SA and divorce

[Leslie]

Someone recently posted something about a church that had a harmful position on divorce. I'd be interested to know what the problematic view was.

It seems to me that the literalist view that prohibits it with 2 exceptions (adultery and abandonment) victimizes a spouse who has to stay in an abusive marriage. The victim who would leave is seen as the perpetrator by violating their marriage covenant. Their "abandonment" of the abusive yet commited spouse gives sanction to that person's remarriage. It seems to punish the wrong person. The escaping spouse is punished again by excommunication for this sin.

Can anyone help me see it otherwise? I readily admit that my perspective is not at all God-oriented. But the standard understaning of this seems other-than-humane in some circumstances.

[Joseph]

Hi Leslie.

I always thought that it was acceptable to get a divorce in the instance of adultery or abandonment. My own case was adultery, and I felt justified to terminate the marriage. But I also believed that sin is sin, and even on the bad side of anything you can always come back to Jesus. I'd be interested to hear more on this also, maybe Asian903 or Baldguy could chime in here and bring their perspective.

Joe

[Carmen]

I wouldn't condone a relationship where one person feels abused. If the abused leaves, that would not be wrong.

As far as Paul is concerned, in a relationship between believer and non-believer, the non-believer can leave the relationship, but the believer cannot, 1 Cor. 7. I think that that particular passage was inspired by God, for the eventual salvation of the non-believer. That is what is holding me at the moment. Otherwise I would have left the marriage at least 5 years ago. I get yelled at a lot, but he has never hit me or the children - in that case I would go. I would be more lenient with someone else, if someone were in my situation I wouldn't blame her for leaving.

According to Scripture, a man must respect his wife and love her as himself. She should respect him as well. If they were doing that there would not even be a wish to divorce. The problem is if he feels bad about himself and hates himself. What then? How will he be able to love his wife if he doesn't love himself? I did not nag, but gave encouragement, for years (barring the occasional explosion when I felt mistreated). No result.

The usual debate is about divorce and then remarriage. The bible condemns it, but being a single parent is difficult. An intact family, with mother and father would be preferable to a separated one, imo. But as I will be labeled "liberal" for that one, then so be it. The churches you are thinking of that see all divorce as harmful will definitely be conservative.

At least Jesus doesn't divorce us, but he did give us something that allows for human weakness, it is called mercy.

[Hope 98]

Can anyone help me see it otherwise? I readily admit that my perspective is not at all God-oriented. But the standard understaning of this seems other-than-humane in some circumstances.

I definitely agree with you with one exception. I consider your perspective very God-oriented. There is a book called "Families Where Grace is in Place" that has a very good chapter about broken marriages. I think one of the subheadings is "if we don't file, God won't know".

[Jerry]

Ladys,,,,
The Bible is quite clear about the paramaters within which a man is supposed to function within the marriage.He is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church.We all have great difficulty defining what marital love is but we are keenly aware when we are not loved.Love isn't being yelled at,Love isn't physical abuse.Love isn't taking care of a drunk late at night.Love isn't being made to feel stupid in front of others.Love isn't having your minor flaws thrown in your face.Love isn't being treated as chattel property.Any man who abuses his wife in this mannor has violated his vows and his wife is free to leave the marriage....There is no point in any marriage or relationship in which the overbalancing effort is directed at getting the other person to behave.Any Pastor or Church that makes those who are divorced somehow second class Christians is outside of Gods will and is no Church.Why isn't it a Church ????,,,,,,,,Because they ,by deed and thought, do not believe that Christs sacrafice was good enough and they are holding us ,you ladys especially,to an unattainable standard of perfection.Yes you sweet ladys on this board may have difficulty defining love,but I bet every one of you can define what it isn't..........
Love Jerry

[gwen]

Any man who abuses his wife in this mannor has violated his vows and his wife is free to leave the marriage....


I never thought of that before! I've always been told that the only acceptable reasons for divorce were adultery and abandonment. My sister was in an abusive marriage several years ago and she was actually contemplating suicide instead of divorce. Fortunately, her ex "kicked her out", so that he could move his secretary in! (I say "fortunately" because she would have stayed in that abusive marriage if he hadn't kicked her out.) When she came to me to ask if divorce was okay, I told her, "YEAH! He kicked you out! He doesn't want to be married to you any more, so you're free!"

Jerry,

I, like everyone else here on the forum, love your straightforward and to-the-point answers! Thanks!!! :D

Love, Gwen

[baldguy]

Ladies and Gents,

My views on divorce are a bit different. Like Jerry said we fellas are commanded to love our wives as Christ loved the Church. He died for the church. So that should be our standard(Pretty high I know). I'm a father of two daughters and I have a very high standard for how any punk kid should treat them. God is the perfect father and his standard for the way you should treat his daughters would be even higher.

Gal. 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Jesus certainly doesn't want you to be burdened in any relationship. Especially the one that is supposed to most closesly illistrate his love for you.

I now need to go throw up and heed my own advice and divorce my pastor!!!!!!!!!!

Hoping for freedom!!!

BaldGuy