Introducing myself

[dwind]

oops

[Voyager]

Hi Dwind. Welcome to the forum!

:cool:

[dwind]

Hi, I was a new christian 2 years ago before I served in iraq. After I served in the war, I was diagnosed with severe PTSD, the VA rated me 80% disabled from the PTSD and temperarily unemployable. Also 20% for physical injuries, so I actually get 100%. I get therapy at the VA for PTSD, unfortunately christianity seems to be taboo subject at the VA.
Since one of the core syptoms of PTSD is feeling isolated from people, and feeling uncomfortable around crowds, I'm finding it very difficult to find a church to attend. I feel extremely uncomfortable at any church I've visited since I got back from the war, anothet, perhaps bigger issue for me is I feel spiritually isolated. Since my feelings are kinda numb, I don't feel God's love anymore when I pray. I wonder if anyother christians that have PTSD hae exprerienced the same problem, and what you did to overcome it.?

[Willow]

Hi dwind,

First of all, welcome to this forum :)

There's bunches of us here with PTSD. Maybe not from the same source, but the same symptoms. I have PTSD from childhood abuse and also from bad church experiences. I find small groups that meet in a home and are non-judgemental are my best form of "church attendance". It's hard to find a group like this... but if you look hard there might be such a group. I sure hope you can find the support you need. Meantime... we are here for you.

Amy

[butterfly]

:) Hello Dwind, Welcome to the forum. I also have ptsd from childhood abuse and church abuse that happen a few years ago. I do understand the NUMB feeling!! I also don"t feel Gods love since the church abuse. Right now I can"t read my Bible and when I pray for myself which I don"t do much I say "Why bother He doesn"t care." I can pray for others and I believe He will help them. No matter how I feel He does show Himself thru nature,sunsets, rainbows or even a childs smile or something funny they may say. I am sorry the VA doesn"t help with talking about God Could you go somewhere else and the goverment would pay? To a private therapist? Maybe there is a christian group for vets like yourself in your area. I have found being in a group of other woman who have been abused like I have a blessing. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who feels the way I do. I found out I am not alone. butterfly [Shirley]

[Voyager]

I have found more acceptance, understanding, and support on this forum than I ever did in church. They tried to call what they had to offer "acceptance", but in reality it was rejection. They rejected the human side of people, and forced people to put on a plastic religious face to get acceptance. Even then it wasn't true acceptance. To me, true acceptance is accepting someone with all of their imperfections and problems - something most churches (especially abusive ones) don't seem to understand. Unless you conform to their requirements, you are disposed of and written off as demonized. Who needs it?

You'll find real support and acceptance here, and no one is going to ask you for 10% of your income either!

:cool:

[dwind]

. I sure hope you can find the support you need. Meantime... we are here for you.

Amy
Thanks, Thats nice to hear.


. I am sorry the VA doesn"t help with talking about God Could you go somewhere else and the goverment would pay? To a private therapist? Maybe there is a christian group for vets like yourself in your area. I
no sadly the Va only pays for va doctors, and I know of only 1 other vet that ha PTSD and is a christian.


I have found more acceptance, understanding, and support on this forum than I ever did in church. They tried to call what they had to offer "acceptance", but in reality it was rejection. They rejected the human side of people, and forced people to put on a plastic religious face to get acceptance. Even then it wasn't true acceptance. To me, true acceptance is accepting someone with all of their imperfections and problems - something most churches (especially abusive ones) don't seem to understand. Unless you conform to their requirements, you are disposed of and written off as demonized. Who needs it?

You'll find real support and acceptance here, and no one is going to ask you for 10% of your income either!


That pretty much has been my experience, unfortunately not a lot christians I've met know anything about PTSD

[butterfly]

That pretty much has been my experience, unfortunately not a lot christians I've met know anything about PTSD
That has been part of my church abuse Christians knowing nothing about ptsd , depression and my panic attacks. Then some knowing everything!!! :( It is all in my head, I shouldn"t give into it , a christian shouldn"t be depressed on and on it goes. Oh never never go to a non christian therapist they will put worldly thoughts in your head. For the ptsd that happen longtime ago it is in your past forget it live in the future. butterfly {Shirley]

[butterfly]

That pretty much has been my experience, unfortunately not a lot christians I've met know anything about PTSD
That has been part of my church abuse Christians knowing nothing about ptsd , depression and my panic attacks. Then some knowing everything!!! :( It is all in my head, I shouldn"t give into it , a christian shouldn"t be depressed on and on it goes. Oh never never go to a non christian therapist they will put worldly thoughts in your head. For the ptsd that happen longtime ago it is in your past forget it live in the future. butterfly [Shirley]

