Theodora
07-14-2005, 12:12 AM
Hi dear one....
I'm sorry your story didn't have a response. I've just searched that out on the "What is your story" at http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/printthread.php?t=1781&page=5&pp=10 Since other stories DID have some responses, it must have felt especially confusing and hurtful not to have been "noticed," especially since yours was/is a very difficult story and since it must have taken a lot of courage to post that. In any case, I think part of the reason for not having a response might have been that it was "missed"---both due to the timing...July 2, before the American holiday and because it was on page 5 of a LONG thread.
In any case, if you feel like it, I'd encourage you to post it again as a separate post and ask for feedback.
Belated welcome from me to both forums! Things have sort of been complicated for me of late, and I too missed your initial post. Though it's sometimes difficult to sort out where best to post, if your issue seems to be mainly relating to Spiritual Abuse, you'll probably find most people able to "relate" on this forum. Where your issues have awakened other traumatic situations for you, I know that there are several regular members of NACR who might relate as well.
FWIW/FYI...something of my further thoughts re communication on the forums is pasted in below.
Grace and peace to you and yours this day!
Theodora
--
This was in response to another member, Kerrin, and some of the "misunderstandings"/hurt feelings that were occurring--- As the saying is here, "take what works and leave the rest!"
07-09-2005, 04:59 AM
Theodora
Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 565
Well.... we may need to define WHAT "doesn't work!"
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=1892
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good morning/G'day Kerrin....!!! By my reckoning, it's now early evening for you, though it's just now early morning for me! I've NO idea what has gone on here--and, since I'm still operating short on sleep, I won't try to find the posts which might explain your current position....
BUT.... as you can, I DO encourage you to continue to post/reflect/process your thoughts here. I also encourage OTHERS to post out of their own "experience, strength and hope" as THEY feel inclined to do so. Sometimes the forum interaction/exchanges can become fairly complicated, but that doesn't mean that your/our attempts to "be real" don't "work!" We sometimes need to re-visit general guidelines such as Tim posted in the No Crosstalk forum c. 2 weeks ago or so....or, sometimes it's a matter of learning where/how to trust that we are ALL welcome here and that ALL of our concerns are valid topics of discussion.
(Rambling further musing ahead---read at leisure/or not!)
Unfortunately...and, in spite of "being here" for c. nearly EIGHT years!!!--- it sometimes IS a struggle to use this "new" technology. Part of the difficulty can be that this is a written format and we don't have "body language" to give us further clues as to what was meant, how a person might be feeling, etc.---The "smilies"/emoticons can help--but can only "temper" things so much.
I STILL puzzle over interaction here and how to encourage all to "jump in" when/as they feel like it. It is very difficult to post and not receive responses....but there are many reasons why people don't respond at times, I think...and when that happens, it's important to know that that DOESN'T mean that what you've said wasn't valid/important or that it really deserved a response. Sometimes "real-time" responses lag....not the least of which is because we are now becoming more of an international group!.....so YEA for that!!! Sometimes I think people might not respond because a post has gotten lost in the thread...and they think they've already "checked" that thread and know what's going on. As you've done here, I'd encourage separate posts when/as the threads get long and/or the subjects have changed, so that that will appear as a new post. (If you do start a separate thread, it would be helpful to do a copy-paste of the URL of the original thread and/or the specific quote from that thread as well, so that people can follow the shift of direction and also understand the history.)
FWIW, it seems to me that there are two general types of posts here....one that is more "philosophical" and may or may not get responses, depending on the time/energy people have and, secondly, posts that are really asking/seeking for support in the here and now. Sometimes---especially if those posts happen to get buried as "information" on someone else's thread--it's all too easy to miss that hidden cry of the heart. But again...that DOESN'T mean that that pain should not have been expressed, or, for that matter, that "no one cares!"--MY words! NOT "quoting" anyone here!!!
A suggestion: Some of us use the subject line when we're especially "needy" to ASK for the support we're wanting---as in "response appreciated!" --or "Prayers requested." Again...for various reasons, not all will feel inclined to respond...sometimes for lack of time/energy, sometimes for lack of knowing "what to say" or sometimes because we may think that we can "let George do it"---- and that IS a drawback here.
As we develop our "community," it's also important to realize that we do need to continue to realize that we continually have newcomers here as "guests," or new posters. Therefore, like a support group meeting in which "no side conversations" are allowed, sometimes it's important not to 1) assume that people "know" us and our concerns and 2) that, in spite of our own concerns, we do also need to be sensitive to how our engagement affects others.
