Satscout
09-28-2004, 09:37 PM
I have been asked before, when does Andrew sleep? I answer, Beats me... or Sporadically... or Maybe someday I'll figure it out.
Well, tonight was not a good night.
And I find it unfortunately not surprising how my husband reacted.
Here's the scenario: It's laundry night part 2 (last night part 1), and I get the stuff in the washer and TRY to go lie down for a while. The lie-down-after-supper component of my day is VERY important because (a) I don't get rest anyway the rest of the day or night and (b) if I don't lie down for a while and prop my feet, they get too swollen to pedal properly so I can keep working. (Yes, I'm only going to be 35 next month.)
After about 30, maybe 45 minutes of lying quietly trying to do all those relaxation technique things to get to sleep, Andrew starts making noise. Not a lot at first, mind, but continuing and growing. I tuned it out - until I felt this lightning bolt up my left side. It was my husband putting his hand on my hip. I was bolt upright in the bed wondering what was wrong... and when I realized that he had woken me - deliberately - I tried to blow it off and said "if you needed more room you could have told me". I didn't yell, scream, or accuse. I kept my temper under control. HE got offended and said something like "**well**, I just won't touch you any more". *sigh* Of course, Andrew took the ruckus as HIS cue to come make MORE noise, in the bedroom, and he kept jumping up on the bed between us asking for some "orange toy" in the kitchen that he could neither describe nor name - and finally he pestered enough that I gave up on ANY hope of sleep and got up to put the clothes in the dryer and decipher what "orange toy" he wanted. (Turned out to be a PART of a toy that had been relegated to the kitchen months before and he forgot about.)
SO... I took care of it, and him, as much as I could, and went back to work, i.e. the computer... and after about the first half hour or so, Andrew decided he wanted to come play on our computer (as opposed to the work computer). I was trying to hear a doctor I don't transcribe much and who was mumbling anyway... and I tried - several times - to get Andrew to hush and go back to the living room. My husband by this time had gone to bed. He is due in at work at 5 am tomorrow.
Funny how when *I* was trying to sleep, it was OK for Andrew to be disruptive, jump on the bed, make noise, etc.... but when HE was trying to sleep, it was all of a sudden a federal crime for Andrew to make so much noise. I said NO several times to Andrew - adding that he needed to be going to sleep since he has school tomorrow - but he got louder and more insistent. We DID give him several warnings - the last one from his daddy, that if he didn't cut it out, be quiet, and go to the other room, he was going to get a spanking. He was quiet for maybe two whole minutes before he started in, louder than before. I had the volume up all the way and STILL couldn't hear over Andrew. So my husband got mad and finally came out and gave him a spanking.
Now for the interesting part. He got all upset and declared that he was going to find another place to sleep tonight, and another apartment tomorrow - and he actually got dressed and left. I wish I were ashamed to say this. Part of me hoped he would stay gone. Of course, he came back - he DOES have to be at work at 5, and he forgot to take his uniform with him - and by the time he got back, Andrew had finally curled up on the couch and gone to sleep. So he stayed talking to me a few minutes before he went to bed himself. Amid all the frustration of Andrew, parenting, no money, etc. etc., I held my tongue. I did NOT accuse. I did NOT, even gently, try to get him to recognize his own fault in things. He was talking about "trouble in our marriage"... but until/unless he is willing to see HIMSELF as part of the problem, all pointing it out to him would do is make him leave - again - and cut off what little financial help he IS giving me.
He is planning a trip to Indiana to see his family with a side trip to see the friend whose wedding we went to in May. He bought the bus ticket today. So of course, the lack of money in general is being acutely felt. After tonight's escapade, he is threatening to go up one way and not bother coming back. Again, I wish I were ashamed to say this... but part of me wishes he would. Except I can't do it all on my wages alone. And again, I did NOT lay in on him or accuse or point fingers or anything. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to make it worse.
