dealing with trigs.

[ninaspirit]

we thought about writing here and maybe not writing here. it is like being in a room full of people.

being new here is feeling risky for saying things. maybe we should sit around and watch every body from our hiding. but that would take till next year some time. too long.


we are deciding to deal with triggers.


well some that can make our head do things that wouldn't happen otherwise.


our trigs are some times single words. we got past some already. like God. Jesus. and separating them from our dad and our brother. and some other trig words.


trigs are mostly from spiritual abuse from our religious dad. and some from church. the trig word right now is judgement/day. what are we going to do. with conflict inside. no we don't want judgement/day to control us. we want to be in control how we think about it. so what do people do for that? prayer as in talk out loud, close your eyes, fold your hands prayer, is a trigger. our real prayers are never like that.

we didn't go to church for a long time because it is overwhelming how our thoughts are at times. and it is hard knowing how to talk about things with other people in person. no. it is hard knowing how to talk about God issues with other people. voices cover other peoples words. so it is hard hearing words about God like in church.

e.g. we went to church this sunday - the pastor started his message. he use the word "judgement." we don't think in a demeaning way and we can't say if our head took it out of context because our head got too noisy for hearing anything in complete sentences. we left our inside. ok. is all we can say about that here right now. we wrote about how church was to a friend thinking we wrote how well it went. he sent it back how it was written and we couldn't make sense of it. it showed how much our head is trying to protect us when we are around people who are talking about God. and we realized trig words - even if they are not used for condemning or making some one feel small (we think it wasn't used that way) it can still be a trigger. and we didn't hear lots of what was said because of head noise. so it doesn't seem fair to say the pastor is abusive because he doesn't talk abusive when we are hearing his other words.

well, we are deciding to try again. we want to go back and try again. we don't know why we really wrote this here becuase it would make a person think we are off our rocker for saying it. but we are wanting to not have distorted thoughts and pictures when people are talking about God. so we can make decision in our God space without getting mixed up. not always wishing some words didn't get used because we can't hear then. so we can think clear. we are sure it is about spiritual and other abuses because it isn't happening with words we use at our job or with our children.

we think we will be embarassed for writing about this here but maybe it is worth trying. don't know what to expect really. it isn't some thing people even talk about at church so we don't know if we will even feel like we are connecting there or here. but this is what we are dealing with. and we want to try.

[Joseph]

Please, don't be embarrassed, what's happening is a perfectly normal reaction, you've been hurt and you're blocking out the things that hurt you. Maybe you guys need to keep youself out of the church scene for awhile so you can regain your thoughts and get strong again?

Joe

[Carmen]

Hi ninaspirit,

Welcome to this forum. Like Joe said, your reaction to what happened to you is normal. Most of us here have triggers to one degree or another.

About the "J" word, I like to think that nothing I can do can bring that day any closer, and nothing I can do can keep it away. It is part of God's plan and is set on the day he set for it. But he comforted us to that effect, too, that whatever happens, we cannot be separated from Him.

My favorite verses when I feel that trouble is coming:

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' (Psalm 44:22) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39.

You are SAFE and God has promised to keep your soul no matter what! :)

Carmen

[gwen]

Dear Ninaspirit,

I understand the nervousness about expressing yourself here on the forum, but I just want to let you know that I've found that everyone here accepts where people are at and it really is an excellent "sounding board". We're all at various stages of recovery from spiritual abuse, and we're either going through the same thing as you are or we've gone through it.

Next, I'd like to reassure you that what you are experiencing is totally normal for anyone who has gone through spiritual abuse. I am still dealing with triggers a lot too and I've been out of our former "church" since August 2004. We do attend another church, which is a healthy church, but there are trigger words that I deal with. How I am attempting to deal with it is when I'm triggered, I try to really focus on how our pastor is speaking about it, instead of listening to the voices in my head replaying the old tapes. I've found that he always has a different perspective, much more grace-filled, than our former "pastor", who was very condemning. What I am finding is by doing this (focusing intently on what he is saying), it is helping me to replace the "old tapes" with a new way of looking at things. Yes, it takes work to do this, but I really want to get over these triggers. Our new pastor is also very easy to talk to...if I have an issue about something or need clarification, he is very open to talk with me about things. He also fully understands the spiritual abuse that our family has been through and has been especially gentle with us. (He is a gentle person anyway and not at all controlling.) He treats us with the utmost respect and that is something I haven't had in "church" in years!

Finding a healthy church is not an easy thing. It seems like it's a mine field out there! Even with being in a healthy church, there are still the internal struggles to deal with. Some people just stay away from churches altogether, but then others long for that corporate worship and try again. If you desire to find another church, just take your time and go into it with your eyes wide open. You don't have to make any commitments!

