The physical side of grieving...

[Velveteen Rabbit]

I'm trying to keep a good attitude about my friend J leaving (although I admit I've cried a few times today) but I don't know what to do about my physical reaction... I've totally lost my appetite and, since supper last night, have only had a small sandwich. (It's almost 3pm here now.) But I know that if I don't eat, I'll be weak and tired and less able to deal with my emotions. And I have to eat "supper" early today because I have to leave for a work-related event at 6:00 p.m. (I know I won't feel like eating... but I probably won't be home until around 10:30 p.m.)

How do you eat when you're not hungry? :confused:

I'd love to take a nap but (a) I have too much work and (b) I don't nap well because it takes me too long to fall asleep.

How do others deal with the physical side effects of grieving?

(I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making a big deal about nothing. I know it's not the end of the world but, at least for today, I'm hurting. The news is still fresh and I'm still working through my anxiety.)

VR

[Oopsie Daisey]

Dear VR:


Eat even if you don't have an appetite. For myself if I don't eat then the less I have an appetite...I see things reverse in my thinking the minute I make myself eat even if I have no appetitie and it feels like it is going to gag me. I put something in me that I know will be healthy and yet not too heavy. I make sure I drink lots of water too when I have been crying because I dehydrate easier. Now that is me.. Only me. That is not advice. That is just me. It does help me cope lots better.

My prayers are there for you. AND yes it seems the crying will never end nor the empty spot.

But I assure you that I do get past the rawness of it eventually and part of it is doing healthy eating, exercising and keep living...That is me. Again that is not advice.

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Thanks Melanie / Oopsie Daisy,

I had forgotten about drinking water. I will do that. Maybe that will help me feel a bit more like I want to eat, too.

I just got a very comforting letter from my second cousin (the one I had met last week and discussed J with). She gave me "permission" to cry and also reminded me of how she got through a much more painful situation (the guy she was in love with for 15 years died a few years ago), reassuring me that I will laugh again and that things will be fine.

Okay, I have to go drink some water and then read the Psalm she gave me to read.

Thanks for the encouragement! *hug*

VR

[Oopsie Daisey]

I'm trying to keep a good attitude about my friend J leaving (although I admit I've cried a few times today) but I don't know what to do about my physical reaction... I've totally lost my appetite and, since supper last night, have only had a small sandwich. (It's almost 3pm here now.) But I know that if I don't eat, I'll be weak and tired and less able to deal with my emotions. And I have to eat "supper" early today because I have to leave for a work-related event at 6:00 p.m. (I know I won't feel like eating... but I probably won't be home until around 10:30 p.m.)

How do you eat when you're not hungry? :confused:

I'd love to take a nap but (a) I have too much work and (b) I don't nap well because it takes me too long to fall asleep.

How do others deal with the physical side effects of grieving?

(I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making a big deal about nothing. I know it's not the end of the world but, at least for today, I'm hurting. The news is still fresh and I'm still working through my anxiety.)

VR
You Know VR, I used more hankies when I go through something like this than I do a wild cold with the works. So this is all part of it as your cousin said. I have to admire people like your cousin. WOW~ Those things are tough.

I have only broke if off with one guy VR, the rest broke if off with me. I didn't have the heart to break it off or I was so weak about it because I knew it would hurt them and I knew I would feel a loss too even though I knew it was healthier to be out of the relationship than in.

Those are always yucky moments. I had too many fairy tale's told to me when I was a child I think. Watched Cinderella too many times????

I think you are handling things great and this is to be expected and feel free to get it out in a healthy way.

Hugs and prayers,
Melanie

[Michael]

Dear VR,

There's nothing wrong with how you're responding. It hurts and that's both understandable and acceptable. Yes, your appetite is affected, and it's likely that you will be distracted, less able to focus, and have less energy. Your pain is real and valid. And, it will diminish with time.

You are my dear younger-sister-in-Christ. I care about you. I hate to see you experience pain, but I also know that you will survive and even grow stronger because of it.

I won't even begin to predict what God has in store for you. You may find someone tomorrow, or in two years, or never. But through it all, He will use it all to deepen your ability to trust Him and your willingness to surrender every aspect of your life to Him. He is so clearly at work in you. His love for you is evident. Knowing all that as you do, doesn't make what you're going through any less painful, but I share it anyway to "encourage" you, even though that encouragement may not feel much like encouragement right now.

I know that at times for me it's been easy to compare my pain to others' and judge myself. Your second cousin may have experienced a different type, or even level, of pain. But your pain is valid. Please be gentle with yourself. Your pain is your pain.

