Look who we've got our Hanes on now!

[SpinningHead]

Ever have white t-shirts for a while. And you wash them and they're white and you wash them...and they're white...and you wash them...and they're white...and you wash them...

Then, one day you're in Target (or Walmart or where ever) and you buy new white T-shirts.

When you get them home & out of the package & ready to put in your t-shirt drawer, your old white t-shirts you realize aren't white and kinda thin.

Maybe you decide to throw them away or the more environmentally friendly idea...cut them up into cleaning rags.

If you hadn't bought the new ones to compare the old ones with...
would you have realized that they weren't as white as you thought they were?
would you have realized that they weren't as thick as you thought they were?
would you have thrown them out/cut into rags in the first place?

I'm having a strange day...is my heart that not so white t-shirt anymore?

From the "Joy of Forgiveness" thread you know that one of my (& hubby's) ministries was organizing an adult retreat. I loved this ministry! And I did it for 2 churches combined. Great time, great people, just great everything. My church started the retreat and the organizational torch was passed on to me...now that I've left, I felt I did the responsible thing and passed on the torch to a new committee at this other church. I feel good about that...I do. I know the leader loves the retreat, loves the island the retreat is on and has my similar passion to see that it's done properly.

Their first meeting was last night and hubby and I went to give them all our info and tell them how we did things/why we did things and in general talk about this past year's retreat. It was a fine meeting.

Afterwards I treated my hubby to oysters & a martini (yes, only 1 ;) )at one of our favorite seafood places...we were talking about our confidence in the new committee and how they approach stuff...I dunno, I just had this dingyness feeling...

was I burnt out?
was I not as "something spiritual" for letting it go?
I felt a tad "guilty" for being relieved to let it go...
when they prayed at the beginning of the meeting I felt disconnected.

I have cleaned off my life's plate of any activities "spiritual" and I head-wise know that this is an opportunity to sort out my feelings, get right in some of my thinking and rediscover my "first love" (nice use of Christianese, eh?)...

Maybe I'm just feeling "off" b/c I'm in new territory...feeling too free. ?? :confused:

Somebody validate me please.

[Katie]

Perhaps it is a case of mixed emotions.

In my case, so much of my identity was wrapped up in the things that I did. There was a good side to that - commitment, fulfillment, and purpose. In letting go of responsibilites, there was a vacancy. It has been a process for me to identify the feelings that come up and deal with them.

It might be different for you, but for me along with the freedom from responsibility came a feeling of lacking purpose.

[gwen]

I agree with Katie...so often we put our identity in what we do. At church, it is: what is your "ministry"? When you let go of that, then you go through an identity crisis and it is quite a disconcerting feeling. You sort of "lose your footing", so to speak. But on the other hand, there is such a freedom! So it really is a mixed "bag of emotions"! I've been there...and I fully understand where you're coming from!

Does that validate what you're going through?

Just remember your identity is in Christ, not your "ministry" (not trying to be trite or speak "Christianese"...sorry if it sounds that way). Freedom is really such a wonderful thing!!! I had a great trip and so enjoyed the fact that I didn't have to ask my "pastor" if I could go on this trip! (Believe it or not, if I went on any trips while we were at our former "church", I had to get the "pastor's" permission!) My youngest son, who I homeschool, and I tagged along with my husband on a business trip to Salisbury, Maryland, and we visited with some friends while we were there. It was a very refreshing time!

[Leslie]

SpinningHead,

It sounds like the meeting highlighted some loss. It was a ministry you've valued and now you've passed on the baton. You feel some relief, you said, but maybe you are a little ambivalent. That is okay. It sounds like the retreat was "your baby". Maybe the retreats signify some good things.

I don't think it's bad to have a response like that. God fashioned you with wonderfully complex responses and feelings. I think He wants you to be an emotional being, even if the feelings are numbness or confusion at times (I'm not pretending to know this about you, here.) I think it's awesome to be real about your reactions.

AND, I think many of us have been the beneficiaries of your new freedom/free time!

But, oysters?? I am fortunate not to have been born near the coast! :)

[Jerry]

Somebody validate me please.
Dear Spinninghead,,,,
Here's one of my favorite quotes,,,,,,just to let you know your not alone ;) I even forgot who wrote it :rolleyes:
" There was a time when Love was in my spirit.It was even in my dreams, a pure burning taken from a star.Like dust in a shaft of sunlight , I could see it pouring over the shoulders of my friends. But now my thoughts are as the thoughts of dogs,and my wars are as the wars of insects.My feet are bloodied,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but the direction is known."

Love Jerry

[SpinningHead]

Dear Spinninghead,,,,
Here's one of my favorite quotes,,,,,,just to let you know your not alone ;) I even forgot who wrote it :rolleyes:
" There was a time when Love was in my spirit.It was even in my dreams, a pure burning taken from a star.Like dust in a shaft of sunlight , I could see it pouring over the shoulders of my friends. But now my thoughts are as the thoughts of dogs,and my wars are as the wars of insects.My feet are bloodied,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but the direction is known."

Love Jerry


You had me right up until I'm thinking like a "dog". :rolleyes: