Help I need Prayer

[butterfly]

:( :( I need prayer please. :( :( I needed to write a letter to a legealstic friend who only sees one way :( "THE LEGELSTIC WAY" :( She has left me defeated. She was the last stone that crushed me. I will write more later this is all I can get out for now. The letter is to tell her I know longer want to be friends. She judged me and my family with lies that God doesn"t love us and we do not Love him because we do not go by the rules.There is no way to get to her. She sees that truth and thats all. Maybe those who had been legealstis can tell me how to get thru to her. You may ask questions. I can get what has happen to me out better that way. If I share I fell like I am stupid. Or it is not that bad.[[Gee where did that come from?? :rolleyes: ]] I need to face this. No one cares about me anyway. I am no good .I was wrong because I would not have them control me. Oppps there is some more! The tapes are rolling. :mad: butterfly

[Jerry]

:( :( I need prayer please. :( :( I needed to write a letter to a legealstic friend who only sees one way :( "THE LEGELSTIC WAY" :( She has left me defeated. She was the last stone that crushed me. I will write more later this is all I can get out for now. The letter is to tell her I know longer want to be friends. She judged me and my family with lies that God doesn"t love us and we do not Love him because we do not go by the rules.There is no way to get to her. She sees that truth and thats all. Maybe those who had been legealstis can tell me how to get thru to her. You may ask questions. I can get what has happen to me out better that way. If I share I fell like I am stupid. Or it is not that bad.[[Gee where did that come from?? :rolleyes: ]] I need to face this. No one cares about me anyway. I am no good .I was wrong because I would not have them control me. Oppps there is some more! The tapes are rolling. :mad: butterfly
Dear Butterfly,,,,
"Do not give what is holy to the dogs,,,,neither cast your pearls before swine,,,,lest they turn again and rend you and tear you in pieces".A good friend of mine told me that ;)
Love Jerry

[Satscout]

YOU ARE NOT STUPID OR NO GOOD!

((((((((((Butterfly))))))))))

sorry for the shouting, but what you said kinda struck me... :mad:

Your legalistic "friend" certainly isn't being friendly, and if she is toxic for you right now, being away from her is the best thing you can do to take care of yourself.

There are two kinds of legalists, in my experience - the humble ones (tiny minority) and the arrogant/only one truth types. The only ones who can be "reasoned with" are the ones willing to admit that their "rules" are self-imposed and not applicable to all. The others won't listen - you will waste your energy trying to convince them.

A short illustration from my immediate post high school days, from one of the rare humble ones:

The pastor teaching our Varsity (college age) Sunday School class got to the section about respecting the weaker brother and used alcohol as an example. He acknowledged that there were Christians who could drink alcohol and not be in sin (which would have probably been deemed heresy by the higher authorities had it been told them). Then he said that he personally not only would not drink but would not go into a bar - because he acknowledged that he had no peace about it and for him it would be a sin to be in a place like that; he took the stance that if one "places a fence" about a behavior and a more "liberated" brother questioned him on it, he should humbly take the position of the "weaker brother" and request respect rather than try to convince the "liberated" brother that they are "wrong."

Not too many legalists that would see it that way, though.

((((((((((Butterfly)))))))))) Courage, dear heart! Share as you feel comfortable.

[Hesed]

I think that Jerry has it right. I'm convinced that you can't get through to a legalist. The "conversion" from legalist to someone who believes in grace is the sort of "eyes to see and ears to hear" thing that the bible talks about.

Dang, I know it's so hard. I really envy the people who grew up in the "God is Love" churches, who are absolutely 100% convinced that God loves them and who "just don't get" the idea that anyone would think that God would condemn people for not following rules. I envy the fact that they don't understand. I envy the fact that they can stand back and love these legalists while I'm twisting myself up inside worried "What if the legalists are right?" (actually that's finally starting to go away, but it's taken me over 30 years :rolleyes: ) and fighting those ideas with all my strength.

That sort of "fighting all those ideas with all one's strength" is what the legalist will do to your message of "God is love and grace". That message will make their world fall apart. It will cause all the "demons" that they have been holding at bay with their legalism to confront them.

I will definitely pray for you. Do what you think is best but please do not let the legalists put heavy burdens on your back.

[Kerrin]

:( Dearest (((((Shirley))))),
You are neither no good or wrong, or any other negative adjective! :)
You are a kind and compassionate woman with a big heart; at least that's the Shirley you've shown me.

My "best" friend was quiet, and I was so hurt and felt so stupid when I had my "eyes opened" and saw how legalistically she was living and how she had, and was hurting me :confused: .

Looking back I see all the warning signs; but she projests the image of teh Proverbs 31 woman so well, I felt like the "evil" one who needed "fixing".

I now see how manipulative she is ,and secretive ,and more importantly she was NEVER a "friend"!
And in NO way, is she anywhere near what a Proverbs 31 woman is; although my old church would dispute that!
( personally I don't see how any woman can be THAT perfect; but that's another kettle of fish!). :rolleyes:

It hurts but it's truth!

Michael , I believe, suggested a book by Larry Crabb, "The Pressure's Off"; I have just started to read it ,and he talks about this VERY issue , how living according to the 'law' will only bring heartache and dissapointment because , for one, we expect if we live a certain way we will 'receive certain blessings" from God, (and legalistic Churches judge us according to "that Law") , which is a lie!

