One last thing about my cousin. . . .

[jane]

We went to the funeral yesterday.

Here is a picture of him, if you're interested. Click on Joseph J. Kelly.

http://www.ccgfuneralhome.com/services/pop.asp?id=3590


The funeral went well- as far as a funeral can go well. My grandfather didn't say anything inappropriate. In fact he showed me his parents grave stones which I have known very little about my grandfather's history. My grandfather fought in WWII, Korean War and Vietnam. Didn't know that either.

There were over 500 people at the reception. The community provided an incredible feast. I kept thinking about how Joe would talk about how much food there was.

It was good for me to go but the driving was really rough. What normally takes 3 hours took over 5 1/2- The roads were so flooded and the rain was coming down so hard at times we had to keep pulling over. I was afraid we were going to crash- we passed over 4 accidents. We couldn't leave our own street for an hour because 3 ways out were 4 feet under water- one place had a truck stuck in it.


Here's the thing that amazes me so much and the question that I keep asking myself.

How does someone take their own life when over 500 people came to the funeral talking about how awesome and loving he was? He really was a great kid. He was kind and compassionate and funny. I am not saying this just because he is dead, It really is the truth.

It has me wondering about myself. Have I missed it when people have really cared for me? How could he have missed how wonderful he was?

And by the way, He did not hang himself. He overdosed. He also had been diagnosed with OCD and periodic depressions. Our family has a code of silence like so many others.... I can only hope that now people will talk a little more- at least for a little while anyway.

It was good to see my relatives- and to tell them all how much I love them.

It is always so hard for me to leave the island- if anyone has been there it really is a beautiful place inspite of it's toursity nature that it has become.

love you all, thanks for your prayers and thanks for letting me post just one more time.

love,
jane

[Jerry]

Dear Jane,,,
Much of our family is native to Drummond Island in upper lake Huron. ;) Now I see how we think so similarly :D "The Island Mentality" ;) Thank you so much for allowing us to participate in this small way.
Love Jerry

[profnachos]

Thanks for sharing. It is still very difficult to comprehend, I'm sure and I don't think it will ever be comprehended.

We went to the funeral yesterday.

Here is a picture of him, if you're interested. Click on Joseph J. Kelly.

http://www.ccgfuneralhome.com/services/pop.asp?id=3590


The funeral went well- as far as a funeral can go well. My grandfather didn't say anything inappropriate. In fact he showed me his parents grave stones which I have known very little about my grandfather's history. My grandfather fought in WWII, Korean War and Vietnam. Didn't know that either.

There were over 500 people at the reception. The community provided an incredible feast. I kept thinking about how Joe would talk about how much food there was.

It was good for me to go but the driving was really rough. What normally takes 3 hours took over 5 1/2- The roads were so flooded and the rain was coming down so hard at times we had to keep pulling over. I was afraid we were going to crash- we passed over 4 accidents. We couldn't leave our own street for an hour because 3 ways out were 4 feet under water- one place had a truck stuck in it.


Here's the thing that amazes me so much and the question that I keep asking myself.

How does someone take their own life when over 500 people came to the funeral talking about how awesome and loving he was? He really was a great kid. He was kind and compassionate and funny. I am not saying this just because he is dead, It really is the truth.

It has me wondering about myself. Have I missed it when people have really cared for me? How could he have missed how wonderful he was?

And by the way, He did not hang himself. He overdosed. He also had been diagnosed with OCD and periodic depressions. Our family has a code of silence like so many others.... I can only hope that now people will talk a little more- at least for a little while anyway.

It was good to see my relatives- and to tell them all how much I love them.

It is always so hard for me to leave the island- if anyone has been there it really is a beautiful place inspite of it's toursity nature that it has become.

love you all, thanks for your prayers and thanks for letting me post just one more time.

love,
jane

[Theodora]

...and don't feel this needs to be a "one last time," if more thoughts come to mind.

I've just read the biography on the site you gave us, as well as the touching tributes to your cousin. You have a right to be PROUD of that young man. Don't let his final act be the final word on his life!

As for questions of "how could this happen" when so many obviously cared for him, the short answer probably is that he was ill and ill people can't always balance any kind of reassurance against their internal pain.

I am SO very thankful that you all had the support of such a large gathering of family and friends. I mourned my brother's death alone, not being able to go to his funeral...and being told by my surviving brother and half-brother that it was probably "all for the best" and that IF I should happen to come, they wanted it to be a "happy occasion." :( :rolleyes:

I now have only my half-brother, the full brother to the one who committed suicide, as a surviving part of this family, and a nephew, (the son of my full brother who died of cancer in 1998) as "blood kin" and we're estranged. I was never able to work through any shared thoughts about my brother's suicide with them and my thought is that this sad death contributed to the continuation of the estrangement.

In any case, insofar as it is in your power to do so, I would encourage you to continue to do the hard work of grieving WITH your family as much as you can.

Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you all. Under the circumstances, it occurs to me that it may be a special blessing to have your new job to give you focus. It's a hard "balancing act" of allowing yourself time to grieve and staying "grounded" in the present and doing what YOU can do.

Theodora