Pinkie Pie
10-25-2005, 09:48 AM
I was wondering if anyone was interested in hearing about the women's retreat that I went on? Last week I had posted asking for prayer and got sooooo much encouragement.
So just really quick, although I had some rough spots while I was there, I could see God in the midst taking care of me and answering your prayers for me.
One of the things He did was my Pastor's wife (she was leading the retreat) put me in a room with just one other person (it was at a beach house, some rooms were filled with bunk beds, some were just room for one or 2 people). So that took some of the pressure off of me. Plus the other person didn't even sleep in the room the first 2 nights, so I had the room to myself most of the weekend. And when I was feeling overwhelmed, I had that room to go to for privacy. I did have one meltdown where I just was soo stressed and I went to the room and put on my walkman to listen to some music, and just cried.
For some reason this retreat was really hard for me, the only thing I can conclude is because I am more open now and so feeling more vulnerable than in the previous 3 years. So I was very sensitive to every little thing and feeling a lot of pain that I hadn't felt before. I was kind of discouraged about how I felt for most of the retreat.
Then this morning I read the thread on digging yourself out of the trap, and I realized that even though it was hard at the retreat, I had been making good choices while there, which kind of changed my outlook about the whole weekend (for the positive).
For example, I chose to be open and trusting during a "sharing" session (even though I was triggering big time) and telling the group how hard a time I had leading up to the retreat and how anxious I had been. I got a lot of supportive feedback, which was kind of like a "eureka" moment for me. Or when I was feeling those old feelings of rejection, choosing to look at what was going on from a different angle and that maybe it wasn't that I was being rejected at all (and I kept rehearsing over and over in my head the words you guys posted to me last week to encourage me).
It didn't make the pain of rejection go away, but it also kind of short circuited it so it didn't last as long and I didn't withdraw into myself for the whole weekend (although I did have periods of time where I did, just to get some relief from all the feelings I was being bombarded with).
And it helped me realize that the rejection I was feeling was "old" pain, and not being inflicted on me now.
Anyway, I could go on and on. It was rough, but I think I've come through it a little stronger and a little wiser. And a little more healed. Kind of like having open heart surgery ....
So thank you again you guys for being so supportive and for your prayers.
So just really quick, although I had some rough spots while I was there, I could see God in the midst taking care of me and answering your prayers for me.
One of the things He did was my Pastor's wife (she was leading the retreat) put me in a room with just one other person (it was at a beach house, some rooms were filled with bunk beds, some were just room for one or 2 people). So that took some of the pressure off of me. Plus the other person didn't even sleep in the room the first 2 nights, so I had the room to myself most of the weekend. And when I was feeling overwhelmed, I had that room to go to for privacy. I did have one meltdown where I just was soo stressed and I went to the room and put on my walkman to listen to some music, and just cried.
For some reason this retreat was really hard for me, the only thing I can conclude is because I am more open now and so feeling more vulnerable than in the previous 3 years. So I was very sensitive to every little thing and feeling a lot of pain that I hadn't felt before. I was kind of discouraged about how I felt for most of the retreat.
Then this morning I read the thread on digging yourself out of the trap, and I realized that even though it was hard at the retreat, I had been making good choices while there, which kind of changed my outlook about the whole weekend (for the positive).
For example, I chose to be open and trusting during a "sharing" session (even though I was triggering big time) and telling the group how hard a time I had leading up to the retreat and how anxious I had been. I got a lot of supportive feedback, which was kind of like a "eureka" moment for me. Or when I was feeling those old feelings of rejection, choosing to look at what was going on from a different angle and that maybe it wasn't that I was being rejected at all (and I kept rehearsing over and over in my head the words you guys posted to me last week to encourage me).
It didn't make the pain of rejection go away, but it also kind of short circuited it so it didn't last as long and I didn't withdraw into myself for the whole weekend (although I did have periods of time where I did, just to get some relief from all the feelings I was being bombarded with).
And it helped me realize that the rejection I was feeling was "old" pain, and not being inflicted on me now.
Anyway, I could go on and on. It was rough, but I think I've come through it a little stronger and a little wiser. And a little more healed. Kind of like having open heart surgery ....
So thank you again you guys for being so supportive and for your prayers.