and I appreciate that he is able to at least try to comfort me. If he was still down himself, he'd only bring me further down... sometimes I call this, leap-frog over the abyss....

Our daughter started college last week, commuting. She is already wanting to dorm, and acting a little impatient with her silly old parents. It is very hard for me because on the one hand I wish she would just move the heck out, but that feels so unloving I feel badly about it. Aren't I supposed to want her to stay home as long as possible? And she seems so utterly taken with the social life over there. It is a little scary. I want her to have more depth than just 'hanging out' and wearing cool sneakers. And I know she does; it is just this moment in her life, I think. It would just make ME feel better about what kind of parent I've been if she would be showing more wisdom and depth right now. Sigh. I never knew grown ups had these kinds of feelings. I don't even want to think about it in light of what my parents went through and did.

Blah blah blah....

Then there's my son..... but I'll spare you that right now.

Thanks for your interest in my life. I do hope you are feeling better soon. Hol

[Oopsie Daisey]

hey thanks Hol....

I really appreciate your post! I appreciated your feedback and your posting and sharing.

It really helped to be able to read it.

[MCM (Mary)]

I agree that churches have been pretty clueless. God supports two kinds of life styles for adults: single and married. Guess which one the bible says is better?

The fact is that neither lifestyle can work right without support. I've been desperately lonely as a single and desperately lonely as a married person. Both hurt.

Please don't shoot me for this, but as a married woman, I often wish I had the freedom that singleness would offer me. I can't decide where to live, what career to pursue, where to vacation, or many other things on my own. Marriage can be terribly frustrating.

[Oopsie Daisey]

hi mary:

Thanks for your post...have been both married and single and so I know that married was much better... for me.... I never wanted not to be married. I stayed single for 21 years because I never wanted my daughter to be confused by marital issues and I wanted to heal from the marriage wounds of rejection, being a wife of a man who chose to cheat, lie, and leave us for a life of alcohol and drug abuse even though he knew better. That little old ph.d he had in psychology never saved his backside but it messed mine up. I know I was not the ideal wife when I went through post-partum depression but I did get help and was on my way back out of the dark hole of depression when he left. Mary it has been a little less than 21 years since he left and I have given myself sufficient time to move on and my daughter is raised. She gives me her blessing to remarry and yet I am not a real outgoing person in real life, and I am not someone that is instantly liked upon meeting. In fact, it is easier to dislike me than it is to like me. For years I thought if I were only different and worked on being different and tried to conform to the image of what I thought would appeal to others but I was empty there too and all the angrier because I didn't appeal still.

So here I am a real piece of work and left out.

No shooting you Mary...I don't do that. I understand people will say things that will reflect a lot of or the majority of people and maybe even me after being married for a few years but I still can't help but want to be married and live my life the majority of the time in a marriage that is put together by God and where I can have my husband as my friend. IT is my dream...my desire....

Thanks for sharing once again.

[Jerry]

hi mary:

Thanks for your post...have been both married and single and so I know that married was much better... for me.... I never wanted not to be married. I stayed single for 21 years because I never wanted my daughter to be confused by marital issues and I wanted to heal from the marriage wounds of rejection, being a wife of a man who chose to cheat, lie, and leave us for a life of alcohol and drug abuse even though he knew better. That little old ph.d he had in psychology never saved his backside but it messed mine up. I know I was not the ideal wife when I went through post-partum depression but I did get help and was on my way back out of the dark hole of depression when he left. Mary it has been a little less than 21 years since he left and I have given myself sufficient time to move on and my daughter is raised. She gives me her blessing to remarry and yet I am not a real outgoing person in real life, and I am not someone that is instantly liked upon meeting. In fact, it is easier to dislike me than it is to like me. For years I thought if I were only different and worked on being different and tried to conform to the image of what I thought would appeal to others but I was empty there too and all the angrier because I didn't appeal still.

So here I am a real piece of work and left out.

No shooting you Mary...I don't do that. I understand people will say things that will reflect a lot of or the majority of people and maybe even me after being married for a few years but I still can't help but want to be married and live my life the majority of the time in a marriage that is put together by God and where I can have my husband as my friend. IT is my dream...my desire....

Thanks for sharing once again.
Melanie,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,You are a "Pearl of Great Price"
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

Melanie,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,You are a "Pearl of Great Price"
Love Jerry

Jerry, you are a sweetheart. Your just what I needed for the reminder of the price Jesus paid for me. Thank you so much.... You are a dear! Hugs, Melanie :o