Sheep
08-04-2005, 09:33 PM
The other night I rode with my husband to drop our daughter off at youth group. The two of them usually ride together, but my plans had changed, and I asked if my hubby would like to spend time w/me while our daughter was at youth group. Dropping her off felt uncomfortable, but when I waited in the car while my husband went into the building to go get her, I almost had a full blown panic attack!
For those who don't know my story, a short re-cap: I attended a very legalistic church after becoming a new believer. Attended a grace-filled church for about six years after getting married. Left that one to attend a church closer to home for six years after having our first child. Pastor left that church and it became very abusive. Became members of another church about four years ago, but had an awful crisis in my marriage that triggered childhood abuse memories. Attended a conference for Christian women a year later and was retraumatized through spiritual abuse. Havn't been able to attend church except for a few times since then.
Anyone else have situations cross over each other like this? Once one deals with the deep wounds of the past and heals from most of the abuses, will I be able to attend church again? Sometimes I feel obligated to attend out of obedience, but then that triggers my abusive upbringing to pretend when there are real issues and troubling problems existing in my life! I'm feeling confused most days this past week and my anxiety levels have spiked. Any feedback would be welcome.
Sheep
For those who don't know my story, a short re-cap: I attended a very legalistic church after becoming a new believer. Attended a grace-filled church for about six years after getting married. Left that one to attend a church closer to home for six years after having our first child. Pastor left that church and it became very abusive. Became members of another church about four years ago, but had an awful crisis in my marriage that triggered childhood abuse memories. Attended a conference for Christian women a year later and was retraumatized through spiritual abuse. Havn't been able to attend church except for a few times since then.
Anyone else have situations cross over each other like this? Once one deals with the deep wounds of the past and heals from most of the abuses, will I be able to attend church again? Sometimes I feel obligated to attend out of obedience, but then that triggers my abusive upbringing to pretend when there are real issues and troubling problems existing in my life! I'm feeling confused most days this past week and my anxiety levels have spiked. Any feedback would be welcome.
Sheep