And VR, you are not making a mountain out of a molehill or acting like this is the end of the world.

In His Grace,

your brother, Michael

[Emerging]

(((((((VR))))))), I am SOOOO sorry for your loss, but everyone right that if it's meant to be, he will figure it out and if not, the hole he leaves behind will, in time, be wonderfully filled by God!

As for eating, yeah, don't want to dehydrate. At times like these what helps me are good herb teas, ... or light soups! Yum! (Thinking soup because it's sure acting like it will snow on Friday ... or sooner.... :rolleyes:

If it was warmer, I'd be nibbling away at vegis and/or fruits with yogurt maybe. ... but right now is hard for sure. Just listen to your body and cry whenever, nibble whenever, ... drink a bunch ... and it will start to hurt less ... eventually it will start to hurt less. :(

Love and prayers for you!!!! :o

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Thank you, Michael. You never fail to encourage me. I don't quite know how you do it. :)

Everything you said makes sense. I do believe I will survive this and the pain is sharp right now because the "wound" is still fresh. And I expect the wound will probably reopen a bit in six weeks when my friend actually leaves.

Tonight I went to a professional event, representing an organization I belong to, and it really took my mind off this situation. I didn't have to stay at our booth the whole night but I did because it gave me opportunities to talk to others and answer questions and basically just focus on something else. Even now my mind is going over some conversations and helping me realize that life does continue -- the good and parts of it -- even in tough times.

I even bumped into a young woman I went to high school with and hadn't seen in about 16 years and we found out we live in the same neighbourhood. She made me promise to keep in touch with her. She's actually a few years younger than me but our lockers were across the hall from each other and when I ran for secretary of the student council she and her friends were my personal cheerleaders. :) (I lost the "elections" but had a blast!) So it was really cool to make a connection like that at this time.

I am so uplifted by the loving support people are showing me. God is so good to me... how can I ever doubt His plans?

Again, thank you for your encouragement, Michael, and for your validation of my feelings. You're right -- it doesn't necessarily take away my pain, but helps make it a little more bearable. And I guess that's all I really need, isn't it? God promised that His grace is sufficient. I just keep praying that He'll get me through the next hour and then the next and then the next. If I think even as far ahead as this weekend I become anxious, let alone the next six weeks. So for now I'm taking teeny tiny baby steps... an hour at a time.

I'm rambling. :o

I'll answer Melanie's post and then do a bit of work and then go to bed early! (First of all to make up for last night and also to just shut my brain off before it starts wandering too much again.)

Good night and God bless you! :)

VR

[Velveteen Rabbit]

*sniiiifffffffffffle*

You guys (and gals) are so good to me. It makes me want to cry all over again! Thanks for your tender encouragement, Emerging.

Today as I walked around our neighbourhood I saw so many things that made me think of J (he lives a block away from me so we even have that in common) and I know that for a while a lot of things will remind me of him. I guess that's okay. It's good to remember friends, even if it make you "homesick" for them.

Anyway, no thinking about that now!!!!!! :p

HUGS and thanks again,

VR

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Those are always yucky moments. I had too many fairy tale's told to me when I was a child I think. Watched Cinderella too many times????

I think you are handling things great and this is to be expected and feel free to get it out in a healthy way.



Thanks again, Melanie. Yeah... I think I still live in fairy tale land when it comes to relationships. I told my cousin last week that maybe that's why I'm still single -- maybe God doesn't want to shatter that precious, perfect perception I have of marriage. :confused: Whatever! I'm just thankful that the only pain I've had to deal with is that of being single or of not having my feelings returned -- not the pain of a broken and shattered relationship or a ruined life. I just have to look at my sister's life (single mom of 3) to appreciate what I have (or don't have).

Thank you for listening and caring, Melanie. You're sweet. :)

VR

[Velveteen Rabbit]

How do you eat when you're not hungry? :confused:




P.S. Just as an update, I had a handful of baby carrots this afternoon, the rest of my sandwich for supper and at the event tonight I had a few crackers, a piece of cheese and some apple juice. I'm having water now and although I have cookies and "goldfish" in my drawer, I'm not all that tempted to eat any.

I usually resort to "comfort foods" when I'm down, but this is a different kind of reaction, I guess. I'm not depressed... but maybe my system is going through some kind of shock.

I'm sure I'll eat better tomorrow.

Thanks again, everyone, for caring!

VR

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Ummmmm okay so I caved in and had four little tea biscuits with my tea. :D

NOW I'm going to bed. (So much for going early.)

NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!