Who knows. Maybe after he goes to work in the morning I can catch a Z or two.
And no, I don't have anyone safe I can turn to.
Well, tonight was not a good night.
And I find it unfortunately not surprising how my husband reacted.
Here's the scenario: It's laundry night part 2 (last night part 1), and I get the stuff in the washer and TRY to go lie down for a while. The lie-down-after-supper component of my day is VERY important because (a) I don't get rest anyway the rest of the day or night and (b) if I don't lie down for a while and prop my feet, they get too swollen to pedal properly so I can keep working. (Yes, I'm only going to be 35 next month.)
After about 30, maybe 45 minutes of lying quietly trying to do all those relaxation technique things to get to sleep, Andrew starts making noise. Not a lot at first, mind, but continuing and growing. I tuned it out - until I felt this lightning bolt up my left side. It was my husband putting his hand on my hip. I was bolt upright in the bed wondering what was wrong... and when I realized that he had woken me - deliberately - I tried to blow it off and said "if you needed more room you could have told me". I didn't yell, scream, or accuse. I kept my temper under control. HE got offended and said something like "**well**, I just won't touch you any more". *sigh* Of course, Andrew took the ruckus as HIS cue to come make MORE noise, in the bedroom, and he kept jumping up on the bed between us asking for some "orange toy" in the kitchen that he could neither describe nor name - and finally he pestered enough that I gave up on ANY hope of sleep and got up to put the clothes in the dryer and decipher what "orange toy" he wanted. (Turned out to be a PART of a toy that had been relegated to the kitchen months before and he forgot about.)
SO... I took care of it, and him, as much as I could, and went back to work, i.e. the computer... and after about the first half hour or so, Andrew decided he wanted to come play on our computer (as opposed to the work computer). I was trying to hear a doctor I don't transcribe much and who was mumbling anyway... and I tried - several times - to get Andrew to hush and go back to the living room. My husband by this time had gone to bed. He is due in at work at 5 am tomorrow.
Funny how when *I* was trying to sleep, it was OK for Andrew to be disruptive, jump on the bed, make noise, etc.... but when HE was trying to sleep, it was all of a sudden a federal crime for Andrew to make so much noise. I said NO several times to Andrew - adding that he needed to be going to sleep since he has school tomorrow - but he got louder and more insistent. We DID give him several warnings - the last one from his daddy, that if he didn't cut it out, be quiet, and go to the other room, he was going to get a spanking. He was quiet for maybe two whole minutes before he started in, louder than before. I had the volume up all the way and STILL couldn't hear over Andrew. So my husband got mad and finally came out and gave him a spanking.
Now for the interesting part. He got all upset and declared that he was going to find another place to sleep tonight, and another apartment tomorrow - and he actually got dressed and left. I wish I were ashamed to say this. Part of me hoped he would stay gone. Of course, he came back - he DOES have to be at work at 5, and he forgot to take his uniform with him - and by the time he got back, Andrew had finally curled up on the couch and gone to sleep. So he stayed talking to me a few minutes before he went to bed himself. Amid all the frustration of Andrew, parenting, no money, etc. etc., I held my tongue. I did NOT accuse. I did NOT, even gently, try to get him to recognize his own fault in things. He was talking about "trouble in our marriage"... but until/unless he is willing to see HIMSELF as part of the problem, all pointing it out to him would do is make him leave - again - and cut off what little financial help he IS giving me.
He is planning a trip to Indiana to see his family with a side trip to see the friend whose wedding we went to in May. He bought the bus ticket today. So of course, the lack of money in general is being acutely felt. After tonight's escapade, he is threatening to go up one way and not bother coming back. Again, I wish I were ashamed to say this... but part of me wishes he would. Except I can't do it all on my wages alone. And again, I did NOT lay in on him or accuse or point fingers or anything. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to make it worse.
Who knows. Maybe after he goes to work in the morning I can catch a Z or two.
And no, I don't have anyone safe I can turn to.