??? about triggers...

[leesiebella]

First, an apology... I understand this question may trigger...b/c it's asking about triggers....:confused:

anyway, sorry if it happens...:o

Is it offensive or triggering to say, "I'm praying for you"?

I thought about it after I left a post. Maybe you don't want to hear that after being spiritually abused...

Sorry if I've offended anyone...not my intention....forgive me please???

leesiebella

[Jerry]

First, an apology... I understand this question may trigger...b/c it's asking about triggers....:confused:

anyway, sorry if it happens...:o

Is it offensive or triggering to say, "I'm praying for you"?

I thought about it after I left a post. Maybe you don't want to hear that after being spiritually abused...

Sorry if I've offended anyone...not my intention....forgive me please???

leesiebella
Leesie,,,,,,,,,,,,,This is one guy that can use all the help he can get :D
Love Jerry

[Willow]

Thanks for your sensitivity. I am not as vulnerable to triggers anymore. I used to be though!

[gwen]

Dear Leesiebella,

It doesn't offend or trigger me. I never thought about that being a trigger...maybe for some people it would be. I have been praying for people here on the forum because I figure that it's the best thing that I can do for them. Others have said that they pray for the people on the forum. I know that for me, I appreciate any prayers that would be prayed on my behalf.

Thanks! Do you mind if I pray for you?

Gwen

[Janice]

not triggered not offended

[SpinningHead]

It only triggers when the statement is a phone lip-service auto-response.

When you're genuine, it shines through. :D

No worries here!

[jane]

Saying, "I'll pray for you" can trigger me. I don't get triggered too easily on this site though because I know that everyone is trying to overcome from spiritual abuse.

I think triggers are the responsibility of the person triggered. If I am triggered, I need to set a boundary or just ignore that post.

The reason that saying, "I'll pray for you" triggers me is because it was often used to imply that I wasn't getting "it" from God. Meaning that what ever the person was saying to me that I disagreed with, they felt that I would "get it" when they prayed for me because God would clarify the real truth.

I find that line of thinking at the very least annoying. It frustrates me to death when people just can't disagree.....or have different opinions. It is pretty ballsy to assume that you are the only one hearing from God.

Just for your information- not meant to tell you to stop being who you are.

jane

[Voyager]

The reason that saying, "I'll pray for you" triggers me is because it was often used to imply that I wasn't getting "it" from God. Meaning that what ever the person was saying to me that I disagreed with, they felt that I would "get it" when they prayed for me because God would clarify the real truth.
A few years back I started a thread called "Christianese". I posted some of the popular religious lingo from my former church, and then I gave the *real* definition for each phrase. Others jumped in and started posting their own Christianese definitions and the thread got real long. Here's one that somebody posted that really made me laugh:

• "I'll pray for you."

Means: Too bad about your situation - glad it's not me. Glad I don't REALLY have to do anything to help - see ya!

:D

[Voyager]

It only triggers when the statement is a phone lip-service auto-response.

When you're genuine, it shines through.
So very true.

:)

[Joseph]

I think Jane brings up an excellent point. I can see how "I'll pray for you" can annoy people even though it is sincerely meant. From my perspective at my former chuch, the issue of praying for someone has representative that the person being prayed for was at a lesser level, not capable, so intervention was necessary, in a way you were unable to communicate to God so the MORE Godly people will do it for you.
And another thing, since I'm venting, I couldn't stand it when someone would come up to me and said "God gave me a word for you", I use to tell them "Then you tell God to tell me". I have a strong personal relationship with God, I beleive if God wants to tell me something, he'll tell ME.
Good observation Jane.

Have a nice day,
Joe

[Voyager]

I couldn't stand it when someone would come up to me and said "God gave me a word for you", I use to tell them "Then you tell God to tell me".
Here's another good comeback for that one, "God told me to tell you that He lied to you when He gave you that word for me. He was just kidding."

:D

[jane]

Voyager,
I am laughing my ass off. I think I will use that one!


I am often ticked off when people tell me that "God told them..."

1) God knows my address, my phone number and my innermost parts...He'll tell me!

2) The bible says that the sheep know HIS voice.....often those "words from God" have nothing to do with love, peace, patience, gentleness...


3)The "words" have been one of telling us to return to that one church, stand in front and repent of unforgiveness....

4) and yet I am told those things that I have not forgiven never really happened in the way that I percieved them..........