With RARE exceptions, our forum administrator does not enter into direct dialogue with us here. That can be a benefit to us as we all learn to develop our communication skills, but it can also mean that sometimes it seems that we're somewhat "adrift" in the focus of the forum. Like the format of some 12-step groups in which there are occasionally "topics" presented for discussion, it has sometimes seemed to me that it would be helpful if we did have a "leader" here presenting such topics to elicit responses from all, the sharing out of one's "experience, strength and hope." Like the difference between "inductive" and "deductive" reasoning...it can sometimes be REALLY difficult to get to know people here as they respond out of their experience (and in various threads...on both forums, as well!!). The "inductive" reasoning would gather these various bits of information to come back to a general "topic" of concern for all. Working the other way around, with some topic---such as you HAVE given recently re the difficulty of emotional pain/being misunderstood in your illness--can bring various other thoughts to bear on a topic and, deductively, we are then able to follow what we need out of a thread.
????
I'm REALLY rambling here, so will stop. As always, "take what works and leave the rest.... " and DO remember that you...and all here...ARE loved and held in prayer.
Yours in Christ--
Theodora
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerrin
That's what I thought too Michael, just being "me" ; as transparent as I am,thinking ( maybe foolishly) , that because I have been through so much , just maybe someone could relate? And, (to me) , my life holds little meaning or value except that God gave me a beautiful daughter ; so I convince myself every day that because I messed up my life . I will be here for her, to make her life as great as I can!
You see, I don't REALLY hold out much hope of happiness for myself.........and I am NOT looking for sympathy either, that's the reason I guess I am so transparent , is because I have nothing else left to lose!
My childhood was stolen, my faith and belief that my marriage would be forever, my so-called friends, , my health,, and (almost) my faith in Him!
All my life; betrayed.
Here ,on this Forum I have found a way to express , explore , and re-examine my life , my 'healing', at least that 's what I thought.
I have started to work through my grief! Something very foreign to me, and therefore very painful!
( Like I said in my other post ,I can deal with physical pain much better than emotional; this type completly debilitates me, no exageration!)
I had no expectations of anyone here, no-one 'owes' me anything , so what I have gained I will be eternally grateful.......such a wealth of compassion here , it has amazed me.
(snip)
I'm sorry your story didn't have a response. I've just searched that out on the "What is your story" at http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/printthread.php?t=1781&page=5&pp=10 Since other stories DID have some responses, it must have felt especially confusing and hurtful not to have been "noticed," especially since yours was/is a very difficult story and since it must have taken a lot of courage to post that. In any case, I think part of the reason for not having a response might have been that it was "missed"---both due to the timing...July 2, before the American holiday and because it was on page 5 of a LONG thread.
In any case, if you feel like it, I'd encourage you to post it again as a separate post and ask for feedback.
Belated welcome from me to both forums! Things have sort of been complicated for me of late, and I too missed your initial post. Though it's sometimes difficult to sort out where best to post, if your issue seems to be mainly relating to Spiritual Abuse, you'll probably find most people able to "relate" on this forum. Where your issues have awakened other traumatic situations for you, I know that there are several regular members of NACR who might relate as well.
FWIW/FYI...something of my further thoughts re communication on the forums is pasted in below.
Grace and peace to you and yours this day!
Theodora
--
This was in response to another member, Kerrin, and some of the "misunderstandings"/hurt feelings that were occurring--- As the saying is here, "take what works and leave the rest!"
07-09-2005, 04:59 AM
Theodora
Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 565
Well.... we may need to define WHAT "doesn't work!"
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=1892
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good morning/G'day Kerrin....!!! By my reckoning, it's now early evening for you, though it's just now early morning for me! I've NO idea what has gone on here--and, since I'm still operating short on sleep, I won't try to find the posts which might explain your current position....
BUT.... as you can, I DO encourage you to continue to post/reflect/process your thoughts here. I also encourage OTHERS to post out of their own "experience, strength and hope" as THEY feel inclined to do so. Sometimes the forum interaction/exchanges can become fairly complicated, but that doesn't mean that your/our attempts to "be real" don't "work!" We sometimes need to re-visit general guidelines such as Tim posted in the No Crosstalk forum c. 2 weeks ago or so....or, sometimes it's a matter of learning where/how to trust that we are ALL welcome here and that ALL of our concerns are valid topics of discussion.
(Rambling further musing ahead---read at leisure/or not!)
