asking for prayer

[profnachos]

Throughout this year, I have been suffering from what I would like to characterize as "dull" depression which refuses to go away. I call it dull, because it is akin to a dull pain which is kinda there to slowly chip away at you, unlike an acute pain.

It is dull, not acute enough for me to function day to day, but it is beginning to weigh down on me. My work is suffering along with everything else and there does not seem to be light at the end of the tunnel.

Something happened back in April which got me to feel betrayed and taunted by God. Church would be the last place to go and talk about this. I am sure you understand that.

Prior to that, I had not had problems with depression, but when it gets down to it, I guess this is what it is. I think I have been in denial until now.

Seeing a therapist is a possibility. I started seeing a Christian therapist at the beginning of the year about something else, but it turned out to be a resounding disappointment which made my wallet lighter, but not my heart.

If anyone has suggestions on finding a therapist, I'm all ears.

[jane]

my prayers are for you. I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I don't know anyone in your area but there is a post here where someone listed some things that looked really helpful. I think it was wellspring retreat. Let me look for it for you and get back to you...

love,
jane

[Michael]

My friend,

I had suffered from low-level depression for years. Finally, once I began to face the addictions in my life, (after hitting bottom) the depression began to get really bad. I could not work very well. I would just sit at my desk like a zombie, except when somebody went by. People complained about the time I took on projects.

In the Twelve Step program I was in, my mentor very strongly suggested that I go see my doctor. My mentor was concerned that in my written homework I made so many references to wishing I were dead.

I saw the doctor. He put me on some antidepressant. It was supposed to take about four weeks to take full effect. I took the first dose at 4:30 a.m. when I was getting ready for work. About 10:00 in the morning, it dawned on me that I felt much different. The visual image I had at the time was as if the Paxil (I think that's what it was) was like a flaming torch that I was holding over my head. It was a dark, winter night. I was standing in a snow-covered field at the edge of a dark forest. All around me were ravenous wolves, just waiting for me to drop the torch. Of course, the wolves represented my depression. As the day went on, I felt like the wolves were just waiting, but they were still held at bay. Gradually, as the week went along, I felt better.

My doctor was very surprised that they worked that quickly, as was my psychiatrist when I finally started seeing one. But I have always reacted strangely to drugs, even back when I was doing lots of dust, acid, tops, ludes, speed, heroin, opium, whatever I could get my hands on.

Since I have been seeing a psych (about three or four years) we have adjusted my meds many times until we found a mixture with minimal side effects and maximum benefits. I am also borderline bipolar, so that factors in as well.

My experience was that it was essential to find a mental health care giver who really knew what they were doing. My PCP knew enough about antidepressants to know what to prescribe, but when it came to dealing with side effects, and adding in mood stabilizers, I felt much more comfortable with someone who specializes in that stuff.

As a first step, I would recommend seeing your regular doctor. He or she might be able to make a referral to a psychiatrist to manage the medication issue. Insurance can be a problem sometimes, or, as in my case, I was surprised to find out how cooperative and helpful they were. For a change!

Even though I still slide into depression sometimes, it doesn't last long, and is never as intense as before. I think sometimes I like to slide into it, to be honest. Sometimes it is an escape that is safer for me than living life fully, despite the pain.

Well, that's my experience, for what it's worth.

In His Grace,

Michael

PS. I will pray for you. I know that depression sucks bigtime and can take life away from life. (if that makes sense).

