Hi --- I'm New

[truth]

Hi - this is my first post

I guess that I'm so disappointed and so disillusioned with the church. I wanted to believe in them - wanted them to be what they told me they were - trustworthy, family, but ---all of that said I didn't find that and maybe thats the problem is my illusions and expectations got so shattered and now I'm so sad and lonely and wondering if I'm the only one in the world that feels this way ---

where do you go from here? where? I'm lost and confused.
my husband simply doesnt have the same problem with it, although he greatly supports me.

I'm a former victim of child abuse and incest and when I go into churches - a message that could really speak to someone else absolutely destroys me! I become devastated and it can sometimes take days and weeks for me to recover from the simplest thing.

I just think that the wounds go deep, so deep and what works for one person doesnt for another --- God seems to understand - so why can't man and His church.

The pastor and church that I just left were simply heinous in this regard. He was a just get over it and put it behind you type - so I did ----- the only problem was that God didnt' --- He keeps telling me we have a ways to go and we will be working at OUR pace and not man and the church's pace.

It was hard and I don't even think that I realized how much further damage was done to me in that horrific environment.

I'm somewhere new again, we know the pastors and their family are friends of ours, they are wonderful people ---- yet, you just cant' get away from those condeming voices - especially in the more Pentacostal type churches we attend.
and pretty quickly I'm starting to be surrounded and hearing those voices, the pointing fingers "you ain't nothing but a houndog" (I call them) voices again and your back down.

Today, my daughter and I stayed home and my husband went. He said it was terrific and I greatly miss being there on a good day --- we are the people who are always drafted into leadership and we already have leadership positions here (which I do want to do because it's in the field of recovery and a recovery group)
but I'm scared, leary and tip-toeing around the perimeter........

all I know to do is show up - one day at a time - and pray, knowing that God does and will have a plan for me and my family.

Thanks for letting me share.

God Bless you all.

[jane]

Hello truth,

welcome to our group. I am sorry for the pain that you endured, as a child and as a victim of a dysfunctional church.


You've asked where to go from here? I think that you have some of the answers already. You identified the abuse, You left and now you are trying to rebuild your life.

That is awesome!

Seems like the work you did recovering from your childhood gave you insight and strength not to stick around dysfunction as an adult. I would say that you are farther along than most people because of that.

I look forward to meeting you and getting to know you. I have been here a few months but feel like an old timer sitting on the wall.

welcome !
Jane

[butterfly]

:) Welcome Truth, Are you my twin? :) We sure have had the same kind of lifes. :( I was abused as a child and sexual abused also. I can relate to church not being the loving home I thought it was going to be. They were nice and sweet until I didn"t become a carbon copy of them. For the abuse I was told there were other woman in the church who were sexual abused and they don"t act like me. All I did was have depression and panic attacks and didn"t go to church when I knew I was going to beable to handel it. The Lord healed me in His timing also. We were blessed Truth. :) I can so relate to your struggles. You are not alone and it is not just you and me there are alot just like is in many ways. butterfly

[Voyager]

I can sympathize with what you have gone through. Many of us here have had similar experiences. You found a great place to find answers and an ear to hear what you have to say. It's hard to find people who can relate to spiritual abuse. Usually those who are involved in it will not admit that it is abuse, and those who haven't experienced it cannot relate to it.

I've found it impossible to just "get over it and put it behind you" as your former pastor teaches. I believe it is best to go through it, sort it out, grieve over it, and try to live an enjoyable life without letting it get the better of you. Sometimes that seems impossible, but it is possible. I went through several depressing years after my spiritually abusive experience, but I am not finding that life can be enjoyable again. It just takes time, education, and support. I have found a lot of support here.

:cool:

[Voyager]

Typo: I meant to say "I went through several depressing years after my spiritually abusive experience, but I am finding that life can be enjoyable again."

:cool:

[Janice]

Welcome to the froum Truth!

You are definately NOT the only one who struggles with this. In fact, just about the entire forum does!

I just recently left my Pentecostal church. Long Story. Hubby still goes and is a deacon.

Good for you for even trying again at all!

Stick around.

[Jerry]

The pastor and church that I just left were simply heinous in this regard. He was a just get over it and put it behind you type
Dear Truth
Just because someone has the "Title" Pastor,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,doesn't mean he is one.Does he encourage you to follow Christ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,or does he encourage you to follow "him" following Christ ?????? If the latter is the case,,,,,,he is an imposter ;) WELCOME to the board.
Love Jerry

[truth]

Thank you everyone for your responses - I am really enjoying reading them.

Particularly what you said Jerry regarding following Him following Christ --- that is hysterical to me --- you're right -- the double messages, the hidden agendas it's so ridiculous when I think back now --- did I check my brain in at the door when I became a Christian? -- maybe, because I used to shake my head about people like me, before I became one but now aaah - I briefly became one!

Thanks again for all your good feedback and support i look forward to getting to know you all!

truth

ps - it's funny because I keep sitting with my head ducked waiting for the proverbial "hammer" from the sky to drop - you know what they told us "touch not......" we were told a story once about a guy who got angry and yelled at this pastor (our pastor's mentor - a major player in these circles) and well .... you know the rest of the story ----- the man who yelled at the pastor dropped dead two days later so --- funny you all seem alive and well I've made it three months so far!
bye

[Reg]

Hi Truth,

Love the name. :)

Just poped in. I don't post much in the summer. Golf & the cottage your know. :D

Just wanted to acknowledge you and feel for your situation. You have found the right place here. Personally, I spent 29 years in toxic faith. As Ex-Shep puts it. Been there, done that, own the Tee-shirt.

You will discover how prevelant this is in established churches and the staggering number of people who have gone through similar experiences. You indeed ARE NOT ALONE.

You are in good hands with the wonderful people here. They will take care of you until I get back. :) Shucks, and I'm also very humble. ;) Just kidding. :p

I'm so disappointed and so disillusioned with the church
You will experience here what you didn't in the church.


Look forward to your sharing here. All the best in your recovery.

[jjc9497]

Hi and welcome.

Sounds to me like you have already put yourself in a place where you can recover (in the recovery ministry). I was also heavily involved in leadership in my abusive church experiences. When I tried to get into leadership in the recovery ministry I attend, I had panic attacks just at the thought of having to work with the pastor and other leaders. You may find you need to back off from leadership for awhile and just work on your own issues. I've been attending the recovery ministry now for 1 and 1/2 yrs. I do lead a small group that meets on a different night, but still have not felt comfortable in being in leadership in a more "up front" position or where I would have to work closely with the church leadership. It takes time--give yourself some grace and some time. God is patient with us but sometimes we are not patient with ourselves. I have found that God takes His time when it comes to healing so that the lessons will really sink deeply into the heart.

Just my thoughts--take what works and ignore the rest.