Shirley, I will, of course continue to pray for you, you are better than them, rewind and erase the tapes , my friend! ;)
God Bless,
Love
Kerrin ;)

[mirror]

:( :( I need prayer please. :( :( I needed to write a letter to a legealstic friend who only sees one way :( "THE LEGELSTIC WAY" :( She has left me defeated. She was the last stone that crushed me. I will write more later this is all I can get out for now. The letter is to tell her I know longer want to be friends. She judged me and my family with lies that God doesn"t love us and we do not Love him because we do not go by the rules.There is no way to get to her. She sees that truth and thats all. Maybe those who had been legealstis can tell me how to get thru to her. You may ask questions. I can get what has happen to me out better that way. If I share I fell like I am stupid. Or it is not that bad.[[Gee where did that come from?? :rolleyes: ]] I need to face this. No one cares about me anyway. I am no good .I was wrong because I would not have them control me. Oppps there is some more! The tapes are rolling. :mad: butterfly
Butterfly, I'm so sorry to hear you're being hurt by legalism! We dealt with a legalistic church for several years, and sad to say, there doesn't seem to be a way to convince them of anything else! IMOHO, you probably need to just tell her goodbye. No matter what she judged you for, even if you convince her you're not in the wrong, something new will come up in no time. I had to do that to a person I considered to be a friend. I told her I couldn't deal with the false guilt she continually put upon me, and told her that unless she was willing to accept me for me, I had to ignore any future attempt she would make to contact me. She never tried again. :(

Praying for you!

[butterfly]

Dear Butterfly,,,,
"Do not give what is holy to the dogs,,,,neither cast your pearls before swine,,,,lest they turn again and rend you and tear you in pieces".A good friend of mine told me that ;)
Love Jerry :) :D Thank you Jerry that was just what I needed to read. :( It is sad but true I tossed myself towards her and she tears me apart. We used to agree to disagree until she started a new church. :( Shirley

[butterfly]

:) Thank you Mirror ,Hesed and Kerrin, I will respond to your posts to me later. I am greatfull to all. :D Thanks Jerry I responded to you first. Right now I am tired and my brain needs down time. :D butterfly I am also known as Shirley :)

[lynn]

God bless you Butterfly! I understand exactly how hard this is for you. As Jerry said, you can't give good advice to someone who is not ready for it! Pray for your friend and let her go. Worrying about what someone like this thinks will only weaken the stand you have taken. She just doesn't understand and it's going to take an "act of God" for her to undertand. I remember being loved so much, but when I left I didn't get so much as a phone call from most members of my "church family". I didn't understand. I was still the same person, but they were willing to just write me off because I no longer agreed with them. I also have a friend who left and we became really close. After a while she went back and I haven't heard from her in over a year! I even went to her house and she didn't answer, even though her car was there. I just wanted to show her my new baby. How stupid. I used to feel self concious about it, but now I know that it is her who has the problem! I kind of feel sorry for her because her mentality does not allow her to grow. You have freedom, something your friend cannot appreciate at this time!

[butterfly]

:) [[[Mirror]]] Thank you. I know she will not change only God can change her. :D :D My husband and I was able to buy a mobile home on land. She said" I don"t understand how God could bless you. :( :( You don"t tithe it can"t be from God satan had to give it to you. Like I wasn"t worthy to have it. It was a blessing. I am sorry about your friend not answering the door. Oh how it hurts. Your post helped me. I guess I have carried this load for to long alone. I am glad I asked for help. I just have that fear no one will understand. I am glad there are people who do. :) Thank you again Mirror butterfly

[butterfly]

:confused: Sorry the below post to Mirror belongs to Lynn. butterfly

[butterfly]

[[[ Mirror]]] Thank you for the post. I am sorry for the mix up. She will not change.I was thinking maybe we could try to be friends. Your post helped me to see she would do it to me again. Because she will not change. Before we were able to agree to disagree. Since she started a new church she has changed. The sad thing is she feels she is 100% right. I mean she really beliefs this. Thank you butterfly :)

[butterfly]

Quiote Hesed I envy the fact that they can stand back and love these legalists while I'm twisting myself up inside worried "What if the legalists are right?" (actually that's finally starting to go away, but it's taken me over 30 years :rolleyes: ) and fighting those ideas with all my strength.

:) Hesed Thank you for your reply. I thought I was the only one who twisted it all inside and worried what if they were right. It has made me have two Gods hers and mine. I like mine much better. :) When she starts on me hers comes at me full blast. I hope it will not take me over 30 years. I will be 86 then. :eek: :eek: :D You know I pray to GOd and ask him "Please don"t let me live near them in heaven." I do mean that. I do pray that. :) butterfly

[butterfly]

:) Satscout, Thank you for your post. You are right she is toxic. I am sorry that you and the others have gone thru the abuse. I am glad that someone knows how I feel. Your post also helped me. :) butterfly

[lynn]

:) :D :D My husband and I was able to buy a mobile home on land. She said" I don"t understand how God could bless you. :( :( You don"t tithe it can"t be from God satan had to give it to you. Like I wasn"t worthy to have it. It was a blessing. :) Thank you again Mirror butterfly

We just bought a new minivan (I have 4 kids and we were riding in a Stratus!) and got health insurance instead of giving so much. I'm just waiting for someone to say these things are "cursed".

[lynn]

I pray that your friend (and mine) will develop some kind of intelligence and that their eyes are opened. At this time, they will sheepishly come around and then we can show them all that we have learned.

[butterfly]

:) Lynn, Hope you will enjoy your car and you do need health ins. At a church of a friends the pastor has a box up back people put what they want in or not. There is no offering. If my friend ever saw it our way that would be a true healing from the Lord!! :D In my life time I feel I will never see her change. She has been trained for to many years. butterfly