I hope that helps!
Gwen

[Willow]

Hi Nina,

All of you are in a safe place here. Things get a little edgy sometimes when triggers happen... but things get back to normal fast these days. I think the forum is growing up :)

[SpinningHead]

I know how I've dealth w/ trigs and that has been to educate myself about the trig...maybe it will help you.

2 Timothy 2:15 (King James Version) says..
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth

I really like this verse the way the KJV says it b/c I have found it to be so true in my life.

If your trigger is this condemnation hanging over Judgement Day...what does God have to say about Judgement Day? If you have to face this "judgement day" like the ax is coming down...ask yourself, what was the point of Jesus being on the cross? forgiving sins? His love? The way your preacher preaches it...ummm, where's the hope and love of Jesus? What's the point of life if you're terrified to put a toe out of line?

The famous John 3:16-17 (King James Version) says...
16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

Threatening God's people w/ the loom and gloom of judgement day is not the Good News of the Bible! My darling Ninaspirit...I hear you about the judgement thing and it makes me sooooooo mad when it's misrepresented or twisted into controlling a "flock's" behavior! Judgement was lored over me and I missed out on so much life. But you and I have the responsibility to read up on judgement "to rightly divide the word of truth"...no where does the Bible say that we don't have to study up on these subjects and just listen to a pastor preach and what he/she says....goes?

Your pastor is out of line and you've got to bone yourself up on the subject that triggers you. Otherwise it will always be a trigger and you won't have the knowledge to discern it wisely and overcome it.

Funny thing that helped me get to a different place of understanding was reading the Left Behind series and getting out my Bible! Imagine that! :o

I don't know if you can tell...but I tend to be a fighter. :o and I'm good at encouraging others to take action that further's their knowledge or strength in standing up for themselves. Hope this helps and if it doesn't then please disregard into the lost posts of the ancient threads. :p

[ninaspirit]

ok. now you all went and surprised us and said things for helping us. thank you very much. :) it is overwhelming. how are we going to do this. a little at a time. we aren't knowing where to start.

Willow thank you for seeing us. :) that is important for us knowing we are accepted.

Joseph we did feel embarrassed but it is getting better and now we are glad we did come here.

there is so much in all your responses for helping.

Your pastor is out of line and you've got to bone yourself up on the subject that triggers you. Otherwise it will always be a trigger and you won't have the knowledge to discern it wisely and overcome it.

Funny thing that helped me get to a different place of understanding was reading the Left Behind series and getting out my Bible! Imagine that!
SpinningHead

we didn't say it clear - the pastor said some thing about judgment day - not judging the people or doom and gloom. we didn't hear more than that one word, then the head noise started so we couldn't hear more. and when we heard words again it was mixed up. our trigger comes from our dad on that one. about the end of the world and judgement day. when we use the word it isn't a trigger but if it is from some one who is talking it is a trigger. strange. we know God is loving us and it is good for getting reminders. we have to remind us lot of times.

we think that is a good way for getting the trigger buggers out - learning about the topic. some are like preschool about some of those things.

we aren't able to do Left Behind. Our sons have read and saw the movies. we ask if they aren't bothered by it and they both say no. they didnt' grow up like we did.

I understand the nervousness about expressing yourself here on the forum, but I just want to let you know that I've found that everyone here accepts where people are at and it really is an excellent "sounding board". We're all at various stages of recovery from spiritual abuse, and we're either going through the same thing as you are or we've gone through it.

....... I try to really focus on how our pastor is speaking about it, instead of listening to the voices in my head replaying the old tapes. ......... What I am finding is by doing this (focusing intently on what he is saying), it is helping me to replace the "old tapes" with a new way of looking at things. Yes, it takes work to do this, but I really want to get over these triggers. Gwen

that is what we are looking for - a sounding board. if we can sort through our next step with people who can accept us where we are at. some times it is overwhelming what we are looking at doing. but it is helping knowing if people are there for giving ideas and suggestions.

focusing on what is being said...... we think we can use that when we go. we will have to write it on paper so we remember if we start leaving again.
we are glad you can talk with your pastor about the triggers. we don't think we would do that right now. we are needing to talk with people outside so we don't get sucked in if we are getting tricked and don't know it. well we need to know we can trust first. and we need to be able to trust ourselfs for understanding what some one is saying.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' (Psalm 44:22) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39.

You are SAFE and God has promised to keep your soul no matter what!

Carmen

thank you Carmen - we can take that with us how it is. maybe a note book with things in it for helping in church would be good. we could write and read what we needed if things are getting crazy.



we would like to come back here for sorting stuff after sundays we are in church. if some here are willing to sort with us. it is more calm inside. thank you for listeneing and responding.

[ex-shep]

I got to the post a little past my bedtime. I will try to respond after some beauty sleep. Bug me if I forget. Good points.