Trying to get them out...

[Jubileesong]

I may have asked this before but I can't remember the answer...

What do you all think about trying to get others to come out of our old groups? I mean, sometimes I feel OBLIGATED to because I know what I know. Other times, I think it would do more harm than good.

I think I found the son/brother of a couple ladies that were in my former group. I don't think he knows what they're in and I think if I tell him, he could have a LOT of influence on getting them out. There are a lot of people I want to tell to leave and I think, over time, they might start to listen...what do you all think about that? Is that playing with fire?

Thanks!

Hannah

[Emerging]

What do you all think about trying to get others to come out of our old groups? I mean, sometimes I feel OBLIGATED to because I know what I know. Other times, I think it would do more harm than good.

Hi Hannah, and you are SO right - this is a HARD question! ... and I think you see that it could go either way, help or hurt to "pull" them out ...

For sure prayer is needed I think - to make sure it's not e.g. me trying to get validation but instead, me wanting what I truly feel in my heart is best for them. :o

That said, sometimes our leaving and sticking to the high road as much as possible will say volumes in and of itself. imho the best scenario is they come after us, asking us why we left. Then they are "teachable" and willing to see our side of things. Otherwise we begin to sound like yet another person preaching to them... at least how I see it. :rolleyes:

For me the hardest thing is to do how ever much or little is required of me ... and then to let go and let God do His part ... and worst of all... let other people have their freedom to choose however they want no matter how destructive I may believe their choice to be. :(

Praying you come to know the best way to proceed with this. :) :p

[Jerry]

Dear Hannah,,,
There doesn't appear to be an efficent way to give someone else what you know...Just when we think we have succeded,,,,the long run proves us wrong.Just when we think we have saved someone from one more little "hell"we discover that each person must learn it all over again for themselves.If done prayerfully and with gentle intent I don't think it hurts to try,,,just don't have any great expectations of success.Remember you are the one in the greatest danger.Not that you will return to the abuse,,,,but that you will be disappointed.What the heck,give it a try.Even if your efforts are thwarted,at least in the future you will not suffer the "Shoulda Woulda Couldas"
Love Jerry

[Jubileesong]

So far, I think your answers are right on, Jerry and Emerging. Thanks for your input. Yeah, there are no "one-size-fits-all" answers, are there?

Thanks for the feedback. I think I will just see what comes of talking to this man I found yesterday (if it's the right one)... Just keep me in prayer, please.

Thanks!

Hannah

[Janice]

[I had a situation similar to this not long ago.

We had a new guy coming to our church for a few weeks. After about the thrid or fourth week,(while I was outside doing the forbidden "smoking thing",) he came outside and "lit up". He told me he was glad he wasn't the only smoker there.

We predeeded to talk, and after some consideration, I told him about our churches "rule"...that they won't allow smokers to become members and referred him to another church in the area that DOES allow smokers to be members.

I know it says somewhere in the Bible not to do anything that would "cause your brother to stumbe", and I told him that I didn't want to be the one to make him stumble, but I thought he should know right from the beginning the way our church was so he wouldn't have to go through what I've gone through.

He thanked me for letting him know and he seemed like he really just wanted a place where he could worship and be accepted and be used by God.
I haven't seem him since. Hopefully, he's at that other church.

Not sure if I did the right thing but, I feel pretty good about being honest with him.

The choice is yours sweetie. I can't make that decision for you.

[Voyager]

I caused over 125 people to leave my former abusive church by writing letters and other efforts. I even launched a website forum for the survivors for a while where former members would post about the corruption and atrocities. I put an ad for the website in the local paper, and the whole town was visiting it. Ultimately my efforts resulted in the pastor being fired and ran out of town.

If I would have left well enough alone, they would all still be sitting there getting abused. Of course I went through a lot of persecution for what I did, but I was getting snubbed by all of them anyway, so what was the difference? I couldn't seem to keep my mouth shut. I wanted them all to know what I knew. In the end, it worked out very well for all of them. I had a lot of people telling me "Just let God take care of it brother - it's not your battle." To that I would say, then just let God take care of the missions, evangelism efforts, food pantries, pastoring, counseling, etc. God uses people.

The new pastor is now preaching sermons on material out of "The Subtle Power Of Spiritual Abuse" book.

:cool:

[Florence]

I tried to warn people at my first abusive church, too. They were like me when I saw people who had gone before me being abused - they just couldn't see it, couldn't understand it because they hadn't yet gone through it themselves. While my efforts initially only made me look worse, I had the peace of mind of knowing that if I had kept my mouth shut, I would bear some of the responsibility of their being hurt as I had been.

I thought that pastor would be in the church forever with all the support he had. In the end, he buried himself when, one year later, it was revealed that he was having an affair with a woman he was counseling, that his previous church had ousted him for having an affair, and that he had had affairs from as early as 6 months into his marriage.

It was amazing the number of calls and letters I received after this man stood in the pulpit and told that he had been caught and that he was leaving the ministry for good. People were so apologetic - even wanting me to consider returning to the church. (Like THAT was going to happen!)

In my current situation, I am not sensing God's leading me to say anything to anyone beyond the communication I have had with the senior pastor and one other pastoral staff person. I have made my position clear - that I will not put up with their abusive treatment. I have peace at this point. If God should prompt me to speak further, I will.

Hope this is helpful.