[butterfly]

:) Hi, I suffer from depression and I am on meds. It was a long time before I accepted the fact I needed help. I did not want to go on meds!!! :( I did and am glad now because they do help. If you decide to go on some it takes about four weeks before you start to feel better. When I first started taking them some just didn"t work for me. The dr. changed me to another med. and they helped. Some might help you and not another person. You have to find the right dose for you. The dr. started me out with a small dose then increased. Your m.d. can give you these meds. It would be a good idea to go see your m.d. for a check up. I am not telling you what to do about the dr. I just said it would be a good idea so you could find out what is going on with you and a m.d. does help with depression. I hope you find help. I go to a non christian therapist. God has blessed me with good therapist thur the years. I have other pains besides depression. butterfly [Shirley]

[ex-shep]

The quality of my recovery improved a hundred fold with antidepressants. I resisted for many years. I have both a combination of sex and love addiction and an obsessive compulsive disorder. For me therapist was so impressed with my improvement in the early Nineties that he felt the combination of medication and meeting was more than sufficient. Each person's situation is different. I was on Zoloft for years. It was a lifesaver for me. Eventually it lost its effectiveness. Luvox did not work. Prozac owned me. Today I am Lexapro. It seems to quietly humm in the background.

I still have problems with lack of energy and I could stand to loose some weight, but on the whole I am much the better for it.

Best wishes in your recovery

[Michael]

Hey profnahcos,

How are you doing today?

In His Grace,

Michael

[jjc9497]

For me, the depression started because God wanted to deal with my past abuse and I refused to come out of denial to even admit it ever happened. Once I did admit it, I slipped further into depression as I dealt with the fall out of coming out of denial and dealing with all the stuff. I was suicidal for 6 mos before I finally went to get help. It was my pride that kept me from going for so long. The antidepressant started working almost immedialtely. I've heard that for a lot of people (not all), if you are really depressed the meds will work almost immediately--even though a lot of people don't feel anything for weeks.

If you want to go with over the counter I would recommend SAM-e. It is a bit pricey, but works better than St John's Wort . SAM-e has been well studied in Great Britain and works very well on depression.

Just my experience----take it or leave it.

[profnachos]

Thanks everyone.

This persistent mild depression is new to me, so I hope it is not due to a chemical inbalance. Thanks again.

[jane]

Prof-

I don't normally suffer from depression but last week went through a mild case of just feeling melancholy. I was going through a challange again plus those photos of the hurricane- well it tapped into something in me that I think is related to the spiritual abuse.

Voyager I think or maybe reg has written about the effects of spiritual abuse.

I am not saying the medication wouldn't work, I just think that it may not for everyone.

The realization that I had been duped caused me some un dealt with depression, I genuinely thought those people in the church were my family.

For me, the empty space that is left in my schedule. I think that it has been described like a withdrawal symptom. We were always busy, always go,go going and then BAM! no schedule, no contact with people.

It took me until this summer (we left a year ago last May) to enjoy the peace and time with my family.

I am thinking of you,
jane

[Katie]

Prof Nachos,
I am praying for you.

Without professional help, it might be hard to know whether it is just the symptoms of ongoing recovery from trauma and grief or a chemical imbalance.

I hope you find the help you need. I know that for me, there was definitely time needed to get through all of the emotional reactions to what happened. I wish I could have short-cut it, but it did help to accept those feelings as a normal response to what happened to us.

Even this summer, I had thoughts of wondering if I was dealing with depression. I don't feel really sad, just disinterested and lacking joy in many things.

Sorry, I don't have answers for you. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Katie

[jjc9497]

Since I have suffered from depression for a long time, I've read up on it ( you know, us perfectionist types do that--have to KNOW everything!!). Two things might help:

First, I learned that if you are depressed for more than 2 weeks, it is probably a chemical imbalance. Or maybe if you are depressed for more than 2 weeks it makes you chemically imbalanced (I've been working on not being such a perfectionist--so I don't know everything anymore--actually, maybe just getting old and forgetful).

Second--there are self tests on the internet and you can diagnose yourself!!! Saves lots of money. Just google depression and look for a medical site and they usually have a little quiz and then "grade" your symptoms. It's actually the same test a therapist would give you--they just read you the questions and then charge you $100. Anyway--the quiz can help you decide if you need to get further medical help.
My therapist used to have me take the quiz weekly to "monitor" my depression for awhile.

Just my 2 cents worth (much cheaper than a therapist!!!!!!!!!)