I could go on....

but yeah, that is another trigger for me....If God told you then HE certainly is capable of telling me....HE SPOKE THROUGH A DONKEY FOR GOODNESS SAKE so I can't be beneath your level of holiness that GOD can't speak to me!


jane

[Carmen]

I have rarely listened to a "word" from someone, only from those that almost never get them and that I knew I could trust.

About the prayer trigger, some church sects use it as a weapon, to correct the unruly. But since we are in a Christian forum, I think that the phrase, "I will pray for you" perhaps with an added, "just as you asked" or without any details would be appropriate in most cases.

[Willow]

Here's another good comeback for that one, "God told me to tell you that He lied to you when He gave you that word for me. He was just kidding."

:D

I love this one!!!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
:p

[Hope 98]

I haven't had a problem hearing that someone would pray for me in a long time - if ever.

I remember when I was in a youth group in the early 70's, I was supposed to go home with a friend who lived in a different direction from where I lived, and the person who was supposed to drive us back to her house ran into a problem and couldn't get us. When we turned to the youth leader (we were at his home), his only answer was "pray about it". The leader himself wouldn't drive us home because he had to get up early to go hunting the next morning. We finally found someone who could come to get us, but they were unable to get there before something like 1AM. So my friend and I were put out of the house and sat in the car in the driveway to wait, because Mr. Youth Leader needed to sleep.

So began my slide away from Christianity...

What really triggered me recently was my currently very rebellious 15 year old "challenging" me to spend "fifteen minutes alone with God, so I could feel better about myself" Ya see - in spite of all of her disobedience and acting out - she reads the bible and writes in her prayer journal every night before she goes to sleep.

what's wrong with this picture :confused:

[SpinningHead]

Basically, in a face to face situation...if someone is caring and concerned, they usually offer, "can I pray with you right now?". Otherwise it's a phoney lip-servicy thing that says to me..."too bad for you, don't involve me...but I'll check in w/ you later to catch up on the gossip".

I had a person from church come to me not knowing our situation (or me very well) but said she could see some real pain surrounding me & Hubby. She asked if she could pray w/ me and golly! did her prayer mean to much to me at the time and her approaching me despite the gossip going on about us mean the world. She was very gentle and often she would come and say to me "I'm praying that you have wisdom or peace or a good day or ..." something specific. For a long time I didn't tell her what was going on and after a while the gossip got to her ears and she was one of our biggest defenders w/out knowing much. :o That meant a lot to us.

As far as "I have a Word for you"...I've had some auto responses myself...(hee hee)

I have a word for you...
...Really? I gotta few words for you too! (Say in your best Soprano accent)
...I don't think you heard that right...it doesn't resignate in my spirit...why don't you go back and listen again and get back to me.

God spoke to me about you...
...Really? I was speaking to Him this morning and he didn't mention you! <<that was my favorite line back in the day when boys/men would try to use that as a pick-up line...
...I was praying for a wife and God laid you on my heart...
...He was warning you! <<the look on that guy's face to this day is priceless!>>
...Spoke to Him this morning and He didn't mention you! He did, however mention Orlando Bloom though! Looking forward to that! <<Insert your own celebrity name>>


I'll be praying for you...<<said in that sick-sweet phony way>>
...Oh Really?? That's just so NICE of you!...<<said in the same manner as the first statement - I did this and it shocked the person, never came near me again>>
...Oh, don't bother...wouldn't want to burden you with my troubles <<again, phony concern - I did this one too and the person didn't get it! Which cracked me up.>>

When a person is genuine, I respond genuine and appreciate them.
When a person if being fake about their auto responses...they're fair game.

[truth]

people saying they will pray for me here has felt encouraging because of the nature of this forum and the kind of people who post here but back in my old church alot of the time it was annoying and self-righteous like many posts have said.

One time a friend called me up and said that everytime she was lead to pray for me she felt God saying to pray that I return to my first love --- HIM (that never made me felt real good, I thought I already was with HIM)

When I left the church, my friend, a pastor's wife, said that when they prayed for me they kept gettiing that what I needed was R-E-S-T --- translation -
You're hysterical and crazy and need to calm down and we all feel sorry for you - we just know that you "will get it and see the error in your ways" once you're sane again....(I had been telling her how angry I was at the church and the pastor)

but my all time favorite was when the woman who became my nemesis sat across from me at a Christmas function, stared into my face with that horrid fake sweetsy look and sort of cooed in that quiet voice, "God is telling me right now that you have a hole in your heart, don't you know what that hole is? He wants to fill it...."

