Now he's really pissed!

[Janice]

I told hubby I can't do this anymore. I told him I am happy hegot blessed the other night but I asked him if wants to stay now. He said, "God hasn't told me to leave." WHATEVER!

I told him this has been the priority of our lives for months. It's all we think about and all we talk about. I am tired of this situation contolling our lives!

I told him I am done! He can do whatever he wants but I told him I don't want to hear about these people, don't want to hear about what goes on at the board meetings or at the services. I AM DONE!

So..he says becasue I have FINALLY made a decision that he doesn't have a choice now. I told him yes he does. I am not forcing him to leave! I just cannot do it! I told him I feel the same way...because he wants to stay then I am the one who doesn't have a choice. Well that pissed him off.

So now he's stormed into the shower and the rest of the day will be downhill from here and it's only 5:10 am.

Not sure if it's satan, or the church, or the darkness or whatever but...whoever or whatever they are...THEY'VE WON! I QUIT![/COLOR]

[Janice]

They can all kiss my butt as far as I'm concerned! They have ruined our marriage and they have ruined our lives.

He will stay...FINE. Then stay...go back into your little dream world where you think everything is perfect and leave me out of it.

Great! Something else to pull us apart. We're supposed to be celebrating 23 yrs. of marriage next month. Woopie!

23 yrs. of hell if you ask me! 23 years of losing myself and giving, giving, giving, giving, giving!!!!!!!!!!!

Just cause I want to find me????????????

IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! I probably wouldn't like me if I found me anyhow.!!!!!!!!!

[butterfly]

:) [[[[Janice]]]] I am sorry this has happen to you.
You are right you don"t have a choice but your hubby does. It is so sad that churches split familys.:( :mad:
You are in my prayers.Shirley

[SpinningHead]

((((((((((Janice)))))))))))

You're right. He does have a choice.

He can either allow this church to break up his marriage or not.

He has chosen to allow this church/pastor to interfere and break up his marriage. You're right...evil must be so please with themselves!

I hope he changes his mind and gets with the program.

Try to have a good day.

[gwen]

((((((Janice))))))

What can I say? I am frustrated for you!!! :( :( :(

Gwen

[truth]

It's like the church/pastor is "the other woman" coming between you and your husband......

I don't know about hubby but I know about you and all you can do is what you are doing - which is trying to have some boundaries and trying to take care of yourself a little bit......

I'm proud of you and proud of you for standing up for yourself and making a statement that says "this is what I need!"

at this point what he does or doesn't do is on his shoulders - not yours - you're not forcing him to leave or stay - you're just saying 'this is what I need..."

I think you're doing a good job, I think you don't have to receive guilt or condemnation for stating your needs and, again, I'm proud of you....it's not easy to do what you're doing but I believe that you will reap a benefit from responding in a healthier fashion than probably you have done in the past and it may just reward not only you but hubby as well.....he may not like it but whether he knows it or not you are doing something that will benefit him too in the long run!

truth

[Reg]

They can all kiss my butt as far as I'm concerned! They have ruined our marriage and they have ruined our lives.

He will stay...FINE. Then stay...go back into your little dream world where you think everything is perfect and leave me out of it.

Great! Something else to pull us apart. We're supposed to be celebrating 23 yrs. of marriage next month. Woopie!

23 yrs. of hell if you ask me! 23 years of losing myself and giving, giving, giving, giving, giving!!!!!!!!!!!

Just cause I want to find me????????????

IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! I probably wouldn't like me if I found me anyhow.!!!!!!!!!
Janice,

They were the cause of my divorce. Here's what I wrote about it back then when I was on another list:

Hi all WCGnetters, 8/1/1996 12:28 AM

There has been a lot of talk about spiritual abuse in a generic way. Not much substance that one
can sink ones teeth into & grasp emotionally. I'm sure many of us have our (horror) stories.
Some I know are too personal or terrible, they cannot be told in such a public forum.

Well, I thought I would give you a real personal example that may help some of you who don't see
or don't fully grasp the significance of the devastating affects spiritual abuse can have.

In 1986 my wife and I were visited by a minister who told us we were not with it spiritually and
were not contributing to the church.

This was an unsolicited visit by a minister my wife couldn't stomach. She was a quality lady &
artistically talented. This minister was somewhat obese & (obnoxious) offensive to my wife. She
told me she never wanted him in our house again. He repulsed her.

I on the other hand felt she was in a bad attitude & shouldn't be so critical of a minister of
Jesus Christ. Well, you can imagine the damage that visit caused in our marraige. We were
married for less than three years at the time and still adjusting.

Ever since that visit, our marraige degenerated. I'm not saying that was the only reason but it
put up a barrier between us. Me defending the ministry and the church in my sense of loyalty and
being insensitive to how my wife felt about the minister and the church. She saw a lot of things
that I didn't see & increasingly found it harder to attend services & be around church people
and that minister. She saw a lot of the hypocrisy & judging that was going around in those days
& attended because of me insisting she go. I wanted to be loyal. I was told by this and another
minister it was my responsibility to lead my wife spiritually.