[DLL]

i have ptsd from church abuse also but didnt know it for the longest time. i just thought i was having a mental breakdown or something. it was a big relief to me to put an actual name to it. now that i know what i have, i have learned the things to do to help control it.
i had to quit my job, twice, because i couldnt take crowds anymore, even small ones. i dont go shopping, or out a whole lot. i really stay at home most of the time. but for my devotions i listen to different sermons from different preachers at OnePlace.com.
i found that when i had to follow God all on my own, instead of following some preacher who was following God, that i drew closer to God than i have ever been. yeah it still lacks in some areas, but i try to look for ways to compensate for that by doing things for others that i see needs help. i keep telling myself that when moses was in the wilderness for 40 years, he didnt attend church every week. he worshipped God and grew in grace with God alone. and when people are ina situation they cant help, like shutins or prisoners, they worship God from their hearts, not by punching some church timeclock.
btw, welcome here. and i hope you find here what you have been needing.
donna

[Jerry]

Dear Dwind,,,
After the service,I was told ,,,"Ah it's all in your head !!My reply,,,,,,"I KNOW that !! you dumb-ass !!!! I am lookin for sombody to tell me how to get it out!!!" It's been a lot of years now and I am way better.Sooner or later you will find the right friend to say the right thing at the right time in the right place.Best advice for right now is ,,,,,Don't withdraw,stay connected some way(it ain't easy)and let TIME (I hate that frickin word) work it's majic in the meantime,keep posting we got yer back ;)
Love Jerry

[dwind]

Dear Dwind,,,
After the service,I was told ,,,"Ah it's all in your head !!My reply,,,,,,"I KNOW that !! you dumb-ass !!!! I am lookin for sombody to tell me how to get it out!!!" It's been a lot of years now and I am way better.Sooner or later you will find the right friend to say the right thing at the right time in the right place.Best advice for right now is ,,,,,Don't withdraw,stay connected some way(it ain't easy)and let TIME (I hate that frickin word) work it's majic in the meantime,keep posting we got yer back ;)
Love Jerry
thanks Jerry, I needed to hear that. It is hard to stay connected. i was hoping it gets better with time. my nightmares are less frequent. i used to wake up in the middle of the night completely scared jumping out of bed, my heart racing, breathing fast, wondering why the heck my gun isnt under my pillow anymore. I rarely get back to sleep after an event like that. usually spend the rest of the night crying, wondering why so many good people had to die, and I was spared. i feel really guilty about that most of the time.

[Voyager]

Dwind,

I'll bet that there will be over 50,000 soldiers coming back from Iraq that will have PTSD the same as you do. It's definitely a high price to pay to serve your country. It's also a high price to pay to serve the Lord (like in my case). If someone would have told me I could get PTSD from attending a church before I started going to my former abusive church, I would have laughed at them. But it happened.

I hope that you feel at home on this forum. You are a welcome addition.

:cool:

[Jerry]

thanks Jerry, I needed to hear that. It is hard to stay connected. i was hoping it gets better with time. my nightmares are less frequent. i used to wake up in the middle of the night completely scared jumping out of bed, my heart racing, breathing fast, wondering why the heck my gun isnt under my pillow anymore. I rarely get back to sleep after an event like that. usually spend the rest of the night crying, wondering why so many good people had to die, and I was spared. i feel really guilty about that most of the time.
I remember the "Glad it wasn't me guilt" too.I loved them so much :(
Love Jerry

[Jerry]

Just so not to be misunderstood,,,,,its really hard to have feelings that you want to trade places and being relieved that you can't at the same time ,,,,,,,nothing feels right............
Love Jerry

[jjc9497]

Hi Dwind,

There are a lot of us here with PTSD. For me, the symptoms come and go. I'll have periods of being almost "normal" (whatever that is!!). Then something will trigger those panic feelings and off I go again. Over time, I have learned to use those reactions to figure out what is underlying the trigger, usually feelings of being unwanted, worthless, unloved, abandoned, etc. Then I can work on whatever is causing the trigger and then praying for God to replace those lies in my head with the truth. He works awfully slow sometimes!!!!!!! But looking back over the last years, I see I needed the time to let the truth soak into my soul. One thing that really helped me is to constantly remind myself that God will never give up on me and that He will heal me because He loves me (not just so He can USE my experience to help others--He does it just for me--even if I never USE what He has given me). BTW, I have used a non-christian therapist. She was very respectful of my beliefs so it worked OK. If she suggested something I was uncomfortable with, I just told her so. You need to be in control of your healing. Hopefully, someone at the VA can at least respect your beliefs. Also, you may want to check into EMDR. Most of the research on EMDR has been done with vets with PTSD. It was really helpful to me to process things faster.

Ok--I rambled enough. Welcome to the forum. Take whatever I said that works for you and ignore the rest!!

[butterfly]

:) Hello Dwind, Thinking about you today hope you are having a better day. Even if you are numb doen"t mean the Lord is not beside you. :) So easy for me to tell you this I believe it for you. When it comes to myself it is hard to believe. :( Your not alone Dwind there are people who feel the same as you. In our area there are Vietnam Vets who have a support group. Not sure if there is any in your area. I have gone to groups with woman who have been thru the same abuse I have. It helped me very much. I"m not sure being in a group is something you would want. I am just sharing what has helped me maybe there is a group of Iraq Vets. I"m sure they all will not be christian. I"m sorry you have to go thru what you are going thru. butterfly [Shirley]