Unfortunately...and, in spite of "being here" for c. nearly EIGHT years!!!--- it sometimes IS a struggle to use this "new" technology. Part of the difficulty can be that this is a written format and we don't have "body language" to give us further clues as to what was meant, how a person might be feeling, etc.---The "smilies"/emoticons can help--but can only "temper" things so much.
I STILL puzzle over interaction here and how to encourage all to "jump in" when/as they feel like it. It is very difficult to post and not receive responses....but there are many reasons why people don't respond at times, I think...and when that happens, it's important to know that that DOESN'T mean that what you've said wasn't valid/important or that it really deserved a response. Sometimes "real-time" responses lag....not the least of which is because we are now becoming more of an international group!.....so YEA for that!!! Sometimes I think people might not respond because a post has gotten lost in the thread...and they think they've already "checked" that thread and know what's going on. As you've done here, I'd encourage separate posts when/as the threads get long and/or the subjects have changed, so that that will appear as a new post. (If you do start a separate thread, it would be helpful to do a copy-paste of the URL of the original thread and/or the specific quote from that thread as well, so that people can follow the shift of direction and also understand the history.)
FWIW, it seems to me that there are two general types of posts here....one that is more "philosophical" and may or may not get responses, depending on the time/energy people have and, secondly, posts that are really asking/seeking for support in the here and now. Sometimes---especially if those posts happen to get buried as "information" on someone else's thread--it's all too easy to miss that hidden cry of the heart. But again...that DOESN'T mean that that pain should not have been expressed, or, for that matter, that "no one cares!"--MY words! NOT "quoting" anyone here!!!
A suggestion: Some of us use the subject line when we're especially "needy" to ASK for the support we're wanting---as in "response appreciated!" --or "Prayers requested." Again...for various reasons, not all will feel inclined to respond...sometimes for lack of time/energy, sometimes for lack of knowing "what to say" or sometimes because we may think that we can "let George do it"---- and that IS a drawback here.
As we develop our "community," it's also important to realize that we do need to continue to realize that we continually have newcomers here as "guests," or new posters. Therefore, like a support group meeting in which "no side conversations" are allowed, sometimes it's important not to 1) assume that people "know" us and our concerns and 2) that, in spite of our own concerns, we do also need to be sensitive to how our engagement affects others.
With RARE exceptions, our forum administrator does not enter into direct dialogue with us here. That can be a benefit to us as we all learn to develop our communication skills, but it can also mean that sometimes it seems that we're somewhat "adrift" in the focus of the forum. Like the format of some 12-step groups in which there are occasionally "topics" presented for discussion, it has sometimes seemed to me that it would be helpful if we did have a "leader" here presenting such topics to elicit responses from all, the sharing out of one's "experience, strength and hope." Like the difference between "inductive" and "deductive" reasoning...it can sometimes be REALLY difficult to get to know people here as they respond out of their experience (and in various threads...on both forums, as well!!). The "inductive" reasoning would gather these various bits of information to come back to a general "topic" of concern for all. Working the other way around, with some topic---such as you HAVE given recently re the difficulty of emotional pain/being misunderstood in your illness--can bring various other thoughts to bear on a topic and, deductively, we are then able to follow what we need out of a thread.
????
I'm REALLY rambling here, so will stop. As always, "take what works and leave the rest.... " and DO remember that you...and all here...ARE loved and held in prayer.
Yours in Christ--
Theodora
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerrin
That's what I thought too Michael, just being "me" ; as transparent as I am,thinking ( maybe foolishly) , that because I have been through so much , just maybe someone could relate? And, (to me) , my life holds little meaning or value except that God gave me a beautiful daughter ; so I convince myself every day that because I messed up my life . I will be here for her, to make her life as great as I can!
You see, I don't REALLY hold out much hope of happiness for myself.........and I am NOT looking for sympathy either, that's the reason I guess I am so transparent , is because I have nothing else left to lose!
My childhood was stolen, my faith and belief that my marriage would be forever, my so-called friends, , my health,, and (almost) my faith in Him!
All my life; betrayed.
Here ,on this Forum I have found a way to express , explore , and re-examine my life , my 'healing', at least that 's what I thought.
I have started to work through my grief! Something very foreign to me, and therefore very painful!
( Like I said in my other post ,I can deal with physical pain much better than emotional; this type completly debilitates me, no exageration!)
I had no expectations of anyone here, no-one 'owes' me anything , so what I have gained I will be eternally grateful.......such a wealth of compassion here , it has amazed me.
(snip)