In December 1987, my wife left me and the church. She couldn't stand the pressure any longer.
Other things also entered in. I have often wondered if she would still be around if we had
married later, in the times we enjoy now in our N.C. understanding. I believe she had to leave
me & the church together as a unit as if she couldn't leave one without leaving the other. The
WCG was the ONLY church to me in those days & being disrespectful to it & its ministers, not to
mention leaving it was unthinkable.

BTW, she was right about that minister & the things she observed. I didn't see it until much
later. At another counselling I mentioned I left the church to work out some problems for a
little while. He told me that if it was him he would have to seriously question his conversion &
Christianity. That affected me very deeply. I was shaken. There was no encouragement or an
effort to understand, just a hard cold critical statement. SPIRITUAL ABUSE? You want to believe
it.

OH, one more thing. As far as I know he(they) are still in the WCG (sic).


YBIC,

Reg

[Leslie]

Janice,
This is really sad and maddening. If the husband's love for his wife images Christ's love for the church, then the irony of having a local church be used to justify not loving the wife in parctical ways is really, really wrong. The church is interferring with the demonstration of Christ's love for the church. Go figure!

I'm sorry, but in your husband's case it just seems so self-serving.

Can you guys get marriage counseling outside of the church?

Same exact thing, minus the emotional display, in my marriage. Last night the (rare) conversatin about it was actually quite honest and polite, but the position is really hardened. His insistance to go there really says that the effect on me doesn't matter to him. Afterall, I'm avoiding God's "means of grace".

Reg, your story is really sad. I'm sorry for your marriage's demise.

[Willow]

((((((((Janice)))))))))))
This one is over my head. I totally don't get marriage type stuff :(
I sure wish your hubby would put a hold on his church stuff long enough to make sure you are on the same page as he is. *sigh*

[leesiebella]

Janice,

I'm so sorry that you have been so hurt. I can't imagine what you are going thru at the moment.

My husband sounded the same until a few months ago. It was like, he wanted so badly to believe that these things weren't true...a few quotes...

"God is bigger than that, He will make this right!"

"We just need to hold on, and keep praying, God is in control."

"I know God has called me here....I am not like them, so why would God call me here if He wasn't going to do something about it?"

"What about all the prophecies this church has recieved? Do they count for nothing? God wants to see this place grow!"

"I know God has a purpose for this church... forget the pastors...God loves this church, so we will be here for them..."

On and on and on and on.....

Meanwhile, I'm struggling with it all... not knowing if I'm really right, although, EVERYONE outside tells me this place is crazy and wrong.

Finally, I resolve, I'm right here. I'm not wrong.

Thing is, God is not in control...here me on this... These pastor's are in control...God's name is used, ya, but just as a means to gain more control for themselves.

I'm praying for you today Janice.

[Zoe]

Janice, your situation reminds me of so many situations in my past church experience.

I wonder...would God consider that your husbands first call is to his wife or to the church?

[Joseph]

Hi Janice,

Your right, sorry to be crude but screw them!!! Marrriage is sacred in the eyes of God,
they should be pushing him out the door and bending over backwards to help heal and preserve your marriage but No, division reigns once again! This pisses me off every time I see it, hey Pastor, stay out of my friggin business and if you don't feel my home is in order, ask me to step down. God bless you sister and stay strong, you can justify the way you feel, I doubt anyone else can.
The next Pastor who gets in between me and someone I love is gonna be missin a few teeth!

Hittin a sore spot,

Joe

[Carmen]

Hi Janice,

Gosh, I am really sorry that that happened. Maybe you can still patch things up.....? We blow up and patch up occasionally, although my situation is much different than yours. At least your husband is a believer at all. I hope that he sees that his commitment to God includes you as well, and that the church congregation has nothing to do with it. His perspective is all wrong.

Carmen

[Janice]

My apologies for my outburst.

[jane]

I am not sure why you are apologizing....

perhaps your "outburst" as you have called it is an honest reflection of the pain in your heart.


I really believe that when we are called to be worshippers in Spirit and in Truth that God seeks truth from our innermost being....

not this, "pretend everything is so spiritually perfect, I am smiling the holy ghost smile and God loves you and see I am really not here I am seated in heavenly places SMILE on our face"



I mean seriously, they are screwing around with a 20 something year marriage. What about the scripture that says (or is it just a wedding ceremony line:confused: ) woe to the man or woman that comes between a marriage?????
That means pastors too!

love you,

jane

[truth]

agree with Jane.

truth

[SpinningHead]

yup...Jane nailed it! :)

[gwen]

Okay, I said this on one of Leslie's threads and it's been on my mind the last few days for you too, Janice, so I'm going to share it...

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7

The way I understand this scripture, if a husband is not giving honor to his wife, then his prayers will be hindered. Is the pastor pointing THIS out to your husband???

[gwen]

BTW, I agree with Jane, too!!!