I was beyond words at that point, I think I just got up and ran out to get away from her......this was from a woman who had issues that made mine look minor.

and then the woman who told us repeatedly that she had played a major role in the great Brownsville Revival, she grabbed me at a woman's meeting one time ( I was one of the leaders) and she said God was telling her to tell us everything wasn't just about fun and games....... (translation - I only like crying, wailing, screaming and praying loudly at a womans meeting because I'm so deep and spiritual and seriious - and your attempts to bring in some light-hearted fun is shallow!)

I don't think it's about the phrase "I'll pray for you" I think it's about the context in which it's being used or abused.

truth

[butterfly]

In the church I went to I will pray for you meant.
There is something wrong with you I will pray God will fix you the way I think you should be.
Always prayers to fix someone who wasn"t a carbon copy of themself.
I don"t mind people praying for me here because I feel loved and they are praying for my need not to fix me. butterfly [shirley]

[ninaspirit]

Maybe it is part of working on relationships and not assuming its ok. we wouldn't say, "we're giving you a glass of water." We say "would you like a glass of water?"

We had people who wanted to fix us and our marriage. They said they were praying for us. We asked why - They said so our marriage would get back together. It made our hair stand up because they didn't know anything that happened inside our house. But we were able to tell them the marriage wasn't going to get back together. Instead we needed support for healing without a fixed marriage. They were able to change their words. Otherwise we think we would have agreed to our marriage rejoining without knowing it, and we knew we would never say yes to that.
from us Ninas.

[baldguy]

Maybe it is part of working on relationships and not assuming its ok. we wouldn't say, "we're giving you a glass of water." We say "would you like a glass of water?"

We had people who wanted to fix us and our marriage. They said they were praying for us. We asked why - They said so our marriage would get back together. It made our hair stand up because they didn't know anything that happened inside our house. But we were able to tell them the marriage wasn't going to get back together. Instead we needed support for healing without a fixed marriage. They were able to change their words. Otherwise we think we would have agreed to our marriage rejoining without knowing it, and we knew we would never say yes to that.
from us Ninas.

Wow Nina!! Very Good point... I've never seen it like that... You have helped me. As a pastor I will began asking "Can I Pray for you?" followed by "How would you like me to pray?" Thanks for sharing your insight Nina it was very helpful to me..

Sincerly,

Bald Guy

[ninaspirit]

Bald Guy,

well now we better be ready if some one says Can we pray for you? lol. we are glad it is helpful. didn't know we could help people how we are. we have lots we are needing to learn. feels good. ninas.

[Willow]

ninas,

I am enjoying the wisdom and gentleness with which you write.

Amy

[Joseph]

Lots of good points on this page. It is absolutely just one more thing that is turned and used for abuse, prayer is so precious, and after what I have experienced I don't even tell someone that I'm praying for them, I just do it priivately. I don't know if that's entirely right, but I know that it cant' hurt.

As Butterfly said, "In the church I went to I will pray for you meant. There is something wrong with you I will pray God will fix you the way I think you should be".

It's exactley right, when I was dating a woman from the church, a woman who was regarded by the church as a "Prophetess" went up to my grifriend and told her that
God told her that my girlfriend was supposed to be with this other man (she had named) not me. She did this two times before my girlfriend shut her down. The bottom line is this, the other man she was referring to was in the church and married, and the so-called Prophetess was coming on to me, and she was married.

My personal feeling is that God appreciates when we genuinely pray in private because he ultimately sees our hearts reaching out to one another in love for that person(s). I do understand the need also for corporate prayer, again genuine, it's very powerful.

Abuse of power, once again. Coming to someone who feels that they have a God in their life and then someone comes over to you and states that you need to find Jesus in your life, you need to fill that hole in your heart? That's messed up! It's happened to me and I know what it feels like, it's an elitest attitude, God is with us and you have to think like us if you want God to be with you too!

It really comes down to our own discernment. That's why I feel WWJD is not the best thing, I know it's done with the best of intentions and to help our kids with perspective, but when someone abusive and in power gets ahold of it, it gives them license to insert their personal agenda. That's why I say WDJD, What Did Jesus Do?

Joe

[ex-shep]

Dear Leesiebella,

It doesn't offend or trigger me. I never thought about that being a trigger...maybe for some people it would be. I have been praying for people here on the forum because I figure that it's the best thing that I can do for them. Others have said that they pray for the people on the forum. I know that for me, I appreciate any prayers that would be prayed on my behalf.

Thanks! Do you mind if I pray for you?

Gwen

I will take the prayers. We need all the help we can get. I have many times had other members on my prayer from time to time. No harm in that.